• Member Since 22nd Apr, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Telly Vision

A 21 year old with a fondness of cartoons. (wow I'm 25 now)


Moon Dancer used to hate hearth’s warming. This year surrounded by loved ones, she looks back at how her friends changed that for her.

[Written for Fanofmosteverything for Jinglemas]

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 2 )

Heh. Definitely wasn't what I'd expected when I made the request, but a fun execution. Though you may want to put in line breaks between each line in the poem. It'll help make the gimmick more apparent and highlight when there are issues with the rhythm. Still, entertainingly off the wall. Thank you for it, and Merry Jinglemas.

Hmm. FoME is right, Telly Vision. You should try using single line spacing for poems, or if you can’t see that on a mobile, try starting each line with a double quotation mark. It lets readers know what it the rhyme and what rhythm it should be read with. Also, when writing poems, the number of syllables on one line should match the number of syllables on the line it rhymes with. It makes the poem flow more easily.

”’Twas the night before Hearth’s Warming, and in all Canterlot,
“Everypony was having holiday cheer, but one pony was not.”

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