Chapter 19: Griffons and Plans
Rainbow Dash awoke with a gasp and she raised her hooves as if about to fight off an attacker.. “What's it? Who?” She suddenly became aware that she had awoken in a cold sweat, and the entire group was staring at her. Two seconds later, everything that had just happened yesterday came flooding back, and she stared wide-eyed at Scootaloo for a moment until she realized that she was being carried in a wagon. Deeming this ‘unawesome’, she quickly hopped out and stood awkwardly next to Scootaloo, or whatever her name was now.
“I-” Dash tried to speak, but was cut off by Pinkie.
“Yay! You’re awake! Oh, and good timing, too, because we're about to meet the griffon king!”
“Griff- Oh, but,” she looked down to Blaze Wings, “I wanted to-”
“Shh, not now! We're almost there!” Pinkie interrupted again. Dash knew it was just her way, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that Pinkie did the things that she did not just for the sake of being random. Dash groaned but kept quiet. Scootaloo avoided eye contact and instead decided to stick with her friends.
Shyfrost kept stealing nervous glances at his griffon savior. It was odd to watch him do anything, as he always seemed so stoic and aloof while doing anything. He wasn’t sure, but he thought he saw nervousness in his gait. Maybe the griffon king was mean? Shyfrost had every right and reason to think so. After all, a group of them had changed his life forever, and no matter how well-built it was his artificial tail never felt natural to him, dragging behind him on the ground like dead weight instead of high up in the air like Spike’s.
While they had time to walk in silence, Shyfrost had time to compare Spike to himself. He really was not sure why he had never noticed it, but they looked oddly the same. Like, too much the same. Spike was bigger and probably older, by how much he was uncertain. But to be fair, he did not even know his own age. It was their colors that probably threw others off guard. Each dragon was a mix of the opposite color for the most part. Still, Shyfrost could not help but wonder why they both looked the same. He also could not help but wonder why he was the only frost dragon. According to Twilight, he was the only one that had used Ice as his weapon of choice, which had been confirmed by the princess. But should it matter? He wasn’t sure, but he certainly liked feeling special deep down, but it did not stop him from sighing quietly about the whole thing.
The griffons up ahead started to walk faster, and they all suspected the king was near. Silence washed over the group once more. Shyfrost had stopped thinking about his problems and was instead focusing on what the king would be like. He assumed that he would simply be mean, and braced himself for whatever might come.
They entered past the canyon, where they saw seven griffons. Three guards stood on each side of the middle one, who was much larger than the others, but wore no crown or anything distinguishing him from the others. Each held a spear, the metal heads gleaming wickedly in the light. The six guards immediately spotted them and took a simple offensive stance. The two guards that were escorting the group waved them down while one walked up to the king to whisper something. The king looked them all over until his eyes were firmly directed at Garret. The blacksmith walked forward at this and bowed. He then turned around and made sure everyone else bowed as well.
“Hello,” the king spoke.
Rainbow Dash blinked in surprise and had to suppress a smirk. His voice sounded very odd for a king. She had expected a deep, majestic voice; instead, she got a high pitched, giggly voice. Were she a griffon, she might not have respected this guy much at all.
“Um, hi. My name is Garret, and my group and myself have information for you regarding this threat.”
The king sat back down in his chair. “Finally, someone has something. Well, out with it.”
Garret relaxed ever so slightly. “Oh, okay. We were at the Minotaur realm and their kingdom received the same threat. Their treasure room had been ransacked and destroyed, and all that was left was a message saying that their kingdom was going to fall to someone named D.”
“I see. And why are you traveling with this... group?”
“Ah, er.. that’s a long story and-”
“We were trying to find out information about these!” Spike declared while raising up Shyfrost’s amulet with his claw. The king turned to the duo of dragons and they both gulped. “Um, my name is Spike. I- no, we represent Princess Celestia along with Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie who are Elements of Harmony.”
The king, who had just been overcome with a barrage of information, looked from Spike, to Rainbow, and down to Shyfrost. For some reason, he stuck with Shyfrost. “That so, little dragon?” He asked a sentence that should sound menacing but just came off as almost silly as the king’s voice struck a high note.
“Yeah... er. We wanted to find out what our artifacts do.”
The king tilted his head to the side and motioned for him to explain further.
“Well, originally me and Spike wanted to find more dragons because we live in Ponyville and there aren’t many there.”
“I’d imagine so, what with a name like that.”
“Yeah. Anyway that didn't really work out but then we found the prince back there.” Shyfrost pointed to Steel Valor. “Something of his reacted to my amulet so we stuck together for a while. Then we found my other friends and it turns out each one of them had something that we're all connected. We were wondering if you would know anything, since you're a king and all..”
The king seemed to smile and flew high up into the air for all of a second before landing at the dragons’ feet. To the king’s surprise, Shyfrost was now shaking like a leaf. He looked towards Spike who, although looking concerned, did not seemed scared at all. Shyfrost would not stop shaking, he couldn’t help it. So the king turned back to Garret, who gave a sad smile. “Shyfrost,” he called out, “this is the king, he won’t hurt you. He’s not like those others...”
“Others?” the king asked Garret. Spike whispered a few things in the king's ears. After several seconds, realization dawned on him. He looked to Shyfrost, who had stopped shivering but was instinctively hugging his tail. It was the tail that made him gasp. The king bowed before the dragon. “My apologies, young one, for what my kind has done to you. I...” His voice dropped. “There is something about that Blacksmith...” Returning to a normal voice, he continued, “ It is fortunate that you know him.”
“Uh, don’t griffons hate us?” Shyfrost asked while tapping his claws together nervously.
“Hate? Certainly not, at least not all of us. As king it is my duty to tolerate all races. Now then, do you mind if I see that amulet?” he asked, rising once more.
Shyfrost hesitated, but removed the amulet from around his neck. He studied it for a few seconds and raised it high to show him.
“Ah, I’ve read about it I believe. But I don’t know much I’m afraid. The only living creatures that would have been alive to know about these are rather... hard to reach.”
Rainbow Dash stepped forward. “Who?”
“I believe he knows.” The king raised his feather and pointed to Shadow Mirror, who took a defensive step back.
“M- me?”
“Of course... changeling.” The king’s eyes sparkled after saying this.
“You know? How?” He asked and slowly switched forms back to his changeling look. Rainbow and Pinkie gasped. Pinkie looked to her tail and poked it a few times, then shrugged.
“What? You think as king that I’m powerless? Or perhaps the same as the others? Perhaps I’m a tad boastful, but I do have an amazingly gifted ability with sight. I wouldn’t dare try to sneak up on me.”
“Um, okay. What about me, then?”
“Your queen, of course. Sh-”
“She’s not my queen,” Shadow cut him off. “That-” He swallowed once and shook his head. “Trust me, she isn't.”
The king brought a claw up and tapped his beak thoughtfully. “Quite rare, your situation. But regardless, she is just as old as the pony princesses, if not older. She would undoubtedly be the one to speak to about those... things. Though I fail to see how they would help this threat that is going around.”
Steel stepped forward. “It’s more of a secondary task of ours. Not all of the kingdoms have heard of the threat you see, clearly you have.”
“Oh, we have; and we are prepared for whatever its is... I hope. At any rate, I’d like to thank you all for the information. Do you have any place to stay for you and your group?” When Garret shook his head, he continued, “Then allow me to offer your group a stay at our palace. It is getting late, and the desserts here are freezing at night.”
“You have a palace? Then what are you out here for?” Sweetie Belle asked.
“Of course we have a palace! Oh, little ones... anyway, it is up there in...” The king pointed up to a palace perched up in a high mountain, but then his voice trailed off as something occurred to him. “Oh dear, not all of you can fly can they?”
“Um, no...” Scootaloo said, with a doleful look at her wings.
“I see, it is fortunate that we have guards down here then. To be honest, we are only down here to avoid the threat. I figured whoever is after these kingdoms would assume we would be in our... palaces. Hmm...” The king trailed off again and then yelled out very loudly. “Guards, pick up any flightless ones in their group--that includes the fillies--and take them to the palace!”
“Wait! We can- oomph-” Pinkie Pie was interrupted by a rather large claw placed comforting around her and the rest of her yet to be friends. (She hadn’t even thrown them a party yet, and wasn’t sure how she felt about her schedule being thrown off like this)
The rest were swiftly flown up to land right in front of the griffon palace. Then the guards flew back to their posts, but the king remained with the group.
“Your palace looks weird,” Scootaloo commented. “It doesn’t look like anything out of the history books.”
“Scootaloo, you read?!” Apple Bloom asked, feeling more shocked than ever.
“Uh...” Scootaloo’s mind blanked when she realized her mistake. Not that she had revealed that she enjoyed reading, that was easily fixed; but that the palace was practically brand new and would not have been in any history book from this time.
The king looked at her and chuckled slightly. “I don’t know what books you are reading, young filly, but this was only completed around two years ago. But of course it’s going to look different from your pony palace; we griffons are quite tall, for one.”
Sweetie Belle reared up on her hind hooves to try and reach the king’s height, but she lost her balance and fell. “I’ll say...”
The king stared at her for a moment, and then shrugged. “Uh, right. We should have plenty of rooms for your group to stay. Just follow me.”
“These rooms should be adequate for all of you. If you will excuse me I have some business to take care of. Oh, and I’ll see you all at dinner.” He paused. “Ponies don’t eat fish, right?”
“We don’t,” Rainbow confirmed with a shake of her head. “Fishing’s all catch-and-release in Equestria.”
The king let out a noncommittal grunt. “Pity, but there should still be plenty to eat for all of you.”
There were five rooms standing in front of the eleven creatures. Relative to the visitors (excepting Garret), the doors were simply huge. Garret opened a few doors to show the group what they had to deal with, and all quickly decided that space was not going to be an issue.
“So, who gets which room?” Spike asked after yet another awkward silence.
“Isn't it obvious, you silly dragon?” Pinkie asked.
“No.”
“Simple, Garret and Shadow ends up in that room.” She pointed to a single room at the end of the hallway. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders,” she declared as she gathered them up, “go in the room next to them, um,” she paused again and placed Blaze down on the floor and shoved the other two inside and shut the door. “Except her who will be paired with you, Rainbow!”
“Pinkie, look-” Before she could even get three words in, the door slammed shut with them inside.
“You two go in there!” She pointed to Rover and Steel, who actually shrugged and listened.
“And tonight, it’s a dragon slumber party for us three!”
“Um, Pinkie, you're not a dragon; and-”
“Shh, Spike! Tonight, I'm Pinkie the dragon!” she declared proudly, much to the confusion of the two.
“Um-” Shyfrost tried to say but was interrupted again.
“Pinkie! Why do you keep interrupting everyone?!” Spike shot back in a fury.
“Um, I dunno,” Pinkie shrugged. “Is it annoying?”
“Shh! Don’t break my concentration, I haven’t played pretend in weeks. I need this!”
“Yes!” The dragons replied in unison.
“Oh you sillies, why you didn’t you just say so?!”
Two dragons then slumped to the floor and sighed. No matter which species Pinkie was, she was definitely too much to handle.
In many of the rooms, the occupants were relaxing or sleeping. Not in this room. In this room, the tension was so thick it was almost suffocating. Blaze was simply waiting for Rainbow to say something, anything; but Rainbow remained silent, scuffing at the ground, unable to form a single sentence. Blaze resisted the urge to sigh and decided then was the time to stand up, walk over to the ridiculously massive single bed and jumped up to slump down.
Rainbow watched her and as soon as her body slumped onto the bed, she spoke. “Look, kid,” she paused when Blaze’s eyes stared into hers, but continued, “I... I don’t know why Pinkie is saying a lot of these things, but I’m not parents material! I’m not even guardian material! And I’m sorry...”
Blaze continued to stare at her and then huffed. “I don’t care what you are. I just need a place to stay.”
“Well, it’s not gonna be my place.”
“Why not?”
Rainbow was about to lay down on a nearby couch (or what she assumed was a couch, but it looked more like a bean bag) but stopped when Blaze spoke again. She huffed in frustration. “Just because, okay?”
“Why?”
Rainbow glared down up at her, the bed making the filly tower above the mare. “I don’t need to give you any reasons kid. And-”
Blaze stood up and glared back. “And I didn't have to tell you where I came from! I could have just lied or something!”
“I- that’s not the point! I’m not a parent and I never will be, got it?”
Blaze did not react like she had anticipated, though. In truth, Rainbow Dash did not mean to come off so nasty to the kid, and her last statement had been pushing it as she practically yelled at her. But Blaze was rubbing the back of her head and looking away. That... made no sense to her.
“Uh, what is this?” Rainbow demanded. “Why are you doing that?”
“Its just...” Blaze clenched her teeth and then sighed. “Yes, you were. In my timeline or however it works, you were a parent. Actually, you had a lot of kids, like five I think.”
Rainbow stared at her with her muzzle hanging open in shock. Finally, she managed to reply. “E-even if that was true, I’m not her. And you said yourself you made a new time-thingy or whatever. Kid, I need to spend my free time-”
“Practicing for the Wonderbolts, got it. I’m not a bother and I can take care of myself, I just need a place to crash. That’s all!”
“Then go ask Fluttershy or something when we see her! I’m sure she’d love to take you in! She took in Shyfrost pretty quickly...”
Blaze studied her face for a while and then realization dawned in her eyes. “You're jealous, aren’t you?”
“What? Jealous of what? I’m confused.” Rainbow replied just a bit too quickly.
“Of Fluttershy getting to take care of Shyfrost!’ Blaze replied smugly. “She gets to be a guardian and that bugs you, doesn’t it?”
“W-why would I care about that?”
“Oh, I’m sure you do. But its too bad that Fluttershy already has somepony to take care of, she’s probably twice the mother that you are.”
Rainbow advanced on her and pointed an accusing hoof in her face. “Oh yeah?! I’ll show you! When this is all over your staying at my house, and I won’t take no for answer!”
“Sweet!”
Rainbow wouldn’t say that she was stupid. While she would admit on occasion at being slightly more dense than her friends, she often prided herself on her intelligence, something she doubted her friends would believe. But after uttering out her last sentence and actually meaning it, she was stumped. Her mind had literally blanked. Blaze walked up and patted her on the back with her muzzle still frozen in utter shock.
“I’m gonna go hang out with my friends. You just, um...” Blaze paused and closed Rainbow’s muzzle for her, but the mares body was still frozen. “Yeah, see ya later!”
“You sure this is the way-” Applejack paused and grunted as she ran into yet another branch. “the way, Fluttershy?”
“Positive, it shouldn’t be much longer.”
“If you say so...”
Thick plants, trees and underbrush continued to block their path in the never ending forest. Fluttershy started to wonder how her little dragon had ever survived in this place, let alone moved around. Then a thought struck her.
“Say, girls...”
“Yes, what is it Fluttershy?” Rarity asked while trying for the tenth time to get the dirt out of her mane.
“Don’t you remember this place being more... spooky? And perhaps more wide?”
“Its the-” Applejack huffed again. “Everfree, Fluttershy. Almost nothing here is natural. It probably grew over time, all these plants.”
Fluttershy glanced over at Big Mac who shrugged. “Maybe, but it wasn’t like this when Shyfrost saved us all.”
“Um, that’s a good point...” Applejack replied back now feeling just a tad more confused than ever.
“Wait a minute...” Rarity had stopped walking and soon the others followed. “I remember reading something about Discord before. He- I think he’s tied to the magic in the forest. So the stronger he gets-”
“The crazier this here forest gets!”
The mares and stallion huddled together, waiting for the inevitable strike to happen. After several minutes of standing still they all sighed.
“Maybe Discord is too busy taking over Canterlot to play with us?” Big Mac offered with a shrug.
Applejack faced him and huffed. “Let’s get going, we need to find Zecora now!”
They ran for several minutes, Applejack feeling more tired than she had ever remembered in her life.
“C’mon, it shouldn’t be much longer now!” Fluttershy called out from the front. A very large bush blocked their path that they leapt over, only to crash face first into a certain zebra. Twilight’s body lay still on top of Applejack as she gasped for breath.
Zecora looked down in mild surprise. “The Elements of Harmony? But you are missing two I see.”
“Zecora! You need to help Twilight, she has magical fatigue, and Discord is back and the forest is-”
“Changing and becoming thicker, I’ve seen,” Zecora finished. “The cause being Discord is quite alarming, but please come inside- we must treat Twilight, Magical Fatigue can be quite disarming.”
“And alarming?” Fluttershy offered who only got a stiff nod in response.
Several minutes later, they were all cramped inside her odd looking cottage while she poured various potions together in a very large cauldron. She wasted no time in mixing, but to their surprise she took out a funnel and stuck it in Twilight’s mouth.
“Stepping back is advised, in just a moment she will be quite alive.” Zecora took a glance over at the bathtub she kept and then immediately poured the concoction down her throat. They watched it go all the way down, wondering why it was colored red. They would soon find out.
Nopony had any time to react before the mare shot up screaming at the top of her lungs. She looked all around in a panic and then forced her head into the tube and started drinking. A few seconds later she shot up gasping for air, water dripping off her muzzle. She glared at Zecora and then pressed a hoof to her forehead moaning in pain.
“The potion is very effective, but for that to be, there must be a trade off for taste and-”
“Burning my taste buds off?!”
Zecora huffed and remained silent.
“Sorry, I’m sorry. I feel better, heh...” She blushed and then remained silent.
“Twi!” The mares and stallion joined her for a hug. “We need to stop Discord now if we just think of a plan... right, girls?”
Twilight wiped her muzzle off and sighed. “Applejack...” She trailed off and started to shake her head.
“No, Twi, Ah’m not gonna hear it from ya! Why, us together can do amazing things! We stopped Nightmare Moon and Discord before. Fluttershy can practically communicate with any animal!”
“Well, I’m not that-” Fluttershy stuttered but was interrupted.
“Rainbow Dash can break the sound barrier by herself! And just think of all the magic you got at your disposal!”
“Look-” Somepony else, who still had a rather large headache was interrupted.
“And just the things we’ve seen Pinkie do? And me and Rarity! C’mon Twi...”
Twilight’s eyes began to unfocus and dart around for a few seconds. And it was only a moment later that they seemed to flash for a fraction of a second. “That’s it... Fluttershy can you communicate with all animals? Right?”
“Um, usually yes.”
“And Rainbow can really break the sound barrier... oh geeze girls I’m sorry for almost giving up. Of course we can’t!”
“Yeah!” They replied in unison.
“But Twi, how do we stop... um... whatever they are?” Big Mac asked.
“They’re not immortal, nothing is. And they’re certainly not omnipotent!”
“Um, dear, then how did they just find us through a hole in... space time?” Rarity asked. “At least I think it was space time...”
“I...” Twilight stammered for a moment unsure of herself and then she came back full force. “The Elements of Harmony. Discord must have been tracking them. But he can’t now since we don’t have them now! And that amount of magic he used must have taken a lot out of him, I know I’m still feeling the aftereffects.”
The mares and stallion looked at each other before facing Twilight. “So what do we do?”
Twilight grinned. “Simple, we get organized. Fluttershy I need you to gather up as many animals friends as you can, mainly birds or anything else with a large range. We need them to search the deserts for Princess Luna.”
“Um, alright, I think I can do that. But what about Princess Celestia?”
“Ever speak to a fish?” Twilight asked with a grin. After receiving her assignment, Fluttershy flew off. And Twilight turned to her other friends.
“Applejack, Big Mac, I need one of you to gather up Rainbow and Pinkie from Ponyville and get them back here as soon as possible.”
“W-what do you need the other to do?”
“Most of the Apple Clan lives in Appleloosa correct?”
“Eeyup!”
“I need the other one to take the train there and explain things to them. If anything they might be able to help us... assuming Luna is in that desert and not someplace else...”
“Well, alright then!”
“Rarity, do you remember when those Diamond Dogs kidnapped you?”
“Oh how could I forget, that was dreadful. Um, why do you ask?”
All she received was a menacing grin in response.
“Are you sure this was wise, separating like that? Traveling alone leaves you open for attack. Unless there is something that I missed, I fear your plan is a serious risk.”
Zecora and Twilight had decided to leave the forest as quickly as possible. Zecora had warned her of Discord’s influence over such a place and it would only grow worse for them the longer they stayed. Just as they left the forest, seeing Fluttershy’s cottage, Twilight took a seat to rest.
“I trust my friends. And with my magic weakened, it was best to send them and separate them.” Twilight looked up towards Canterlot Castle which looked foggy, something that never happened naturallyl. “Whatever Discord and Dee are planning, it will eventually involve us. Hiding is a bad plan without the Elements of Harmony. Splitting up is our best bet. No matter what sort of magic they have, they cannot find us by even random chance this way. We’ll meet back with them soon enough and- Applejack?”
They both looked over and saw the mare running up. “Twi! They’re gone!”
“What?!”
“I asked around and I think they went after the girls and the dragons!”
Twilight smirked. “Perfect. The fact that Discord and Dee did not pull them in when they did us means they aren’t wearing the Elements of Harmony. It also means they’re probably fine. Still, we need to find them soon.”
“But Twi, the whole reason we left in the first place was to find em! How do you propose we go about this now?”
That was certainly true. Twilight actually did know how to find them, but it was risky. She had pondered doing it several times before, but it was quite dangerous and not quite worth the risk. Now, though...
“I might be able to send a letter to Spike. The reason I hadn’t tried it before is because severing the princess’s link with him can be dangerous. It’s not like sending a letter to a pony with my magic. It could hurt him pretty badly.”
“Um, what do you mean, sugarcube?”
“The link that he shares with Princess Celestia was created his first week in Canterlot, when he was just barely a baby. Over time it grew stronger and stronger. It can be severed and recreated, but doing it from such a long distance could harm him. My magic could mess it up...”
“You’re Twilight Sparkle, Ah’m sure you can do it!”
“Alright,” Twilight said, lighting her horn. “Hang on Spike, you're gonna feel this...”
“Why’s the bed so... tall?”
“It’s for griffons dude, that makes sense.”
“What’s a dude by the way?” Shyfrost asked.
“I... actually have no idea. Its just something cool I like to say, anyway-” Spike simply stopped talking, he even stopped blinking or breathing for a single moment. His breathing came back very quickly but he felt... odd, somewhat queasy. “I- I...”
“Are you okay?”
“The-” And it happened again, this time Shyfrost got worried. He saw Spike stopped breathing, he ran. He ran out into the hall, banging on several of the doors for help.
Rainbow and Pinkie found Spike coughing on the floor, with a letter. “I’m fine, I’m fine...” He said as they helped him up. Shyfrost enrolled the letter and started reading.
Dear Spike,
As you no doubt have guessed by now, I’ve severed your connection with the princess and re-established it as my own. I know I said we should never try this without her present, but that’s just it. She’s not. Discord and another one of his kind that goes by Dee has taken over Canterlot and forced the Princesses out of power into odd locations (Luna in a Desert, and Celestia at the bottom of the ocean) (And no this is no joke.)
If my assumptions are correct, you are with Shyfrost and Rainbow and Pinkie and hopefully the Cutie Mark Crusaders. If you are not with them, then the situation is worse than I had imagined. But if you are, make sure that Rainbow and Pinkie DO NOT wear their necklaces. Discord can use them to track them. I have a plan, but I need Rainbow and Pinkie to help. Please respond as soon as possible.
Love, Twilight.
Everyone in the room’s eyes bulged out of their sockets. ‘D’ suddenly made sense. But the Princesses being thrown out of power? That was grounds for panic. They looked over at Spike who was hastily writing a message; apparently, he was much more used to witnessing apocalyptic events.
With a quick burst of green flame, off it went.
Twilight,
We are currently housed at the new Griffon Palace as guests of the King. Apparently, all nations are under a threat, but I had no idea it was this bad. Please respond with what we should do as soon as possible. The Cutie Mark Crusaders are here along with the Minotaur Prince and several others. Shyfrost is with me too.
Love, Spike
Spike,
I need you to get back to Ponyville as soon as possible, please. I don’t know what I have done to drive you away so easily. I know finding who you are is important. But I know who you are, you are my son. Get back here please.
Love, Twilight
“Woah... dude.” Shyfrost said.
“I didn't expect her to feel like that. I...” Spike looked up and found their entire group staring at the two dragons. “Oh, right. We need to get back to Ponyville. Rainbow can fly and Pinkie can transport some of us...”
“I can get the girls and you two.” She pointed to two dragons. “But, I think the prince and Rover are just a tensy bit too big.”
“No problem. We can simply plead for help from the king,” the prince replied. “I’m sure he will understand.”
“But what about the other kingdoms? Don’t they need to be warned?” Rover asked.
“I’m sure Twilight can help with that too, now c’mon!” Spike called, and the rest followed with a sense of foreboding and cautious optimism.
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Well, looks like things are starting to speed up. Love how quickly Twilight came up with a plan.
Oh, hey! Shyfrost updated! Guess we all need to read this then...
People often complained how my Mane 6 are OOC and I figured why not. She is Twilight after all, if she had no plans in her head just waiting then I think everypony is kind a screwed. 3059264
Well I read all the way to the latest chapter to give this story a fair chance. But Im afraid I just...don't like it. Something in it is off. Maybe the characters are too OOC because everyone just comes across as annoying.
I was with you your entire sentence until you said annoying... of course that is a matter of perspective and opinion. But I'll bite. What do you find annoying about them? I guess everyone isn't going to like a story, but kind of sounds like you wanted to tell me they were annoying and that was all. But if you do have some criticisms then please let me have it (I seriously don't get much on this particular story anymore and it worries me that no one is reading or something). 3059522
3059567 Well like early on when no one believed a word coming out of his mouth. The way Twilight reacted when Spike said they might be brothers. Some of the way Fluttershy spoke. And there is this...how do I explain this right? Its like there should be something more to certain scenes sometimes it feels like there is a sentence or line of dialogue missing somewhere. I will try to find a better example on another read through. Because I still think this story could go somewhere great. Im sorry Im not being very articulate right now though.
Meh, I like to keep stuff vague sometimes and even foreshadow certain things (this includes when a character does not say something when you thought they should). I've had several complaints that my mane 6 are out of character due to subtle changes that I made but I did put an AU tag meaning technically I can do what I want with them and still try and stay canon. These are basically my Mane 6 and not 100% the ones from the show but as close as possible though. You'll notice that Fluttershy does not say "if that's alright with you" much at all because on the show she does not do that all the time. I think stories on this site over play that far too much. 3060979
3061100 That's true and I suppose if that's its purpose, to be foreshadowing it makes more sense. I suppose its just how my mind can be personally its going "Something is missing what iiss iiittt?!" I will say though you do very well at OC development I usually avoid stories with OCs because they can get very...generic after a while. And introducing a new dragon is a hard thing to write out, but I so think you do that smashingly.
This may be one of the first stories I read to see where the OCs are going to end up rather than focusing on the main characters.
Nice, didn't know I made OCs that well... heh. I would not call Shyfrost the best and to be fair later on he gets shoved to the side a bit. But in many HIE stories YES the OCs are bland and kind of the same. It gets annoying. 3061433
I find this story very amusing, but I'm itching to know what happens next.
Yay, I made someone smile!
3088570
Gosh I'm loving how this is coming out
I started reading this only a day or two ago (along with that side story and prequel; I loved both of those btw) I can't wait to see how it all unfolds, especially when those other stories are up
Gosh I'm a bookworm- please continue!
Someone read the side story?
Hehe, that story won't show up until a sequel... hmm i wish I had more free time. 3096809
3096818 Well tbh I loved the movie Wreck-it-Ralph so when I saw that in one of the first couple of Chapters I was hooked to see how it would unfold
I really need to finish that story, it only has 3-6 chapters left (depending on how I handle it.) 3096826
3096890 cool! I can't wait to see how that turns out
aaaaaaah great chap !!!!!! :'D owww the little shyfrost used the word dude , he growing up !!
excelente work , and aaah plx tell me that shyfrost and spike and the end they will be brothers :'D that will be awesomeeee
I've Caught up! and damn did it take me a while.
I think I know what's going to happen but for the sake of not spoiling (if I'm right) i'm keeping silent.
Keep up the good work
No, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me! I'm dying to know!
...Your the writer on the story...
Shut up Pinkie! 3205202
3205226 Dee is from Scootaloo's/Blaze's dimension as well as Shyfrost. The Artifacts are the New Elements of Harmony with Shyfrost and company being their bearers who will ultimately defeat Dee and Discord
But that's just where my mind thinks it's going.
You'll just have to wait and see... but I can say you got at least one thing right and one thing wrong. READERS DONT READ THESE COMMENTS UNLESS YOU LIKE SPOILERS OR SOMETHING. 3205296
3205307 Well at least my record still stands at being half right all the time