I Got Dragged to HorseTown
“Why do I have to go back to Ponyville?” I whined, using my fangs to anchor me to the floor. “I don’t want to go back…” You see, my strategy of digging my fangs into the ground to hold myself in place would work like a charm if Celestia wasn’t dragging me behind her. As it turns out, a lady that sits around eating cake all day, is very strong. It probably helped that she apparently used to lead Equestria’s armies on the frontlines. She wasn’t even using magic, Sunbutt just had my tail clenched in her teeth, and she was dragging me through the castle until we eventually reached a hanger where a bunch of chariots were being prepared. Among them were the Elements of Harmony.
You see, Twilight shared the wonderful idea of sending me back to Ponyville for a day so that the citizens could meet a friendly changeling, or a changeling they already knew. “But you have to,” Celestia said. She let go of my tail, spun me around with her magic and looked me in the eyes. “I know you don’t want to go back, but won’t you be excited to see your old coworkers? Or perhaps your cousin Bob that you told me about?” Celestia tilted her head.
“I just want to eat a rock and lie around until Ms. Breeze and her daughter come back. Can’t I do that instead?” I tried to bury my head into the ground, but it was made of solid concrete. Apparently my teeth can cut through solid quartz, but I can't bash apart concrete with my skull.
“Can you please go to Ponyville?” Celestia started giving me something that I’ve heard the male guards speak about something dangerous that mares like to do. Something called Puppy Eyes. I stared up at them for a few moments, before sighing. I nodded, got up off of my stomach, and looked at the trail of destruction that my teeth had made on the floor. There was a long trail of tethered carpet along with a lot of indents and long holes in the ground from whenever I got my fangs lodged into the ground. “Yes! I knew you’d want to go to Ponyville!” Celestia pranced in place before nuzzling me. “Don’t worry, when you come back, I’ll have a reward for you.”
“Sure thing, Celery,” after I passed by her, I nipped Sunbutt’s butt, and the noise she made was interesting. So was the mixture of emotions she was feeling… Why is she ‘turned on’ as stallions say when they get horny? “This is what you get for making me do this.”
Celestia’s mixture of emotions quickly became amusement and smugness instead of embarrassment and the other things. “But you agreed of your own volition.”
I am going to scare the ever living buck out of you, Princess, mark my words. Nopony will stop me.
You know, I could’ve sat with Rainbow Dash and gotten sick from her giant ego, I could’ve sat with Rarity and thrown up after she pounded my face into the chariot for ruining the suit she made for me. I could’ve sat with Twilight, she was scary, but out of all her friends, she was probably the most normal. Apple Jack would’ve also been great, but she doesn’t like me because I’m a changeling and she’s a little racist. So luckily I got stuck in a chariot with her and Pinkie Pie. This way I can get a bit of normalcy, and a stomach ache from how darn happy Pinkie was.
“Hey there, sugarcube,” Apple Jack was rubbing my back, and was actually hugging me. “You alright there? Afraid of heights? Chariot sick?” She asked. “Can’t blame you on that last one, I was the same way the first time I rode one of these things.” Hey, it turns out that Apple Jack actually kinda likes me. My stomach just hurts like Mom kicked it because of Pinkie being Pinkie’s overly hyper, happy self.
“N-no, I’m not flying sick; I have wings after all,” I barely stopped myself from throwing up.
“Oh my gosh! I can’t wait to finally throw you a party for being my first changeling friend, and then a party for Bob for being the first changeling in Ponyville to join a herd!” Pinkie hugged me, and any attempts Apple Jack had made to keep me from throwing up failed. I threw my head over the side and threw up. After I lost today’s breakfast and last night's dinner, I stumbled out the back of the chariot before feeling so much better. I sighed in relief, before taking to the skies and flying besides Twilight’s chariot since it was just her and Spike. “And then hug you, and kiss you, and-”
How is Pinkie still going? Twilight took the time to take a notepad out and start writing down how my wings worked, while Rainbow had an even dumber idea than note taking at four hundred hooves, or thirty miles an hour, or around forty two kilometers for those of you who aren’t ponies. Because despite there being two good measurement systems, ponies have their own, whereas griffins seem to like to not use the metric system because they’re stupid birds that like to boil changelings alive for dinner. Anyways, Rainbow decided to take off and crash right into me. Luckily the two of us were already above Ponyville… We’re flying right down into the Town Hall again…
Rainbow is cheering up a storm on the way down while I began to angle it so I wouldn’t take the blunt of the crash.
“Finally! After that first fire, the second fire, and the Cutie Mark Crusaders destroying the town after a four thousand bit sugar rush, the Town Hall is finally back together-” a Rainbow and Black blur was flying right down into the Town Hall. Hard Labor, the only construction worker in Ponyville, dropped his hat and hammer, thinking his job was done, completely unaware of the destruction that was about to befall the Town Hall for the sixteenth time this month. A loud boom made the construction pony turn around. The Town Hall, all except for the mare’s office, who was very invested in her paperwork, was destroyed once more… Hard Labor sighed before throwing his hat on the ground and stomping it into the dirt.
Thanks to him being an earth pony, the construction hat was one with the ground in thirty seconds.
“I bucking quit! I’m going to a town where a natural-unnatural disaster doesn’t occur once a week! This is the fifth time I fixed that stupid, bucking building.” Hard Labor ran off into the Everfree Forest, never to be seen again. Actually, if you go across the ocean into Prance, you might see a happy construction worker, whose hard, cold labor doesn’t get destroyed at the drop of a hat the moment you turn your back away from it. Hard Labor is happy again…
For now.
“And that, class,” Ms. Cherilee said, holding a pointer up to a short film from the projector she had dug up. “Is why construction workers are so rare in Ponyville. Any questions?” She cheerfully asked before the projector fell apart with a puff of smoke. Ms. Cherilee started picking students and answering questions with a huge smile on her face. This whole scene happened about three years after the events of Well, This Stinks, and there was a pony, changeling hybrid in class. He was Bon Bon’s, Lyra’s, and Bob’s foal. Changelings grow faster than regular ponies.
Pony Changeling Hybrids had fur, big, changeling eyes, and looked mostly like a normal foal… just with fangs, wings, all that fun stuff. They also had a mane and tail that was very similar to a pony’s, which was actually made of hair instead of the same membranes as their wings. Also, because of who his mother was, this particular hybrid had a unicorn horn.
In a weird way, Billy, the changeling hybrid, was very adorable.
“What does the word Buck mean? I hear both my moms say it when Dad is cuddling with them in another room, and I wonder what that means. Even the construction worker said it during that… video.” The hybrid asked. Cherilee had face hoofed upon hearing that question. She forgot to censor that!
And thus, she started to go into the history of cursing.
Present day.
Luckily, I used Rainbow Dash to cushion most of the crash, since it was her stupid idea to tackle me midair. Rainbow was also perfectly fine because her ego came with the thickest skull on anypony that I’ve seen. I crawled out of the crater that now made up the majority of the Town Hall, ignoring what the rest of the Elements were saying, before walking straight to the cafe I used to work at. I turned into the disguise I used while working. “Hello,” I waved, walking in. All my old coworkers were there, and my old boss was sitting behind the counter, staring at me. “Uh…”
“CHANGELING!” Oh, it probably didn’t help that I turned into this disguise right in front of the door. One of my coworkers threw ice in one of the deep fryers we don’t use, and it almost started an oil spill.
“Hey now, I’m still Stink Beatle,” I said, returning to my natural form. “I’ve always been Stink Beatle.” I turned to see a coworker, a teenager, had managed to burn an entire pot of coffee, the pot, the coffee, the coffee maker. Just the whole thing. It was rather impressive to see how badly they messed up because of a changeling walking in. I should find the changeling that scared them into burning kitchen equipment and slap them in the face.
So I slapped myself in the face.
My boss stopped, before hopping around the counter. “Is this some sort of sick joke? Where’s my employee, you bug? You’re the reason-”
“Remember when Stink Beatle said he didn’t want to get paid, but then looked confused when you brought up slavery? That’s because I, Stink Beatle, didn't know what slavery was, didn’t care about what slavery was, and didn’t need money for the most part. I could feed off emotions and that was enough payment for me working here sir,” I shrugged. “I don’t think Luna or Celestia would let me work here now, since Luna considers me her legal property, but since I was in Ponyville anyways, can I work here, again, for the day?” My old boss looked me in the eyes, and was now almost nuzzling my nuzzle with his. Given that my boss was a male, this was a little awkward.
“Holy buck… you’re actually my employee…” My boss started rubbing his chin. “Where the buck were you?”
“In a dungeon cell. The Princesses weren’t too happy with a changeling being-”
“Stinky! That’s where you went… Oh, hey Mr. Brew, how’s your day going?” Twilight asked.
“Good evening, Twilight Sparkle…” Mr. Cold Brew said. “How can me and my employee help you?” Cold Brew nudged me with his elbow.
“...Stinky, this is where you were working?” Twilight asked. I nodded. “...And I stopped you from working here,” she whispered.
“Anyways, boss, this is Twilight Sparkle, you probably met her. Yeah, she figured out I was a changeling and threw me in jail for a few weeks. After being imprisoned, banished, and imprisoned in the place I was banished to, I finally managed to escape the almighty Princess Luna, who would not let me leave her side, since she kept me there with a warm wing, and would often yell at Princess Celestia for doing the same thing more often than she could. I also don’t know if I can keep working here after today,” my horn lit up, and the collar Luna made for me snapped around my neck. “Since the Princesses own me now.” Celestia even added a little tag to the collar, stating she also owns me.
Luna wasn’t happy about that, but obliged with it.
Alicorns are competitive, way too competitive. If it weren’t for Cadance and Shining Armor seeing me as a child, Cadance would probably put a tag on, staking her claim on me.
“...Isn’t that what the Princesses used to stick on consorts in the past?” Twilight asked, having never seen the collar.
“I dunno, why do you ask?”
“...Stinky, you might be the consort of both Princesses, and you don’t even know it!” Twilight shouted, making all my old coworkers and boss stare at me with wide eyes. “Don’t tell me you were sleeping with the Princesses without telling anypony!”
“I did sleep under Celestia’s wing while she read a Daring Do book to me. She’s got a nice reading voice. Luna sometimes cuddles with me, it’s a bit of a pain, having to switch sleep schedules once every other night so one of the sisters can have their turn with me. One day, I’m nocturnal and being used as a literal stuffed animal while Luna does Night Court, the next day I’m Diurnal, doing the same thing, but with Celesita and Day Court.” Everypony looked about ready to burst by the time I was done telling them the story about how I turned myself into a plush version of myself when I first met my maid. And then all of the mares in the room fell over the moment I showed off my plush disguise.
I never got to work in the cafe for the day, so any chance I had at passing the time super easily went and blew up, like a window that was on the receiving end of my head’s velocity.
While everypony was thoroughly trying to restart their brains in my old workplace, I walked out of town, ignoring Twilight’s repeated requests to follow a checklist that I had ate in front of her(she had six back ups, I ate five and almost got muzzled when I tried to eat the sixth). After she had seen my plush disguise, another thing was added which was ‘foalnap Stinky’, why did she want to make me take a nap? I don’t know. I don’t care. I’m not taking a nap.
I wandered around, before remembering my old home. So I walked out of town after telling Twilight that somepony burnt a book in the middle of the marketplace, and I found my hole in the ground that I had initially lived in. I was being followed still, by the rest of Twilight’s friends, so I had just a herd(I think that’s what a herd is, a group of ponies) following me. Sitting outside of the hole was an orange pegasus, a filly at that, sitting out next to a scooter with a wagon. Occasionally a little earth pony with a huge bow would crawl out the hole followed by a unicorn moving bits into the wagon.
“Hey, why are you fillies doing to my hole in the ground?” I trotted up, and all three of them froze. Before they could run, my horn lit up, and I anchored at least one hoof from each filly to the ground. “That was my hole in the ground, why did you take my bits from me from my hole in the ground?” I asked, tilting my head. I wasn’t even mad, I just want to know why three fillies were taking refuge in my home, and stealing money I didn’t want or need.
“We… uh…” the pegasus paused. “Please don’t eat us!” All three of them got to the ground and covered the back of their heads with their hooves. While they were groveling in fear, I could feel the presence of six certain mares behind me. I stood over the three fillies, staring down into their souls. Only the unicorn had the nerve to look up at me, fear filled her eyes. “J-just don’t move and the changeling will leave us alone,” the pegasus whispered. She seemed to be the little leader of the little group.
Apple Jack spoke up behind me. “Okay, that’s enough, Stinky, don’t you dare-”
I knelt down, scooped all three fillies up, and proceeded to blow raspberries into each one of their bellies at record speeds. I then did exactly that, as fast as I could, for three minutes straight, tickling the ever living buck out of these children. When I was done, I had three giggling fillies, using the side of my stomach as a pillow while they caught their breath and kept on giggling. “I don’t really care about bits, so you can keep using them, but next time you find a hole in the ground, be mindful; a changeling might own it and might not be as okay as I am with you foals stealing their property.” The three of them nodded.
“...So you aren’t going to eat us?” The pegasus asked, funnily enough, she was now laying in my forelegs.
“No, ponies don’t taste good. I wouldn’t know, since I haven’t met any ponies until about a month ago, but I don’t think they’d taste good. Also, killing foals sounds like a horrible, nightmare inducing experience. Plus, I could just play with foals instead, which is way more fun and a better experience…” The earth pony filly got up and looked at my butt.
“Hey! He doesn’t have a cutie mark!” She pointed out.
“Let’s take our changeling crusading with us!” The pegasus said. The next thing I knew, I was thrown into the wagon and dragged across town doing various things. It didn’t matter, since it ended up with half of a tree being burnt down, and only half of a tree. What did matter, is that I got three offers to foalsit, whatever that meant, since I actually stopped them from attempting to get cutie marks that involved juggling chainsaws… by magically exploding any chainsaws that these adorably stupid fillies might try to juggle.
By convincing them to go try and get changeling hunting cutie marks, I stopped their more dangerous crusading, while using pillows. Guess who got their butt handed to them by three fillies?
Me. It was fun.
Eventually I was released from the Cutie Mark Crusaders, as they call themselves, and was free to go. After Twilight had found me, and after I ate her sixth checklist when she wasn’t looking, she asked me if I could lead her to the other changeling I told her about. Upon being in a close enough proximity to them, the Hive Mind started kicking in. “Bob? How has nopony found you yet?” I asked in the Hive Mind as I walked towards a random house.
“I dunno, I don’t care, I have two mates, and I’m happy. Hey, you might wanna be careful when you enter the home, me and my mates are… having a bit of a fun time on the couch.” Bob responded through the mind. I stopped, but Twilight kept going in, unlocking the door with her magic, she paused, before promptly turning around, and emptying her stomach into a bush near the front door. I peeked in, low and behold, two mares were standing over a changeling and the things I saw them doing to each other made me wonder why I didn’t just cut my eyes out.
I soon joined Twilight in throwing up into the bush, before running off to the chariots. I want out of this town. “I said to be careful!” Bob shouted in the Hive Mind before I got too far away for our minds to stay linked, only to be swooped up by Rainbow Dash as soon as she spotted me, and then I was dragged in front of a crowd of ponies and what looked like a starting line
According to the laws of aviation, there should be no way a changeling should be able to fly, their wings are too small to get it's horribly not aerodynamic body off the ground, but changelings do it anyway despite what ponies may think. In fact, ponies can fly and their bodies are basically knock-off changeling bodies. Changelings… We aren’t built for being fast. Sure, we can plummet towards the ground, or run as fast as an earth pony for about thirty seconds before we fall over. Changeling wings, unlike feathered pegasi wings, were built for endurance rather than speed.
So you can imagine how I felt when Rainbow Dash asked for a race, but because of my wings, I barely got halfway to the finish line until I got lapped six or seven times. Each time, I asked what us being two different races had to do with me getting from one point to another faster than the chromatic equine. Anyhow, I lost, and I fell on the ground after getting over the finish line. I just laid there, chin in the dirt, staring at Rainbow Dash while her giant ego made me almost throw up for the third time today.
Upon being sent home, I bypassed any and all security by flying up to the balcony that I know is Celestia’s. I know her schedule, by the way, in and out. It’s something I picked up on for Luna, since she wanted to know exactly when and how to prank her older sister. I got up close to the bathroom door, to hear Celestia singing a song that she said ‘The Pony Tones’ wrote or something. While she was happily singing away, I walked back from the door, before placing my head on the door. I knocked once. “Oh? Luna, are you trying to scare me again?” Celestia asked in a little sing-song voice.
In all seriousness, Celestia has a nice singing voice. So I let her go back to singing for approximately ten more seconds, since she seemingly forgot that anypony knocked on the door. After thinking about it, and taking a book from her bookshelf and putting it back in the wrong place, I walked back over to the bathroom door before taking a deep breath. I bashed my head into the door, going right through it.
I pulled back and stuck my face through. “Here’s Stinky!” I shouted. Celestia screeched and her horn lit up, and I got hit in the face by a telekinetic spell, and sent flying right into a wall. Ow. don’t scare alicorns, it can result in concussions.
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Stinky is such a charming character.
Should I feel old for admitting that I understood that reference at the end?
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Nah I'm 20 and know the reference you good
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i thought of that scene and figured it would work perfectly for Stinky. And there’s a total of two very cheeky movie references in this chapter. the other, besides the one at the end, may or may not just be the bee movie script but with changelings xP
A "The Shining" reference, 👍
I want imagine a Twilight-related pendant might have been added to his collar.
Well, if you use the wrong laws in the first place, don’t expect correct results from your calculations. Just ask the bumblebees.
His mistake was he stopped at Canterlot. He shoulda kept on going and gtfo of Equestria.
That last part is a very Common Sense Announcement. Unfortunately most sentient beings will still Do The Stupid!!!!
Two Mares, one Cup? Im curious but not willing to get confirmation
You know, I may have just puced on Pinkie for that.