• Published 3rd Sep 2023
  • 6,129 Views, 331 Comments

The Crazy Adventures Of Two Siblings Who Hate Each Other In Equestria. - deadpansnarker



You've heard the story before, right? The guy who wakes up as Twilight Sparkle one day in Ponyville and has to adapt.Well what about if his younger sister accompanied him as Spike, and he knows next-to-nothing about the show whilst she's a crazy fan?

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Chapter 1: How it all started.

“Just what am I supposed to do with these?!…”

“Never mind that! What am I supposed to do with this?!”

“Erm, better not touch that sis, it looks important. But anyway how in the hell did we…”

“Hey, Mum told you never to use that word! I’m telling…!”

“Yeah? Well, if we ever see her again, you have my total blessing. That would mean this is all just some bizarro dream… which is affecting both of us at the same time… where I can actually feel a horn and fur and… oh my…”

“...Hey, I don’t know what you’re doing down there, but you better stop! You’re supposed to be my ‘Big Brother’, but all you’ve done so far is put us in ‘big bother’! *Chuckle* that was pretty clever don't cha think?”

“I’m sorry ‘Little Sister’, I’m too busy adapting to walking on all fours and getting used to having a twenty-something year old woman’s voice to appreciate your ‘brilliant’ wit! Just how the hel… heck did we end up in this mess, anyway? You didn’t ‘wish upon a star’ or something equally corny last night, did you?”

“You think I wanted any of this to happen? And even if I did, why would I want to become the little guy the Main 6 all pick on, especially in the first two seasons? Plus, I don’t want to sound like a dude! Although Cathy Westeluck is really female, so I don’t know what to think…”

“Um, I hate to break it to you, but you weren’t exactly a six-foot basketball-shooter yourself before. And think yourself lucky you still have hands, well claws, and feet and can still walk upright! Every time I take a step, it feels like I’m crawling on my elbows and knees! Also, the constant clip-clop clip-clop clip-clopping, aarrgh! Someone make it go away(!)”

“Actually, now we’re here, I think the correct term is ‘somepony’.”

“...You're enjoying this? Please tell me she’s not actually enjoying this.”

“No! I’m just… trying to make the best out of a bad situation, that’s all. Although, it is kinda cool to see the locations from the show in the flesh. Or ‘itchy scales’, which is what I have now I suppose. Hey, I’m just gonna look through this library window a sec while you figure a way out of this. As my ‘Big Brother’, I expect nothing less. Might as well enjoy the time we’ve got left here, anyway…”

“H-Hey, what makes you think I know what to do and… where are you going?! We should stick together in this strange place; Mum would kill me if you went missing. I still remember that day at the supermarket, when I got grounded for a week just because you had to dash off to see Astronaut Barbie…” Is it just me, or is Hasbro the bane of my existence?

*****************

I suppose by now you’re wondering, what a couple of nice kids (well, one of us is no longer a ‘kid’, and the ‘niceness’ of the other one is somewhat debatable) are doing in a wacked-out, day-glo, previously-thought-to-reside-nowhere-but-the-demented-thoughts-of-Laura-Frost (or whoever created this stupid franchise in the first place) universe stumbling, bumbling and generally misusing the bodies of a couple of magical creatures that neither of us have a right to inhabit in the first place.

For the answer to that dear reader, we’re going to have to venture f-a-r back in the annals of history, to the time when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, God created the universe and my blasted life made any semblance of sense.

Or, more to the point, last night.

When the very final episode of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic was broadcast. Boo-Bloody-Hoo.

A show which I utterly despise in every imaginable way, and know next-to-nothing about, but which my about-to-fall-out-of-a-second-storey-building-because-she’s-craning-her-neck-so-hard little sister is practically a walking pony-paedia on.

So why did I suffer through the entire series finale with her, having previously only caught bits and pieces of other episodes when I was unlucky enough to walk in on my sister watching them? At least the answer to that question is simple enough (not a term you’re likely to see much in future chapters).

Because our mother insisted I do it. You can do many things as a maturing male in their late teens: shoplift alcoholic beverages down your trousers, ride a BMX bike dangerously on the main road, take illegal drugs at all-night raves (although cannabis is my limit up ‘til now. Yeah you’re right, I’m a total wuss.)

But one thing you never do, under pain of death, torture or worse a severe telling-off, is go against the word of ‘The Boss’. Especially when you’re still living under ‘Her Roof’.

Besides, I’m leaving for college next week, and really need as much of a loan as I can get from Mum for all my numerous education-related expenses. I know steady work as a till operator at the off-licence doesn’t exactly bring in the big-bucks for her, but I’m hoping there’s some secret hidden-away stash of cash maybe my Dad left us before he, well... left us (don't worry, he didn't die or anything: he just 'left us'... and that’s hopefully the last occasion I have to mention him.)

And if that meant enduring a two-part cheese-a-thon with my fully plushed-up cosplaying (as Rainbow Dash natch, her forever favourite) little sister for the best part of three-quarters-of-an-hour when I could’ve been watching Rick And Morty instead, you’re Goddamn right I’m gonna accept the potential trade-in and associated risks attached.

…Oops, sorry Daisy. Did I say something else naughty? Well it’s okay… as a family we’re not all that religious and it was in my head this time, so I think I’ve gotten away with it (mind you as anyone with a weird younger sibling will probably testify, it’s like they can read your thoughts sometimes, so I better still take precautions).

Hmm? Oh, I apologise… I forgot to tell you before. ‘Daisy’ is the name of my hellspawn little sister (she’s nine years old, even though she insists on telling everyone she’s ten. Maths never was her strong subject, especially when it comes to the equal distribution of chocolate brownies.) And I’m ‘Darren’. Nice to meet you.

Yes, I’m perfectly aware of the fact our names both start with the same two letters, but blame my lazy parents and the unapologetic vicar that colluded with them by christening us both at the same font almost exactly a decade apart.

They should get miscommunicated or something, for that. Outrageous.

Anyway, enough babbling about nothing in particular. I have to go and stop my newly reptilian sis from turning into a big purple pancake on the ground floor. Even though she’s this ‘Spike’ character now, apparently she doesn’t have wings yet…

And neither, under very close examination do I, as this equine ‘Twilight Sparkle’ individual.

At least (from what little I’ve seen of the show) I can still use magic; I just have to figure out how to light-up this sharp pointy thing on my forehead and all should be good.

The problem is, having literally just been dumped in this alternate kiddish world five minutes ago, I have no idea how to use this no doubt highly efficient organic tool. There are no batteries, no chargers, and certainly no signs of a power source nearby.

So, I’m just going to have to grab her the old-fashioned way... by diving around like a lunatic. As per usual.

After all, what are Big Brothers for, if not to repeatedly put their own life and limb at stake for the sake of their devil-may-care fearless younger relations? “Hey, don’t lean over all the way like that, Daisy! You’re practically one inch from certain doom; I don't care if 'Moon Dancer is so close you can practically touch her', whoever that is. If I go home without you, Mum'll have my guts for…”

Oh, to be an only child again. Sorry, I’ve got to take care of this developing situation right now, I’ll catch up with you all later. Roll the flashback!

Author's Note:

Hi, it's me again starting another ill-advised chapter fic again based on the classic human-in Equestria format... but this time with an added twist. Or, an added 'sis' if you like.

Expect randomness, craziness, siblings bonding and fighting in equal measure, and maybe even a bit of GASP emotional depth thrown in for good measure (but don't hold your breath).

It should be fun watching all the original episodes again to to cram up for this fic (they're all available FOR FREE on YouTube as far as I see, maybe Hasbro isn't quite the devil's gonads after all) while adding my own little AUs based on the decisions our two main characters make.

Enjoy. Not an order, more of a genuine wish. See you soon (hopefully). :raritywink: