Chapter 2: How it all REALLY started.
So anyway, where was I? Oh yes, last night…
It was a pretty dull day back on Earth, all things considered. The early autumn winds were beginning to blow the reddened leaves off the trees, and the season of ‘mists and fruitfulness’ was really beginning to get into full swing. Harvest festivals were taking place everywhere, Halloween-related junk was flying off the shelves and Christmas songs were already playing on an endless loop on most local radio stations (a pet peeve of mine).
Not that I cared about any of that distracting nonsense, though. You see, that very morning I’d taken ownership of a long-awaited parcel I’d been chomping at the bit for months since I reserved it way back in the spring. The postman (actually a lady) shoved it in my grimy mitts before leaving without a word, perhaps because she was fed up of me asking her the same inane question every time she visited us for half-a-year after my pre-order.
No matter. This is it. Final Fantasy XVI, here I come. Or is it XVII? Who’s really counting, at this stage? And I can’t read Roman Numerals, anyway. My trembling hands slowly undid the cardboard fasteners of the package, fully prepared as I was to spend the day with just me, my trusty PS4 and hours and hours of top class RPG gaming.
“Oh Darren. Can I have a word with you please?”
Great. I should’ve suspected things were going far too smoothly. I quickly hid the still-unopened parcel behind my back (I don’t know why, purely an instinctual reaction I guess) and said with a long sigh “Come in, Mother.”
Without further ado, the door to my bedroom swung open and there stood my Mum in the threshold, staring down at me with concern (I’m actually a head taller than her, but it doesn’t feel that way sometimes). “I don’t think I like your tone, young man. What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing. Just… tired, that’s all.” This was my stock response to any awkward questions she asked me, along with “It’s just teenage male hormonal problems”. I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean, but I read in a book somewhere that it warded off all potentially difficult parental encounters… and what d’ya know, it worked.
So, I kept using it. Go figure.
“Aw, is my little man still busy burning the midnight oil, hitting those books in preparation for his ‘Big Campus’ move at the end of this month?” I blushed slightly as she brushed some tufts of loose brown fringe off my forehead. “Well don’t work too hard, ‘kay? We want to see some of you before you join your friends at that city university up north…”
‘Friends’? That’s a laugh… I have only one real ‘friend’ in the entire world, and he’s attending a college in the south instead. I couldn’t join him, because my grades simply weren't up to scratch. Also, if she actually knew what I did most evenings instead of studying, I don’t think she’d be half as proud as she sounds now. I just hope she doesn’t have the bright idea of checking my Internet history before I depart.
“Yeah, sure. I’ll be down later, and maybe we can do something then.” Lies, all lies. Nothing was going to stop me tonight from sending Cloud into battle against hordes of gigantic mythical beasties. Or Squall. Or… whoever the main character is this time. Just let me get as far as reading the back of the box, please Mother…
“Oh sorry darling, it can’t be tonight. I’ve agreed to take on an extra shift. Poor Mrs Greenback is out with Lyme’s Disease again. Bad for her, but good for me and the extra income it’ll get us, and… Darren Jones, are you even listening to me?”
“...Hmm? Of course I am, Mum. Mrs Green-something is off work for eating too many limes, so you’re going to um, get her some lemons instead, or something.” No, that doesn’t sound right at all. Damn it. Here comes the lecture…
“Oh Darren, what are we going to do with you? I hope you’re going to be more attentive than this in class, or you’ll never get your degree in… what are you studying in, again?”
“I.T, Mum. Or Computers, to the uninitiated.”
“Right. Anyway, I just popped upstairs to see how you were doing because you were being awfully quiet, and let you know about my plans for tonight. Take care Love, and I’ll see you later.”
“Will do. Thanks, Mum.” Finally. I got rid of her. Now to take the box out of the parcel, then the CD out of the box, then put the CD in my Sony-branded electronic system, and all will be right with the world.
“Oh, hang on a minute, there’s something I forgot to ask you. Because I’m going to be working most of the day, and Daisy’s friend cancelled on her over a falling-out involving a lost hair scrunchie, I was wondering if you could be a pet, and take care of your little sister…”
That was it. Hopes dashed. Fun smashed. All my dreams and ambitions for today just went up in smoke….
…And all because of a rare tropical disease, a missing hair decoration and my Mum treating me like some sort of unpaid child minder.
Little did I know at the time events were about to get far, far worse than that. I wouldn’t have complained so voraciously to my mother’s back as she descended the stairs with no remorse whatsoever for ruining my life (or my afternoon/evening, at the very least). Fate can be a cruel mistress sometimes, can’t it?
Basically, what I'm trying to say is, with no fear of being mistaken, misquoted or misrepresented…
F**k fate.
*******************
I shan’t bore you with the rest of the events that led up to the grand finale of my life as a biped mammal for the foreseeable future.
Suffice to say, they mostly involved me sulking (a lot) Daisy chattering away (a lot) and my PS4 remaining firmly in the ‘OFF’ position. (If I had put it on, my sister would only want to play that stupid game involving a hyperactive bandicoot crashing into exploding boxes, and I was in no mood to put on something I’d already completed thrice thanks).
So the day passed slowly in silent torment, with me pretending to be interested as to why her ‘former bestie Florian’ (is it just me, or are kid’s names getting stranger these days?) was ‘the biggest liar eva’ and then quietly capitulating when the inevitable subject of whether we were having mac ‘n’ cheese or frozen chicken nuggets reared its ugly head.
For the record, I loathe mac ‘n’ cheese with every fibre of my being. Guess which one won? Anything to keep the peace, though.
So there we sat together on the faux leather settee, side-by-side with our less-than-nutritious-and-delicious microwavable bounties spread out before us, when Daisy suddenly jumps up having only consumed roughly half her meal (the rest she probably had designs on for next door’s obese Labradoodle) to deliver the following bombshell:
“Oops, I forgot to tell you Darren. I was gonna watch something with Florian later, but seeing as we hate each other now I want to see it with you. Wanna know what it is?”
If you haven’t yet worked out the identity of this televisual feast she’d plotted and schemed for the best part of the day to punish me with based on the subtle clues I’ve provided (like, telling you it’s name directly in the first chapter) than back away s-l-o-w-l-y now. Obviously you’re in no fit mental state to read the rest of the story, operate heavy machinery or even get out of bed unsupervised. You have my utmost sympathies, though.
I couldn’t say ‘no’, of course. Between the begging, the pleading, the crying and the neighbours knocking on the door to complain about the noise (we were already in enough trouble with them, for turning their previously trim dog into a waddling blimp) it just wasn’t worth it.
Besides, I still had my iPhone, Thank Ye Gods. So whilst Twilight and her gang of multicoloured hoofbags ‘saved the day, the world and possibly the very concept of Friendship itself’ from some muscle-bound freak, an insectoid lady and an evil filly weirdly reminiscent of Little Orphan Annie, I was mostly flicking through social media feeds about how many of my former classmates were playing the latest FF game whilst I missed out. (Spoiler Alert: all of them. Blast it.)
There were quite a few tense moments apparently, judging by how much Daisy’s tiny hand gripped mine, especially during the so-called climaxes, but I wasn’t really paying attention. I simply offered robotic platitudes along the lines of ‘you’ll be fine’ and ‘it’s only a TV show’ which hopefully had the desired effect of disguising my complete disinterest, but who cares. It would all be over soon anyway.
What she didn’t tell me though, is this so-called two-parter actually had an extra slice of glittery turd-frosting in the form of a completely gratuitous twenty-two minute-long epilogue set into the future, supposedly written as a thank you letter to their fans. Yep, and a big FU to every older relation forced to sit through it with them. Thanks a lot, guys. Lovin’ your work.
So overall, that was more than an hour of my life I’d never get back, and what’s even worse is my phone battery died just before the big sing-along at the end. So I had little choice but to tolerate Daisy caterwauling about how ‘The Magic Of Friendship Would Never End’ or some such schmaltzy sh*t, so when the ordeal was finally over I wasn’t exactly in a complimentary mood.
“Isn’t it sad?” she sniffled, as if expecting a mutual response. “Spike, Twilight, everypony else… we’ll never see them again.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t worry about them.” I growled, perhaps putting more venom into my words than I intended. “Spike looks like he’s been taking steroids for years, so he’s good. Twilight’s been on the growth pills too. I wonder where they got their hormone drugs from, though? Maybe the same people who cooked up this crazy load of psychedelic… poo in the first place.” (Daisy is not getting me in trouble for swearing in front of her again).
“Don’t be silly, Darren.” Daisy sounded slightly amused in her reply, perhaps thinking I was joking. “Spike’s a dragon, so naturally he’ll be much bigger years later. Twilight was an alicorn, so she was always going to be a similar size to Celestia and Luna. Also, don’t forget…”
“Look, did I ever give you the impression I care? Because if I did, then I’m sorry.” Uh-oh, it’s all gonna come pouring out now. “I could’ve been upstairs playing my latest game right now, enjoying the heck out of it… and instead, I’m downstairs babysitting you, watching some of the most god-awful infantile trash it’s ever been my misfortune to see!”
“B-But Mum said… you wouldn’t mind spending a bit of time with me, b-before you went away…”
“Well, hate to break it to ya kid, but Mum is a liar. Not quite as much as Dad was, but that’s not exactly praise, is it? The only reason I agreed to this is because I knew you’d have a big baby tantrum if I said ‘no’. So there!”
“Y-You’re so mean… I wouldn’t have done that!”
“Yes you would! That’s why you always get your way! And I’m just sick of it!” The vitriol was well and truly spilling out now, and there was little I could do to stop the flow. “At least when I go off, I’ll get to decide things for myself for a change, and not have to hang onto the coattails of a spoiled little brat who thinks the world revolves around her!”
“Y-You’re the worst Big Brother ever. You don’t love me! You never have!”
“Finally, she gets it…” Something niggled at the back of my head when I said that… maybe my conscience? Perhaps, but I was too far gone to care at this point. “And another thing. What kind of idiots enjoy this rubbish, anyway? The same babies who love Peppa Pig and Teletubbies, I suppose. Isn’t it about time you grew up a bit?”
“F-For your information, My Little Pony has a lot of adult fans. Y-You see, they’re called ‘bronys’, and…”
“Aargh! See, there you go again… telling me about stuff I don’t give a flip about!” I was practically raging at this point, and Daisy had now got off the couch, her eyes filled with tears as she approached the stairs. “I don’t want to know about magical ponies, dragons, elves, the Tooth Fairy or the social rejects who believe in that sh…izz, either! So, go away and play with your dollies or something, while I try to remove all traces of the last hour out of my head. Go on, get lost!”
I have to admit, I did feel a few pangs of guilt as she ran up to her room bawling her eyes out, and the subsequent banging which emanated from the ceiling as a direct result of my harsh rebuke there. But I reasoned to myself that if she didn’t start learning the hard realities of life now, when was she going to pick them up?
Mum practically coddled her in every way since Dad left, so maybe, just maybe one person disagreeing with her and telling her straight what it was like living with someone so stroppy and demanding everyday would be good for her in the long run. I’d talk to her later, when she’d calmed down a bit.
At least I’ll be clear of this nuthouse in a few days time, anyway. Too mentally exhausted at this point in the early evening to either climb upstairs or even get off the settee, I felt my eyelids droop as I unconsciously drifted off. Just a quick nap, I reasoned, as everything went black. What harm could it do?
The answer to that question, considering where I woke up later and future events after that point was: plenty.
*************************
“Look, I know you’re excited sis, but I can’t have you plummeting out of a window just seconds after we arrived… wherever this is!” I frowned at my dragonic sister as I heroically pulled her away from certain death (with fingerless hooves? how?!) just in the nick of time. Probably.
“Hey! Don't pull on my tail so hard. And what do you care, anyway? You said last night you didn’t even love me!”
“T-That… I-I… didn’t actually say that, but if I implied it in any way, I’m sorry. I'm just going through a lot at the moment, and... look, can we talk about this later, please? We need to find a way out of here, and…”
“Shush, Big Brother. Do you hear something? Like, a giant book opening?”
Hmm. Now she mentions it, I do. That normally wouldn’t be too odd because we appear to be in some kind of library, but I don’t see anyone else in here, so where’s it coming fro…
“Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria…”
Suddenly, ten words spoken by a syrupy female narrator rung out from nowhere, signifying the start of our crazy adventures together..
…And my unending, unyielding nightmares.
Although, at least one excited voice nearby seemed to disagree. “Oh, I know what’s happening now! This is the first episode of the first season, where…”
Well I wasn't going to leave you with such a bare-bones first chapter now, was I? Hopefully this should fill in a few of the gaps involving our unwilling main character and his far more eager sister, although there's plenty more about their lives which will be clarified about them in future parts when I get around to writing them. Hope you've enjoyed what you've read so far... and keep in touch! 
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description sounds interesting. let's see what happens.
It aint available for PS4, only for PS5. Sounds nitpicky i know, had to get it out
11684744
Yes, let's.
11684762
This was intentional. According to Google you can get FF XIV and XV for the PS4, our main character probably just got confused. I mean, he has a lot going on in his life... cut him some slack.
Are you ever going to post a new chapter for its always sunny in equestria
11684791
I haven't seen enough of the new series to really continue with it at the moment, and from what I hear it's not very good. But I'm not giving up on the story just yet, and as soon as the situation changes there I'll let you know.
Interesting so far. Hope this goes the distance.
11684793
From what I heard it got better, not sure though, only way I can see it is by becoming a pirate.
11684767
Alright, fair enough
11684797
I ain't gonna rush this one, that's for sure. Quality over quantity, always.
11684798
Ooh arr me hearties.
11684807
Hopefully, the rest ain't too bad either.
I don't even know how to react to this. What I do know is that I can't wait for more.
I am eager to see what comes next.
11684813
11684850
...on top of my multiple other stories I need to update. 
Great to see the enthusiasm for this project already. The more positive reaction I get, the more I'll feel inspired to add more...
Best get cracking, then.
Where does he live that he's going away to college in the middle of October? I've never heard of anywhere the school year starts that time of year.
11684864
Pretty sure there are some that allow you to do it, at least in the UK. I didn't specify a date, I was thinking around September/October.
EDIT: I just checked and found a few. It ties in with other events too, as you'll find out later...
Urge to uppercut this prick increasing with every word out of his mouth..... As an older brother to 2 younger sisters, the way he's talking to her fills me with an indescribable amount of rage.
11684923
Again... this was intentional. Flawed protagonists are kind of my thing. Plus, plenty of room for development somewhere along the line. Maybe.
Well done for being a great brother, anyway.
11684923
I definitely agree, I have several siblings of varying age differences, and of course we fought and argued growing up, but we never devolved into the pure vitriol spewing from the main character's mouth, I physically cringed reading that.
11684978
Yeah, I assumed it was a plot device to show character growth and development in the future, but still, sheesh, I can't wait for the friendship report on how to treat your siblings.
Interesting story premise
11684923
Also as an older brother myself, I think he was completely justified from what I've read so far. His little sister seems to be a very loud attention-hog like most young children are, and it doesn't help that he had to be forced to spend time with her. Even his criticism of canon MLP is largely justified; it's just too bad he doesn't know how much better the fanfics are.
11685023
Honestly I feel sorry for your siblings if you truly believe he was justified in telling his little sister he doesn't love her.
I hope this story actually gets finished or at least gets past 20 chapters.
I hope this story actually gets finished or at least gets past 20 chapters.
11685045
Honestly, I've seen so many people attempt to actually do this kind of concept (like human gets turned into canon character at the start of the series or new character joins the Mane 6), and a lot of them got burned out and never touched their stories again. 9 seasons is a lot to digest, ngl.
But let's see how this one goes. It'll be successful, hopefully.
11684986
If they keep up their feud in the future, it'll definitely raise a few eyebrows in such a friendly town like Ponyville. Plus, highly ironic that he is currently the unicorn who'll later become the Princess Of Friendship, when he himself appears to be the antithesis of friendship himself right now. Still he has apologised (somewhat) so let's see where we go from here...
11684999
Agreed. Hopefully, I can develop it a bit further than that.
11685006
In these kind of 'difficult' situations, I always find downplaying and subtlety my favourite narrative inventions.
11685023
I wanted to show both sides of the sibling rivalry, to not make the grudge totally one-sided. Having said that though, you do have to take her age into account... and some of things he said to her were... just not nice.
11685025
Again, you get it. Patience and tolerance are very underrated traits.
11685045
If updates are slow, it's because I'm taking time and care to get things just right. I've been guilty of rushing stuff blithely in the past. I'll try not to do that again. Plus, I have other stories to work on too... well, one actually... which is kind of a passion project.
I’m interested
hmmm, got me curious! let's see what will happen next now
11685050
...Now where have I heard that before?
11685051
It's already 'successful', it the broadest term of the word. But can I keep it going? That's up to me, I guess.
11685061
11685062
So am I... and I'm the author!
Intriguing
Wow this is an extremely unique premise and I'm actually really excited, this reminds me of all the crazy HiE concepts I used to read
I really hope that this guy goes through some SERIOUS Forest Rain- Join The Herd type of reformation. He's just infuriating so far, lol.
11685025
Well, I don't love anyone either. There are some people I like and/or tolerate (ie, friends and family), but there's no one I really love in any way.
11685058
Well, kids are annoying. I get where the guy's coming from. He's kinda like Squidward: he very obviously hates everything and everyone around him, but Spongebob (in this case his little sister) is completely oblivious and thinks they're friends.
Basically, his sister was too enthusiastic about everything (as most little kids are), which pushed him further and further until he snapped and said a lot of mean stuff. I agree he's in the wrong, but I maintain that he was justified.
That was very specific.
And he played a rpg fantasy video game, like all social rejected nerd do.
Ignorance is strength, I guess.
11685141
Good comparison, and I'm kind of glad that I got the point across that these arguments aren't always a one-way-street. Still, your sympathies may lie with one character or another depending on the chapter... watch this space.
11685142
The first part you referenced there was clearly a joke. As for the second... I happen to LOVE console RPGs. What is being implied here?!
Actually the best concept HiE Fanfic I've seen this year
11685094
11685259
Thanks. I actually had this idea ruminating in my head for a while, and now the time feels right to put it to flight. Let's see where it leads us...
WHen life gives you lemons, speak to its manager
Hey Jarvis, Kill this guy (love the story but wanna beat the shit out of the protagonist in a funny way)
11685401
Don’t worry. Pretty sure he won’t be the same person after this ‘experience’. (Although, that probably applies to most individuals caught up in the oncoming madness).
I love the cover image. where'd you find it?
Ooooooh, the narration at the beginning of the 'episode' makes this wayyy more interesting than I was expecting
11685449
From the geniuses at Derpibooru.
11685677
Let's hope it stays that way.
Interesting concept. I can’t wait for Twilight (Darren) to experience all the more perilous events the Mane 6 go through. They had to try convincing a dragon to move in the first few episodes! Meanwhile, I can see Spike (Daisy) wanting to go on adventures too thus Darren has to watch her. When you consider he has to take on essentially a dark goddess to prevent the world from freezing over in eternal night… Daisy could become the Element of Magic if Darren absolutely refuses to accept the role himself.
Several questions need to be asked. What happens if he refuses to go through the show events? What’ll happen when Princess Celestia finds out about the two essentially possessing Twilight and Spike? How much difficulty will Darren have trying to use magic in a body made for it? Any Dragon troubles for Daisy? Not going to lie—I hope to see a barely functioning train wreck as they try to get to the main finale. Who knows if they have to stick around till the future?
(Aka Celestia-sized Twilight and adult Spike.)
Darren’s disdain for the show comes off pretty strong, but if he is always forced to do stuff then I’ll cut him some slack. Great story so far!
hey cool book
1 thing Darren should chill more
11685712
You just gotta keep the tricky balancing game going of having an annoying/unlikable narrator who gets better over time. It's a hard thing to do because it can be too easy to make them so bad that it turns people away.
11685712
weird, I got no results there when I did a reverse image search...
11685755
Hurray!
11685756
Thanks, you may have given me a few ideas there for future incidences. It certainly promises to be an unforgettable time... for EVERYONE involved. And not necessarily in ways that you'd expect...
11685821
If you found yourself transported against your will into the setting of a show you HATE, into the body of a pony you that doesn't come with an instruction manual, would YOU be the epitome of calmness? I doubt it.
Unless you mean around his sister before his unexpected relocation, in which case as he might say 'he's got a lot going on the moment'. Maybe it doesn't forgive some of the things he says, but at least it makes the somewhat understandable.
11686037
I like to think none of my OCs would ever be that one-dimensional for long, as naturally humans (even ones that become ponies and dragons) naturally change over time... besides, it would be quite boring if they remained static for what might be a long fic. But, advice duly noted...
11686227
Weird or not, here's the link.
Hopefully this story will continue at a steady pace unlike most of your stories. P.S. no offense