The rest of the afternoon had progressed nicely. Since I couldn’t read the menu at lunch, I decided to ask Snow for any recommendations. Snow suggested a salad sandwich, so that is what I asked for (minus any flowers). I also requested another apple to go with it. The meal was quite good. Despite her knowing I cannot use horn magic, Snow still seemed to regard my eating methods to be weird. I guess I haven’t seen how non-unicorns eat yet, I can’t quite figure out how they could do much with these hooves. Soft Wing didn’t join us for lunch as he was relieved by another guard for his own lunch break.
After lunch, we regrouped and Snow took us back into the gardens. Soft Wing continued to trail silently behind as before. I’m starting to feel a little bit sorry for him with how his job is to just follow us around silently; he doesn’t really do much.
Anyway, instead of taking us back into the flower garden where we went before, Snow Blossom led us round to another area of the gardens which was filled with statues. There were a lot of statues to see. The majority of the statues were of ponies, standing in a range of poses and holding strange things, although there were a couple depicting other creatures. Snow was more than happy to talk about the stories behind each one.
Of course, the statues weren’t the only thing to see. Right along the back of the garden was a massive hedge wall. Towards the middle of the garden, it extended outwards a bit. Judging by the structure and from what I could see through the singular entranceway, I determined it to be a hedge maze. Well actually more of a labyrinth. Sadly, we never had a chance to go in as Snow didn’t want us to be late for the meeting.
Eventually, we had come to a dirt patch near one of the hedge maze’s corners. I could tell that a statue had once been positioned there, but had since been removed. Snow Blossom told me that it once held the statue of Discord, a spirit of chaos whom she claimed had been imprisoned in stone by some magical artifacts called the Elements of Harmony. His statue was no longer here because he had apparently been released on the terms of reformation. So am I to assume that at least some of these garden statues could actually be petrified beings? Although Snow Blossom’s stories around the others didn’t hint at anything like that.
By the time we had to leave for the meeting, the sun had reached a low point in the sky, casting an orange glow over the horizon. The view from the mountains was spectacular, with nothing there to obstruct the view. But we couldn’t stay outside to watch the sunset. Which leads into now. We are now walking through the carpeted marble hallways once more. The wall torches are lit now that the sun is setting and I can see a lot of ponies around us. What intrigues me though, is that there are now two guard uniforms visible. Instead of just wearing gold, there are now some guards wearing a combination of silver and dark indigo. Stranger than that are the appearances of the new guards themselves, most notably, their eyes. Unlike all the other ponies I’ve seen, these guards have slitted eyes, along with other differences such as tufted ears and strange wings.
We make our way up a wide staircase, turning right at the top fork and then continuing through a long hallway. We then ascend up one last set of stairs before we reach our destination. We are now outside a large arched set of double doors. It’s made of a dark blue wood with gold lining forming patterns across its surface. On each door is an insignia, the left door bearing a stylized sun and the other, a crescent moon. The door is flanked by four guards, a pair on each side, with the gold-bearing guards on the left and the indigo guards on the right. Each pair is comprised of a mare and a stallion.
Standing just outside with Snow, I notice Soft Wing going up to the gold-bearing guards and saluting. One salutes back and Soft takes his leave back the way we came. Then a guard from the other side goes to knock on the door.
“Announcing miss Snow Blossom and guest…uhh…Jonathan?”
Suddenly, I feel my bed covers pulled from my back and watch them get flung to the side with a pale green aura. I look over to Snow, who simply smiles back. The golden-clad guards are pretty unfazed by my sudden reveal, but the other pair momentarily lose their composure.
“You may enter!”
The guards are quick to respond to the voice and a unicorn from the left ignites his horn to open the door. As we step over the threshold, I am greeted with the sight of a large round room. In the middle is a circular table, which two ponies are seated at. These ‘ponies’ if you can call them that are a lot bigger than any other pony I’ve seen so far. I guess that might explain the oversized hallways and doors everywhere. Anyway, both of these large ponies are alicorns, based on the fact that they each have both wings and a horn. The white one is the largest of the two and has an ethereal three-tone pastel mane which seems to float in an invisible breeze. The blue one is a lot smaller, but still too large to pass for an average pony. She also possesses a floaty mane, although hers is a two-tone blue filled with lots of white sparkles which make it look like a starry night sky. They both seem to have an aura of power and regality.
I then notice that Snow Blossom is bowing. Oh no, was I meant to bow too? These ponies are royalty. I somewhat hastily and clumsily copy Snow’s position, to the amusement of the blue princess.
“You may rise, Snow Blossom and… Jonathan,” the tallest declares.
The blue one stifles a giggle at this.
“Jonathan… what an unusual name!”
The white one glares at her.
“Luna, you should not laugh at our guests.”
Turning to face ahead, she addresses us, while motioning with her hoof to the table.
“Please, come take a seat.”
I cautiously move forwards towards one of the empty floor cushions, but stop when I notice Snow not following.
“Snow Blossom, would you care to join us?”
“Oh, right, of course your majesties.”
She moves to catch up to me and we both take a seat.
Luna speaks up.
“A warm welcome to thee, Jonathan of the land Earth. It must be a faraway land if we have not heard of it, but a warm welcome all the same. We look forward to hearing of your homeland and we would be happy to teach you of ours in return.”
Celestia continues.
“I am Princess Celestia, co-ruler of Equestria, alongside my sister Princess Luna. While you are here however, you need not address us by our titles. How have you been enjoying your stay at the castle Jonathan?”
“Well, the food is nice, I especially enjoyed the apples served from the cafeteria. I also liked the gardens. Snow Blossom gave me a tour around them and shared some of the stories about the garden statues.”
Snow remains quiet, she seems nervous, likely from being in the presence of the princesses. I have to admit that their size could make them seem quite imposing.
“Our apples are fresh from Sweet Apple Acres in Ponyville, I’m glad that you liked them. Whilst in the gardens, did you try any of the flowers? I hear the Twisted Celembolia is excellent this time of year.”
“I did try a flower at Snow Blossom’s suggestion, but I have never been partial to them and I do not plan on trying any more.”
“See sister, not all ponies enjoy eating flowers. Now would you please stop asking me to sample your garden every time we walk there?”
Interesting, so I’m not the only one who doesn’t like flowers.
Celestia rolls her eyes, opting not to respond to Luna’s request.
“Snow Blossom, how has your day been today?”
“Yes, umm, it has been good Princess.”
There is a moment's silence when she did not elaborate.
Luna, who is starting to look a little bored with the conversation, decides to ask her own question.
“Say Jonathan, you wouldn’t happen to know any other alicorns from outside Equestria would you?”
Easy question, I’ve never been anywhere else on this planet and I highly doubt winged unicorns could exist and remain hidden on Earth. I wasn’t an alicorn myself back there, yet I can’t recall much of what I actually was…
“No, I am unaware of any other alicorns.”
Snow finally decides to speak up.
“Jonathan mentioned to me that Earth hasn’t even got unicorns or pegasi, only earth ponies. He knows only of them through mythology books, and that no alicorns were ever mentioned.”
Luna looks disappointed at this.
Celestia continues with the conversation.
“Thank you Snow Blossom. This news is slightly worrying, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for the inhabitants of Earth, yet it is not my place to worry about how other countries operate, unless of course they require assistance. There are more pressing matters at hoof. Jonathan, do you know how old you are?”
“15 years.”
“In accordance with our legal system, you are still a foal and as such, I hope you understand that we cannot allow you to leave the castle without an approved guardian. Only Snow Blossom and a select few palace staff will be approved to take you outside, and even then, you will require prior confirmation and planning of any excursions.”
Well, there goes any hope of leaving this place. I can only hope that the princess won’t keep me confined to the castle too long, I can imagine it'll start to get boring after some time. Still, it would be the same rules as on Earth, even if a little stricter. Maybe after a while, they’ll eventually trust me enough to let me out on my own. Although I kind of doubt that considering my condition.
“I understand. It is similar on Earth.”
“I hope that you also understand that you are obligated to receive schooling. You are new to Equestria and we cannot know how long you will be here for, we feel it is best that you learn a little bit about Equestria’s own history and culture. Of course, you’ll also be required to learn the other base subjects: Ponish, maths and magic.”
Wait, did she say I’d have to learn magic? As in horn magic? But then she said it was a base subject… I guess a lot of things in this world are magic, it can’t be just unicorns. I wonder if they still do regular sciences. Maths seems okay, I think I remember doing well in my old life. And Ponish? That must be the language here, and now they discover I can’t read written Ponish. I guess that means I’ll need to relearn how to read and write. Spoken Ponish seems indistinguishable from spoken English so the written language can’t be that different can it? That is of course, assuming that there’s not some random magic translation effect.
“Your first lesson will be tomorrow afternoon to assess what you already know and help us better understand your own education so we can prepare your syllabus. You will have tomorrow morning free as well as Sunday to help you get accustomed to the castle.”
“Sister, I am hungry, stop stalling and let us feast.”
My stomach agrees with Luna. Snow’s does too, to her embarrassment.
Celestia’s horn glows for a second. A side door that I hadn’t noticed before then opens and a unicorn waiter comes out, levitating an assortment of food out with him. As soon as the table is set, he leaves us.
“Tis about time…”
Celestia stifles a giggle, then uses her magic to remove the silver domes. My nose is hit by a sudden barrage of exotic smells. Luna is quick to levitate an item from each plate onto her own and Snow has gone back to being nervous again. Celestia, upon seeing this, levitates something onto Snow’s plate. Snow smiles nervously and begins to take her own selection.
I peer around at the various food items. Barely anything is anywhere near recognisable to me. I take a sniff from the closest plate. It appears to hold white creamy looking oblongs resting on a layer of pastry and with a blueish flower bud on top. It doesn’t smell too bad, but I have no idea how I would pick it up with hooves so I move on. It had a flower anyway.
“Anything wrong Jonathan? Do you see anything you might like?” Celestia asks.
Then I catch a whiff of apple scent coming from a nearby pie. I carefully clasp a trowel-shaped-pie-collection-thing-that-I-don’t-know-the-name-of between two hooves and manoeuvre it to pry out a slice and awkwardly drop it onto my plate.
I barely notice the other ponies stop to regard my method of pie retrieval as I instead need to figure out how to get this pie slice from my plate and into my mouth. Unlike a sandwich, this isn’t a dry food and my upper-hooves are covered in fur (yeah I don’t know horse terminology). I can’t just pick it up that way since it’d get my fur messy. Why do I even care about keeping my fur clean anyway… this isn’t even my true body!
I glance over at Snow who now appears to be holding a pie slice in one hoof. Her hoof just seems to be almost glued to the back of the pastry. How is that even physically possible? Her horn isn’t even glowing. I twist my hoof round so I can study it. It has a slight indentation in the middle with a few tiny strands of hair. I can feel some muscles, which when tensed, flatten out the indent and straighten the hairs. I blow on them, it tickles.
But anyway, back to the matter at hand- or hoof I guess. Somehow, pony hooves can pick things up, and I need to figure out how to do it too. Hopefully, the answer is not just magic and these things do actually have some physical mechanism. I place my hoof against the pie and of course, nothing happens. I try squeezing the muscles in my hoof, the sensory hairs are tickles as they are pushed against the pie. Unfortunately, no sticking force.
“Tis is worse than we thought sister… Jonathan, do you not know how to use even simple hoof magic? How can a pony not know their own base magic… unless you weren’t exposed to a strong enough thaumic field? No pegasi or unicorns to speak of… yes it all adds up.”
Momentarily distracted from my hoof dilema, I am confused.
“Huh, what adds up?”
“How strong was Earth’s thaumic field?”
“If you’re talking about magic, then I could say Earth doesn’t really have any. At least not that is known of.”
“No magic?! This must be corrected at once! Now Jonathan, thou must concentrate within yourself… and… uhh… one moment please, tis hard for me to explain.”
I turn back to my pie slice and just eat it straight off the plate. I was hungry okay. I go back to scouting out the table. As nice as the apple pie was, I need to find something that isn’t so hard to manage. Those salad buns look good. After quickly checking to make sure they are devoid of flower buds or hay, I pick it up between my hooves and eat it. Luna seems to still be struggling with an explanation. I begin to eat another as Luna leans over and whispers something to Celestia. Ignoring them, I continue eating and after a third bun, I am full. It seems Snow Blossom is too.
“Well, it appears that everypony has had their fill. It is late and I must turn in for the night. It was good meeting with you both,” Celestia announces.
And with that said, we thank the princesses, stand up and leave. Snow gives a quick bow to the princesses before a guard detaches from the door guard. She speaks for a second to Snow Blossom before returning to join princess Celestia who is on her way out.
“Come Jonathan, it is getting late.”
She leads me down the corridor, in the same direction as the princess went, but not the same way we had come before. The hallways are now almost entirely lit by torches, but with a decent amount of moonlight filtering in through the windows. The carpeted floors keep our hoofsteps silent in through the cool corridors.
Snow eventually stops us outside a room. I can tell it wasn’t the same one I had woken up in this morning, but it still has a set of guards outside like my old one; except that these are now the darker variant.
“Jonathan, here is your new room where you will be staying for the rest of your time at the castle.”
“But what about the one where I was before?”
“Oh, that was just a standard guest room. The night guard patrol didn’t want to wake you, so they took you to the most convenient location at the time, which happened to be the guest wing. Good night, let the guards know if you need any assistance, I'm turning in for the night.”
Snow lets out a wide yawn before wandering off up the hallway, leaving me alone with the guards outside my room. I am tired too, so I push through the doors and make my way inside. After passing through another room that I don't bother to examine, I reach the my bedroom. Somehow, this room is even bigger than the last one, and so is the bed. How can it be even more oversized? I could probably lay myself fully spread out twice back-to-back, and that’s just the shortest section. The bed is more oval shaped, wider in the middle and longest down its length. Gingerly, I climb on top, my hooves sinking deep into its soft surface. I barely nose under the blankets before sleep claims me.
plotting and scheming is afoot
It would be nice to see what happens next at the cloud maybe they both take place in the same world? Like all we know is both woke up with one falling from the sky and the other on a street. They both barely remember much so something must of happened that they both were involved in some way.
This is SOOOO cliche, that i honestly can rate this chapter down just because of it. And then additional fact that you use it second time. That part could have been written differently and much more.... let's say "smoothly", without referring to cliche that we have. Without it chapter is great.
But then again - if this is how you like to write it - do it. There is as much opinions as there is people.
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Thank you for your feedback, I will reread that section. I don't remember the second mention, but I will review and see if any minor changes may be made.
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Chapter 3
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Ok, I guess it is a little cliche to refer to the stomach. I don't think stomachs actually behave that way, but a lot of people just write it that way so yeah... cliche. Probably won't stop me from doing it in the long run, but I do aim to gloss over future meal sections and avoid repeating already covered things in detail (such as walking through the castle).
I wonder what if he or she was hiding from the world, main6 and princesses in search of a way back to earth? It was fun reading while looking for a new alicorn while looking for a way to bring it back home. So, I'll keep an eye on the story for now.
I get why Luna and Celestria are concerned about what they're hearing about Earth, even if this just stratches the surface of it. Earth would be pretty horrifying to Ponies, and most species in general, and I'm just talking about how the planet is naturally and not the actions of humans.
The natural weather of the Everfree Forest scares Ponies but that weather is very tame compared to the extreme weather that occurs way too often all over Earth.
Monsoons, tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, heat waves, etc. Things like these don't really happen in Equestria, or at least are minimized, thanks to Pegasi Weather Teams.
It's a shame that the Princesses don't know where the country of Earth is. :)
At least they appear to be sympathetic to his situation. It can't have been nice having to live without such a basic necessity as magic.
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And he keeps saying “on” earth. Maybe I am too much of a sci fi person but that phrase would raise a few flags in my head.
good chapter
Well now, it seems like the are doing the tests on him in integrating with other ponies in a regular school Setting or maybe at CSfGU probably, I wonder what ponies or foals would react to have a alicorn/pegacorn as a fellow school mate, if Celestia is sending his there then it mean he will be treated normally by everypony regardless being in the crown care or not, probably was the same for Cadance; if he chooses to live a normal life among ponies that won't cause him trouble. I am guessing he will want wear his cloak simply for not feeling nude.
I do like the way this story is progressing.
Keep up the good work.
Monk
I know I already said it, but, escape to where? I sincerely wish Jonathan would take half a flipping second to just think about what his plans are, just a moment to consider the consequences. Let's say he "escapes" the castle and leaves Canterlot. .... Then what? He "got away", cool. What is he planning on doing now? Find a way back home? Cool, easy, step 1 of that plan: ask a pony about magic relating to transportation between worlds. IF ONLY THERE WAS A PLACE WHERE HE COULD DO THAT.
Johnathan, you silly billy, spend a femtosecond actually thinking about WHY you want to do something instead of just how.
Why isnt anyone else noticing how bare bones that meeting in the dinning room was with the Princesses.
You act twelve... at best.
WHY!
Why are you trying to escape? Why where you hiding to begin with? Who are you hiding from? This boy acts like some vagabond runaway that believes the adults are out to get him. You have three stories, three mysteries, two blank slates... or he was blank. The scene with the guard gave us something more.
This isn't third person, it is first; we should be privy to some of the motivations he has but we're not.
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Indeed! I expressed concerns last chapter too.
"Unicorns and pegasai are myths to you? Ok!"
"Oh, you can't do magic? I think i know a trick just give me a moment..." he's asleep... an hour later? Are we going to get a dreamwalk segment? Humans are often portrayed as being more chaotic minded than ponies; is Luna going to be the villain as she tries to sus out the 'spawn of chaos'?
"Food done; bedtime!"
My takeaway? They don't care.
All this was was Celestia dominating Jonathan and him submitting. They didn't ask about how he got there or dig deeper for more information that Snow doesn't have (and hasn't shared as she hasn't been apart from him long enough; or is that happening now?), they don't seem to care what his culture is like, never asked what he likes to do in his free time. Nothing. Too much apathy here. They have seen to his basic needs; food, shelter and education. They are finished with him.
I have no idea where the story is going to go.
Still... I must compliment the descriptions.
You really instill that he is in absolute awe of this place. You make Equestria sound like the wonderland that it is; most authors skip this part shortchanging the impact of switching worlds.
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I am 16, but I do not really have enough social experience to match behaviour with age. I simply chose a random number.
The character doesn't necessarily want to escape, but more might get bored and wants to see more of the area. I don't know that I understand Jonathan very well and am still new to writing (especially in the area of characters). I agree that I have not conveyed his perception of the scenario very well. I have literally no idea where I am going with this story. I found this chapter difficult to write and I guess it had some shortcomings. I will try to reread and try to find places where I can improve, as well as maybe making a few minor changes before next chapter.
Thank you for your feedback!
Modified:
• mention of escape - it is no longer 'escape' but 'leaving since the castle might get boring'
• more clarification around out-of-castle excursions
• more continuity with Luna struggling to understand basic hoof magic
• minor word changes and grammar fixes
well i thought i was a well thought out story and i enjoyed every minute of it great job and thank u
You've made a common error here, the possessive pronouns don't have apostrophes. Remember:
When they go to the beach, they're going to be careful that the sand doesn't get in their sandwiches there.
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Thank you for finding that error. Despite knowing the rule, I've still found myself using the wrong version quite a lot recently.
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well I guess you get to discover the character along with us. But yeah there goes his plan of hiding his wings. Also I thought he might have been 18.
Seeing a world where ponies are a docile species would be as horrifying as Equestria as the Planet of the Apes was for Charlton Heston.
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New paragraph when someone is talking.
I'm surprised he didn't immediately tell everyone he's not a pony or that the world is fiction and other usual shite the brain dead's on this site always do. Are we gonna actually get some originality for once like fun misunderstandings, amusing/heartbreaking interludes with other characters reactions to the inserts stories and actions?
I have a feeling I'm gonna be disappointed.
great chapter
This reminds me of spiders...
Not much of anything is happening so far eh?
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The story is more of a slow-ish slice of life. I don't want to go all big villain with it; so I don't know how far it will go, just that it won't be very ambitious. The story is burning out for me anyway so I'll be moving onto something else (with a little more storyline) soon. Whether this one will still be continued a bit longer depends on audience reception I guess.
Funny that Luna failed to explain how to use the most basic pony magic. Guess it's a case of not knowing how to explain something you were born with and taken for granted. You just do it whichever that is.
If you ever get around to rewriting these chapters, you should really consider changing the dialogue. It feels somewhat unnatural and more like railroading. It's like you know what points you need to cover in the chapter but you don't spend the time developing how the characters would bring certain things up like Johnathan being a foal and thus needing to be cared for.
There's also the issue of some plot points not making a lot of sense. "You're 15 and are a foal and you randomly appeared in an alley and we are keeping you and enrolling you in school because you are young but we won't ask you about your parents or try to ask you subtly or directly how and why you're here and why your parents aren't here with you. Also we think you're weird and foreign like you aren't a pony or something."
That's an exaggeration of what I'm talking about but I hope it gets the point across. Celestia and Luna don't talk much like Celestia and Luna in this chapter. I can see you tried with Celestia and Luna bantering between themselves, but you lost it when they started covering your plot points.
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