You seem to have javascript disabled, or your browser is failing to execute it properly. Much of Fimfiction's functionality requires javascript so we suggest you turn it on!

Bass and Violin

Deep Note, a iintelligent stallion from a small town, has just moved to Manehatten. Will he make friends? Enemys? Music? Only one thing is certain; he will need his wits about him.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 4 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 4
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Bourbonbrony

Bourbonbrony #1 · Mar 1st, 2012 · · · The New Life ·

I wrote this in a span of 4 hours or so, so any constructive critsism would be greatly appreciated.

P.s. first fanfic ever, be gentle.
P.p.s. if it goes over well, there will be more chapters.

BronyGuy

BronyGuy #2 · Mar 1st, 2012 · · · The New Life ·

Wow, I'm not entirely sure but I think I see what you're doing there.
The narrator sort of describes his moods/actions based off of musical.... terms?
That's pretty clever, dude! I say continue with it!

Lunar Black

Lunar Black #3 · Mar 2nd, 2012 · · · The New Life ·

A few things. One, your description of the character, physically is lacking one key feature. Is Deep Note a pegasus, unicorn, or earth pony? Aside from that, I only noticed a few spelling errors. Not much in the line of grammar, though. As a musical fic writer, and hardcore (any kind of) music buff, I like the direction you're going with this. In fact, I think this has the possibility of being a great fic. Proceed. I look forward to more. You, sir, have earned yourself a like and track.

P.S. As another small tidbit, I picked out a few things.

1. This would make a better prologue than a chapter.
2. You left quite a few small plot holes. Like the scar.
3. Not much else I can nitpick here. Kick some ass.

Bourbonbrony