Author's Note
No, I'm not writing this to get on featured list or anything. (That's just silly.) Hear me out.
So I've read through this story again after about five months. And my lord, it's very, very stupid, but I enjoyed the premise, and I also enjoyed it as a whole. However, a lot of the criticism I got for this fic was indeed true. It was too drawn out, had too many unnecessary characters and chapters, and the humor could have stood some major improvement. It's nowhere near what I'd expect from myself nowdays. And though it was fun featuring Zim doing what Zim does best, his arc wasn't necessary, and having the Doctor (and I am ashamed I represented him as an egomaniac when he's better than that) and especially Captain Jack Harkness in this was not necessary. Even Princess Luna wasn't needed.
Basically, it was a fic I wrote for fun but not a fic I wrote to be good story. And unfortunately, since I'm training myself to become a professional author, that's just not good enough for me anymore.
But like I said, I did like the premise, and the first two chapters (and the third, actually) I found to be quite decent. (And it just so happened I wrote them while drinking coffee. Something about that evil drink just allows you to write better, I suppose). So, I'd like to ask you all this: who would be interested in a rewrite of some sort? Though I would like a few opinions...
Should it even have Pinkie at all? As in, should IGOM not be a party, but more of a convention where villains get to show off their evilness. Fight each other in a combat arena... ext ext. In which case Pinkie would not be needed one bit.
And should I attempt to do another sympathetic Chrysalis or should I just make her like her comic's appearance: an evil bitch?
Finally: Would it be better off just as a comedy? (Villains acting silly. Blah blah blah just a lot of silliness in general, I suppose.) That's if Chrysalis were purely evil, of course.
Let me know your thoughts. My apologies for not continuing with it but... yeah, sometimes it's best to take criticism to heart if you ever want to improve.
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Sigh.
Well I enjoyed it while it lasted.
Isn't a convention like a party? I could see a possible Chrissy/Pinkie shipping.
yes, pinkie should totally be there, it should totally be a party/meet and greet, and yes, some sympathetic chrysalis would be awesome.
You see, my favorite episode of The Venture Bros is the garage sale episode back in season 1 (I think). Just something about all the villains hanging out together played for comedy amused me to no end. So I was very pleased when I saw this fic that seemed like it was going to do something similar.
I do agree though that it was a bit drawn out and the part with zim wasn't really necessary, though i think having the Doctor in is fine. A rewrite would be nice, i think.
I say definitely sympathetic. Pinkie's inclusion could go either way: good with, good without. I say if you go for sympathetic Chrysalis again, bring Pinkie with her.
I did enjoy the original, but it definitely wasn't spectacular, and the criticism you had was indeed right. That being said, I was sorry to see it go. I'm glad you're thinking about a rewrite.
I liked the sympathetic chrysalis story. I wanted to see where that was going. If you think it can be done better then please, go ahead.
Take your original premise, have Pinkie show the villains how to have fun, then have a few shippings with Pinkie and the villains one-on-one ending with Chrysalis.
Sympathetic Chrysalis is nice, Pinkie holds the concept up.
Super Smash Villains in Chrysalis' back yard sounds like it would fall apart.
Convention, DEFINITELY a convention! And YES Pinkie. Because Pinkie.
I would enjoy a rework. I also would enjoy some comedy, but would like some more serious moments in it, considering that some of the villians are vicious murderers, it would make more sense if it wasn't too random. I found some of the random moments too be very annoying and I think an evil Chrysalis would be better. I'm also not a fan of ponification, but I guess I would be alright with just a little bit, or just none at all.
Well i'm sad that your not going to finish this version, but i would like to see a rewrite. Just please don't delete this version. If you do decide to do a rewrite. Will there still be plenty of crossover character's?
This is really a concept that only works as a comedy.
It was like the old "Justice League". The whole Legion of Doom in the Darth Vader helmet base in the swamp was so ridiculous, no one could take it seriously. It just ended up being stupid.
However, taken for comedic effect, as many parodies have done, it was hilarious. That's how this idea of a convention of super-villains would work best.
I've said it before to a bunch of different authors.
The vast majority of people here just want to read the story you want to write.
Slightly long-winded or not. Slightly OOC or not. Slightly nonsensical or not.
You write it, 1000+ people will read it and enjoy it.
Take criticism to heart, but don't let it rule what you do.
So long as you don't pull a 'Cultural Artifacts' move.
NOOOO! Why why must everything I love leave me?
I am really disappoint. Really. I mean, this is what got me to follow you in the first place and finding out that this story is being cancelled is really sad. But, its your story so it's okay anyways. I did love your other ones and so far they've been really good. So, do I think that it should be a comedy. BUCK YES. Comedy, in this person's honest opinion, is one of your strongest suits. Don't change it unless you really have to, and if you really have to Comedy still needs to be involved with the story in someway. Does Pinkie need to be involved in this one? Well, personally I think that a Convention is just a bigger and more organized party but it's just me so she could be axed but you'd need a better reason to knock her from the story than her not being able to handle a convention. Other than that I'd say go for it.
....I'm sorry, but why would you want to rewrite this masterpiece? I'm reading through the comments and I can find... one, maybe two genuinely helpful criticisms. And quite a few MOAR posts.
Why do all the good authors doubt themselves?
So.
Yes, I would love to see a rewrite.
Yes, you should include Pinkie, but making it more like a con instead of a weeklong party seems like a more reasonable thing, and what the initial idea sorta sounded like. Also, Pinkie would still be useful for the dinner parties, even if she can't help do the more sedate planning (Which she can. Just sayin'.).
It isn't "ext.", it's "etc."
I dunno, I think it should be pretty comedic either way, but I happen to like the (stupidly) misguided, sympathetic Chrysalis.
Good Luck.
i.imgur.com/f21rx.gif
The idea for the story is promising but the only real problem was dragging out the chapters a little too much. A rewrite would be great because I personally liked where this was going. I like the sympathetic Chrysalis and Pinkie work in this story. A Pinkie x Chrysalis ship would be a new one to me and would be a welcome addition to the story. An idea would be to introduce the evil characters a few at a time in intermission chapters.
Yes it needs Pinkie Pie.
Yes it needs a sympathetic, yet still evil, Chrysalis.
Can it be anything but comedy with Pinkie Pie?
It may need some fine tuning but you had a pretty good Idea there with plenty of unused Chekhov's guns laying about.
Pinkie optional.
Yes on sympathetic Chrysalis.
More comedy the better!
Also gather lots of villains for IGOM!
I was
when I found out this fic was canceled, but I would love a rewrite!
For Pinkie, I dont mind one way or the other
For Chrysalis, I would like her to be more of a sympathetic villian.
And as for humor YES. LOTS OF HUMOR, I want villians of all types comic to this shindig.
Pinkie (in the show and in fics) annoys the unholy shit out of me, so avoiding having her would be a plus
Sympathetic Chrysalis is very yes.
If it were more of a "meet'n'greet meets BloodSport" situation, that would be quite awesome.
Personal thoughts froma published author?
Pinkie isn't needed, the way you described IGOM was more akin towards a convention, not a genuine party. If you get any 'heroes' involved, it'd be better to have one more suited towards such a complex and complicated get-together, such as Twilight, Celesta, or[possibly] Cadance. That would be a different, and more conflict-prone pairing that'd be, in my opinion, better story-wise.
Secondly, I'm going to admit, I'm an unashamed Chrysalis fan and actually do't like the comics depiction of her, which is too close to some of the more poorly-done ffanfic takes on her[heartless monster, total lunatic, vicious merciless killer]. I tend to view her as a 'Warrior Queen', closer to an army ant than a cockroach if we go with bug comparisons. So 'Sympathetic portrayal' gets my vote. Doesn't mean she's not evil, it just means she's got a good reason for it[sadism and greed are NOT good reasons]
Lastly, and this is just me here, Comedy gets the vote. Because, elt's face it, I wouldn't have bothered even LOOKING at this story if it was, say, 'Dark'. It was the humorous aspect and the 'fish out of water' effect of Chrysalis having to work alongside a hero to get a party for villains on the roll that hooked me, and the promise of laughs as oppsoed to a promise of pain or humiliation.
But that's jsut my two cents.
Keep the Pink. Even if she's not actually qualified for a convention-style meeting (which I think she could pull off), Chrysalis might not be aware of that and/or ask for her help because she can't think of any other options.
Keep Chrysalis sympathetic, because I enjoyed that aspect of the story.
Keep it a comedy, because comedy.
Fix or remove anything that seems broken.
KEEP THE COMEDY
Well you asked and here I go with an opinion (keep in mind the original is on my read later list and I haven't read it yet so I'm working blind on pure concept here):
If I was to take this story's concept and brainstorm a possible plotline, it would be this:
I'd say make her neutral.
Make it so that she is not actively threatening or being sought by Equestria. The hive and Equestria basically have a similar relationship to USA and Cuba, or if a bit harsher, North and South Korea.
Include some fey or eldritch lore about the changelings to make them more profound than shape-shifting love-bugs. Borrow something from Mendacity, maybe.
Have Chrysalis basically still be a despicable creature, just not on purpose. She's a product of her environment. She's perceived as evil because of her megalomania and lack of morality, but has no real sinister leanings. She feeds on love so she doesn't really hate anyone, but she has an insect mentality and a legacy of dark and seductive power. She is not cruel by design, but has no qualm using cruelty or brutality to achieve her goals, since as the queen of the hive she is not just a leader, but the life of the hive itself. Her will dictates the fate of thousands of lives.
Have her not be some anxiety riddled desperate wreck asking for help. Have her acknowledge that she is out of her element and do the most logical thing she can: Abduct the most renowned event planners in the world and replace them with changelings.
Now you have Chrysalis that is not overly sympathetic but at least relateable, yet fascinatingly alien; a group of event planners from caterers to decorators to musicians as a colorful cast of characters forced into slave labor at what is literally a once in a lifetime dream job; and a bunch of changelings dealing with these individuals' (not all ponies) sometimes incredibly boring and sometimes incredibly bizarre lives without blowing their cover before the convention is over.
You can literally do a ton with that in so many angles to make any kind of story as long and interesting or short and punchy as you like.
better off just as a comedy
I loved this story! Re-write because I would have loved to have seen what this story would have been able to be like when done.
MFW this updated:
MFW canceled:
Well, I was enjoying the story already, so if simply continuing it is off the table (and I can respect that if it's not what you want to write any more) then a re-write is the next best thing!
Personally, I thought that Pinkie Pie was a nice inclusion in the story. You get a wide range of characters involved that way - the true villains who are attending, the sorta-villain Chrysalis who's reluctantly hosting it, and the non-villain Pinkie Pie who's helping out for the greater good. But if that's something you'd like to try varying, might I suggest having Twilight Sparkle fill in? Her role at the wedding - "making sure that everything goes according to plan" - is much more in line with what Chrysalis really needed, I think. I'm not sure whether the inclusion of the Doctor was for the best, he tends to steal the show when he's involved in fanfics. Maybe as more of a cameo?
Anyway, if you do choose to rewrite the story, I'd request that you leave up the old one here as well. You may not consider it your best work but it's still in the top few percent of everything here and its removal would diminish the overall quality of FiMFiction, IMO. And it's still fun to read even without complete closure. :)
YES RE-BUCKING-WRITE THIS ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? This is a REALLY good idea and premise, and it would be a gigantic waste if you just left it. My opinions on the content? Pinkie MUST be in it, It MUST stay a comedy, and Chrysalis... Probably a mix between the two, like she's not evil, but she's willing to do at least some evil things to get what's best for the hive. Just my opinion though.
HEY .LISTEN!!!images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20101120152440/zelda/es/images/a/ac/Navi.png
you know what I think, yes, it may be a convention instead of a party, but Pinkie can be there. Kuz imagine, what would the attendees eat? love and/or rocks? I say you put here there, but to give Chrysy tips and ideas in how to do a con (and make food n' drinks).
You may make Chrysalis like in this story, but with a hint of Celestia (in her way of thinking(probably)). make that she didn't have a choice to attack Canterlot and she only did it to feed her people/subjects. Maybe once in a while make her act like a bitch, to keep that Chrysy feel.
if you are going to do that thing of villians fighting villians, make sure to have something like a prize so that they would have a real purpose to fight, like a chrystal or something. now, ah ain't gonna make ya choose which villians you're gonna put, but please do put in Xemnas, Bowser (Bowser's Inside Story version), Voldemort, Darth Vader, Ice King, Lex Luthor, The Joker, Isaac's Mom, Dr. Fetus, Hades (Disney), Oogie Boogie and/or Bender. just some
so, to sum it up, Yes remake it
At first, I was
I love this story
cancelled oh no
rewrite, maybe there is still hope.
then I was
then I was
I loved every unnecessary thing in this story, I hope you see the good you had.
I will watch and wait, ever hoping for your glorious return.
Good luck and God speed.
IMO
You should just keep writing it. I was actually wondering where the hell the update was for the past week or so.
I don't really care if it was bad. It was good. Does that even make any sense? I mean... it had the heavy weight of a serious drama, the goofiness of a slapstick comedy, a lot of cool villains from everywhere, and even sitting-on-the-edge-of-your-seat action scenes.
Get your ass back to work *cracks whip*
PS - you do realize that if anyone rewrites or continues this and posts it as a separate story, it won't even come close to this number of favs and likes, and because of that it'll be a huge disappointment. And if it's rewritten, nobody's gonna re-read the whole damn thing, so you'll lose all those people too.
You were writing this for fun.
Why not continue writing this for fun? I mean really. Whenever you feel you are not doing something good with other fanfics, write something silly here.
DPV111 and JJ Malcolm have good points about re-write.
But is re-write really needed?
Maybe you should look at this story as at doodles? Like when artists paint something for amusement without actually taking hours and hours into polishing.
But okay. I'll wait more for next update... Even if it will start from chapter 1.
To tell the truth, I love this fic.
Yes, there are a bit too many characters, but I don't think this is a huge problem if they don't gain too much importance (thrust me: I have experience with too many key characters...).
The duo Pinkie and the not so evil Chrysalis is working really well and should stay; the convention should stay a convention otherway you'll have to face a world scale war (the villains need attention to feel statified, attention bring in the royal army...).
Though to me it's not needed, you shoul rewrite this if you feel that it doesn't meet your standards
Well, I liked the fic as-was (and I just downloaded the current version in html form so I'll be able to read it in case you take it down), and I'm even disappointed to learn the Doctor and Derpy won't be returning in the new version, so my opinion probably isn't the type you're looking for, but:
Keep Pinkie, and keep Sympathetic!Chrysalis.
The reason is simple: Anyone can write a crossover fic that's just an excuse for your favorite heroes/villains to bounce off each other... what makes it interesting, what sets it apart, is what else is going on besides the in-jokes and references. And I think if you are training yourself to be a professional writer, you'll want to set yourself apart from the pack.
The "party" subplot turned it from a one-joke premise into a much more versatile one with more opportunities for chemistry and scenarios. For just one example, you could take that "combat arena" idea you mentioned and include special challenges or rules set up by Pinkie Pie... stuff like that.
And as for Chrysalis, well, I've always found the best comedies are the ones that aren't afraid to play the serious parts seriously. Her character development in your version was great (and you could easily reconcile deeper meanings behind her canon characterization), and every great story needs an arc or emotional journey anyway.
I liked sillines of this. Chrysalis + Pinkie is one of best combo, because who can get along with Pinkie antics? Chrysalis as ruler and cold hearted bitch it's just like in this comics where Pinkie swapped with changeling
I think your underestimating this a little. It was a lot of fun to read and you could never quite guess what was going to be thrown at you next. It also had an odd balance of serious and silly. Either way I enjoyed it, a lot.
As for Chrysalis I vote to have her sympathetic. Nothing kills my interest in a story like two dimensional villains.
Especially when their Changelings.
I like Changelings.
Well, good luck with whatever you do next and more importantly getting a few published books out there. Oh, and remember to have fun doing it! That’s the most important bit.
NOOOOOOOOOO PLEASE DON'T QUIT!!!!
I really enjoyed this fic a lot.
Even if your wish is to be a professional writer, you shouldn't just stop your story when you gets some critic that's not positive.
I mean, the story is funny and very well done so far, I was so looking forward to another chapter.
Each time I read a Chrysalis fic, I wondered "when will Silent Bob upload another chapter" and now that you did, I'm so sad to hear you're cancelling this
Please re-think this through, I'm sure you can finish this fic and still become a professional writer.
Don't forget, a story for a writer is like a child: it needs to be seen, nourished, praised and encouraged. When something goes wrong with it, you make sure it becomes better again. However, no matter how it turns out, a true writer should always love their 'child' with all his/her heart.
DO IT WITH A DON!
images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20090722093904/onepiece/images/9/9c/Tom.jpg
I read it for being fun. I wanted it to continue, but if you don't, I'll find something else.
pinkie sympathetic and comedy
I liked Pinkie and Chrys the way the are, and I liked the IGOM as a more of a convention/evil hobnobbing. Just lose some of the bloat when you go too deep with a mono-logging villain.
HEY! That's it. You're rewriting this because you were just originally writing this for fun?
THAT"S WHAT I DO! I write stories that I enjoy, even if they are kind of stupid, I make hilariously stupid just to have fun. It's about the author's attempt to share their fun with their audience.
Keep that in mind.
(Oh, and I don't believe Chrysalis's a real villain. More of someone who's willing to go the extra mile to help her people.)
AND ZIM AND THE DOCTOR ARE NEVER WASTES OF SPACE! INCLUDE THEM! (Though, get rid of Jack Harness. I never enjoyed that character at all.)
" Even Princess Luna wasn't needed. "
Not you too, so many autors are afraid to give princesses any significant role because they are afraid to put in super powerful Alicorn in fear it will destroy balance of the story, when in reality a well developed and used Celestia or Luna who use her powers effectively in right time can be very enjoyable and not destroy balance.
Also, I do not know what others think about it, but I like Pinkie in this story, and I like Chrysalis and her Hive to be good but hated for who they are.
However it is just my opinion, if many people reading your story think that Luna and PinkiePie should be kicked out and Chrysalis should be evil witch with mindless evil army, then there is nothing I can do about, I may enjoy story less without them, but others may enjoy it more, something for something, in the end quality of the story matters the most.
dawwwww this was one of the few stories i was looking forward to reading
Ok I think you should keep Pinkie, sypathtic Chrytalis and IGOM. Coz that was a good idea just rewrite it so it has less crazy randomness and more of a funnier better plot. So yeah no Zim (although he was funny) and no random Doctor whooves stuff (what was with that anyway?) just do a story where Chrysalis has to host IGOM and gets Pinkie to help her. No sidetracking into random shit. Just plan and simple (but funny)
Oh and Luna (Woona) should still be included. (she is best princess after all) make her act a little bit silly but still serious. (like she just attends the IGOM to make sure nothing can harm Equestria, although she can have a little fun along the way)