- Member Since 21st May, 2020
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
RainbowSlut
Who aims too high gets hurt by falling.
RainbowSlut
Joined 21st May, 2020 ·
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A fair start.
Some minor issues with punctuation, but nothing a good proofreading couldn't overcome.
You may get flack for not properly making your paragraphs readable, as some of your paragraphs run into each other, thus confusing the reader. Here in FiMFiction, most of the readers here are often adamant regarding such things. My own stories have had such comments of such, as my paragraphs often run long.
11834119
thanks so much for the comment.
Unfortunately I had also noticed the issue of paragraphs but for some reason during the formatting of the text this thing came up and it wouldn't go away.
I am intrigued
Not bad so far looking forward to seeing more
At first I wasn't sure about this relationship forming between Tempest and Celestia. But the more I read the more. I kinda want to see more see where it goes.
I am really liking the story. Though I will say i'm not the biggest fan of twilight's character being portrayed. While I do believe yes, you are correct to have her have a naive perspective. I wouldn't think that she would be so zealous as to call other people's way of life immoral or Abominable. I believe you're right that. Yes, she would try to figure out something peacefully. But neither would she say they are murderers for defending themselves. I do like how you're portraying Celestia though. And even change the back story a bit with her and her sister.
I do still look forward to reading more of your work.
11850631
I also thought the same thing, usually love relationships between Tempest and Twilight are told but I am convinced that Tempest has a too different vision of the world.
She seems much older than Twilight as her character is more gruff and pragmatic.
On the other hand, Celestia is a more mysterious character, we have always seen her as the wise and infallible mentor of her and in a few cases as a fun and playful mare.
It is precisely for this reason that I chose that Tempest and Celestia could be more similar, capable of understanding each other and perhaps even completing each other.
11850844
you're right, I depicted Twilight as an almost extremist character, this is because I imagined that the events take place shortly after Twilight became an alicorn and therefore has not yet experienced the events of all the other seasons.
I imagined a still naive Twilight who lived in a kingdom that had never seen war in a thousand years and consequently had an absolutist view of what war and violence are.
I am liking your Celestia and prankster
Can't wait to see more Luna