Beggarly working class.
Princess Cadance, determined to make Hearts and Hooves Day special for her husband Shining Armor, finds herself torn between royal responsibilities and romantic aspirations. In a daring move, she enlists the help of Twilight Sparkle to take on her regal role. As Twilight navigates the intricacies of royal duties her brother decides to surprise his wife, too...
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Holly moly that was great!
I know the princesses tend to use a more varied vocabulary so when Cadence and Twilight are talking to each other it's understandable to use so many different adjectives, but in the bulk of the story itself it almost seems a little heavy handed. It also left me wondering what Cadence's surprise even was for her husband, did she mean to do this in a sneaky kind of way or as there more that we didn't see? Not to mention, after the fiasco at the wedding where Cadence was replaced by Chrysalis, wouldn't Shining have been bothered if he found out he had gotten tricked again? All's well that ends well though. I'm happy that Twilight is happy in the end
I liked the story, and I liked the concept a lot. But it reads like a 16th century penny novel. It's way too flowery for modern consumption. There are far too many adjectives all over the place, and much of the speech is redundant as a result. Imagine flowery language like light under a microscope. A little highlights only the important features. A good amount brings the whole scene into focus. Too much and everything is washed in light and you can't make out the features you are looking for. This is stepping into the too much territory. It's still readable, but it's really rough.
Still, I like the concept and the story itself. Thanks for writing it!