The Clock Ticks In A Derpish Kinda Way

by Dream-Plushie

It all started so normal

It was a wondrous day in ponyville and all residents were enjoying the peaceful quiet of day. That is, all except...them. The three ponies that were never quiet. Never peaceful. Of coarse these three I'm talking about are the time traveling threesome, Derpy Hooves, Dinky hooves, and the doctor. They, of coarse, were traveling through time and space, defying the laws of nature, and gravity alike in their time machine known as, the Tardis.

"Hang on, Derpy!" The Doctor yelled in his heavy english accent. "Something's not right!" Derpy stared at the Doctor in confusion.

"So? The Tardis always screws up on us!" Derpy exclaimed rather cheerfully.

"I suppose your right my dear..." He replied wearily. "Hand..er...hoof me the sonic screwdriver, would you?" Derpy nodded and handed the stallion his tool. Doctor began fixing everything he could. "Ah, there we are. I'm sure the Tardis will be back in ponyville soon!"

"Awww..." Dinky sighed with disapointment. "I wanna travel more!" Doctor opened his mouth to speak, but before any words made their way out, the Tardis began shaking.

"Hm?" Derpy grunted. "Uhh... Doctor...?" The wall eyed mare gasped. "Doctor look!!! Isn't that a space fragment!?"

"A space fragment? It can't be!" The Doctor replied. "You must be imagini- oh dear Celestia..." He stopped dead in his tracks. "It IS a space fragment!!! Why is the Tardis getting all...wonky? Ahh..." He searched frantically for a way to stop the direction of the Tardis.

"Mom?" Dinky tugged on Derpy's tail. "What's a space fragment?"

"It's uh... It's a..."

"Portal." The Doctor finished. "To another dimension. And looks like were going into it!" He held on to Dinky tightly as all three of them screeched as they tumbled forward into the hole in the stars. Doctor winced as he felt his head banging against the walls of the Tardis. Hanging on tightly to Derpy and Dinky, Doctor blacked out.

"Ugh...where..." The Doctor fluttered open his eyes. "Where are we?" He sat up and looked around. "Ponyville?" He said. The town looked just like ponyville only somehow....different.

"Daddy?" Dinky made out as she forced herself up. "Are...we in Ponyville?" She asked.

"No, I don't believe we are..." Doctor replied. "Derpy? Derpy, get up!"

The gray mare moaned and flicked her ear. "5 more minuets.."

"No, no Derpy, we crashed!" The Doctor sighed.

"Huh?" Derpy opened her eyes and groaned. "Wha..where?"

"I don't know." Doctor began. "We look like we're in Pony-"

"Who are you guys!?!" An angry voice cut them off. Doctor looked up in surprise to see Pinkie Pie standing there. The only thing was... her mane was down, and she seemed unhappy... which was unlike her. "WHO are you?" She demanded again.

"Pinkie Pie, It's me, the Doctor!" Doctor relied in shock. "And Derpy, and Dinky!"

"Pinkie Pie?" The mare said. "What kinda name is that?!?!"

"It's YOUR name." Derpy insisted.

"That's much too cheery. I am Pinkamena Diana Pie." Pinkie said, annoyed. "Not...'Pinkie Pie'" The mare pinned up against the three threateningly. "Got that?"

"Yes!" Doctor squeaked. "I suppose..." He looked away, and then back at her. "Where are we, exactly?"

"Welcome to Ponyville, The saddest place in Equestria." Pinkie sighed.

"That doesn't sound like Ponyville at all..."

"Pinkamena, who are these losers?" A mare who seemed to be Rainbow Dash fluttered next to Pinkie.

"Noone!" Pinkie yelled angrily. "Why? Mind your own business!"

"Oh,you wanna fight, Pinkamena?" Rainbow challenged. "I'll fight!" The two of them began screaming hateful things to eachother. Wanting to avoid conflict, Doctor and the rest of them sneaked away towards the library.

"Surely Twilight can explain..." Doctor said to Derpy.

"Yea, shes so smart!" Derpy replied.

Before he could knock, a very sad looking Spike came outside.

"Hello..." He said weakly. "Help...me..." Doctor jumped in surprise.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm...her slave..." Spike rasped. "Kill....me...please...."

"No, I..." Doctor faltered. Twilight appeared out the door. She had multiple scars on her face, and she seemed to be upset.

"Who are you?" Twilight asked harshly. "What do you want?"

"Twi, it's me! The Doctor!"

"Nope." Twilight replied. "I don't know you, sir. Go away!" She slammed the door.

"Where are we?" Derpy asked. "This is NOT Ponyville."

"Well... I'm guessing we are...but In a different dimension. A sad, angry dimension." ?Doctor explained.

"I don't like it!" Dinky cried. "I wanna go home!"

"I do too, Dinky..." Derpy said.

"Don't worry, girls! I'll figure it out!" Doctor said enthusiastically. They made there way to Fluttershy's cottage. Knocking on the door, the Doctor hoped for a friendly face. What came was far from it. Fluttershy had ripped jeans, a blue color. She had a spiked collar wrapped around her neck, a scar on her left eye. She had a black, torn up shirt, and a nose ring.

"What do ya want?" She said harshly.

"Fluttershy?" Dinky asked.

"Fluttershy? Kid, I'm Rebelshy."

Comments

[Davidism]

I want to offer some encouragement here. Despite the fact that this story seems to have a lot of down-votes, I didn't find it terrible, not exactly what I myself would look for in a Derpy/Ditzy story, because I don't really watch Doctor Who.

But regardless, I would like to encourage you to continue writing. Pay no attention to the random down-votes, they mean as much as used toilet-paper, if they don't come with a comment.

So you have an up-vote from me for solid effort, and because you hit exactly 1,000 words, I love it when stories or chapters do that.

[Dream-Plushie]

1903148
Thanks! :3 I have no idea why people hate it. But thank you!

[Shira Note Cloud]

Here's some encouragement!

I really like this story! I don't see any problems with this story. Mainly because I just scan right through the errors and read it normally...
But Anyways! This story is amazing and has a good plot line! I really like how they traveled into the 'Cupcakes Dimension' As I call it. I don't know why I call it that... But I am getting off topic again! Don't mind the dislikes! If there isn't any comments then the dislikes don't matter! I just don't know why someone would dislike this AMAZING story! Seriously! But again, this story has a good plot line and I can't wait for another chapter! Have some mustaches!

[616e6f6e]

How do I even start? I can't blame spelling errors since by the time this fanfic was released I couldn't utter coherent sentences in this language.

If you ever bother going back to writing you could begin by asking yourself what certain character is doing, what are its facial expressions and/or other nonverbal cues.
If it matters to the story what objects is it interacting with? For example:

"I suppose your right my dear..." He replied wearily. "Hand..er...hoof me the sonic screwdriver, would you?" Derpy nodded and handed the stallion his tool. Doctor began fixing everything he could. "Ah, there we are. I'm sure the Tardis will be back in ponyville soon!"

What's broken? A machine called Tardis, cool. But what component?
What's this sonic screwdriver? What did Doctor fix with a screwdriver alone? Did he scrub off debris that was preventing machine from working? Melted material, perhaps plastic? Make up something so it makes sense.
This is FIM setting you can slap "magitech" brand on everything and operate puerly on how something functions instead of explaining technicalites and having to research technology from Earth for it to make sense.

"I don't know." Doctor began. "We look like we're in Pony-"

Doctor thinks they are in this town but why? Did he spot indistinguishable city buildings? Or he recognized his favourite natural spot nearby, a boulder with nice blue flowers? Come on man...

Before he could knock, a very sad looking Spike came outside.

They sneaked to the library but where is the part that says they went to the front door in the first place?

I can't think of more without reapeating myself besides noting that there is barely any physical movement, walking, sitting, moving head, gestures etc. making the story feel lifeless and you are creating double or triple paragraphs.

Each and every spoken sentence.

Making it tedious to read. Hope somebody makes use of this comment.