- Member Since 25th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen 7 hours ago
Peppermint N Swirl
Hi. Rainbow is best pony
Peppermint N Swirl
Joined 25th Dec, 2014 ·
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This was a pretty good read. I haven’t been on the site for a long time, but me personally I think this was the first time I’ve seen a story where Lyra had mental issues from her human fascinations. Not like the regular obsession with hands, human society or humans in general, but the issue of hating being a pony entirely. She also aware of how everyone thinks of her and talks about her, and instead of just taking it in stride or brushing it off like in most fics, she takes it to heart and develops really low self esteem.
I also find it interesting that Lyra is interested in pretty much being isekai’d to Earth because she thinks it’s far better than Equestria. That she believes being a human is far better than being a pony, given her mental snap near the end and making up her decision with her life.
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Thanks! I've tried to come at this from a perspective that a pony might have on a human society, and I've tried to mirror it to my own and many other people's experiences on Earth towards coping with negativity in life and how might one view a world they're not a part of as being inherently better than their current one, I myself have had issues in trying not to think like this.
"Everyone has 1000 bad stories to write, so write them as fast as you can so you can write the good ones."
But without the bad stories how would you know the good stories?
--I want to point you you balance something well that most writers do not do. "show, don't tell" is often something people say and they take it to 100% bs levels of oh my gosh stop and you both show and tell. There are times to tell and times to show, don't lose that as you write more or else you're going to drown in verbose.
Also, damn, I should have read the tags before I read through this because that took a very sharp and sudden turn. I recommend a bit more foreshadowing as you practice writing. It is a way to reward your readers and is rewarding when you pull it off well as a writer. also you can be a F- level writer and use good foreshadowing to make anything at least a C-tier story.
"Mason... every journey begins with a single step."
And I'd argue for a short story, it was short but was well-rounded and neatly packaged. Including mental health can be tricky for many writers, but as someone who struggles with it, I'd say you hit the nail on the head with this story. I look forward to what may come next :D