The Mask
Leaves rustled harshly as the force of wind caused the trees to sway, birds fleeing from their perches, ponies gazing up in amazement at the spectacle, as a trail of rainbow streaked across the sky in a flurry of speed. They hooted and hollered, cheering on the world's fastest pegasus - Rainbow Dash, leaving gusts of air and dirt in her wake where she passed. Behind her, a not-so-nearly-as-fast pegasus followed behind by about a mile, huffing from exertion, another poor attempt in taking on Rainbow's offer for a race. No trail of color was left behind, no gusts of wind and no cheers from the spectators as he passed, sweat practically dripping from his dark grey coat and two-toned, messy green mane.
Rainbow swooped down low to the ground to pass the finish line - a roll of toilet paper held across the trail by the cutie mark crusaders who cheered for their friends, including the struggling colt, knowing he tried his best. Upon crossing, she turned herself upwards at a sudden and sharp angle, having achieved another victory over her opponent, though this was to be expected.
"Oooohhhh yeaaahh!" Rainbow cheerfully pumped a hoof in the air several times, no regard for her frazzled mane and tail. "That's another win for me, Flit!" said Rainbow. "What does that make us? Twenty and Zero?" she might've asked a bit too ecstatically down at her opponent who collapsed in a heap across the line several moments after her.
She earned a groan and a roll of the eyes from The colt known as Flit Wing.
"Does it really surprise you that much you've won...again? I've lost count of how many times now I've been beaten by you," he huffed, picking himself up from the dirt with a heavy sigh and dusting himself off and fixing his mane. "Shouldn't you be challenging somepony who can actually take you on?"
Rainbow Dash came to a soft landing in front of her friend and tussled his mane after he had just fixed it. "Hey, you came in really close. You're getting better, so don't beat yourself up or I might have to do that for you!" she exclaimed in a playful tone, gently shoving the colt with a friendly chuckle. "As for your question, Lightning Dust hit the road a long time ago. You're pretty cool, so that's why I like racing you, you don't turn me down or give up, even though you feel you'll lose every time. I respect that a lot about you, dude!"
Flit Wing couldn't help but roll his eyes again, having not expected such encouraging words, even though that sort of thing was the norm coming from Rainbow Dash. "I really don't think I'll ever be as fast as you, or as cool, but it's still fun either way. It's nice to have such nice friends," the colt smiled, which Rainbow Dash gladly returned.
"Yeah, you did really good!" said Scootaloo from the side. "Yeah you were pretty much obliterated.... again....," she coughed, a hoof over her mouth, "But at least you finished!"
"What she said!" said the other two CMC in unison.
Rainbow smiled and took flight again, hovering just above the ground. "Anyway, it was nice racing you again, but I got stuffs to go take care of. Same time next week?"
Flit sighed heavily and scuffed a hoof in the dirt with a nod. "Yes, Rainbow. You can beat me again next week."
"Great!" Rainbow pumped her hoof again. "Smell ya later!" she saluted and flew off into the distance with much gusto.
Flit Wing couldn't help but wonder where she gets all that energy from. Being surrounded by ponies, his body passively sucks in love so much he has to mentally think about it to not do so as to not over eat, and despite all of that, he can barely manage a single ten minute race. Perhaps trying to keep up with the fastest flier in Equestria was more of a drain on his own energy than he first would've guessed.
He made his goodbyes to the CMC and began walking back into town, certainly taking his time to allow his body to recuperate from his race with Rainbow Dash. At least he got his fill for the afternoon with that small speech Rainbow had given him. She was his favorite to hang out with in that regard. She was an endless pit of love with how loyal she is to her friends.
Friends....
Flit Wing sighed. He saw Rainbow as a friend as well as her friends and many other ponies in Ponyville.... however he knew they could only think they're friends with him, but if they knew his secret, he knew they certainly wouldn't be so eager to see him. It hurt him on a day to day basis he had to pretend to be someone else and lie and toy with their feelings. The other ponies were friends with Flit Wing, and not the changeling he really was. This ached his heart to no end. He could feel tears welling up in his eyes - as much as he enjoyed spending time with his friends, he didn't enjoy lying.
He could recall when he first stumbled across Ponyville.... literally. His right hind leg was fractured, he had a broken rib or two and a pounding headache, his chitin was severely cracked in several places. But that's what happens when you're launched into the air by what was pretty much an anti-changeling spell to the exact definition of what it did. He had a very nice greeting with several tree branches...though he had to be thankful...changelings were extremely resilient to bodily damage, however, had those trees not been there, the trajectory he followed would have surely spelt death for him.
He had been discovered by none other than Rainbow Dash days later, after several miles of limping under the cover of trees and bushes. However, he made a slip by tripping his bad leg on a fallen log.... his yelp attracting the attention of his now friend. With the last of his energy, he willed to transform, and lost consciousness. As a changeling, being found out, especially in the condition he was in, was a fate worse than death.
It was during his recovery that a certain truth dawned on him.
All his life he'd been taught that ponies were the scum of existence, per the words of the queen herself. However, as he spent weeks healing in the Ponyville General hospital, he came to the realization that ponies were none of the things his queen said they were. They showed him they were kind and caring, without prejudice, even though he was rather cold to them at first. They didn't shun him away like his own kind did, or turn away when he asked for help. They tolerated him and showed no sign of giving up on him, especially Rainbow who'd practically saved his life.
When he was finally released from the hospital, it was then he was faced with one of the hardest choices of his life - to either leave behind his first friend, return to the hive and let his time in Ponyville become a distance thought in his mind to be forgotten. However, this meant returning to the constant starving hive life, being treated like the dirt under his hooves. Or, stay in Ponyville, learn to adapt and constantly be fed.... but be considered a deserter, unable to ever return - exiled.
The walk back to town was a long one at the pace he was going. He picked his poison and had to live with it. He no longer belonged where he came from, and here, he had an image to maintain, or be removed again.... thus is the life of a changeling. There is no easy way out, there is only stealing, lying and pretending. It baffled him how much being around ponies has changed him, and that he'd made friends with the exact group that defeated Chrysalis and the entire army she brought. What would they do to him if they found out?
In his thoughts, the time continued on into the evening hours, the sun barely sat above the horizon, bringing the end of another day of his new life and the weight he carried on his shoulders. By this time, there were far less ponies about and many kiosks left empty, the dirt paths riddled with hoof prints, and stores had been closed up for the night. However, a certain store - Sugarcube Corner - he knew was still open. If he felt hungry for physical food, and still get his fill on love, nothing beat Pinkie's treats.
He stood just outside the door, taking a moment to recompose himself. He wiped his eyes, cleared his throat and put on his signature smile, one that ponies would see as a happy go lucky colt, without a worry and enjoying his day. He stepped inside, finding the store empty, other than a certain blue mare with her mane styled like a soft serve of ice cream clearly buying her time, cheek resting on the counter as she sat in a chair.
"Slow evening?" Flit asked, stepping up to the display case. It came as no surprise to him that by this time, many displays were either empty, with nothing more than crumbs, or with few remaining delicacies. He gave a sad mental sigh, seeing the apple fritters were all taken. He knew he should have come earlier.
Mrs. Cake lifted her head tiredly and nodded slowly. "It was really busy earlier today, so I suppose anypony who wanted treats came then. I havent had a customer in at least an hour," she sighed. "How are you settling in, Flit? Must be interesting living with Rainbow Dash, hmm?"
Flit mentally cringed at her word choices, but knew she didn't mean to imply anything - he certainly didn't have that kind of relationship with Rainbow Dash. She was simply letting him crash at her place till he can get his own.
"Yeah, she's certainly eccentric. Boisterous and full of endless energy when she's out and about, but when she's home, it's like she's a whole other mare entirely. Guess she spends it all before calling it a night. I've been on her to cook actual meals, and not just slap flowers between bread all the time." he shrugged.
Mrs. Cake gave a small laugh at that. "Never thought a pony like her would deflate so much at home. Anyway, before I waste any more of your time, clearly you're here for something yummy!"
"Yes, I am, actually...Rainbow gets on me to eat better foods and not just sweets. Guess it's her revenge.... but um.... I noticed you don't have any apple fritters...." said Flit with a bit of sorrow in his tone as he scanned the display cases for anything else he might settle for. He knew everything was good, so it was going to be hard to choose. He could practically taste the love radiating from even the few remaining treats. It made him salivate with much hunger...
Mrs. Cake laughed again. "Well, don't you worry about looking, none, I'll be right back," she smiled, moving from her chair and into a back room.
Flit was confused by this, tilting his head at her, but opted to see what she had in store out of curiosity. He waited patiently, but only for a moment before Mrs. Cake returned with a small white paper bag in her mouth and deposits it on the counter in front of Flit. "I know just how much you love your apple fritters, so I kept one in back for you," she smiled as she watched Flit peer like a child into the bag.
True to her word, there it was, a glazed fritter with chunks of cinnamon dusted apples, just begging to be eaten. Sure this must have been made a while ago, and was by no means fresh, but it was better than no fritter at all. His jaw dropped agape, eyes wide, his favorite treat right there.
"B-but...y-you didn't have to do that for me!" Flit blushed. "I would have easily bought something else!"
"It was no trouble, really!" Mrs. Cake waved a hoof dismissively. "It's yours. On the house," she smiled.
Flit could feel himself tearing up again...these darn ponies were making him soft and he hated it. "Thank you! Thank you so much!" his wings flapped excitedly, taking the bag in his mouth and waving goodbye before leaving.
The flight home was quiet, though Flit flew a bit faster home than usual, eager to dig into his treat. These ponies sure were very generous. First they save his life, offer him a roof over his head, unconditional friendship and now, the best part, a free apple fritter! He wasn't sure how he was going to be able to pay them back for everything.
He enters Rainbow's home, the lights were all off. Perhaps she went to bed early. He knew that'd be good for her. He wasn't sure how she kept up her physique with some of the choices she made. He shook his head to himself. In a few months he went from a potential pony take over, to caring so much about them. Perhaps they drugged him with something in the hospital.
However, before he could step even a few hooves into the dark home, he tripped on something, his precious apple fritter flung from his mouth, landing several hooves in front of him.
"OOF!" he grunted. "What was that?" he turned over onto his back to take a look. "Tank? What are you doing in front of -"
"BOOO!" came the voice of Rainbow Dash as her face suddenly filled his view.
"AAGH!" Flit screeched, squirming pitifully to get to his hooves, causing Rainbow to fall on her back in a fit of laughter. "Rainbow! You almost gave me a heart attack!" he glanced back at Tank, then back at Rainbow. "You planned that, didn't you!?"
"Don't look at me! It was Tank's idea! Bwahahahaa!"
Flit rolled his eyes and shut the door. "Haha, very funny. I'm going to get payback for that, you know?" he sighed as his heart rate began to slow back down. He then remembered his apple fritter, finding it still in its bag and slightly buried in the cloud flooring. He carefully picks it up in his teeth, stepping around Rainbow Dash to sit on the couch. "I swear, I wonder how I put up with your antics, sometimes, Dash. You're a real hooffull sometimes, you know?"
Rainbow wiped a tear from her eye as she stood back on her hooves. "Oh yeah? Says the one living under my roof!" she teased. "You're so easy to scare, you know?"
Flit Wing rolled his eyes, half out of annoyance and half out of bliss as he took his first bite from his apple fritter. "I thought you'd gone to sleep early, so I wasn't exactly expecting to have the life nearly scared out of me," he retorted.
Rainbow merely shrugged at his response. "I'm just glad it worked. I waited there behind the door a while because you're back later than usual."
"I was hungry so I stopped by Sugarcube Corner. Apparently I'm predictable because apparently Mrs. Cake saved an apple fritter specifically for me, because apparently she knew i was coming."
"Well, that was nice of her," said Rainbow, followed by a drawn out yawn. "Welp, I'm actually beat for the night, so I'm gonna head to bed. Cya tomorrow, scaredy filly," Rainbow snickered, before retreating upstairs, leaving Flit Wing alone.
Flit rolled his eyes at her, then looked back down at his apple fritter.
"I'll show her who's a scaredy filly....," he grumbled, slowly devouring his savory treat.
Deciding he's too lazy to go grab some sheets, he simply lays down on the couch and closes his eyes. "Yeah...I'll show her," he yawned softly before drifting off into sleep.
Haven't written anything in a very long time, also had to make a new account. Typical forgetting your password thing. Sorry if this sucks.
Also, again, will seek out art. If you take commissions, feel free to pm me. Also, Flit Wing's Pony form is similar to his normal form, figuring since he was weak, his transformation magic did just enough to make him a pony.
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Ooooooboy! Even better than the other one!
Yesssss!
Keeping daily tabs on this one for sure!
11241815
Welp...this one got totally and utterly over shadowed by the other. When you see Luna + in your shower + anthro tags = pony boobs. You get the idea haha.
When that one dies down I'll continue this one :)
11241821
You gotcha!
And I can see why.
Though, Flit does look a bit familiar...
11242081
He does? (Also sorry. Accidentally commented on your profile instead of herel
11242118
Yeah. Looks pretty similar to my OC.
https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/941092624742375444/975497728501088307/Screen_Capture_Img_2790.png
Made him a few months back.
11242407
Oh wow that's disturbingly similar.
Maybe they're twins hahahah
11242410
Who knows. All I know is that his blog is doing bad.
11242430
Pitty. So what do you think of this story?
11242535
Well...
11241815
11242660
Well?
11242670
Sorry, was just linking to my first comment.
Well, let's see were this goes.
What I find lacking in this beginning, perhaps, it's the lack of tension. The tags suggest otherwise, but, somehow, I get the feeling that problems are going to resolve easily. Likely, you are going to subvert this, but it does not make a strong start (I think). Adding some form of immediate tension and foreshadowing (ie. tricking the reader into believing RD was being chased by a changeling, or having the bakery to be momentarily empty and making him jump to conclusions, I dunno) can help.
Writing an OC that people can easily sympathize with is hard. I think you should plan to have his character developed in some other way than just telling his secret. For instance, I think a being that was used to receive orders all the time without question would have trouble with the concept of freedom.
11241821
I find myself torn, because the emerging need to be clickbait-y to gather any semblance of attention gets a little tiring. Yet, I feel ever increasingly tired while browsing, and the only things I seem to bother with are those with the more overt (often brain-ded) premises. Perhaps it is possible to be like a cars salesman and still deliver deeper plot devices, but that is becoming increasingly rare here, as the metaphorical pond dries out.
11243287
Yeh I haven't written the next chapter yet...taking a good amount of time to explore options. He certainly isn't going to just come out and say he's a changeling. As far as immediate tension...nah, was planning for a more humble start, going off the fact he's learned ponies can be trusted and that he can learn and change on his own, rather than having it forced down his throat like how it was done in EQG with Sunset Shimmer. Tension will crop up later, however.
As for easily defusing situations as you'd mentioned on my other story...yeah I'm not a big fan of that. Like HiE fics where in most cases the main character keeps being an alien a secret, but then they see Luna in their dreams and Luna basically tells them hey he's an alien, he's nice and wants to go back home. Problem solved by chapter three.
As well as last time, I appreciate the criticism. I'm trying to get back into writing and am rusty. I'd be open to discussing ideas and such on how to move forward from here.
11243287
In fact, I'm thinking I might even entirely rewrite the first chapter. I did not intend for tension at the start, but I do agree to an extent there should be some.
11243310
Cool.
Interesting to see this written AFTER Thorax was canon. What lead you to decide on this plotline? Nothing wrong with it, just an unusual.choice that intrigues me.
11247521
Thorax is a wuss
11247543
Plus real changelings have holes
Interesting start I think I will follow
Can't wait for the second chapter. Well, I can, but I really don't want to. Going really good so far.
It's a decent start to something with potential. I'll be keeping an eye on this one!
No updates? Shame.