Kuro

by Kurookumera

Bugs pt 1

Author's Note:

Im taking constructive criticism for now

I walk outside Fluttershys little cottage and take a deep breath. The air is really fresh and calming. I look towards the stars and lay down on the grass. This universe feels really peaceful and the stars are all beautiful. I let out a sigh as I relax.

"Hello."

I get up startled and look at a Alicorn who is now standing next to me. "Yo." I wave and lay back down.

"My name is Luna. So you like the night sky? Um. Can you actually see the sky?" She asked looking closer at me.

"Yup. Even with my eyes closed I can see everything. Including your stunning beauty Luna." She got a bit flustered so I decided to tease her a bit more. I went up to her and caressed her chin while leaning in close. "Name's Kuro. Nice to meetcha Luna. Why don't you and I have a little fun before the sun comes up." I say tracing my finger along the underside of her chin. She's blushing profusely now. I lean and so does she. Then... I give her a little kiss on the forehead. "Kidding of course." She lets out a shaky sigh and I smile to myself.

"I-I will see you later Kuro." She says as she leaves. I can see her shaking a little. Guess she really wanted a kiss. Such is the magic of kitsunes. I stay up until morning to watch the sun rise but I sense magic as its going up which is peculiar. I go back to Fluttershy who is now feeding the animals.

---

"Good morning Kuro." She gives a bunny with some attitude some food. "Did you sleep well?"

"I actually didn't sleep at all."

"Oh my goodness, why not?"

"I wanted to stay up and watch the stars and sun. By the way I noticed that theres magic used when the sun gets raised and the moon is lowered. Any reason why?"

"Yes. Princess Celestia raises the sun and Princess Luna raises the moon."

"So Luna is a Princess? Pretty neat. I met her during the night."

"You met Princess Luna in a dream?" Twilight pops in and asks.

"No, I didn't sleep."

"Then she came to meet you herself? That's amazing! Oh right, we are-"

"Going to meet the Princesses right? I didn't forget." He stretch popping some joints. "Lets go." They arrive in Canterlot and are greeted by guards who escort them to the castle. "Security is pretty tight. Something happening?" Kuro looks to twilight who has gone off towards some other guards. 'Guess I'll explore the castle first before I meet the princesses' he thinks to himself. He wanders down the halls and looks around and run into a pink princess. "Heya." She just ignores him. "Ice queen huh? I like that." he whisper as he leans on her.

"Get off me you insect!" She says pushing him away.

"Wow, harsh. I think you hurt my feelings." he say with a fake cry. "But its also ironic. I mean..." He's suddenly in Princess Cadances face and the shadows make his face dark as he opens his eyes which are glowing red. "Calling me an insect considering what you are... Lemme give ya a warning. Keep going, and I'll send you to hell myself." He then disappears and Cadance gets worried. "That thing knew who I really am... I have to be careful."

Comments

[amastelaire]

The story is pretty good, but seem too fast-paced, maybe separate the dialogue more or go in more details?
Idk, I'm not a proffesional wriiter (same level of writing at best i guess), but the story is promising, can't wait for more!