The Clock Ticks In A Derpish Kinda Way

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The Doctor's Tardis screws up and he thinks nothing of it. But suddenly things take an unexpected turn.

What could this mean?

Edited by my Timey Wimey- TimeTravinDEMON

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Comments ( 4 )

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Davidism

Davidism #1 · Jan 4th, 2013 · · ·

I want to offer some encouragement here. Despite the fact that this story seems to have a lot of down-votes, I didn't find it terrible, not exactly what I myself would look for in a Derpy/Ditzy story, because I don't really watch Doctor Who.

But regardless, I would like to encourage you to continue writing. Pay no attention to the random down-votes, they mean as much as used toilet-paper, if they don't come with a comment.

So you have an up-vote from me for solid effort, and because you hit exactly 1,000 words, I love it when stories or chapters do that.

Dream-Plushie

Dream-Plushie #2 · Jan 5th, 2013 · · ·

1903148
Thanks! :3 I have no idea why people hate it. But thank you!

Shira Note Cloud

Shira Note Cloud #3 · Dec 8th, 2013 · · ·

Here's some encouragement!

I really like this story! I don't see any problems with this story. Mainly because I just scan right through the errors and read it normally...
But Anyways! This story is amazing and has a good plot line! I really like how they traveled into the 'Cupcakes Dimension' As I call it. I don't know why I call it that... But I am getting off topic again! Don't mind the dislikes! If there isn't any comments then the dislikes don't matter! I just don't know why someone would dislike this AMAZING story! Seriously! But again, this story has a good plot line and I can't wait for another chapter! Have some mustaches!

616e6f6e

616e6f6e #4 · January 18th · · ·

How do I even start? I can't blame spelling errors since by the time this fanfic was released I couldn't utter coherent sentences in this language.

If you ever bother going back to writing you could begin by asking yourself what certain character is doing, what are its facial expressions and/or other nonverbal cues.
If it matters to the story what objects is it interacting with? For example:

"I suppose your right my dear..." He replied wearily. "Hand..er...hoof me the sonic screwdriver, would you?" Derpy nodded and handed the stallion his tool. Doctor began fixing everything he could. "Ah, there we are. I'm sure the Tardis will be back in ponyville soon!"

What's broken? A machine called Tardis, cool. But what component?
What's this sonic screwdriver? What did Doctor fix with a screwdriver alone? Did he scrub off debris that was preventing machine from working? Melted material, perhaps plastic? Make up something so it makes sense.
This is FIM setting you can slap "magitech" brand on everything and operate puerly on how something functions instead of explaining technicalites and having to research technology from Earth for it to make sense.

"I don't know." Doctor began. "We look like we're in Pony-"

Doctor thinks they are in this town but why? Did he spot indistinguishable city buildings? Or he recognized his favourite natural spot nearby, a boulder with nice blue flowers? Come on man...

Before he could knock, a very sad looking Spike came outside.

They sneaked to the library but where is the part that says they went to the front door in the first place?

I can't think of more without reapeating myself besides noting that there is barely any physical movement, walking, sitting, moving head, gestures etc. making the story feel lifeless and you are creating double or triple paragraphs.

Each and every spoken sentence.

Making it tedious to read. Hope somebody makes use of this comment.

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