something bad is happening in equestria
Sarah was a calm girl who wanted to be a writer, now shes the hungry mother of the plague
Alex was a nervous teenager who wanted to be a toy maker, now they're a evolving war machine
Marcus was a loud boy who wanted to be a rock star, now hes a walking natural disaster ready to rise some hell
will equestria survive? will the humans turned beasts survive? will they be heroes or monsters? most likely yes, no and possibly the former. but lets see anyway to see if i'm wrong
Chapters (5)
*Inhales*
First of all, when starting a paragraph or sentence, you need to capitalize.
Second, when using a name of a person or place, capitalize them. For example; Equestria, Daniel, etc.
Third, paragraphs flow better when they have less than 5 sentences in them.
Also, fourth, try to separate dialogue from whole paragraphs to allow readers to follow the words better, with the exception of contextualization.
*Exhales*
Other than grammar and paragraph problems, which I can ignore, your story looks pretty good.
Also, I recommend reading through your story/chapters multiple times before posting to look for any errors so you don't get hounded by people trying to *ahem* correct you.
Much better grammar for this chapter than the last, though some sentences need proper capitalization and punctuation.
Change the incorrect “He’s” to “his”
There are many.
Too many to point out.
…
Maybe take a break from making this story and take a writing class. Not to be rude, but your writing needs working on. Like, “Take an entire class on the subject.” working on.
Because, at this point, I have lost my ability to simply ignore the incorrect… things, in this story. I mean, I have seen worse, but this could be better.
or
Other than that bit and some names that need capitalizing, pretty good chapter.
Good job 👍
Love the story so far!