Lightening the Load

by Silent Bob

And We Will Give to the Wicked

IGOM Planning Week - Day One of Six

Hive Log, Date 451 ACB. Ugh... I really hate that that stands for 'After Chrysalis' Birth'. If I ever do establish decent relations with other nations, I really need to have that changed. I couldn't look like a bigger narcissist.

Anyway, after a somewhat haunted sleep, filled with the dreams of the Doctor, Princess Luna, and my former mentor, Princess Celestia glaring down upon me with accusatory looks, it's time to begin plans for IGOM. Though Pinkie seems confident that she can pull it off, fate will give the true answer. I hope she knows what she's doing.

Within Chrysalis' quarters, Pinkie paced in front of both Chrysalis and Sarius, the two standing at an iron attention, her own expression stern and menacing. Upon her head she wore a new-age Equestrian army helmet that she just happened to have in her carrying bag.

"I am Gunnery Sergeant Pinkie of the Pinkie Party Planning Corps!" Pinkie shouted in a stern voice. "From now on, you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your mouth will be ma'm! Do you maggots understand that!?"

"Yes, ma'm!" Sarius beamed.

"Why are we doing this again?" Chrysalis groaned in annoyance.

With that, Pinkie broke character and threw her a slightly annoyed, pleading look. "Come on Chryssy, this will totally help me get into the zone!"

She let loose a sigh. "Fine... go on."

With that, Pinkie grinned for a fraction of a second before putting on a grim expression once again.

"At this training session, I don't care if you're zebra, pony, changeling, or even a Diamond Dog! You are all equally silly faces to me! When you graduate from here, you will be weapon; a weapon of fun! Until then, you are the lowliest forms of scum on this island! You're not even mighty morphing bucking beings!"

"Yes, ma'm!" the two sounded off, Chrysalis' sounding less than enthusiastic.

"Bullhockey! Sound off like you've got a pair!" Pinkie roared, gazing at the swarm queen intently.

Chrysalis raised a hoof at that. "We actually don't have any sexual reproduction organs."

Like a tempest, Pinkie stormed in front of her, menace lacing her eyes. "Are you giving me lip, private?!"

"Um... no ma'm!"

"Are you calling me a silly face?!"

"Ma'm?!"

Pinkie's eyes narrowed. "Oh I bet you were! You think you know all about parties already, don't you?! That you don't need my help! Do you have a party cheer, private?!"

"Uhhhh..."

"I SAID, DO YOU HAVE A PARTY CHEER?!"

"Um..." with that, Chrysalis stuck a hoof up into the air and let out a totally lackluster cheer with the best imitation of a happy smile she could put on her face.

"That was pathetic! Work on it!" Pinkie growled, before marching in front of Sarius.

"What's your name, private?!"

"Ma'm, Private Sarius, ma'm!"

"And where are you from?!"

"Hive 12 on the Northern Island, ma'm!"

"The Northern Island?! Holy Celestia! Only fruit lovers come from the Northern Island!"

Sarius' eyes widened "W-What?!"

"You heard me! Tell me something, do you like mmmmm... bananas?!"

A look of bafflement came upon his face not seen in the world for an age. "W-What?!?!"

"Is 'what' yes or no in changeling or something?!" Pinkie roared.

"No ma'm!"

"Then answer the darn question! Do you like mmmm... bananas?!"

With that, Sarius squinted in thought for a second. "Ummm... not really?"

"Bullcrap! I bet you could suck a banana right out of the peel and swallow it whole without even giving it the courtesy of a chew!" With that, she took a step back, sighing, gazing at both him and his queen. "It's obvious I have a lot to teach you, because I can't be expected to host an event this big without some help! Now, can either of you maggots tell me what the first rule to hosting a good party is?!"

Crickets began to chirp... from somewhere.

"Not doing this...?" Chrysalis muttered to herself.

"Ummm... buy a keg?" Sarius said, scratching his head while smiling sheepishly.

With that, Pinkie sighed. "I don't know what you've heard about Equestrian parties, Sarius, but there's more to them than that! The correct answer is know exactly what you're hosting!" With that, she snapped towards Chrysalis. "Private Chryssy, the drill instructor wishes to know exactly what IGOM is."

"Uhhh... the private would like to report that IGOM, to her knowledge, is a three day long event where various peoples of a certain... deviant mindset are gathered together on one world. The purpose of it is for them to relax, clear their minds of their worries, have fun, experience the best a world has to offer as far as entertainment goes, to trade information, knowledge, weapons, and-or technology, and-or to simply chat."

With that, Pinkie nodded thoughtfully, placing a hoof on her chin. "Alright.. so we should view this as setting up a mini-resort as much as hosting a celebration."

With that, Chrysalis raised her eyebrows. "That's... actually a good way to put it."

A wave of relief then came upon her. Pinkie, in all her goofiness definitely seemed to be more intelligent than she let on. Though it was hard to tell at the moment, it was becoming slightly more plausible she could actually pull this off.

"Uhhh... wait, they're bringing weapons?" Sarius pointed out, a nervous look coming across him.

Chrysalis shook her head. "From what I was told when I was invited to the last IGOM event, weapons are forbidden, and any brought will be disabled. The ones brought for trade will be kept in a separate storage area. I don't know how they're supposed to be able to show off their functions but I don't think it's anything we need to worry about."

"Maybe film reels?" Sarius pondered.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Enough chitter-chatter, privates!" Pinkie suddenly roared, the two snapping towards her with their eyes widening in surprise. "Now, anyone care to guess what the second rule to hosting a good party is?!"

Sarius smirked confidently, waving a hoof high. "Oooh! This one must be buy a keg, right?"

"Sarius! That comes later!" Pinkie said, groaning, before she began to pace again. "The second rule of throwing a good party is..." She gave a wide smile. "Know your guests."

Chrysalis nodded. "Well, we know half of them aren't the nicest people of the multiverse. Where can we go from there?"

Pinkie shook her head. "No, I need more details. I want to know exactly who and what these people are. It'll be a big help. For instance, if we're going to have omnivores here I'll have to know to get meat and stuff. Any way I can get what I need?"

With that, Chrysalis and Sarius gazed at each other, before turning back to Pinkie with somewhat guilt-ridden faces.

"Well... we were offered a guest list earlier.... with details of the convention goers on it."

"Ooooh, goodie!" Pinkie bounced, totally breaking character and stowing her army hat away, gaining a curious glance from Sarius. She simply shrugged in response. "I was kind of getting bored of that, anyway." She then turned towards Chrysalis. "It would definitely be super helpful if you could get me that list."

Sarius turned towards Chrysalis at that, a look of grim apprehension upon him. "You know what this means, right?"

"Yes..." she groaned. "I have to chat with Voldemort or Bellatrix again..."

"Who are they?" Pinkie asked, squinting an eyebrow.

"You'll find out soon enough," Chrysalis sighed.

"So now you want the guest list?" Voldemort asked, his cold, calculating and noseless face within the Proloquor Orb as the party trio gathered around it. "What changed your mind?"

"Well, for one thing I want to know how many people are attending," Chrysalis explained. "I'd also like to know a bit about them. It'll help me plan the convention a bit."

"Mmm... how is it coming, anyway?" the dark lord asked curiously.

"Tell Him that it's definitely happening," Chrysalis said.

"And that it's definitely going to be super fun!" Pinkie beamed.

With that, Voldemort actually smiled slightly. "I do hope so... I could stand to get away from things here for just a bit... running a ministry you've just taken by force can be so tiresome at times..."

Chrysalis raised an eyebrow with a slight hint of disdain coming upon her face. "Aren't you worried something might happen while you're away?"

Voldemort smirked at that. "Was that a hint of concern?"

"Don't flatter yourself; I'm just curious," Chrysalis glared.

His smirk didn't die. "Well, the answer is 'no', since while the event will be lasting three days in your universe, it will only be one day in mine. Your universe is... aging quicker than mine, as luck would have it."

"Ugh, I hate this science crap..." Sarius groaned.

"Yeah, it's super ultra confusing!" Pinkie whispered back.

"Shhh..." Chrysalis said.

"Now then," Voldemort continued. "I'll have the guest list sent to as soon as possible. Expect it within the hour."

"Thank you," Chrysalis said, actually sending him a polite smile before shutting off the orb.

"Well, he seemed less douchey today," Sarius said, a look of surprise upon him. "I wonder what got him in such a good mood?"

"Oooh! Maybe he found out how to regrow his nose!" Pinkie giggled, Sarius letting out a laugh as Chrysalis rolled her eyes.

"Or maybe he just got done burning down an orphanage," Sarius added on, before putting on a look of ponder. "Or wait, what if last night him and that Bellatrix woman..." His eyes widened in horror. "OH SWEET HEAVENS, WHY DID MY MIND GO THERE?!"

Sixty-Three Minutes Later

The party trio sat on the carpet of Chrysalis' room, chatting about the event as they waited for the guest list to arrive.

"... well, if we're going to be housing a ton of guests I'm going to need to get my..." Chrysalis' eyes narrowed. "Father to grow a ton more quarters..."

"We'll also need to get a ton of nice furniture!" Pinkie beamed.

"That could be a problem," Chrysalis said. "Changelings don't have much for home comforts. We have a few recreational areas with some furniture in them but that's about it. Because of a lack of need, we don't really have any carpenters or people like that."

"We do have a minor trade relation with the Zebrica Nation, right?" Sarius noted. "Maybe we could get some from them."

"They really do make comfortable beds," Pinkie added.

Chrysalis shook her head, a guilt-ridden look coming upon her. "After my invasion of Canterlot they broke all diplomatic ties."

"Well, there's got to be some place we can get furniture and stuff from..." Sarius said.

With that, Chrysalis let loose a sigh. "Let's put a pin on this topic for later. One of us will think of something," she said confidently, though she quickly grunted impatiently afterwards. "Now where in the world is that guest list?"

It had to have been sixty minutes, and there was still no sign of it whatsoever. She didn't know how it was coming, but Voldemort promised it would be delivered.

"I hope it's coming soon!" Pinkie bounced. "I'm going to need it to plan a bit mo-"

With that, she suddenly froze, and a look of concern was thrown upon her by the swarm queen. It was quite unusual for the pink mare to hold still for over two seconds, and for her to stop talking was something of a miracle.

"Pinkie?"

The pink mare didn't respond, and it soon became apparent that she didn't even seem to be breathing anymore. Chrysalis' eyes widened in shock at this, and she soon noticed that Sarius seemed to be frozen at well. It was as if time itself had just... stopped.

However, that was the least of the things that would send chills up the swarm queen's spine, for within a second came a voice that echoed about right from out of the netherworld, one that could make one sweat despite its coldness; its piercing, otherwordly tone.

"Queen Chrysalis..."

And suddenly, the room darkened. Now, it was as if she was standing in a black abyss. She wished she could call for help, but now it seemed as if her voice was as frozen as Pinkie's; along with the rest of her.

Comments

[Magnum the Critic]

The entire chapter can be sumed up in one emoticon.

[TheAlmightySage]

Full Metal Jacket. FK YEAH.

Brilliant chapter.

[CTVulpin]

I like the Pinkie Pie and Voldey-puppet scene dividers. Very creative.

[Rainbow87dash]

Pinkie's eyes narrowed. "Oh I bet you were! You think you know all about parties already, don't you?! That you don't need my help! Do you have a party cheer, private?!"
"Uhhhh..."
"I SAID, DO YOU HAVE A PARTY CHEER?!"
"Um..." with that, Chrysalis stuck a hoof up into the air and let out a totally lackluster cheer with the best imitation of a happy smile she could put on her face.
"That was pathetic! Work on it!" Pinkie growled, before marching in front of Sarius.
"What's your name, private?!"
"Ma'm, Private Sarius, ma'm!"
"And where are you from?!"
"Hive 12 on the Northern Island, ma'm!"
"The Northern Island?! Holy Celestia! Only fruit lovers come from the Northern Island!"
Sarius' eyes widened "W-What?!"
"You heard me! Tell me something, do you like mmmmm... bananas?!"
A look of bafflement came upon his face not seen in the world for an age. "W-What?!?!"
"Is 'what' yes or no in changeling or something?!" Pinkie roared.
"No ma'm!"
"Then answer the darn question! Do you like mmmm... bananas?!"
With that, Sarius squinted in thought for a second. "Ummm... not really?"

Two references Full metal jacket. Let me see your war face
And Trollestia Do you like um bananas?
Um no
So your a ummmm Beyatch that doesn't like ummm bananas
Hey that's a little mean
Your a Beyatch that doesn't like ummm bannanas
Hey wait a minu-
Your a Beyatch that doesn't like bannanas
Wai
Your a bitch that doesn't like bannanas? Well your not gonna find any bannanas
On the mmmmmooooooooonnnnnnnnnnah. BEYETCH

[CommanderX5]

Heh, Time stop for everyone except the one with who the bad guy want to talk with, classic.

[pononymous]

1404936
AGREED!

[Rikki]

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"You heard me! Tell me something, do you like mmmmm... bananas?!"

That reference to MLP:Friendship is magic, bitch made me laugh really hard

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