Lightening the Load

by Silent Bob

Whispers of the Past

"Onnnn the road again.

I'm so glad to be on the roooad again."

"Pinkie..."

"Goin' places that I've never been.

Seein' things that I may never see again."

"PINKIE!"

"Huh?"

"Can we please have this trip not be a musical adventure?" Chrysalis grunted as the two walked through a darkened, thick woods of white birch trees. "I'm trying to think..." Her eyes then shifted about the dark. "Plus, you may draw unwanted attention at this rate..."

"Oooh!" Pinkie oozed. "Watcha thinking about?"

"About the event mainly..." she said, before adding in a sorrowful tone, "it among other things..."

Pinkie tilted her head slightly in curiosity, before letting out a simple, "oh, alright. I'll stop singing."

"Thank you."

The two continued on in silence for a moment.

"Hey Chryssy?"

"What...." she groaned.

"If you can fly and teleport and stuff, why didn't you just fly me back to your islands or do some sort of chain-teleport thingy?"

Chrysalis sighed. "That'd wear me out too much, kid. Short distance teleports take a lot of energy, as well as flying with cargo."

"But what about-"

"I have no idea how to do long-distance teleportation."

"Ahhh, I see. It's like that with my friend Twilight too. She can never teleport too much without getting all worn out and stuff. I hope she's eating enough... maybe that's the reason. When I get back to Ponyville I'll have to make sure to get her more cupcakes! Oh my gosh my new batch is so amazing! I put these new tasty little sprinkles on them and-"

As Pinkie rambled on, a sudden noise caught Chrysalis attention. It could be best described as a curious growl. With that, she quickly flung a hoof in front of the talkative pink pony's mouth. "SHUSH!"

"Mph mph, mph mph mphhhh!" Pinkie grunted.

"Seriously! Be quiet!" Chrysalis hissed in whisper.

With that, Pinkie finally settled down, and just in time. Out of the corners of her eyes Chrysalis was beginning to see four-legged, glowing figures moving about the dark; ghosts of the night. For a while both Pinkie and her observed them, and though they didn't appear to be threatening, Chrysalis had the distinct impression that her and Pinkie were being circled as if they were pray.

"What are they?" Pinkie whispered, more curious than fearful.

"Astral Wolves," Chrysalis explained. "Very rare creatures of the night. I'm not surprised you haven't heard of them."

Pinkie cocked an eyebrow. "Well, what do they want with us then?"

"I'm not sure..." Chrysalis said. "I don't believe they want us as food, however." She then took a deep breath. "Princess Celestia once told me about them. A long time ago they made a blood pack with Nightmare Moon; a contract you could say. They would serve her in battle or be forced to walk this world forever." She then glanced at the wolves again. "As you can see, they very much underestimated her power, for they failed to show up at a crucial fight during the Equestrian Civil War. Now, they no longer have the stomachs to carry us. Perhaps they are just as curious about us as we are about them.... at least I think so."

"Mph.. well if they want food they can have my cupcakes I suppose..." Pinkie said. "And hey, since when did you and Princess Celestia talk and stuff?"

"We don't anymore, the last time we spoke peacefully was many decades ago," Chrysalis sighed. "However, I knew her long before that..."

Pinkie cocked her head. "How so?"

"Enough chit-chat," Chrysalis grunted. "Let's keep moving."

The pink mare shot her a look of concern. "You've been on your feet all day though, haven't you? Don't you want a rest?"

"No, I'm fine," the Changeling Queen said in an annoyed tone as she began to walk, not glancing at her companion.

"I brought marshmellows!" Pinkie beamed. "And birch wood always makes the best kindling!"

With that, she whipped out a pack of the plump, large treats out of her travel bag and waved them in front of Chrysalis' face.

The Changeling Queen rolled her eyes. "Fine, if you want a break we can take one." She took another glance around, sighing in slight relief. "The wolves seem to have moved on anyway, and if they wanted to try anything they would have done so."

"Yay! Super awesome campfire making skills, activate!"

And so her super awesome campfire making skills were activated. Within ten minutes both her and Chrysalis sat around a roaring fire, Pinkie joyously attaching her first marshmallow to a sharp, long stick. However, the Queen's gaze was not upon her. Instead, she was fixated on the fire's flames as they licked at the air. Her memories were once again returning to the past, and her envy was returning as well.

The pink mare just had so much joy within her, joy that could never be extinguished until the reaper parted her from it. If only she could steal some of it instead of love....

She could feel trace amounts of it coming from her occasional, little globs floating out of her and into the night to person to person, probably for her friends. To seethe her hunger, she occasionally stole a few of them. While it may not have been true of other worlds, in this land love literally could be felt over long distances. Though it may have been a beautiful concept to anyone else, to Chrysalis it was just another thing she was missing out on. The pink mare held no love for her... sympathy perhaps, but not love.

"Hey, do you want one?" Pinkie offered with a mouth filled with goo, sticking it out in front of her face.

"No, thank you," Chrysalis said mournfully.

"Oooooh... that's right," Pinkie said, her voice growing a bit saddened. "You can't eat normal food."

"Well, that's actually not true," Chrysalis noted, her snarky side not being able to resist correcting someone. "While food won't sustain my kind, that doesn't mean we can't enjoy it."

"Then dig in! They're soooo good!"

With that, Pinkie actually dug another stick into the marshmallow and stuck it into one of the holes in the queen's right hoof, grinning.

Chrysalis sighed. "Fine, I suppose one won't kill me."

With that, she took the stick out of the hole and gripped it normally, roasting the marshmallow over the open fire, turning it ever so often in order to roast it to perfection. Something magical happened at that, however, a feeling coming to her that she hadn't felt for decades: nostalgia. It brought a warmth the fire never could, and with it she actually smiled slightly.

"Heh... haven't done this since I was a small child," she said, her eyes twinkling.

Pinkie cocked a head in curiosity. "Do changelings go camping too?"

Chrysalis shook her head, sorrow once again clawing at her insides. "No... they don't." She then thought for a second, before smiling slightly Pinkie's way. "The one time I did enjoy camping was here in Equestria, near the city I tried to lay waste to."

In a woods very much like she sat in the present, a chibi-Chrysalis and the Princess of the Sun sat near another fire's warmth, together roasting two marshmallows, snuggling close to one another. Love flowed to the former from the latter at a rate Chrysalis had never felt before, gorging her to the breaking point. However, she wouldn't have asked for anything more.

"Are you still nervous about the dinner tomorrow?" Celestia asked.

Chrysalis nodded slowly with a slight frown. "A little...." She then smiled slightly. "Well, OK... maybe more than a little." She glanced towards the fire, her frown returning. "I just don't think they'll like any changeling... not with how my people acted before..."

"That's alright," Celestia reassured her. "A little fear is a good thing. It keeps us as sharp as it keeps us alert," Princess Celestia said, smiling warmly down on mini-Chrysalis. "However, perhaps your lesson for today will help. What are the three rules of young royalty?"

With that, Chrysalis' mood lightened. "A young queen must always be prim and proper," Chrysalis beamed, grinning.

The princess nodded in approval, still smiling. "And rule number two?"

"Ummm... oh yeah! A young queen must always give love to anyone she meets, and in turn they will love her!"

Princess Celestia's smile widened. "And the third?"

Chibi-Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. "You never told me the third!"

Celestia chuckled at that. "Well, the third for today is that a young queen must never hold her marshmallow too close to the fire."

With that, Chrysalis glanced down towards the end of her stick, noticing her snack was now in flames.

"Eeeeep!"

She quickly twirled the stick, took a deep breath, and blew out the fireball.

"Awwwww... now it's ruined!" Chrysalis pouted.

Celestia shook her head at that. "Remember, Chrysalis, as those at dinner will realize tomorrow..." Her horn began to glow ever so slightly. "Even if something.. or someone may appear to be blackened on the outside..." She began to actually strip away the blackened portions of it with magic. "With a little digging, they might realize there is still something good within."

With that, Chrysalis smiled widely before quickly nomming down on the warm interior of her formally burnt treat. The princess once again beamed down at her, gazing down upon one child, but seeing two. She continued doing this for a moment before letting out a deep, remorseful sigh.

"You remind me so much of somepony..." she said, her voice laced with sorrow. At that, she glanced upwards towards their second source of light: a full moon that hung high in the heavens.

With a face saturated with sympathy, Chrysalis looked towards it as well. "I'm sorry, princess... I wish I could meet her..."

"I wish you could too..." Celestia said mournfully. "Perhaps some day... but not for a long, long time. However, until then, at least I'll still have you..."

"Oh my gosh... so the princess was your mentor?" Pinkie said. "You're just like Twilight!"

Chrysalis did not answer. All she could do was gaze into the fire after her tale, trying her best to hold back a few annoying little tears. She really did love her, didn't she? She may have not have loved her people, but she did love her.

Her eyes narrowed. If only she could have given some of that love back... and not leave Celestia alone for such long periods of time. Nobody deserved to be alone.... no mother of a people should have had to bury so many of her children's coffins...

Alone.

She let loose a long sigh. Immortality...

"Chrysalis?"

With that, the Queen of the Swarm snapped out of it, shaking her head slightly.

"Yes, I did study under Princess Celestia. My... 'father' thought that it would be fit for me to go out into the world; to learn how the rest of it worked, and perhaps learn a little bit about how to appear as a good ruler along the way. The thinking was that if I could get into the heads of the Equestrians, I could perhaps make them love us, and who better to teach me how ponies think than Princess Celestia?"

"But w-what happened? Why doesn't Equestria love you?"

Chrysalis eyes narrowed. "Reality happened." She then gazed into Pinkie's. "Don't go chasing dreams, kid. They'll only break your heart."

With that, Pinkie's head slumped down slightly, a moment of silence following. The crackle of the fire and the occasional distorted cry of an Astral Wolf was all that could be heard.

"You really aren't a bad person, are you, Chryssy?"

Chrysalis nodded at that. "I'd like to think I'm not, though a part of me makes me question that."

Pinkie raised an eyebrow. "But you keep that side at bay, don't you?"

Chrysalis glanced towards the fire once again. "Most of the time... as you well know."

The pink mare shot her a look of sympathy. "Either way, you seem so angry and sad all the time. You don't deserve that!"

"Maybe... I'm not sure..." Her eyes then widened in realization. "Please don't go trying to help me, though. Nothing can help me.... except dying maybe, and that's coming soon."

Pinkie shot her a smile. "Now that's just silly. Both of those things! Anypony can change for the better!"

Chrysalis raised a hoof. "I'm not a pony; really, my people are insectoid in nature."

The party pony rolled her eyes, whipping out a guitar from her travelling pack that was definitely too large for it.

The Changeling Queen raised a suspicious eyebrow. "What are you doing?"

She began to strum, causing Chrysalis to shake her head in utter horror.

“Oh no… I see where this is going. You’re going to try to fix me through song, aren't you?”

“Yep! So you might as well just go along with it!”

“This is really happening, isn’t it?” Chrysalis said, exasperated. “Fine! Let’s just get this over with.”

And so the horror began:

"When I was a little filly,

I never thought I’d become so silly,

Yet things turned out okay.

I pushed rocks from day to night,

With not a hope for anything more in sight,

But now what can ya say?"

"Pinkie, you need to get with it,

I knocked out my mentor and laughed as I did it.

I am her biggest disgrace…

I bear the weight of a dying people,

And there will be no help from any steeple,

Do you know what I face?"

"I know a donkey who bled all his life,

But right at the end he found the inner light!"

"Well his life is short,

And mine is long,

In four hundred years too much can go wrong…

You cannot change this changeling anymore than this changeling can change you!"

“Wow, you’re really old!” Pinkie exclaimed, continuing to strum.

“Thanks…”Chrysalis said sarcastically.

“But hey, you don’t look a day over one hundred though!”

“Not helping.”

"But are you absolutely-"

"Positively!"

"Definitely-"

"Without a doubt!"

"Certain that that's true?"

“Yes, enough singing already! There isn’t enough medication in the world to ward off this migraine I’m getting… I appreciate your effort, Pinkie, really, but the only way I’ll ever be happy is if I could go back in time and erase most of my past!”

Pinkie brought a hoof to her chin, actually giving it serious thought. “Hmmm… well Dr. Whooves does have his TARDIS thing…”

Chrysalis' eyes narrowed. “Great, we’ll start at the womb.”

Before Pinkie could open her mouth to respond, a voice, definitely female, rang out from close by.

“It appears I am interrupting something…”

With that, the duo turned their heads towards the origin. Standing close, and with the light of the fire dancing off her was a four-legged figure about the size of Chrysalis, wearing a cloak with its hood up.

“Hey, I know who that is!”

"And so do I," Chrysalis said, her eyes once again narrowing.

With that, the figure lifted the hood of her cloak to reveal a flowing mane of stars and a long, alicorn horn. It was Princess Luna.

"I heard most of your song," she said, glancing towards Chrysalis. "And while I don't believe most of the lies about your people, nor do I believe you are truly evil, our nations are still opponents." She then raised an eyebrow. "And that begs the question: what are you doing with an Element of Harmony?"

Chrysalis threw her a look of desperation. "It's not what it looks like! I need her help with something that could very well save my people."

Princess Luna glanced towards Pinkie, as if expecting confirmation.

"It's true! I'm going with her on my own! She didn't make me all googly eyed or anything like that! Chrysalis isn't evil! I don't care what that mean ole Blueblood or anypony else says!"

Princess Luna smirked. "Good, I'm glad none of the Element Bearers appear to be stupid." She then narrowed her eyebrows. "However, what is it that Chrysalis wants of you?"

"She wants me to help throw a party!"

Chrysalis nearly felt her heart drop when Luna gave her a look that said, 'seriously?'. "It's true, though what I need her help with is much more than just a party...." She then sighed. "Annnnd it's definitely not going to help my case to tell you exactly what it is."

Luna shook her head incredulously. "Pinkie, do you realize who you're standing by?" She pointed at Chrysalis in an accusatory manner. "She is a master of manipulation. Hell, she's even called the 'Queen of Deception'! Whatever reason she wants you to come with her is definitely not a party!"

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow. "And what do you think she's coming with me for?"

The Princess of the Night brought a hoof to her chin in sarcastic thought. "Gee, I don't know, maybe to steal a fragment of my nation's greatest weapon? I hate to sound as paranoid as my idiot nephew, but what would you think in my place?"

Pinkie glanced away from her princess at that. "Is that all you think of me and my friends? That we're just part of a weapon?"

Luna shot her a warm, apologetic smile. "Of course not, you'll have to forgive me; I have a habit of thinking in a tactical mindset." She let out a deep sigh. "I've fought in one too many wars... However, that doesn't mean I think of you as a soldier. I view you as the pony who helped me regain the love of my people during Nightmare Night."

The pink mare smiled back. "I really mean that much to you?"

"So much so that I've been tracking you for hours." She shot a glare at Chrysalis. "I saw Pinkie leaving with a certain cyan pegasus who happened to have the ability of teleporting with a bit of green light. Not an ability most pegasi have, am I right?"

Chrysalis nodded. "So I guess this means that we're about to be swarmed by guards?"

Luna shook her head. "I'm probably a fool for saying this, but I came alone. I did not want to waste time rounding them up. I told nopony you're here." She held up a hoof. "However, do not try anything. I've placed a spell on the area that will prevent you from teleporting away, and if you attempt to fly..." her eyes narrowed. "I will clip your wings."

"Then that leaves only one option," Chrysalis said, her horn powering up. "I'm sorry, but if I leave my people on their own, they will die."

Luna took a menacing step forward, glaring daggers at Chrysalis. "Don't you dare try to fight me in my domain. Do you know who you deal with? Are you dense or something?! I AM THE NIGHT!.!.!.!" Luna roared, her voice deafening, a bolt of lightning streaking out of the heavens and landing at her hooves.

At that, the two stood in silence, the two largest hams in Equestria waiting for each other to make the first move. However, after a moment Luna let loose a deep sigh.

"Though you may have attacked Canterlot, you also kept my sister warm during her coldest night... give up Pinkie and I will let you go back to your people. You're not the only person in this world to ever let their anger get the best of them, you know..." She gave a quick glance towards the moon above. "With this act, I will make amends to you, sister." And then glanced towards Chrysalis again. "And I'll be able to assure myself I'll never let my anger get the best of me again."

With that, Chrysalis began to think. She had no hope of fighting Princess Luna, not without a food source; she was probably the second most powerful being on the planet, and she had no chance of running with Pinkie in tow. She had to let go...

She turned towards Pinkie. "Thanks for trying to help me, kid, but this is the end of the line."

In turn, the pony shot both her and Luna pleading eyes. "B-But I want to help her! Her people deserve a second chance!" She pointed a hoof at Luna. "Equestria gave you a second chance, the same should be said for a changeling!"

Luna swallowed hard. "I cannot be sure she has good intentions, nor can you. My only other choice would to be come with her to look after you... but I do not want to take the chance that I'll end up leaving my sister alone again..."

"If you did come, you would not like what you would find, anyway," Chrysalis noted. She then glanced towards Pinkie again. "Go on, Pinkie. I'll be fine on my own. The worst case scenario is I'll end up having to tell those monsters that they are not welcome on this world."

With that, Pinkie took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry..." She then trotted over to Luna's side.

"And so are we...." a deep growl emanated from the night. At that, a series of loud wolf howls could be heard. Over ten Astral Wolves then began to circle the trio. "You were a fool for returning here... Nightmare Moon."

Comments

[Silent Bob]

A chapter I needed to get out of the way so Pinkie and Chrysalis could bond a little on their own :D. Plus, Luna makes an awesome hero antagonist. Next chapter will feature a little bit more about IGOM, as well a bit about the security team. I already have a massive list of about fifty villains. If all goes well, I should be able to give each a small place in the story, though some naturally will feature more than others (mainly the ones from shows and movies I've actually seen). Naturally, it's going to end up being a lot more epic than just being a party. If I can somehow pull off this clusterfuck, it's going to be a wild ride.

Oh, and this was also my first attempt at writing a bit of a musical-like song. Honest criticism, please. I know it was probably very crappy. This whole thing with Luna was originally supposed to be one chapter, but god damn I got worn out and decided to just say 'screw it'.

[Darkswirl]

Gargamel, from the smurfs!

[Alondro]

1316551 And Snookie from "Jersey Shore".

*collective shudder from all the other villains*

*Adolf Hitler snorts* Ach! Ve may be evil, but ve're not munstars like dat!

[Baree]

Smithy from Super Mario RPG? Or maybe Bundt from the same game. He is one of the bosses, and a giant cake in case you don't know. That should be fun with Pinkie around :P

[Magnum the Critic]

They would serve her in battle or be forced to walk this world forever." She then glanced at the wolves again. "As you can see, they very much underestimated her power, for they failed to show up at a crucial fight during the Equestrian Civil War.

HHHHMMMMMMMMMMNNNNNNNNNNN
The way is shut. It was made by those who are dead, and the dead keep it. The way is shut. Lord of the Rings refrence!
Also.... 50 villains?!?! I CAN'T WAIT

[Silent Bob]

1344599

Yup! I was hoping someone would get that reference. Originally it was going to be ents that were the 'bad guys' of this chapter. ;D.

[squall_wave]

so luna got a few tips from the stories of her pal sauron?
pretty good story i think keep the good work

[CTVulpin]

Well, this is gonna get complicated...

[shadowabsol]

1337174
they only needed to grab one security guard: chuck norris!

[Giant Robot]

Don't you dare try to fight me in my domain. Do you know who you deal with? Are you dense or something?! I AM THE NIGHT!.!.!.!"

The Goddamn Batman?

[Wanderer D]

Hey, this is pretty amusing I'll keep an eye on it!

[vren55]

1342923 The music thing worked pretty well... it should have been slightly longer, but it was good.

Hmm... Astral wolves... interesting development.

[Silent Bob]

1345117

Indeed :D.

[CommanderX5]

Wow, so even with Celestia help, changelings were not accepted, and blueblood with his songs and selfish propaganda gain power, WHATS WRONG WITH THOSE PONIES.

Well, at last PinkiePie is acting kindly and reasonable in the most unlogic and random way possible.

[Braininthejar]

Wow... 50? And people are still suggesting more? I will not add another one then.
I will elaborate on my previous proposition however

Soulcatcher (Black Company - a series of fantasy novels depicting the exploits of a mercenary company over several decades. Quite good, you should read it. Minor spoilers below.)

Backstory: One of "10 Who Were Taken", a collection of evil wizards that the evil overlord known as Dominator defeated and forced to become his generals. After the whole group was defeated and buried for centuries, they have finally managed to break free and are now building a mighty empire under the rule of the Lady, Dominator's wife and Soulcatcher's big sister. (Dominator himself was left buried - the Taken suffer from many disorders but none have been crazy enough to dig this guy up.)

Appearance: rather short but graceful and athletic - usually wearing a full body black leather armour and a face-concealing helmet. The most memorable feature is the voice - Soulcatcher's defining quirk and the reason for the name - Soulcatcher keeps changing voices between sentences, and when in bad mood, the voices even argue among themselves.

Under the armor, Soulcatcher is female and quite pretty, though her personality and the voices (which are rumoured to be of her victims) can make her rather disturbing to interact with.

Personality: A bit like Azula - she is very intelligent and can be sweet when she wants something but also very whimsical and unpredictable - too unstable to hold power once she acquires some. Unlike Azula, she does have social skills, if only through decades of practice. Her knowledge of psychology is enough to convince some people she is telepatic. She is the kind that will shift between trying to seduce her subordinates and very real death threats, depending on the mood.

Powers: illusions, some disturbing demonology and necromancy (which also allows for disturbing but effective healing), typical combat magic. A large flock of raven familiars that can be ised for scouting. Things she explicitly can't do include teleportation and flight ( requires a flying carpet and it even has to have a wooden frame to keep it stable. A Taken known as the Howler specialises in making those)

Like all the taken, Soulcatcher has upgraded her body with a lot of magic, making her tougher than Rasputin, you'd need to pretty much chop her up to be sure she doesn't get up (although things like magic fire or cursed weapons can cause lasting damage. A blade inscribed with her true name will drop her but doesn't have to kill her.)

[RaptorCalloftheShadows]

1345313 Bah. Bring Q along, TOO! Although my headcanon says Q's already in Equestria. He got petrified and put back in the Canterlot Royal Garden. :P

[Silent Bob]

1345237

Aye, it's definitely turning into a large boat. I just hope I can make quality equal with quantity :D.

[Traveler7]

I'd suggest a villain but offhand my main suggestion is already hosting the even. Sauron's Master, and all that.... Secondary villain suggestions.... Xehanort, maybe? He'd have the multiverse travel ability, and he'd likely enjoy the event. Enjoying the story so far. Curious to see how you do.

[pononymous]

I AM THE NIGHT!.!.!.!

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[Clemerl]

Where'd you get those notes? They look amazing! Just like this story!

[YarnWeaver]

Are you still taking villain suggestions?
If so, I'd like to add the Evil Scientist Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz, from Phineas and Ferb, to the list.
Also, Father from Codename: Kids Next Door.
And Captain Gorath of the Glorft Armada from Megas XLR.
Orochimaru from Naruto.
Ozai the Phoenix King from Avatar: the Last Airbender.

And...that's all I can think of for now.

[Zeromant]

1345475 Depends on which path You have Hitoshura follow really, but most of the paths, and my interpritation? You're right, he is a bit of an odd duck out, but then again, considering he was groomed to power by "The One Who Dances In The Pale Moonlight" himself, i figured he'd get and invite just because

But yeah, Any number of Sentient Godzilla villains, like Gidorah and Gigan, could foot the bill also....

OH! OH! OH! OH! OH! Schwarzvald from Big O, I'd put out Rosewater, but he's dead, and Schwarz kinda... well... he kinda dissapeared like a ghost, so he's quite likely to have done something metaphysical... and again, AntiHero's are on the list of potentials, which Schwarz was technically.

[Dusty the Royal Janitor]

To be honest, I can't say I'm actually really a big fan of the premise. Large scale crossovers of this caliber tend to get incredibly confused and jumbled. Even simple crossovers can get schizophrenic and mixed up if the two properties in question aren't properly balanced and maintained, and it only gets exponentially harder the more properties you add. And furthermore, I can't really say that the idea of tons of the worst villains in all of fiction getting together for a party of all things sounds like anything more than, well... an ill conceived parody. It sounds like something that should be on a two minute MAD sketch or a picture or something rather than an actual story. And I can't help but have this niggling feeling in the back of my head that I'm going to dislike the third act of this story...

...on the other hand.

While I haven't been all that into the appearance of Voldemort and Bellatirx at this point, I have REALLY enjoyed this story so far as a character piece for Chrysalis. This is easily one of the most intriguing backstories and developmental arcs that I've ever seen for the changeling queen and you pull both her and Pinkie off very very well. Your writing style is very good, keeping a good pace, a good sense of place and atmosphere, and nicely balancing dialogue and character action. You show rather than tell... honestly you have all of the really important basics down, so you're obviously a pretty good writer. I could very easily be getting way ahead of myself when I raise my eyebrow at the premise and the ultimate conclusion of this story.

I'd say this deserves a track. Keep up the good work. I'll be interested to see if you can actually make this insane premise work out.

[Braininthejar]

The premise keeps reminding me of this:

[peruvianamerican101]

I was seriously hoping Pinkie was going to sing The Campfire Song