Hi! I’m Skitter, Stinky’s Sister! This Chapter is From My Perspective!
I sleepily lifted my head up as I felt my brother, because according to him, being shorter than me makes him my younger brother, crawling out from under me to start his day. Today was… a day, I suppose. Most of the time when I wake up I make two notes, one is that Beatle, or Stinky as he likes to go by, is present or not, and then that I am not in my Hive. With how Chrysalis keeps dragging the Changeling name through the mud by being an asshole, Mom and my aunts really want to stick around Canterlot so that we can beat the shit out of her. After all, a dead Queen can’t be stupid.
Well, we won’t kill Chrysalis, but we will make her eat pizza without any pineapple on it. With white sauce, because she’s allergic. So it won’t kill her, but it’ll be an unpleasant experience since that will be all that she will be eating for the rest of her life.
Mom was already gone, having crawled out the bed earlier for a meeting with Celestia… An important, political one that involved them… enjoying themselves a little more. Seriously, those two mares are perfect for each other and are terminally in love with each other. Mom provides Celestia with comfort and cake, and Celestia provides Mom with love and comfort. It’s like those two have known each other since advanced school or something. Mom left the photo album there, so I cannot confirm or disprove that assumption. Since my brother had crawled up onto the bed above me to play with his maid’s filly, I figured it was time to start my day.
Mostly because Mom would boop me on the nose if I slept in until I woke up… Or boop me once on the nose and go about her day. It just depended on how much she wanted to spend the day with her children. And since Celestia is currently occupying that, I figured I should go meet up with a few of the Royal Guards, since they all seem to want to get a peek at my flanks for some reason. When I crawled out, Soft Breeze and Stinky gave me an adorable, synchronized hoof wave as I went to take care of brushing my teeth and hair.
After all, a Princess must look… attractive. Mom told me that, since it would find me a mate, Celestia and Luna are seen as very attractive by ponies. Mostly Luna, since she doesn’t have to look down as much as her taller sister. Today was going to be great, since today, I get to spend another day with my brother, play with a foal, and then prank some Royal Guards again. A favorite pastime is making my hips sway just a little more as I walk. Any and all male ponies stop and freeze when I do that, and then I get to tease them some more for some extra love. I hopped in the shower to prepare for a wonderful day!
I was standing with Stinky, in the kitchen. Celestia had run out of cake and my brother had offered to bake her another one for the day, since the Royal Pastry Chef had gotten sick yesterday. Because ponies are ponies, they tend to sneeze a lot when they get sick, and having a cake that somepony sneezed on sounded bad. Stinky was sitting there in a chef hat, he had an apron and a chef uniform. He was sitting down, having chased out the rest of the kitchen staff in a rare instance of him not acting like an idiot, and was now nose deep in a cake recipe book.
Why did Stinky, the usually mellow, mentally and socially challenged changeling chase everypony out? Because I wanted to spend another day with Stinky, and I told him I couldn’t cook. That’s true, by the way, I am awful at cooking, it’s a universal rule of royalty on Equus. So, Stinky was looking for a cake recipe I could help out on, without accidentally setting the castle on fire. Eventually he set the cookbook aside and nodded. “Okay, get some flour, eggs, sugar, and milk please.” I nodded and quickly started using my magic to summon all from the nearby kitchen cupboards. Stinky had whipped up a bowl and nothing else.
“Won’t you need cooking utensils?” I asked.
Stinky slowly raised his hoof and turned into a soup ladle.
“Nevermind.”
“If it makes you feel any better,” Stinky said, portioning out all the ingredients. “I forgot I could do that too, and didn’t know where anything was. It’s why I asked you to get all of that,” he gestured towards the ingredients he had me summon. “Do you prefer chocolate or vanilla, if you don’t mind me asking?” Stinky is… being intelligent again. What? Why can my stupid little brother choose to be dumb? Or smart?
“I would like to try a vanilla cake,” Stinky nodded before quickly throwing in the portioned ingredients into the bowl before mixing them together. “We need vanilla don’t we?” Stinky nodded again, eying his batter like a cat. Halfway through, Stinky pulled out a bag of chocolate chips and sprinkled a bunch in. He nodded to himself and withdrew his blender hoof. “So now what?”
“We put it in the oven at… three hundred fifty for twenty five minutes.” Stinky pulled out a timer from… Where the heck was he getting all of this?
“Wait!” Both of us yelped as Pinkie Pie came crashing through the window on a flying machine… What? “You didn’t add enough sugar!”
“...but the recipe called for two hundred or five hundred grams of sugar, so I put three hundred and fifty as a middle ground,” Stinky tilted his head. “What? Should I have used the whole bag?”
“YES!” Pinkie shouted. “The best cakes or the sweetest cakes-”
Stinky slowly looked at me, before looking at the party pony that was going on and on and on about how to make the perfect cake. So while she was doing that, my brother motioned for me to stick the cake in the oven at the temperature he told me, for the exact amount of time he told me. Meanwhile, Stinky grabbed a rolling pan and smacked Pinkie in the side of the head with it. Moments later, there’s a broken window, one less Pinkie Pie, and we had a cake that was baking perfectly.
Now, the million bit question was… how good was the cake? Very, actually. Stinky managed to perfectly blend the vanilla and chocolate so one layer was held to the other by icing. Both layers were two different flavors, the top being chocolate and the other being vanilla. Once it was out of the oven, Stinky pulled my fork away from me, which made me… a little angry. Until he started dressing it with icing and strawberries. After a few minutes, and Celestia walking in at the smell of cake, and Luna, and our mother, and the other Queens there was a perfect cake that was… actually really big.
“Oh…” Celestia hummed. “That looks delicious! I-” She got slapped in the face by my little brother.
“No, Skitters get the first slice.”
“But I-”
“I baked the cake for you, Celestia, but I choose who gets the first slice because I baked it.”
“This is mutiny!” She shouted.
“We are not on a ship, sister,” Luna shook her head. “If I recall correctly, Stinky made a perfect ice cream cake, that you ate in one bite, when he baked it for the both of us.” She grumbled. “It had bits of moon pie in it too. And you ate the whole bucking thing.”
While those two argued like foals, I, and Mom, were handed two a slice of the newly baked cake. Yeah, this is good. I wish I knew how to cook, so I didn’t need my little brother to bake another cake for me in the future, but I think he’s more than willing. While I ate my cake, I sat down to eat it with my hooves, and Stinky took the liberty to sit right next to me and lean his head on my shoulder, and fell asleep soon after. His little snores made everyone in the room stop. Luna squealed, as did any females in the room, which were all of them, and rushed to get a camera that was capable of recording video to capture Stinky sleeping.
“Where’s Pinkie Pie?” Twilight asked. “You think she wouldn’t pass up a cake.”
Pinkie Pie, shortly after being knocked out and thrown out of a window, landed in a bush where a slice of cake, which was more sugar than cake, slowly landed next to her with a note from our favorite, stupid little changeling. “Sorry about hitting you, but you are absolutely terrifying”- love Stinky.
A day or two later, Stinky is simply nowhere to be found. Like, the whole castle doesn’t know where he is. I look away for two seconds to flirt with a guard, and Stinky is simply gone. There was a shattered window nearby, but surprisingly, that was just a vending machine that Luna was pissed at. Yes, Luna got mad at a vending machine and threw it out the window. So, the whole castle is under lockdown until we find my brother. Mostly because Mom said she would gut somebody if she found out that somebody kidnapped her son.
So I took my personal battalion of changelings to try and find my brother. We searched high and low, every nook, cranny, and Princess bed chambers in order to find him, but nobody could simply find him. It was like the changeling had just vanished from thin air. It was already midnight and there was still no sign of my brother, Mom couldn’t find him, Luna and Celestia had a crystal ball that they used to watch Stinky, but nobody could find him.
Well, Luna broke her crystal ball, for some reason.
“Why the actual buck!” Luna watched through her crystal ball, moments before destroying it, and was watching Stinky… cuddling with Harmonic Breeze, his personal maid. They had left the castle with Soft Breeze and sat out in the gardens. They were having a small little picnic with a bunch of food that Ms. Breeze had to make herself, eating, chatting… Stinky was actually telling jokes while being his stupidly adorable self. “I wanted to take him out on a picnic first!” The Crystal Ball hit a certain crystal loving dictator in the face in the north.
I just threw Celestia out of the way, since she decided to stand in front of a door we hadn’t looked behind. “What the buck Skitters? I’m trying to help you find your brother as well!” Celestia shouted. “And none of us can bucking find him! The collar he usually wears has several tracking spells and runes on it, and nopony can find him!” She pouted. “I wanted to borrow him for today,” she sighed.
“Quit crying, Princess, and keep in mind that Stinky is my brother, and I wanted to spend the day with him!” We were now in front of my brother’s room, which now housed me and Mom as well. We both stopped upon hearing giggling within the room. Now, Mom was currently in the Royal Gardens with a shovel. So both of us slowly opened the door to… Stinky and Ms. Breeze on the bed. Soft was giggling like a… Well, the filly she is. Stinky was holding her down with a single hoof as he blew raspberries into the foal’s belly.
“Stop! You two aren’t kissing in a tree!” She winnied. “Stop!” Soft planted both hooves against Stinky’s, but she couldn’t stop the tickle assault.
Ms. Breeze was sitting there with a huge smile on her face as she watched her daughter get tortured before her eyes. Once the changeling had his fun, Soft tried to crawl away, only for her mother to snatch her up and hold her against her chest. Stinky walked around his maid and laid the upper half of his body over hers to get easy access to the filly. Soon after, the three were taking a nap, and I was a little mad, but I couldn’t stay mad.
Look at that! Stinky almost looks like a parent for Soft Breeze, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d assume he and his maid were mates. Though according to said maid, through talking with her a little bit, I do know that they are becoming mates on the table, should Luna or Celestia not make a move on Stinky.
That then makes me wonder why Luna doesn’t mare the buck up and ask Stinky on a date. Isn’t the mare supposed to ask the stallion on a date in pony culture?
“Stinky, how did you get away from me so quickly?” I asked.
“You flirted with a guard, and then caught the attention of several other guards,” he said bluntly. “Then you flirted with those guards as well. You’re a bit weird.”
“Do you know how many mares want to sleep with you? Not cuddle, but mate with you? Celestia made you a consort to get at Luna, but at least four guards think you’re attractive because of how ‘adorable’ you are. Luna, for some reason, really likes you, but won’t ask you out, and even your maid wants to sleep with you! You’re using that maid as a bu-”
“Hey, can you not use that word? There’s a filly in the room,” Stinky nuzzled Soft and found his muzzle being that filly’s property. “Please let me have my nose,” he whimpered.
“But you tickled me! I shall not extract my revenge!” Stinky soon as a filly lay on top of his head while he laid there.
Several hours had passed, I was currently turning one of the male guards into puddy, since he was one of the more racist guards who said he would like to boil some changelings for any griffin dignitaries in the castle. Well, that’s what he was saying until I caught him watching as my hips swayed side to side. Like the little pervert that he is, happily did a one eighty turn the very moment I wasn’t looking, to look at my butt. After successfully seducing the guard, I dragged my tail under his chin as I walked by.
And then plowed both of my hindlegs into his family jewels.
The sound he made was priceless and he had to be sent home for three weeks due to his bag of nuts being crushed.
To think some ponies would happily scream their hatred for changelings, but then still happily check out any changelings that, they know for sure, are females. For instance, Mom keeps getting looks, the other Queens keep getting looks, and I especially kept getting looks. I could smell the hormones rolling off most of the males who look at me, because I had to be cursed with having a similar body type to Luna, though my legs are a bit slimmer, and I am a bit skinnier due to me having an exoskeleton instead of being covered in fur.
And ponies, especially stallions, love slim legs.
However, that was not my main concern, because Apple Jack, one of the Elements of Harmony, invited me over to her room, which was shared by the rest of the Elements, so they could chat with me. As for why, I don’t know, but I’m not excited about going to a room full of superweapons. Especially when my brother refers to the Mares that are the superweapons the ‘Elements of Horror’ because he’s scared of most of them. Mainly Pinkie Pie because she is so darn happy that she gives him a stomach ache, and Rainbow Dash who tackled him into a building so hard that it blew up.
Rainbow Dash will receive a sternly written letter with a bunch of blunt threats, since she doesn’t sound very intelligent enough to understand veiled threats, about what will happen if she hurts Stinky or tackles him into another building. That’s my brother, my little brother, who is older than I am, and you do not touch him. He’s too stupidly naive and adorably stupid; he doesn’t deserve to be tackled into buildings. Like how he didn’t deserve being foalnapped at a young age, or be mentally and socially stunted because of how Chrysalis treats her Hive’s changelings.
Again, we will make Chrysalis eat a pizza not covered in pineapples as one of her first punishments.
Then we’ll boil one of her legs while it’s still attached to her body.
I knocked on the door, and Twilight slowly opened the door. “Princess Skitters?” She asked. I nodded.
“I am the only changeling princess present; who else would I be?” I tilted my head. Twilight rolled her eyes and allowed me inside the room. Low and behold, on six of the Elements of Harmony were lounging on the two beds in the room. As soon as Rarity saw me, her eyes widened, and I could feel excitement radiating off of her. Pinkie, as Stinky said, was so happy that she could give you a stomach ache.
Luckily, I had some cornflakes earlier to appease my stomach for this momentous occasion.
“Apple Jack, I presume?” I asked, nodding to an orange mare with her mane and tail tied back. She had a stetson, and also had freckles. If it were not for her muscular, but still slim, physique, I’d say she was adorable and attempt to court her.
“Howdy dere, Princess. I believe you’ve heard about us from your brother…” The farm pony tilted her head. “How is that thing your brother? He seems a bit…”
“Challenged?” I asked. “Because you would be correct, but my brother is as sweet as sugar.”
Apple Jack smirked. “I don’t need you to tell me that. Little bugger caught my sister stealing from him, and what does he do? He tickles Apple Bloom and her Two Friends! Granted, I did give her a stern talking-to when we got home, but a changeling that is that nice to foals is something I wouldn’t think possible.” She shook her head before fixating her gaze on me. “How do we know your mother and the other queens ain’t trying to take over Equestria?”
I blinked a couple of times. “Wha?” I tilted my head. “My mother has literally slept with Celestia in the past, and probably will do so tonight. Those two, despite ending their relationship a century ago, still love each other to death.” I shrugged. “I can’t really prove that mine, and our allied hives, are here simply to help but I will say this:
“Chrysalis ruined my brother. She stole him from my mother, and ruined my chance at having an older brother. I want to shove my hoof far so damn up her rear end. Just like you, my mother and I have a reason to want to fight Chrysalis, and we want to ally with Equestria so Mom and Celestia can finally get hitched-“
“W-wait. Wait. What?!” Twilight shouted. “What the buck do you mean? You’re telling me Queen Flarial and Princess Celestia-“
“Are planning on getting married,” I finished for her. “I’m excited! I always wondered what having two Moms is like, and Celestia is such an excellent prankster! When they marry, I am snatching Celly after their honeymoon, and we’re going on a pranking spree!” I giggled. “Celestia already treats me like her own daughter, and has been treating Stinky as her son as well. Truly, that mare has a heart of gold, and I cannot complain.”
Rarity was now laying on the floor, twitching, rambling about making a suit for Stinky, a dress for me, a dress for Mom and Celestia, while squealing about another Royal Wedding. I blinked. “I think your friend might be rabid; she’s foaming at the mouth.” I suddenly want to get out of the room.
“Pfft,” Rainbow snorted. “She just saw the job of a lifetime, and is overly excited about it!” I stared at the now twitching, slightly more quiet Rarity, before decidedly throwing myself out of a nearby window to get away from her.
“Great, now we gotta wait for a pony to fix our window!” Rainbow Dash pouted. “What is with Stinky and his family breaking windows?!”
“It runs in the family,” Stinky said, crawling through the window his sister had just jumped out of. “I used Luna to break a window, Mom used Celestia’s throne once- is Rarity rabid?” Without waiting for an answer, he jumped out of the window as well. “Give me my story back, Skitters! It’s meant to be told from my perspective!” Four mares looked at each other before turning to… Both unicorns on the floor.
Twilight was now side by side with Rarity, in a similar state, rambling about her teacher, The Princess Celesita, getting married. Celestia had slipped her head through the now slightly opened door before looking at her student. Before sighing.
“Can one of you please send Twilight Sparkle my way once she is done convulsing on the floor? I have something I would like to discuss with her, in private.”
“Will do, your highness,” Apple Jack sighed. The Princess’s disembodied, floating soon slipped back out of the room and the door closed with a click.
“What the buck even happened?” Rainbow Dash asked, as she poked Twilight’s eye with a stick. “How do we fix her?” Pinkie answered with an excited ‘Wee!’ and before promptly body slamming the convulsing unicorn.
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I want to imagine that the outfit is just a little too big for him.
C: Luna, I’m looking at the quarterly maintenance budget and it’s gone up 1200%. Wtb?
L: Srsly, sister? You don’t know?
C: Wut?
L: …I’m just going to start investing in all the window-related industries.
Also, what if the kitchen is right next to the Canterhorn cliff side? No telling how far the yeeting was. Could have Goofy’d her right over the mountain. “Yah~hoo-hoo-hwee~!”
I also wonder why Luna’s tap dancing around this.
Easy to fix twilight put ice on her when she not looking. That or threaten a book around her. She should snap out of it.
Fatality Skitter wins
Yep, this was fun:3