Chapter 2: Where is he?
“Spike! Where is he?” Twilight's shout resonated from the top of the library as a commotion of ponies were frantically looking for a certain somepony (so to speak).
“Like I told you, Twilight, I fell asleep with him right next to me, and when I woke up, he was gone!” Spike's eyes widened.
“Maybe he ran off into the forest! He did say he lived there, after all.”
Twilight wasn't so sure. “Are you sure he said he was from the Everfree Forest? I mean, only Zecora lives there, and I think she would have noticed a baby dragon running around.” A worried look crossed her face, and she hoped that he was mistaken about the dragon’s previous home.
“I told you already, he told me a bunch of weird stuff and showed me where he was from. I had trouble believing it too, but the look he gave me was like when Applejack says... well... anything. She kind of tends not to lie, and I could tell this dragon wasn’t lying either.”
The orange dragon yawned and scratched his back as he slowly woke up and climbed to his feet. Looking down at the village below, he noticed that a couple of the ponies nearest to the library were in a state of panic, as if they were looking for something. Slightly confused, he stood up and opened the door that led back inside; but just as he was walking in, he saw all the ponies along with Spike run out of the library, heading off somewhere in a hurry. He quickly climbed down the stairs and looked around. The mess in the library was truly a sight to behold. Last night, all the books had been stacked quite evenly; but in one morning, everything was tossed aside in an obvious effort to find something.
He shrugged and left the library, leaving the door open. He saw Spike riding on the back of a purple unicorn, along with some other ponies running off towards the Everfree forest. The dragon just looked around and shrugged, slightly confused at their hurry. It had not even occurred to him that the ponies might be in danger in his previous home; what ponies did on their own time (when they weren't chasing him out of town, that is) was their own business, and he was glad to stay out of it.
Suddenly, he stopped short and hit his forehead. “My stuff! I almost forgot it.” The orange dragon quickly ran back inside and grabbed his pouch and water canteen. He reached inside the pouch and took out the amulet. He felt the warmth from the amulet, just like always. It was comforting somehow. The dragon stared at his possession for several minutes; no matter how hard he tried he could never bring himself to give it up or even sell it for food. The amulet had always brought him luck, or so he believed. He then slid the amulet over his head like a necklace, and slid on his empty pouch and canteen.
Now fully equipped, the dragon decided to explore the pony town. Seeing as how this was the first settlement that was not interested in chasing him away right away, he figured it was worth a shot. He got a few strange looks, but most of them just went on with their business ignoring him. There were two baking shops, a restaurant, a school yard, some houses, and a farm, in addition to the library and a few buildings he did not recognize. Eventually, the dragon ended up at a tiny bridge over a small stream that lead to a rather large cottage. There was numerous tiny animals all over the place, which caused the dragon to just stare. He had seen plenty of animals in the forest, of course, but not small like these, and they certainly were a lot calmer than the larger ones that he was used to. Bird houses lined the cottage all over, but there was no pony in sight.
“You’re the other dragon that everypony is looking for!” The orange dragon heard a light voice come from behind him. At least, he thought he did. The voice was so quiet that he had barely heard it, but he turned around anyway.
Behind him stood a yellow pony with wings and a pink mane and tail. She looked slightly worried; but for some reason, this pony did not strike him with fear like the others had. To be honest, she seemed just as nervous as he did, and as she waited for a response, she seemed to grow even more nervous. As she shuffled her hooves nervously, the dragon caught sight of three butterflies on her flank. The dragon had seen all sorts of emblems on the other ponies throughout town, but he had yet to figure out what they meant.
Still, it seemed like she was expecting a reply, and so he spoke. “Oh, hi. Yeah, I guess I am. I was just sleeping on the roof of the library when I heard a bunch of ponies looking for something. Last I saw, they ran off into the forest.” He smiled, trying to cut the awkward silence.
“The forest? Oh, dear, they must be looking for you there! They might need help,” the pony said nervously, casting an anxious eye towards the forest, then looking right back to the baby dragon, hoping for a useful response.
“Well, I’m from there, I could help you look!” The dragon perked up as he would get a chance to return to where he came from. The pegasus was making him feel far calmer than that Applejack.
“You’re from the forest, little one?” She looked him in the eyes as she spoke. Her stare was almost hypnotic to the dragon.
“Lived there all my life,” he said with a smirk. “I’m used to it there.”
“Well, if you say so, we can go look for my friends, but stick with me, ok?” She knew something was up, but he seemed friendly enough. And besides, she did not dare go into that place alone.
“Ok, let’s go!” He walked alongside her, smiling happily as he headed home.
“Oh, my name's Fluttershy, by the way. And you are?” She smiled gently as she waited for his response.
“Well, hey! Look, hoof prints. I’m sure they went this way! C’mon!” The dragon scampered into the forest. He had tried to ignore the question, hoping that his comment and departure had distracted Fluttershy enough that she would just drop the subject. He had seen how Spike reacted to the truth, and he did not want a repeat of that situation.
Fluttershy, however, wasn’t stupid. She had noticed the baby dragon’s attempt to skirt that question, but ignored it for now and focused on the much more important task of finding her friends.
To her surprise, the baby dragon seemed very confident running head-on into a place that left most adult ponies shivering with fright. She concluded that the dragon was probably telling the truth, but was still having trouble believing that truth. But then again, Twilight had said that Spike's egg was found in the wilderness, and dragons weren't exactly known for traditional homes.
Consumed with these thoughts and trying to run as fast as she could at the same time, Fluttershy didn't watch where she was going, and did not notice the upcoming thick spider webs blocking their path.
“Wait! Look out, Fluttershy!” The dragon grabbed her tail and dragged her to a stop before she could get caught in the heavy webbing. Upon realizing that she had nearly become ensnared, she nearly fainted. The dragon, on the other hoof, knew exactly how to handle this.
The dragon picked up a few sticks and held them together, then reached into his pouch and pulled out a small, black rock. He glanced around on the ground until he found another suitable rock. Kneeling down over the little bundle of sticks, he took one rock in each claw, and, with a sharp motion, struck the two together. Sparks flew, and he repeated this process until the tips of sticks were burning. With practiced motions, he used the flaming sticks to burn away the unused spider webs, opening the path. Fluttershy noted how quickly he had known what to do, and realized that evidence of his “growing up in the forest” story was looking stronger and stronger. When the path was clear, he ground the fire out into the dirt, and they continued to follow the tracks deeper into the forest.
After a few moments of silence, Fluttershy steeled herself and spoke. “Thank you back there, little one, but I still did not um…get your name. Could you tell me, if that’s ok?” Fluttershy pushed the subject (gently, of course). The dragon didn't respond right away. He was busy looking at his surroundings.
They had reached a dead end, completely surrounded by trees. This part of the forest was particularly dark, much to Fluttershy's discomfort.
When Fluttershy went to speak again, the dragon held up a claw. “Shh, be quiet for a second,” he hissed. The dragon ignored Fluttershy’s stare as he looked around for the cause of the faint noise he had just heard. He scanned around defensively when a massive thud resonated through the air and ground, causing the dragon to fall on his back and Fluttershy to jump in surprise.
Before them was a massive, dark colored tarantula-like monster that would make a hydra scream out of fear. It was big enough to stand taller than the trees. Fluttershy quivered in fear, but it seemed more interested in the ponies it was carrying then hurting the ones on the ground. Clutched in each of its claws were five very frightened ponies and one baby dragon. With his movements the massive spider had caused several of the trees around them to fall crashing to the ground, sending leaves, splinters, sticks, and birds flying everywhere. Fluttershy was unable to move.
“Fluttershy help! DO SOMETHING!” The ponies' cries fell on deaf ears, for Fluttershy was struck dead in her tracks by fear. She knew her Stare was not going to work on a creature that large, and especially not through those compound eyes.
The orange dragon looked up at the purple unicorn trying to use some of her magic to break free of the spider's grasp, but the monster was either too large or magic-resistant, because it didn't seem to even notice. The little dragon continued to stare at the massive spider and knew that some fire on some sticks was not going to help in this situation. He looked back at his claw and took in some deep breathes, before exhaling some frost from his mouth. Barely any ice came out. Realizing that his breathing was not as strong while standing bipedal, he dropped down on all fours, took the biggest breath that he could muster, and concentrated his efforts on one of the spider’s legs. This was far more effective. A large amount of ice jetted out, impacting and spreading over one of the spider’s legs. This time, the monster noticed the attack, as one of his legs now refused to move. The dragon smiled, amazed at his own skill and accuracy, and he ran around to another foot and did the same thing. This time, even more ice formed. The spider was growing angry, and let go some of the ponies as he tried to free himself.
“Twilight! Hurry, dear, do something!” Rarity screamed back at Twilight as they noticed the spider’s struggles.
Twilight had no time to worry about what the baby dragon had just done, or the sheer improbability of it. Now free of the spider's grasp and much more able to concentrate on casting (and aiming) spells, she focused her magic and cast a thick purple blast that struck the spider's underbelly and caused the spider to wobble and drop the rest of her friends. Closing her eyes, she cast one final spell in the hopes of scaring the spider off and to leave them all alone. The spider freed itself, only to turn and see a massive, purple fireball coming right at it. It ran off, practically screaming, as the remaining ponies all regained their composure. It did not take them long to focus their attention and eyes on the nameless baby dragon. All he could do was blush in the face of so much attention. As every pony present continued to stare, the orange dragon began to feel incredibly nervous, Fluttershy understood the look on the orange dragon’s face and decided to break the silence.
“Everypony, please, we really need to get out of this forest, right”
“Right,” Twilight said, shaking off her stupor and assuming the leader position. “We've got the dragon. Let's get out of here before 'it' comes back!” She began to walk, and the rest of the group soon followed. All kept a wary eye as they traveled, but this time managed to leave without any further incident.
All six of the ponies and the two dragons emerged from the forest to see several ponies with worried looks on their faces quickly changing to smiles, extremely glad to see some of the most dedicated members of their town returned safely from the evil forest. The orange dragon stood back and tried to make himself as invisible as possible as Twilight explained the situation and why exactly they had had to go in that dreadful forest. Unfortunately, that explanation was all about him, so when Twilight had finished speaking, most of the other ponies in town turned to look at the orange dragon, which caused his stomach to drop and his face to blush a thousand shades of red. Fluttershy saw his discomfort, and Kindness caused her to momentarily forget about her public speaking phobia.
“Um…Everypony? Please try and understand, the little dragon did not mean any harm, so could we all please just move along? Please, everypony?” The remaining ponies just shook their heads and slowly the crowd dispersed.
“Well, that was awkward…” Rainbow Dash said simply.
“Now as for you, I think it is time that we had a little chat,” Twilight said, turning back to the orange dragon.
“Twilight, please don’t go too hard on him… We were in the forest looking for you both, and he was amaz-” Fluttershy spoke up again to try and defend her new friend, but was easily interrupted and ignored over her quiet voice.
“Not now, Fluttershy. Come on, Spike, and please bring our new friend.” Twilight said this in a flat monotone, which left her friend's statement sounding very unnecessary. She headed back to the library, leaving behind the rest of the ponies and a very upset Fluttershy.
Spike reached out his claw and waited for the orange dragon to grasp it so they could follow Twilight back to the library. The dragon looked at his claw and back at Spike’s face, giving him an honest, but confused, smile. Spike sighed and grabbed his claw with his own, and they slowly followed along with Twilight in more awkward silence. They reached the library and Twilight opened the door for the two of them. She pointed inside and waited for them to walk in, and she closed the door behind her with a loud SLAM.
“Alright, young dragon, please explain your name, what happened to your parents, and what you did back there to the spider?” They were simple questions, and should have simple answers, Twilight thought. She knew that the last question wasn’t as important in this situation, but the same inherent curiosity that made her a great student tended to pop up at strange times.
The dragon was struck silent by the stern look on this new pony's face, Twilight stared him down like he had just done something very bad. The orange dragon refused to say anything; instead, he started to sweat and tremble, looking back at Spike for support. Spike saw the dragon’s silent pleas as his eyes grew wider, but as Spike looked back at Twilight, past experience had taught him to not give her any attitude when she was like this. The dragon looked down, trying desperately to figure out what to do. He twitched his fingers together, and decided that he was not going to say a thing.
“Look, I’m sorry, can you please answer my questions… NOW?” She tried to remain calm, but there was an obvious hint of desperation in her voice.
Again, the dragon refused to answer. He just stood there with a slight scowl, not liking this new pony very much. He was starting to think that most ponies were just not very polite.
Twilight quickly determined that this was hopeless and looked back at the door, hoping that maybe one of the other ponies could help her out. She knew some things about this dragon from Spike, but that wasn’t enough to put an end to the ever-growing mysteries of the nameless dragon. She sighed in defeat.
Sensing that it was again safe to speak, Spike walked up to Twilight, using this window of opportunity to explain a plan to her. He had an idea that might calm the new dragon down while they tried to figure this all out.
“It’s worth a shot, Spike. Wait here with him while I go fetch her.” Twilight left the library, leaving the two dragons alone again.
“W- where is she going, Spike?” The orange dragon finally spoke up.
“To get somepony that might be able to help you.” Spike lay a reassuring claw on his shoulder and gave a small smile. “I know Twilight seems mean, but she is really just trying to help, ok?” Spike spoke with far more confidence in his voice than the other dragon, who simply nodded and waited nervously.
They both waited for several minutes before the door slowly opened. The dragon jumped, but calmed when he saw Fluttershy enter. The one pony that would not make the orange dragon’s stomach jump was ironically the one pony that gets nervous from everypony else in the world. She smiled nervously as she gestured to Spike to give them some alone time. The orange dragon reached out to Spike, hoping he would come back, but Spike closed the door, leaving one adult pony and one baby dragon in the room. Fluttershy slowly extended her wings while the dragon stared at her. Strangely enough, as she did, the dragon felt a sense of calmness wash over him.
“Well, little dragon, that certainly was amazing back there in the forest, and I just want you to know you’re not in trouble.” Fluttershy’s rare confidence was showing. “However, I think it would be best if you just please, gave me your name?” Fluttershy smiled back at the dragon awkwardly.
The dragon wanted to tell Fluttershy the truth, truly he did; but the truth just seemed so bizarre to anypony in Ponyville that he was afraid to. But on the other claw, Fluttershy was just so nice, so he felt conflicted. He knew that while Spike had believed him, the ponies might not. Maybe they would yell at him like that Twilight pony, or maybe they were going to cast him out like every other place he'd visited. He thought of a million different reactions from Fluttershy for telling her the truth, but none of them sounded very promising. The dragon finally sighed and prepared himself for the worst.
“Fluttershy, look. I don’t have a name. I was born in the wild and I raised myself, and because I didn't have any parents, I was never given a name. I mean, who names themselves? I know that sounds silly to you ponies, but I don’t have any reason to lie.”
Fluttershy was taken aback. “But…but surely you have a name little dragon? I couldn’t imagine going through life without one!” She said this in her most stressing tone yet, which , given her smaller voice, wasn't all that loud.
This comment just made the dragon feel more crestfallen again. He looked down and sighed. Fluttershy noticed how rude she had been, but couldn’t think of anything else to say. She looked down too, but she did not want to give up on this dragon. She, too, was thinking of a plan, but just as it popped into her head, she too thought of a million ways that would not end well. Finally, she put those bad thoughts aside and decided to take a chance with this dragon she did not fully know.
“What if, little one, I take you into my cottage, and we find a name for you?” Fluttershy was not sure how she sounded to the dragon, but he certainly did not look as sad at her words.
“You want me to live in your house?” The dragon looked up to Fluttershy in shock. He could not believe what she had just suggested. Was this a dream? It must have been.
“Well, sure!” Fluttershy said. “I’m very good with smaller animals...” The dragon gave her a weird look, and Fluttershy quickly backpedaled. “Oh, I mean... not that you’re an animal, little dragon! It would take some getting used to, but we can’t have somepony as special as you wandering by themselves without friends or family!”
“I’m not a pony,” the dragon protested, crossing his arms in annoyance. “Why did you say somepony?”
Fluttershy blushed. “Oh, I know you’re not, but it’s just how we talk, little one.” This caused the dragon to give her a weird face, but sighed as he dropped the subject.
“Uhh…okay sure I could live with you,” the dragon said emotionlessly, trying to imagine what it would be like living in this crazy place. He simply stood in front of Fluttershy, waiting for her to say anything else. His tail wagged around a bit back and forth, which gouged a small scratch into Twilight’s floor. Fluttershy jumped a little bit at the noise, and noticed the end leading to a false metal tail.
“Okay then, it’s settled, but I will need to call in the other girls to talk to them alone. Would you mind waiting outside with Spike?” Fluttershy asked, and the dragon could not be happier with that suggestion.
“Yes!” he said, awkwardly speaking in a louder voice then he had meant to. He grinned crookedly at her before he ran outside, leaving her alone.
She walked outside and slowly started to gather up her five best friends. Twilight was, of course, still waiting just outside with Spike, and Pinkie Pie hadn't left either. Applejack, although obviously not thrilled to support this dragon, decided to support her friend and come. She found Rainbow Dash flying around practicing tricks, and finally Rarity joined the group, despite her protests of needing to clean herself off from the forest. All six of them gathered back at the library and shut the door, leaving Spike and the orange dragon waiting outside.
“Ok, you find anythin' out about our dragon friend?” Applejack said, slightly annoyed. She had work to do, after all, and this was the third interruption this week for that one dragon.
“Well, you see, me and that young dragon had a talk, and-” Fluttershy tried to finish her statement, but was interrupted.
“Yes, I don’t see how this pertains to me regarding that dirty strange dragon,” Rarity mentioned to everyone. She was also annoyed, but hers came from being interrupted while cleaning.
“Well, it’s just... he is a very young dragon like Spike, and he did save our lives-” Again Fluttershy tried to explain, but was interrupted.
“Rarity, who cares how dirty he is? We nearly got killed for that lizard brain!”
Fluttershy gave her a stern look. “Girls, please. We need to discuss-” Fluttershy was growing frustrated from the constant interruptions but her tiny voice was easy to overpower, and Pinkie Pie did just that.
“Ahh, c’mon. We wouldn’t have gotten killed, what would be the point in that?” Pinkie Pie was as random as ever.
They all looked back at Pinkie. That sounded like such an odd thing to say, but then again, she was Pinkie Pie.
“I still can’t explain how that dragon was able to do what he did!” Twilight finally spoke up. She was in her own little world, the scientist in her was trying to comprehend the dragon’s previous actions in the forest and ignoring the pressing matters of the dragon’s home.
The five ponies slowly started to bicker with one another, arguing over the reason that they were gathered as Fluttershy watched them in disbelief. She tried to stop them, but they were trapped in their own conversations. Finally, Fluttershy had enough and decided to speak up as loudly as she could.
“GIRLS, ENOUGH!” Fluttershy's voice carried throughout the whole library and to some ponies outside, including the two dragons. This certainly got her friends' attention as they lowered their voices and looked back at her.
“Look. I know you are all upset about the dragon’s actions, especially on your apples, Applejack; but I... I have decided something, and it is a big decision. And, yes, I found out a few things, but I really need your help on this.” Fluttershy asked, little confidence left in her voice after feeling half exhausted from yelling.
They all looked at each other, then smiled. “Ok, Fluttershy, we'll help. But what choice did you make?” Twilight asked, eager to help her friend.
“Oh. Well, the dragon told me the truth about himself and I decided to let him live in my cottage with me.” Fluttershy said casually. This announcement, though, only made the other girls grow more worried.
“What did he tell you, dear?” Rarity asked, curious about the odd tone Fluttershy was taking, but not feeling too surprised, given Fluttershy’s past in talking loudly.
“Well, and this might sound a bit weird, but from what I can gather he has no name because he raised himself in the wild with no dragon parents.”
Rainbow Dash snorted. “That’s the same horseapples that Spike told us! You really believe that somepony has no name? Heck, even changelings have names!” Rainbow Dash said, flying above Fluttershy to exert herself.
“Well, why would he lie to us?” Fluttershy asked in her honest yet proud tone.
“To avoid getting in trouble about stealing those Apples, duh. He probably lives a town over,” Dash said, with no clear evidence. She was obviously making up the excuse on the spot, something Twilight quickly called her out on.
“How many dragons do you know that live in pony towns, Dash?” Twilight asked. “Sure, Spike lives with me, but I don’t remember ever seeing a dragon his size walking around until now.”
“Besides,” Fluttershy continued firmly, “if he was really afraid of getting in trouble, he could have just run. I mean, he had plenty of chances to, but when he heard that you were in trouble, he took me into the forest. You should have seen him. It was like he had been there a million times before, and he knew exactly what to do. There’s no way he’s lying to us.”
“Well, if he is going to live in Ponyville, why doesn’t he just live with Twilight? She is pretty good with our Spikey!” Rarity mentioned, gesturing to her purple friend.
Twilight jumped a bit at this thought. “Rarity, it would be kind of cramped with two dragons and a pony living in the library. Spike is great and all, but three's a crowd.”
“I really don’t mind taking him in but… I need some help, plus there is the issue of his name. What do we call him?” Fluttershy asked, bringing up one of the biggest problems about this plan yet. The funny thing being that it seemed like such a simple problem, yet so deep. Names, especially in pony culture, carried deeper meanings, and they weren't just chosen on the spot.
All six of the girls looked at each other nervously. Sure, they all had experience in naming animals such as Angel or their other pets. Even Twilight had given Spike his name, but she didn't give him that name five years after he was born. The idea of just coming up with a name and slapping it on the new creature left them all feeling uneasy, like it was not their place to.
“I... I really don’t know what to say to that, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, extreme uncertainty in her voice.
“Well, I… wait. No,” Rainbow Dash tried to mention something, but she did not have any real idea to toss in.
“I know! We can call him Metaltail! Cause of that funny tail of his! Ooh! Or Nervousdragon, like how Fluttershy gets all nervous!” Pinkie Pie chimed in, but judging from the annoyed look that all of them gave her, she figured they did not like her good ideas.
“I know this isn’t the best solution, but how about we slowly ease him into his new life in Ponyville, then figure out the name later?” Twilight suggested. The other five finally agreed, but Applejack scoffed to herself over the nameless dragon thief. She clearly did not trust him.
Twilight poked her head out the library door and asked for Spike to bring him back in. The dragon stood in the middle of all of the ponies nervously as she spoke up. “Ok, little dragon, welcome to Ponyville!”
Pinkie Pie gave one of her largest welcoming smiles, but her welcome speech was interrupted by Twilight.
“Wait...How come we couldn’t find you this morning, anyway?” Twilight asked as she had just remembered the reason they went into the forest in the first place.
“Oh… I was sleeping up there, so I could see the stars,” the orange dragon said as he pointed to the ceiling of the library.
“You slept up there all night?! Weren’t you freezing?” Twilight was perplexed that such a small creature would climb up there alone, just to sleep.
The dragon gave her a smug little grin, much to Twilight's annoyance. “I sleep outside all the time, remember? I lived in the forest.”
“Oh… right.” Twilight could only muster up a nervous laugh at the obvious answer.
“I didn’t know we were throwing a welcome party! Okay everyone I’ll be back with some supplies.” Pinkie Pie spoke up, not waiting for anyone to stop her or say anything back. She bounced out of the room, leaving everypony in the room dumbstruck.
Finally, Fluttershy shook her head and turned back to the orange dragon. “Right, little one. Let’s get you settled into my cottage, okay?” The dragon gave a weak nod back at her.
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moar. i love this...
I'm working on it, I have finally ended up to chapter 5 as I'm done editing I think. I will post them soon but now begins a new pacing for the story as I begin to slow down at start describing more things instead of just saying them.1386422
1386460 sweeeeeeeeeet...
Needs some tune up editing but its a good story and i'm tracking it :)
The dialogue has no commas and seems a bit forced and choppy, and it's quite distracting.
That's a shame because this is an awesome concept.
Ah, Fluttershy. You would be the first to take in the homeless with open arms.
why is fluttershy's mane perple
That metal tail looks more like a blade
I feel like I want to punch Applejack
It's really good, but why is the mane six so hostile? I understand rarity and rainbow but applejack? Can't they tell he's just scared and alone?
Okay, the girls are behaving completely out of character. They're not stupid, and they're not mean. A starving orphan baby dragon just showed up on their back porch. They shouldn't have to have it spelled out to them "hey, I'm a dragon smaller than Spike, I'm alone and I'm starving, that means noone is caring for me, ergo, I am a starving orphan baby dragon ." And they certainly shouldn't be griping about what a pain he is. If anything they should be anxious for his welfare; even Rainbow Dash isn't that big a jerk.
2500772dash is a dick unless you her friend
:DDD really nice fic !!!!!!!!!
2500772
Agreed; They seem completely out of character. Like, since when does Twilight talk that way to anyone?
"Could you give me your name.... NOW?"
What gives? I'm starting to feel like this is a bit of a Gary Stu where suddenly everyone else becomes an asshole to highlight the unfortunate-ness of the OC's plight.
Twilight is TOTALLY acting out of character. I can understand Applejack not trusting him because he took some of her apples and all, but Twilight doesn't act or talk like that.
They're acting a little OOC but hey, only the author of MLP can get if completely right. It's a good story even with the OOCness and i'll Fav and Follow it either way, continue writing! BTW do you mind if I.... Use the idea of Spike MAYBE having a little brother? It'll be different story wise and stuff but i like the idea :P
ok im sorry but i cant help getting just a little bit pissed off here....Applejack owns and ENTIRE FRAKKING ORCHARD thats (canon wise) at LEAST half as large as ponyville. The dragon stole what like 4 apples. She harvests like 100times that during cider season alone and dont forget zap apple season, and regular harvest time. Calm down over the apples already
It's a good storyline, but the writing seems choppy and forced, and there are a bunch of run-ons, so I think you should get and editor.
3562761 mostly, theft is not about what is stolen, or how much, but the fact that you stole. I am a bit of a hoarder, so I tend to get very pissed at people who steal from me, even if I have a LOT more of what they stole. It is not what they stole, but the fact that they stole in the first place. I do tend to immediately stop what I am doing, and attempt to deter people who steal from me by saying that theft is a world wide crime, and will result in punishment, or something like that. A lot of people can get angry at people like that, because they always sound greedy. And I believe they usually are greedy, in that case.
Spiders don't have claws!
Am I the only one who feels like there being a bit mean to the new dragon especially cause they won't let him leave
6644297
Some spiders do have claws they are just too small to be seen
Wow, everyone is an asshole for some reason
10836997
It's almost like creating conflict isn't exactly obvious to those who were starting out writing.