• Published 28th Aug 2023
  • 4,056 Views, 190 Comments

Well, That Stinks. - Nugget27

a changeling abandons the Hive shortly before the invasion. He ends up getting cuddly with two pony princesses.

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I Think I Died

I stepped out of my little hole in the ground, having just fled from the Hive shortly after Queen Chrysalis, in all her glory, decided to go through with her plan of invading Canterlot. Now, what I am doing could be seen as treason, to go against the will of the Queen, and by extension, the Hive. I don’t give two horseshoes about that; what the Queen is planning could start a bucking war! And with how powerful Equestria is as a nation, there won’t be a Hive by the time Celestia is through with us! That mare is horrifying, capable of raising the sun, and at her command, can decide if another nation, such as the Hive, should be wiped off the face of the earth. And she has the power to do it herself if need be.

Queen Chrysalis is strong, but Celestia, by comparison, is way stronger. It would be like a hatchling fighting a fully grown Ursa Major. The Queen would probably get hit by a big fly swatter and sent back to the Hive in a body bag when the invasion was over.

So I wanted nothing to do with the Hive for the time being. Now, I am starving, but that’s nothing new. Our Hive is always short on food. I also never really left the Hive, but I have heard stories from the infiltrators. Ponies, as long as they don’t find out what you are, are pretty friendly. But if they find out who you are… Well, we’ve lost some good drones in the past, due to ponies. Before me stood a town, a pony town. Yes! After months! Months of traveling with no end in sight, there it stands! A pony settlement. I quickly donned a disguise, just some light-brown stallion with a dark brown mane. Nothing that’ll make me stand out.

I smiled slightly, ready to begin my new life. I may end up living in this little hole in the ground for a while, but this is definitely gonna lead to a brighter future!

So, it’s been about a week since I have entered this pony settlement. I still live in that hole in the ground I have found, just outside of town. Town… what an odd word. In the Hive, we just had ‘clusters’. There were villages, townships, towns, and then cities. In that order, it went from smallest to biggest, and was based on population. Clusters, no matter how large… were clusters, so ponies seem to be a bit dumb for calling groups of homes different based on how many ponies are in a settlement, but that’s just me. Speaking of towns, the one I came across happened to be named Ponyville.

Why ponies would choose such a stupid name is beyond me, as names such as ‘kzzt tzzz’ and ‘zitzit ziz’ are far better names for clusters.

Anyways, I found myself a job, which wasn’t too hard. I just gave food out to ponies at a cafe. Eventually, some day, I will be able to buy a house. Why? I don’t know, but it would help me fit in. Ponies sleep on something called a ‘bed’ for some reason, under a blanket. Now, the Queen also gets to have a bed, but I didn’t see the appeal. Sleeping on the cold, hard ground with nothing covering you except another changeling that managed to break into your den, that is how everyling, and everypony should sleep… Everypony. That’s a dumb word, but again, ponies are dumb, and I have to learn to accept their dumb ways; I want to fit in with them and peacefully live amongst them.

Now if only I didn’t have to live in disguise. I don’t think anypony would want to see me for me.

I also have a pile of gold coins. Despite me saying ‘no’, I got paid anyway. Bits were a dumb concept, but whatever. I even told my boss that seeing a customer smile was enough, because I got to nibble at a pony’s happiness, or their anger, whenever I served a cup of coffee, or a muffin, whatever. It doesn’t matter; it all tastes bad no matter what it is. Especially these… apples. Those things were grown in a nearby farm, were red, sometimes yellow or green, and tasted like if another changeling decided to throw some heavily digested, liquid love into your mouth after it’s been in their stomach for three days.

That being said, I kinda liked apples anyways. I just couldn’t eat a lot of anything, because that would probably poison me. After I ate one, I started feeling less empty, so that’s probably not good. Feeling empty is good; it means your stomach is full of emotions!

That’s what Queen Chrysalis said, but then again, she tends to hog any love she gets for herself instead of sharing it.

And also, I think her invasion of Canterlot was supposed to happen today. That was still a dumb decision. But the Queen knows best, and she also knows the best way to get our whole Hive killed.

So, about a week after the week I came into Ponyville, I entered town after a nice day of poking a rock for a couple hours, to go to work. I had my usual pony disguise, wearing the hat that was a part of my uniform, before stopping just at the entrance. The entire place was filled with ponies wearing yellow armor, walking around, looking scary, and talking to random civilians. One even asked a derpy-looking-pegasus if she was a changeling for some reason, and then hit her with a spell. After the spell did nothing, the pegasus walked off… and into a streetlamp, which knocked that over and started a fire.

And also set the Town Hall, where this town’s leader lives, on fire… That happens way too often. Put your pegasus on a leash, you idiots!

Suddenly I was nose to nose with something pink, and staring into a pair of blue eyes. “I knew a new pony would show up when I’m out of town!”

“What the buck!” I jumped, and fell to the ground. “Who the heck are you?” Standing before me was a pony that was disgustingly pink. Like she was overly pink, I bet her name was-

“I’m Pinkie Pie, but you can call me Pinkie! I bet you’ve heard of me by now! Oh I am so ready to throw you the best ‘welcome to Ponyville Party…’ What’s your name? I bet your name is Dark Knight or something cool!”

“...It’s Stink Beatle,” yes, that’s the name I came up with for my disguise. Look, I don’t know what the heck I was doing, my job application needed a name, so I used my actual name, and added some stupid word to the front of it in order to make it seem more ‘pony like’! Don’t judge me, Mom! You wouldn’t even care if you knew where I was… Queen Chrysalis is a terrible mother. “So why do you want to throw me a party?” I don’t know why, I don’t know what, but I want to get away from this pony. She was so damn happy that it was giving me a stomach ache, and if I’m not careful, hiccups! Why the buck was she so god damn… Oh, I taste a bit of depression in that giant ball of happy fluff. I think I know what’s happening in that head of hers, but whatever.

Anyways, after Pinkie spent a good seven minutes of talking about basically nothing, without breathing, “Something about you seems off by the way… I know! It’s because you don’t have friends! I know, I’ll introduce you to some of mine! Starting with Twilight Sparkle!” Wait, what? What the buck? No! I have a job! I want to do my job! No, go away… Legs, I hate you, why are you going with the Pink Spawn of Tirek, and not towards the cafe? I hate you, I am going to cut you off when I… Buck, I need these legs.

You are lucky, back lefty, you live another day.

I suddenly don’t like Twilight Sparkle. You see, after we entered a library that had been closed for the last week, I wondered why ponies would want to have a library. You see, books were outlawed in the Hive, probably because they were all dumb. Then again, music, happiness, and recreation were also outlawed; you had a job, and if you didn’t do that job, you were put to death. The crowd over the singularity or whatever. It’s… why I would rather be at my job than here. And also because Twilight Sparkle was terrifying.

I just wanted to serve ponies some overpriced coffee.

Ever since we entered, Twilight was giving me the stink eye. Like she was beginning to make my carapace chip with how sharp her stare was. “And that’s how I met Stink Beatle!”

“Pinkie, did you stop to make sure that whoever you were talking to wasn’t a changeling?”

“No! He can’t be a changeling, changelings are bad, and Stinky hasn’t done anything bad at all! Though, he did wander in from town after crawling out of a hole somewhere out of Ponyville; I’ve been following him since he left that hole. He looked so lonely, so I wanted to be his friend!” What the-this pony is mental-buck? How did she know where my den was? I… did she hear me sing to a rock because of how lonely it is out there? I slowly turned to Pinkie. “So, you aren’t a changeling, right Stinky?” I hate that name so much. “You’re a pony, right?”

“Can I just leave? I don’t like how-” a blast of purple hit me, and I was sent flying into a nearby bookcase. Lucky me, most of my carapace took the blow, so it only mildly hurt. I rubbed the back of my head. “Sweet Chrysalis, you could’ve killed me! What were you thinking you hay for brain…” I looked at my hoof, my undisguised hoof. I quickly turned it into a mirror, and… Buck. “Uh…” My hosts were not super happy looking. Well, Twilight looked outright hateful, but Pinkie was actually shaking while smiling. “Huh, I didn’t know I was a changeling-”

“Oh yippee! I can throw the first ‘welcome to Ponyville, Stinky the Changeling’ party ever!”

“Pinkie! That’s a changeling. What did we say about changelings?” I suddenly felt myself unable to move my limbs, and also suspended in magic. Twilight’s magic is bucking strong! I can’t replicate magic like this, but I can feel… I could be crushed in a heartbeat should Twilight feel inclined to do something.

“That changelings are bad. And Twilight, this one can’t be that bad, he hasn’t even done anything yet! If he did, my Pinkie Sense would’ve caught it!” Pinkie jumped. “And he didn’t even try to foalnap me and take my place! Though, I wonder what happened to the real Stinky.”

“I just wanted to go to work,” I sighed. “Can’t a ‘ling try and make his way in the world?” Twilight raised an eyebrow. However, whatever else I was thinking was silenced when my rear crashed into the floor, and I was suddenly tied up.

“Tell me, ‘Stinky’, if that’s your real name where is your Queen, and why did she invade Canterlot?’” Twilight demanded.

So, I could tell the truth, and probably get off scot free, but lying is the changeling way! On the other hoof, self preservation, on the other, keeping the Hive- “I don’t bucking know why the Queen thought invading your stupid, bucking city was a good idea! She just decided to do it, so I left the Hive shortly after she announced her plans! I just wanted to go out, explore, and live life! I only came to Ponyville about a week ago, and have been here for two weeks! I don’t know where Queen Chrysalis is, and I just want to go crawl in my den and suck on my rock… You’re really scary.”

“Quit bucking lying to me, and tell me where your Queen is, or I will go get some guards and have them drag you to Canterlot for trial!” Oh. Well, so much for telling the truth. It’s a good thing that Changelings can’t produce waste such as feces. Otherwise, the floor below me would be covered in it. I started shivering in fear as Twilight continued to leer at me, and try to make me answer questions about changelings, how their bodies worked, literally anything she could think of. I couldn’t bring myself to answer anything; I felt like I’d die if this mare thought I was lying, and she already thought I was going to keep lying to her.

“Buck it! I’m going to get a guard, Pinkie, you’re coming with me. Spike!” A baby dragon poked his head out of a side door. “Make sure this changeling doesn’t escape. He shouldn’t be able to move; he’s tied up!” The dragon nodded, before sticking his head back into the door where it was. Pinkie Pie and Twilight Sparkle walked out the door, and I felt the magic that was holding me still fade away. After a few hours of me just sitting on my butt, waiting for death, I figured it would be best for me to try and flee. Maybe Manehattan will have some more… accepting ponies.

Maybe Canterlot, that costs the least amount of bits to get to. Yeah, Canterlot, nopony will suspect a changeling living in Canterlot! I somehow got out of the library with no problems at all, resuming my usual disguise, but it was blue instead of yellow, and had wings. I flew over to my hole in the ground, and took a sizable chunk of coins from my pile, and started heading to the train station.

I sighed in relief when the train started moving.

When I got off the train, the first thing I noted was… Canterlot was practically in ruins. Sure, most buildings and what not were standing, such as the castle, even if there were a few holes in the windows, but quite a few shops, homes, just anything that was a building was damaged. Glass shards were everywhere, making walking around pretty rough on my hooves. I could only imagine how rough it was for a foal’s hooves, or for anyone’s hooves for that matter. I could see the reason why, nearly every window on every building on the road I was walking down was shattered, cracked, or just not fully intact. Stray bricks and pebbles were strewn about, roof tiles were also scattered throughout the city.

My ears flattened. This is what Queen Chrysalis wanted? We could’ve asked for love if we really needed that!! We changelings don’t like it when our Hive gets even remotely damaged! I can’t imagine how these ponies are feeling, to have to stare at their city that was put in ruins. I… I want to help these ponies; they didn’t do anything wrong, my Queen was just a bucking donkey! I ducked through the guard system, where they were trying to find if any newcomers were actually changelings. Good news, all the commotion from the guards actually finding a changeling distracted them from me. Bad news, they beat that drone into submission, and the guards then shipped it off into what was probably the dungeons.

That sent a shiver down my spine. I had to make sure I didn’t get discovered.

One of the first things I noted… The ponies around me were happy, despite how their homes were basically destroyed, they were happily chatting with each other as they moved debris and rebuilt each home one by one. Sure, it would take a while, but these ponies had the resolve to… get through anything as it would seem. I couldn’t help but admire how… Happy everypony seems despite the strife they probably went through during the changeling invasion… What happened to my Hive? If ponies were still out and about, then that meant that the invasion had failed.

I figured it would be best to not think about that, as that would probably lead to very depressing thoughts. Even if I don’t think the Queen is the best leader, she is still my mother, after all.

The sun was setting, and I had found myself a nice little bench to huddle under. Apparently there were things called hotels, but I had spent most of my bits on just getting to Canterlot. I also couldn’t find anywhere to dig a den, so here I was. The day guards around the city were swapped out for night guards, the difference? The bat wings, dark-blue armor with the moon emblemized on them, which only seemed dumb to me. Why would Princess Celestia need to switch out guards if she’s the only Princess in Equestria besides Princess Mi Amore Cadenza?

Well, I’m not a Princess, as I am a male, so I don’t particularly care. It’s just kinda dumb, and fun to point out.

“You should be inside,” I looked up from my hooves, to see a dark blue alicorn. Her mane was flowing, and it was almost like it held the night sky within it. She was wearing a black crown and necklace, bearing the same symbol that the night guards wore. For an alicorn, this one was pretty short, and also pretty… Wait what? Where’d that come from? “There is a curfew for most ponies,” I nodded dumbly as I drank in the Princess’s face. Her cyan eyes sparkled just like her mane… Wow, I never thought I would fall in love with a pony, but this one seemed beautiful and… What is wrong with me? “Well? Are you going to get moving?”

“Uh…” I took a deep breath. “I have nowhere to stay. I don’t have the bits… and I am from out of town. I used up the last of my money on food after I entered Canterlot.” The alicorn looked at me, her eyes moved up and down my disguise’s body, before shrugging. I could taste a tiny bit of lust in that void of emotions!

“I suppose I can fix that issue. Would you be opposed to staying within the castle?” Princess Luna gave me a sweet little smile that slowly drifted into one that looked a lot scarier and less sweet. Her emotions were now on full display. I didn’t like the taste of anger there. “Perhaps in the dungeons? After all, I doubt that anypony would be out and about at this hour, especially with a city-wide, eight at night curfew. Nor would anypony travel to Canterlot with such little bits, like you did.” I blinked a couple of times, before crouching slightly. “Perhaps you wouldn’t mind being scanned?”

I blinked a couple more times while lowering myself closer to the ground. So I’m not getting away, no matter how hard I try. For one, alicorn, two, I will get hunted down, three, alicorns have magic, changelings are very susceptible to magic. “I uh…” I sighed, there really was no way out of my new predicament. I just wanted to serve coffee for useless gold coins I don’t want or need! “I’m a changeling, okay?” I dropped my disguise, before dropping to the ground. “Please don’t hurt me! I woke up today hoping I could do my job in a cafe!” I couldn’t help but shake in fear as Princess Luna glared into my soul. “Your highness?” I shivered.

“Why should I believe you? Your Queen had injured my sister; she’s still recovering. Your kind had played a hoof in this huge mess! You…” My ears were ringing. “I remember your kind, changeling, nothing but a bunch of parasites, that stop at nothing to suck the emotions out of any being actually capable of emotion!”

“I-I…” I rested my head on the ground. “I guess I’ll die, then. It’s been a good run,” I closed my eyes. “Maybe I’ll find somewhere I’m accepted in another life.” Yeah no, there’s no afterlife as far as I know. Sure, I’ve heard of the idea from customers in the cafe, and I like the idea. I just doubt there’s such a thing for me. Who knows, maybe I can be a pony when I open my eyes again? Wow, death sure is painless, because I haven’t felt anything sharp pierce my heart, or anything like that.

“You…” Huh, I guess there is an afterlife, it sounds like Princess Luna, but less ready to murder me. Maybe I’m going to Tartarus. “What did you just say?” I opened my eyes.

“I’m dead, aren’t I?” I asked. “Well, at least I get to stare at the very mare that killed me for an eternity. She was definitely scary, but also really pretty, so that’s not too bad.”

“You… aren’t dead. What did you say about being accepted?”

“Oh that? Oh yeah, I left my Hive behind, so I have no home. Going back home might leave me with an empty Hive, or an angry Queen that’ll cut my head off for ‘disobeying the will of the Hive’. I tried getting settled into a town called Ponyville and got caught while trying to work at a cafe. Then I ended up in Canterlot and got murdered by a really pretty pony. I gotta say, life sure is a roller coaster of emotions, but I suppose you don’t live through life without getting stabbed at least a couple of times.” I really don’t know why it’s taking so long for me to go to Tartarus. If there is some higher power, please stop toying with me.

Didn’t I just say there was no afterlife? Well, when you’re dead, you’ll believe anything, I guess. “I…” The angel’s face softened. “You aren’t dead, I’m being serious. Come now, put your disguise back on, I will show you to my sister, and then we will decide what to do with you.” Oh, I’m not dead. Darn. I guess this won’t be a one shot. “You consider me pretty?”

“Uh… Will you kill me if I say yes?”

“....Why would I do that?” Princess Luna sighed. “Look, I would like to apologize for what I said, you have said something that, as ponies are saying nowadays, ‘hits close to home’. I will take you to my sister and we will decide what to do with you,” Wait. Wait. What the buck? I go from going to a cafe to literally seeing the Princess in a day… The same Princess that the Queen had apparently injured.

Well, I guess I’m going to die anyway.

Author's Note:

I like to think that the Royal Wedding properly happened a couple weeks after the invasion. That way efforts could be driven towards fixing up Canterlot, and so that Celestia can recover from getting her butt kicked.

Anyways, this is mostly PG, but I did put a profanity warning on here for words like ‘buck’ with a f. If those slip past my proof reading.

It’s also about time that I just wrote something that is pure wholesomeness and fluff.