• Published 28th Aug 2023
  • 4,078 Views, 190 Comments

Well, That Stinks. - Nugget27



a changeling abandons the Hive shortly before the invasion. He ends up getting cuddly with two pony princesses.

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I Didn’t Die At Least

I just dangled in the air, staring at a group of mares, each of them seemed to be helping themselves to breakfast, or rather, they were. Their leader, Twilight Sparkle the Horrifying, stared up at me with wide eyes. “Princess, that changeling is still alive,” she pointed out. I just closed my eyes, counting the seconds until I was released from Celestia’s magic. The moment she does, I am going to run, and I am going to run until I find an ocean. That, or I just flop over and die; that sounds way easier than running for my life. I could also run straight to Luna’s room so I can hide under her bed; she said she’d protect me from any threats that come my way.

And then I’ll flop over and die.

“Well, Twilight, I would sure hope this changeling was alive. Do you remember that changeling you caught in your library?” Celestia asked with a warm smile. The purple unicorn nodded. While the two of them talked, I decided to take note of the rest of the mares in the room. First, was Twilight, purple, with a dark purple mane and tail, a pink streak ran through it. A horn stuck out through the mane, reminding me that she can blow me up at any time and kill me. I could feel the sheer amount of magic radiating off of her.

She was spooky; I want my mother.

The next was the Pink Spawn of Tirek, who really wasn’t all that bad. She was pink, a pink earth pony radiating some sort of… magic. It wasn’t earth pony magic, that’s for sure. She was happily, and animatedly chatting about how cool it is that the Princess has a changeling shaped pinata. I wasn’t exactly happy about that. The other earth pony was wearing a stetson and looked like a stereotypical cow pony or hill filly. Her blond mane and tail were tied at the ends, and she had freckles. She was just staring into my eyes, trying to get a read on me.

The other unicorn, a white one with a purple, curly mane just looked like an uptight prick. Besides Twilight, she seemed the least happy about a changeling being in the same room as her.

The two pegasi, one cyan, and one… cream colored? That’s a color right? Anyways, they were two polar opposites. One was talking about beating the crap out of me, while the other took the time to stick her head under the table and whimper in fear. The cyan one had a rainbow name, and would not shut up about turning me into fried changeling. While all of them were murmuring while Celestia talked with her student, I cleared my throat.

“Hey Celestia? Is it okay if you put me down?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. “I really want to go back to bed, and not get dissected.”

“That thing can talk?” the cyan pegasus asked. “I thought changelings were dumb, mindless drones that followed that big bug at the wedding.”

“Hey now, I used to resemble that remark…” I hummed. “Well, noling does, actually. It’s more like ‘do as the Queen says’ or you will be dissected, stabbed, tortured, dismembered, or injected with random chemicals, while being kept alive, in front of everyling so you can be used as an example. I’ve watched my cousin be dismembered for even attempting to leave the Hive without Her Majesty’s permission. Buck, I’m only here, suspended in a sunbeam, because that whorse was too busy planning how to commit war crimes at a wedding. Something I wanted no part in, by the way, hence why I left the Hive.” I wiggled my ears. “Can I go snuggle up with Luna now? She’s a lot less scary than Twilight.” I was dropped onto the ground, my face broke my fall, and I was sitting on my rump, rubbing my newly aching skull cover.

“...So you’re that changeling I captured?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah. That was kinda mean of you, by the way,” I got up to try and leave, but the door was locked when I tried to pry them open. “I’m going to go cuddle with Luna, she’s always welcoming,” I shot a playful glare at Celestia. “And doesn’t wake me up at horrid times of the day.” That Princess blew a raspberry at me, like an adult, and we both chuckled. Before I could make it to the door though, I was sitting beside the purple one, and she was holding a notebook. “Let me guess… You want to know how a changeling works?”

“Yup!” Twilight asked. “Please?” She gave me puppy eyes.

“...You asked if you could dissect me and have ruined my old life in Ponyville.” I sat back down, used my horn to grab an apple, and started gnawing on it. “That being said, it’s probably not the worst thing that’s happened to me, but it still wasn’t very nice. Even Princess Luna’s nicer to me, and she threatened to execute me when she first met me.” Twilight blinked. I said, a mouth full of mushed apple.

“...What is worse than dissection?”

“The Queen stuck a hook in between two plates on my carapace and poked around with it while laughing every time I squirmed, or took a photo every time I screamed. It’s worse because I didn’t get the sweet release of death; the Queen actively made sure where she poked me only hurt a lot, not kill me. I was sitting in my own pool of blood for days after that...” Twilight’s jaw dropped. “Fun times! Anyways, you had a lie detection spell going? Cool. I wish I knew how to use magic beyond basic telekinesis, but magic is mostly illegal in the Hive.” Twilight and her friends were just staring at me, even the scared out of her mind pegasus poked her head over the table to stare at me.

The next thing I knew, I was being cradled by said pegasus. “There, there, the big, mean changeling meanie won’t hurt you anymore…”

“That’s a weird way to describe my mother, and I guarantee that she’ll try to peel me like an orange when she finds out where I am.”

Twilight whispered something while writing something else down. “Great, now you made me feel like a horrible pony. You… really were just trying to live, free of fear, weren’t you?” I nodded. “And… I ruined it.” She smelled like she was about to cry. “I-“

The doors opened, saving us the trouble of going over my terrible nymphhood. Luna walked in, looking tired, but still somehow really pretty. She walked up to her usual chair(her chair and Celestia’s chairs were huge), and I soon found myself snuggled up under her wing. “Good morning, Stinky. How is your day going thus far?” She looked up and around after taking a bite out of a pineapple. “Oh. if anypony hurts Stinky, I will send that pony to the moon!” Twilight opened her mouth. “And no questioning him; he’s gone through enough. So don’t interview or pester him for an interview unless he expresses he wants to be questioned.”

I raised a hoof. “I wouldn’t mind; teaching you ponies about changelings would make trusting me easier, right?”

“It would, and it would be helpful,” Celestia said. “However, we were hoping to have you settled in long before we asked you any questions.” I nuzzled Luna, making the pineapple in her grip go flying into the ceiling. “And… you’re settled in, I suppose. Especially if you are kissing my sister’s cheek every now and then,” she giggled at her now broken sister. “Would you be willing to answer any questions we’ll ask you during breakfast?” I nodded. Luna rested her head on top of mine while I waited to be asked a tediously long questionnaire.


“So, why does your Queen hate my apple so much?” Wow, such an insightful question. Apples! Yeah, the orange earth pony, named Apple Jack, surprisingly asked a question about apples. “Because apparently she threw away an appetizer Ah made for ‘her’ wedding! Nopony hates my apples or my recipes!” She even sounds like a stereotypical hill filly!

“…Is that important? I thought I established that the Queen hates fun.”

“Yeah! Two chapters ago! Get with the times, Jackie!” Pinkie, the other earth pony said. “Hey, Nugget, you already introduced me in the first chapter!” What the buck is she talking about? “Also, why is there a scene breaker? That was the first question anypony in the room asked!” Pinkie was now holding up a picture of a weird, round, brown thing. “This joke’s run its course, so I’ll stop, but I have my eyes on you? Nugget!”

“So changelings like apples after all?”

I shrugged. “Dunno if that matters; most of the Hive is probably dead, injured, or both. I heard from Celestia that a love explosion sent us all flying…” Hopefully Thorax didn’t die; he’s my favorite drone out of section A of the Hive. I sighed. “Well, I can’t hear any of them, probably because I got banished for abandoning them all, but details don’t really matter. Why is that the first question you ask?”

“Ah just wanted to make sure yer Queen was evil.”

“Tell me about it; she literally dismembered my other cousin in front of me in order to teach me about a changeling’s anatomy; he was still alive until she took his heart out!” I blinked. “Uh… probably not the right thing to say at breakfast; Luna taught me that much.” I was currently under Luna's wing, every time I said something that would make me seem like a weirdo, Luna would stop rubbing my back with the wing. If I kept pretending to be a normal, functional pony, she would rub my back. This time the wing thwacked against my butt for that. I didn’t even flinch.

“…Can you at least tell us about what you saw?” Twilight asked.

“We changelings don’t have bones, and our blood is green. Can we not talk about my cousins? It makes me kinda sad each time I bring it up… Oh, there’s Bob, he’s probably still alive. He lives somewhere in Ponyville, works for somepony named Bon Bon, or some malarkey.” Twilight raised an eyebrow. “It’s how he gets love; I think he was trying to make Bon Bon his mate, but none of us ‘lings know how to use mind control; that's a Queen level spell. Also, he probably hasn’t noticed how Bon Bon is probably not into stallions.”


Bon Bon and Lyra were happily chatting at a dinner table, in their own home, across from a changeling, undisguised. Bob just told a joke that the two mares were currently giggling at; Bob has been accepted into their household, and the three of them were enjoying themselves. “So Bob, you were interested in my marefriend?”

“…Yeah. She’s really cute when she giggles, which is why I make so many jokes,” Bob said with a small smile.

“We shall form a herd!” Lyra declared, raising her for the heavens. “If… Bon Bon doesn’t mind.”

Those two equines and singular equine-like creatures had a fun night that night


“So, Stinky, why were you in Ponyville? tell me the whole truth,” Twilight asked. She had a notebook, a quill, and a cute little expression that made her less scary, so I answered.

“I play dumb as a bit, Ms. Sparkle, but I’m not a complete idiot, just mostly stupid,” I glared down at the apple I was still chewing on. “The Queen was leading us to a death trap; I’m well aware of how powerful Princess Celestia is, who doesn’t; she raises the Sun after all. In hindsight, it would’ve been even worse with Luna, who seems just as powerful as her sister since she can raise the sun. Twilight, we drones are entirely incapable of using our magic in a defensive way so most unicorns could beat us in a fight, and we are slower than pegasi. One changeling can easily get out powered by a single, trained earth pony since we aren’t very strong either.

“And Queen Chrysalis, without love of any kind, is only around as strong as Princess Cadance, an alicorn who probably doesn’t have a lot of training in combative magic, or combat experience, like Luna or Celestia. Even if the Queen succeeded in capturing Canterlot, it would achieve nothing good. I am not a fan of needlessly killing, or torturing ponies, or any race for that matter, for the love I need to survive; that simply isn’t necessary, so why do it? I’m not a fan of how the Queen treats me, or my fellow changelings. I’m numb to it because of how often, and how brutal the Queen is with her punishments, but that doesn’t change how awful it is.

“So I left the Hive so I wouldn’t be involved with the invasion, and to try and start my life amongst ponies. I just happened to wander into Ponyville, where I got a job as a waiter, and fed off emotions in the air, or nibbled on happiness whenever a customer got their favorite brew of coffee. I got these weird, dumb gold coins, a lot of them from doing it… Most of it is probably in a hole somewhere though; my old home.” I looked up at Twilight. “I wanted to be happy, and I couldn’t be happy if I remained as a part of Queen Chrysalis’s Hive.” Everypony remained silent after my little speech, probably because they’re shocked about my opinion on living as a changeling under Her Majesty’s rule. My favorite alicorn was the first to break that silence though

“…Wait, you’re being stupid on purpose?” Luna asked, looking down at me.

“No, I am pretty dumb; my mom told me so. It doesn’t mean I’m completely moronic.”

“And your mother is… the Queen?” Twilight asked. My answer was a simple nod. “I can see why you seem to not even flinch when you bring up some of the horrible things she apparently does all the time, or much of anything for that matter.”


meanwhile


“Look Apple Bloom, a hole full of bits!” Scootaloo yelled. The young pegasi had just crashed her scooter and went flying into the hole like a golf ball. There was even a golf clap for the shot. “We’re rich!”

“Holy mother of Celestia! That’s a lot!” Apple Bloom pulled her head back out of the hole. “Ah sure am glad that the actual wedding got pushed back- Sweetie Bell, what are you doing?” The little unicorn pushed past her earth pony friend to peek in the hole.

“Why are there enough bits to buy a house here?” the filly squeaked. All three fillies paused for a moment. “Let’s go raid the candy store!” All three crusaders ‘yeahed!” and ran off, with a bunch of bits, to the nearest candy store, which happened to also be the biggest candy store in town… Sweets and Liquor.


The next few questions were simple things, like if the holes in my legs hurt, how old I was, my hatchday, if I committed tax fraud, all that fun stuff. All the while, I had Breeze bring me a rock to gnaw on while the others hounded me with questions. The questions were a pretty weird way to pass the time; why would ponies want to understand changelings and then flinch when I tell them that changelings have snake-like tongues?

Oh well, it helped me pass through another breakfast, and lunch. Celestia had to go rule her kingdom, which didn’t have a king or queen, and Luna had to go to bed, so I was just left with six mares. Luckily, Cadance and Shining Armor had joined us, the pink alicorn decided to lay a wing over my and groom the back of my head because she thinks I’m a foal or something, After a few questions, such as the big boom, which was an event that turned changelings’ paradise into Tartarus a thousand years ago, most of the mares left with Shining Armor and Cadance to go ‘plan a wedding’ or something.

That left me and Twilight Sparkle alone. She sat down next to me while looking through her notes. She had been rather silent for a while, just reading through them, a single tear rolled down her cheek. I had long since eaten the rock I was gnawing on, so I was just sitting there, staring at a cup of chocolate milk that Cadance mixed for me. I don’t know why she’s treating me like her child.

Twilight Sparkle cleared her throat. “Beatle,” I looked up from my cup of room temperature milk. “When I moved to Ponyville half a year ago, I quickly learnt to not judge a book by its cover with Zecora… I should’ve given you a chance when I found you. Yet… I didn’t! It’s like I forgot that lesson I learnt within a week of living in Ponyville!” She sighed. “And it’s clear to me, now that you aren’t a bad pony. You’re rather charming in a weird way,” I rested my head on the table, and Twilight blushed a little. “Okay, that’s kind of cute…” She sighed.

“Look, sorry about ruining your life in Ponyville, and sorry about-“

“Oh yeah, I got over that,” I said, lifting my head back up. “In some weird, twisted way, I still love my mother, and she has literally tortured me for no reason in the past. Besides, you just thought I was some freaky monster, which I am. Though I would like to hear an apology about the bisection question. I quite enjoy not being cut open from the neck down…” I shivered. “It just sounds painful.”

“Sorry about that.”

“Apology accepted; I don’t hold grudges since that uses brain cells that I don’t have.” I nuzzled Twilight and she flinched. “Is what I’m doing wrong? The princesses all do it to me, and I don’t flinch when they nuzzle me. When I do it, it’s weird?” I tilted my head.

“N-no. It’s… It’s just weird to have a changeling touch anypony without trying to drain them.”

“…Oh. How many changelings tried that?”

“At least five out of ten changelings anypony finds, why?” Twilight asked.

“I dunno what that means, but usually that’s an injured or desperate changeling. We have a healing factor that only works when we’re filled up with love,” I hopped out of my chair. “For some reason I’m scheduled to go to a daycare and act as a substitute teacher. So I’ll see you around, Twilight Sparkle,” you know, she seems a lot less scary now.


Meanwhile, with Bob the Changeling


Bob sat there, in a pile of Bon Bon and Lyra. Both mares were fast asleep with drunken smiles on their faces. The drone sat there with a small smile, having turned his forelegs into large wings, covering both of them. He now wore a collar with a sign that read ‘property of Lyra and Bon Bon, if lost and found, bring to 3029, Hippy Hooves Street’. His wings buzzed slightly.


Princess Celestia put down her clipboard with a small smile; she paid a local daycare teacher to take the day off. She watched with a huge smile on her face as an undisguised Stinky, wearing his silver bit necklace, being trailed by a pair of guards, walked up to the daycare in question. How was she watching him? A crystal ball of course! After the teacher gave him a weird look, the changeling gave the teacher a sheet of paper with a blank expression that basically said ‘I don’t have a brain, but I’m here.”

Stinky disappeared into the daycare and Celestia clapped her hooves. Either this would be adorable or hilarious to watch. Celestia hung an ‘important meeting in progress’ sign on her office door as she pulled out a box of popcorn. Stinky stared down at the clipboard he was given, before actually eating it and the paper on it. The guards assigned to the changeling jumped at the sound of wood snapping in Stinky’s powerful jaws.

Stinky then walked into a room full of foals, all of them were no older than five years old by the looks of it. He then spent the next four hours playing with them, changing diapers like an expert, and happily being literal a piece of playground for the foals to play on him. Even after a foal got a fork stuck in his nose, he sat there with a small smile. With a yellow flash, Luna hit the floor of the office. “Sister, what the bu…” Cely just pointed at the image of a certain changeling happily playing with foals. “I see.” Both sisters watched their favorite bug pony play with children.

Author's Note:

Stinky will experience the cutie crusaders one day, and i will try to make it as funny as possible