• Member Since 1st Sep, 2021
  • offline last seen April 13th

Ghost56


just a spartan and some testing his reading stills and seeing if my story have good plot to them. Could use some criticisms

Comments ( 20 )

Given another chance at life, Gabriel was brought into a new world and given a new role as the world angle of death. But this world doesn't take too kindly to something born in the darkness.

Well too bad! He is a Angel of Death, what are they gonna do?

11403425
Take lifes that had lived for too long

11403429
Does that include a certain couple of immortals?

Good start let's see what happens next

You have him as the "Angle of death" in your long description.

You mean "angel" right?

11403592
...I won't lie, I like the sound of a man with a Geometry Book walking around calling himself 'The Angle of Death'. Sounds like a good Comedy waiting to happen.

11403599
Yeah I went to go see if I was spelling angel right but no I was spelling angle. But I am too lazy to change it so

11403609
HAHA, GEOMETRY TEACHER TURNED DEATH'S EMISSARY, LET'S GO!

you need to get someone to edit/proofread your work
plenty of sentences are awkward, your text is in massive blocky paragraphs, and the dialogue feels stilted

“Don’t fear the reaper”

-Blue Oyster Cult

11411134

They don't have Twitter. :rainbowlaugh:

And if they somehow have that terrible site, then they deserve to get reaped.

When next chapter coming up? I hope it long story.

11412741
I would but I am currently trying to get through high school. and it is not going well as I have credit recovery online and it is hell like fuck

I don’t want to be rude but can I get a status update on this story?

11550026
I honestly am working on updating this story and you can talk shit man I DO NOT GIVE A FUCK. But yeah High school keeps getting in the way, but I am working on a new chapter so

11551384
Good luck with the high school stuff

11551491
Oh and I may be typing the rest on my phone cus I use the school lap top they lend to help with CR and assignments online so there is that

Okay dude the story is getting better. I mean it makes sense Angel of death they're supposed to take the sould of those who cheated them and not give them eternal life. And the two sisters did took advantage of the reaper that still kind of messed up. No seriously this story is very exciting. I mean easy really going to succeed in taking the sisters souls away or give them a chance to live longer.

Login or register to comment