Wanting his servants to learn the power of teamwork, Grogar sends Queen Chrysalis and Cozy Glow on a mission together to the Temple of Faust to retrieve an ancient crystal.
While Cozy is mostly just eager to prove herself to Grogar, Chrysalis is more reserved about being forced to be around a pony creature, let alone being forced to work with them.
Regardless, the two must come together to survive the temple's traps and solve its puzzles if they're going to have any chance of delivering the crystal successfully to Grogar.......
Chapters (1)
I like these stories focused on the members of the Legion of Doom that could pass for real season nine episodes. I would like to see more of this, with stories with Chrysalis and Tirek, Tirek and Cozy and the three of them together having adventures similar to this one. Good job in that regard.
There are some instances where you write 'changeling' and 'queen' in lowercase.
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There is an option in the Text Editor that adds a rule to separate scenes, specifically to avoid this type of situation. It is located between the option to add a numbered list and the option to add 'Links', represented by a thick black line; use that instead of dashes.
violently
forelegs
that the pictures
right one.
However, she evidently failed into account the pressure plate
Like the pressure plates, this one (You used too many times the words 'pressure plates' in this paragraph) had two triggers: one for just enough weight and the other for too little weight.
that the first 'any' is not necessary, furthermore, it looks bad that it follow so closely with another 'any'
Something in this lines sound sound off.
11870581
Thank you very much for the feedback! I made the corrections you recommended!
This was a decent story. It bears a lot of similarity to Frenemies, which isn't a bad thing, although I think it failed to recapture what made that episode so great. The characterization was pretty good, although I wonder why Cozy Glow was so averse to working with Chrysalis, unlike in the show. There were some funny moments here and there, but it all seemed pretty predictable, despite the comedic potential of the main characters. The puzzles were pretty standard adventure-story fare, although I think it would have been better if you had designed the challenges around Chrysalis's and Cozy Glow's unique talents, as those in Frenemies were. Altogether, this story was solid, but I think it had the potential to be much better.