Chapter 13: The Cavern
Kirk was not sure what exactly was in the sweet fruity things he was drinking, but he had downed about ten of them by the time he started to realize that they might possibly contain alcohol or some manner of equivalent strange pony juice.
The ponies, however, did not seem to be effected. Or, rather, the pair of divine immortals he was standing with were not affected. Mainly because Luna seemed to only drink water and eat moon-cheese, a product which smelled simultaneously delicious and atrocious. Kirk had yet to fathom what part of the moon, exactly, it was, but from his understanding it was not in fact dairy but rather some manner of vegetable or possibly a fungoid growth.
“No way,” he said, continuing his conversation with Celestia. “You’re a wizard? You?”
Celestia giggled. “Do I not look wizardly?”
“I would imagine there would be much more...beard.”
“No, he was the one who trained me. Us. Isn’t that right, Luna?”
“Mostly you,” muttered Luna. “He never liked us.” Kirk could not tell if she was using the royal we, as per usual, or the standard type, although it became increasingly confusing with the more pony juice he drank.
“That’s not true, he loved you!” Celestia laughed. “I remember, one time, when you learned that smoke spell?”
“On our own.”
Celestia turned back to Kirk. “Well, Luna got into his chambers and stole a tiny slice of his cake. His favorite cake. He was so mad! But I took the blame for it. He put me in front of the whole class of wizards and gave me this huge, massive chocolate cake. And told me to eat the whole thing.”
“That sounds slightly abusive and humiliating.”
“Oh no, of course it wasn’t. I ate it in less than a minute and went back for seconds. I can fit a lot of cake inside myself. Among other large things.”
Luna stiffened, and Celestia laughed. She looked over Kirk’s shoulder. “Oh, my, look at the time! Excuse me, Jim, I need to greet more guests! I see Fancy Pants and that adorable nude mare who is either his sister or wife. Or both, I could never figure it out. But tonight, I think I’m going to finally find out! Also, be sure to try the pie from the apple pony outside, it isn’t as good as cake but you certainly don’t want to miss it!”
She trotted off to greet the nobility and the wealthy, leaving Kirk alone with her sister—perhaps on purpose. The Princess of the Moon, at this point, was on her fourth pineapple.
“So,” said Kirk, leaning on a counter covered in delicious fruit, vegetables, and grasses that he had discovered were highly inedible to humans. “You come here often?”
“No,” replied Luna, dryly. “When our sister beckons. And when it is necessary. We attend these functions when she hath deemed it necessary for peace and unity, but we taketh no joy in the occasion. The balls held upon mine moon are far more lustrous and spectacular. Indeed, we have the most excellent balls of all!”
Kirk snickered. Luna glared at him, but apparently did not understand why he was laughing. “Let me guess. You have public floggings?”
“Verily, thou art a rabbit-sucking dullard. No, alien, we do not flog at a formal function. We hold a tourney! With the hoof of a fair maiden as the prize! A maiden selected by another tourney! With maximal violence! Yet art of devising a proper blunt weapon eludes us yet. Apart from ye olde mace.”
“‘Ye’ is not actually a word. It’s a misreading of ‘the’.”
“Do not correct thine Princess, foul non-hairy beast! We knoweth what comes forth from our mouth as well as what enters it!” She ate the top off the pineapple, crunching it loudly and making a face. “Egads, this fig is more prickly than we remember them being...”
“So how often have you been the fair maiden? In your tourney?”
Luna glared, puffing herself under her ruff. “Unlike SOME immortal alicorns, we still subscribe to the old ways of incorruptible divine chastity. As is appropriate for the avatar of celestial forces.” She held her nose up in the air and harrumphed repeatedly, before looking around the room before speaking in a hushed tone. “Unless that glorious specimen from your vessel wishes us to order him into service. In such a case we might permit him to produce...a slight besmirching. Relay to our future consort that he will be permitted to use the flog, whip, and crop if he so wishes...and that he consents to us using them first.”
“I’ll...let him know.”
“Of course you will, we have ordered it and so it shall be done. Do not bore us with repetition.”
Kirk felt an urge to laugh, but he resisted it. His Federation diplomatic instincts were strong—almost as strong as his instinct for self-preservation.
“So,” he said. “I heard you and her, your sister...had a bit of trouble. In the past.”
“If you art referring to the vast civil war that ravaged half our planet for a century straight conducted one thousand years ago, that we would have certainly claimed victory in had the Princess of the Sun not CHEATED, then yes. And we see your tact matches your wits.”
“Thank you.”
Luna grimaced. “Indeed we are more correct than was initially suspected...But yes. Twas a simpler era, in a time of ignorance. We had not then realized that the moon was a habitable place fit for an empire that would far exceed the sun-lit realm of Equestria. The division is indeed satisfactory. There is no true unification, and never will be, despite her honeyed words and breath of a chewed vanilla bean. There are two separate kingdoms. Two nations. One for each of us.”
“Except the Space Force.”
Luna stared at him with great vigor. Her eyes were turquoise, and her pupils thin vertical slits. “The war was devastating beyond reason. We do not intend to repeat our mistakes. Despite her naivety and severe obesity, she is still our beloved sister. We...appreciate that she is interested in our passions. But nothing more! We are filled with resentment and hatred! We are the Princess of the Night! We are dark, brooding, mysterious and dangerous! We are also thinner, younger, and have a better mane than she does.” She shrugged. “We also have telepathy, which is a power she utterly lacks.”
Kirk nearly dropped his glass. “You’re—wait, what? Are you—right now--”
“Reading your mind? Hardly. We do not wish to view your perverse fantasies of fingering our sister’s silky feathers or offering the scritches and boops in exchange for diplomatic favors. Nor does it operate on alien brains, as far as I am aware. Your brains are too small and simple, lacking the perquisite wrinklage. Far too smooth. Nay, the dream-magic only works upon the minds of ponies!”
“Dream magic?”
“Aye, ye dunce. We police and examine the dreams of all ponies. This power is amplified greatly by proximity to the moon. This is a task that even the ELDER sister cannot perform, in addition to being unable to lick her own flank due to her excessive diameter and arthritis caused on account of bearing the sheer weight of such a girthy frame. Unlike us. We are limber and flexible, and our body quite smooth. Relay this to your doctor.”
“You...see dreams, then? That sounds impressive. For the whole planet?”
“Indeed. There are nearly three hundred thousand ponies in Equestria, and another fifty thousand upon our Moon! Indeed, our numbers are LEGION! Far greater than your planet we are sure.”
Kirk nodded in agreement, suppressing his surprise at their minuscule population.
“We, more or less, dream their dreams.” Her expression of pride faltered slightly. “Although...our energy is not what it needs to be, at present. The Bad Ones have returned once more.”
Kirk frowned. “Bad Ones?”
Luna nodded. “An unusual set of dreams. But of no interest to you.”
Kirk shrugged. “I was just trying to make conversation. After all, you are one of the key rulers of this world. And I certainly appreciate the time you’re taking to talk to me.”
“You...do?”
“Of course. It’s one thing to rule an already established empire millennia old. Colonizing a planet is much more challenging. A moon, even harder than that. You’re not only building a kingdom, you’re building a civilization in a place where nobody’s ever been. It’s really quite impressive.”
Luna blushed slightly, and puffed even more. “Indeed...verily, what you speak is correct. Perhaps...your small mind possesses some manner of primitive, animalistic wisdom. An noble savage, so to speak.” She acquiesced. “The Bad Ones are a cycle of dreams that occur periodically. About every three to five years. They are...unique.”
“Why would any one dream be unique?”
“Ever dream is unique. And perhaps it is false terminology. It is a repetitive dream, but unique to us. In its sheer intensity.” Luna’s gaze grew distant. She shivered slightly. “There is...fear. Pain. A memory of suffering most intense. Far beyond what lies in the mind of any living, mortal pony in this world.”
“Who dreams it, though?”
Luna looked up at him. “This is why we hath depleted our energy, once again trying to answer the question. We do not know. The dream is fragmented. Broken. Distant. And it...hurts. To be near it. We do not know what pony possesses such a dream of untold agony, or why it occurs so seldom.”
“What happens? What’s in it?”
“We doth not prefer to share the private dreams of ponies...” Luna shivered. “However, this once, we make an exception. Because we do not know. Only shattered and distant images. Of great, horrific pain—and of a violet alicorn.”
Kirk frowned. “That's a winged unicorn. Like you and Celestia. Who is she, though? The purple one?”
“She is no one,” replied Luna. “There are but three of us upon this world. Ourself, our sister, and the mole-empress. The empress is pink. We are black. Celestia is white. None of those colors are violet, and no other alicorns exist. Or can exist. The spell necessary to create them was a failure, and it is at present lost.”
“That's unfortunate.”
Luna seemed distant in thought. “No,” she said at last. “We do not agree.”
A Lunar guard approached the Princess. She stood beside a stern looking white unicorn wearing a bizarre sort of dark, almost organic-looking armor. “Most beloved goddess,” she said, “the changeling king has arrived".
Luna nodded. “Then we must depart at once, foul alien. Stay away from our sister.” She levitated a small pile of pineapples and walked off with the pair of ponies.
Kirk watched them go, but then turned to the rest of the party. He supposed he was finally going to get a chance to eat something that was not a pineapple, and in addition to that talk to more horses. This night was, indeed, a strange one, but it was a party. So he intended to enjoy it.
He started to cross the room, and M’Ress met him halfway across it.
“Lieutenant,” he said. “Having fun?”
M’Ress did not smile. Her expression was far more serious, and Kirk felt his excitement fading from him.
“What is it?”
“I just had an interesting conversation with the Captain of the Lunar Guard.”
“And?”
“And the political situation is...complicated.”
“When is it not?”
M’Ress looked around her, to see that no ponies were close. None were. “She expressed great suspicion about the unicorns Flim and Flam. I share some of it.”
Kirk nodded. “I do to. I picked up on it when they were talking to the princess.” He pointed with the hand holding his glass. “Did you notice? They left already. Seems rude to me.”
“Captain, I am not joking.”
“Neither am I. Something’s wrong here.”
“I noticed it as well. They smelled...wrong.”
“What does ‘wrong’ smell like?”
M’Ress paused, considering how to answer the question. “If smell were a sound, Captain, every being would hold an instrument and play it constantly. Each instrument is different, and play different tunes. But they...have no instrument. They smell of empty static. Of nothing but their polyester suits.”
“That’s weirdly poetic. The guard, though. What did she say?”
M’Ress was about to answer when Kirk’s communicator beeped. He drew it, flipping it open.
“Kirk here,” he said.
“Uhura here, sir.”
“Go ahead.”
“I am informing you that one of our science probes experienced an unexpected circuitry failure,” she said. Kirk wondered why she was bothering to tell him, but continued to listen—and saw that M’Ress winced in pain, her ears flicking. Several ponies near him likewise shook their heads, wincing in pain.
“The status report?”
“The orbit began to decay and I made the executive decision activate its emergency termination system to prevent any threat to the planet. Reporting complete obliteration, with no solid material reaching the surface.”
“Thank you for letting me know, Lieutenant.” He paused. “It must be a nice change of pace.”
“Sir?”
“For the only thing we need to worry about to be a bad probe guidance system.”
“Yes, sir. I would certainly take this over a Klingon attack any day.”
Kirk nodded, even though obviously Uhura could not see him. “Kirk out.”
He closed the communicator. He immediately turned to M’Ress. “What did you hear?”
“Hear?”
“You’re not exactly hard to read, Lieutenant. In Caitians, the ears are always a tell.”
“Yes...” She shook her head. “A signal. At a frequency far too high for your ears to detect.”
“An audio error?”
“No. It was in Caitian relay song. It is...was...my people’s equivalent to your Morse code. Except with much greater complexity.”
“Can you tell me what it said?”
“The song is a historical curiosity. I have not studied it since I was a child.”
“That isn’t an answer to the question.”
“Of course I can translate it, Captain. But it does not mean anything I can understand. The phrase was the word ‘Hyperion’.”
Kirk frowned. All his excitement for the party had most certainly left him.
“Then the situation isn’t good.”
“Sir?”
“It’s an Earth reference. It means someone is watching us from orbit.”
M’Ress stared wide-eyed. “But who? We would have seen them on approach.”
“Klingons.”
“Captain, it’s not always the Klingons--”
“It was the only alien name she said.” Kirk sighed and downed his glass. “It means someone is here with us. A cloaked ship. And Uhura thinks they’re monitoring our communications.”
“They are encryted--”
“And the Klingons have broken the encryption at least five times in the last decade, we can’t guarantee anything we say over the channel isn’t being picked up, especially if it's a listening ship.”
“But why are they here?”
“I don’t know yet. But if they are here, that’s a problem.”
“Sir.”
Kirk nearly jumped out of his dress uniform, and was glad he downed his drink because he would otherwise have split it.
“SPOCK don’t sneak up on me like that!”
Spock raised an eyebrow. “Captain, I do not ‘sneak’. You are simply chronically unobservant. Even by human standards.”
Kirk turned, intending to yell something witty—but forgot what he was going to say or do when he saw that Spock was cradling a pony in her arms. A gray pony of the default-type, with a blue dress and an expression so impassive that it almost totally matched Spock’s.
“Spock. Why are you holding that pony like a baby?”
Spock raised an eyebrow. “Captain, it is simply a matter of biological dissimilarity. Due to her short stature, her inherent gait is slower than mine. This is simply the most efficient means to transport the both of us at the same rate.”
“It is the most logical means of transport,” said the gray pony, her voice utterly emotionless as she wrapped her hooves around Spock’s neck.
“That’s not--”
“The intent of your question. Yes, Captain. I am aware that you were being obtuse.”
“Then why are you holding her? With the correct intent.”
“This pony is a prominent geologist on this planet.”
“A geologist...that you’re holding like a baby.”
“Yes, Captain.”
Kirk groaned.
“We were having an edifying discussion on the tectonic nature of the planet,” said the pony. “Never before have I been so...stimulated. Intellectually.”
“Indeed,” agreed Spock. “Although I have been. However, I have acquired information that I think you may like to know, Captain.”
“And what is that, Spock?”
Spock paused. “Considering the human tendency toward incredulity, I think that in this case it is best if you see for yourself.”
There were many possible outcomes to Spock and a small gray horse in a dress offering to show Kirk something interesting. Many of these, Kirk was sure, would have been positive things. Being led below the castle to a basement and then, further, into a deep and barely habitable pit were hardly the positive outcome he had expected.
Still, Kirk was no stranger to dark, humid, funny-smelling caves. This one, at least, had no phallic rocks, as most caves were apt to contain. His only consolation as the hole grew darker and damper was that he had bought pie from the apple-pony on the way out of the ballroom, and he had elected to eat it during the descent.
“Spock, you have to try this pie,” he said, descending an uneven staircase seemingly cut from the rock surface itself. “It’s...I don’t even know how they did this, it tastes just pie on Earth.”
“I would surmise,” proposed Spock, still cradling his geologist, “that pie, in general, tastes like pie, regardless of where it is prepared.”
Kirk sighed. “You wouldn’t understand. It’s like...I don’t know, it’s like my grandma used to make.”
“Ponyville makes apples," noted the geologist, without the slightest hint of perceptible emotion, "and apple-based products. And apple-like products. Also apple-themed ponies. That bake pies. Made of apples.”
M’Ress followed behind them, running her fingers along the wall. Being some kind of alien felid, it was apparent that she did not like moisture—however, also being a felid, she was the only one of them that had adequate vision in the poor light. Her pupils had dilated to a massive size in response to the encroaching dimness.
“Do you want some pie, Lieutenant?”
M’Ress grimaced. “That...thing reeks of death.”
“If pie smells like death to a Caitian, send me to Cait and put me in a cemetery.” He took a large bite of pie.
“That is slightly offensive, Captain. We have not done that in almost two hundred years. For the most part.”
“Done what?” Kirk realized he did not want to know. He held out the pie to the pony. “Do you want any?”
She looked at him with her cold, empty eyes. Or looked past him. “No.”
“Sugar is not ideal sustenance for these ponies, Captain," noted Spock. "They digest it poorly."
“I got given the pie by a pony, though.”
“Yes, Captain. I am aware of where the pie originated.”
“Well then what do you eat?” snapped Kirk, to the pony.
She stared into his eyes. Into his very soul, perhaps. “Rocks. To assert dominance.”
Kirk shivered. He did not like the pony.
They stopped at an area where the hallway had been partially collapsed. In the darkness, Kirk thought it had come to an end—but then he noticed a small gap in the rock surface between two large stones.
“Spock, what is this?”
“You will have to pass through, Captain. Assuming eating the entire pie has not increased your diameter too precipitously.”
Kirk stared at him in disbelief. “Spock, I’m in my dress uniform. I don’t even know where it goes!”
Spock raised an eyebrow. “To my knowledge, Captain, you are one of the foremost experts in all of Starfleet concerning moist alien crevices. Second only to Dr. Maud Pie, who I am presently holding, who accomplished her doctoral dissertation primarily on the nature of crevices and their unique origin, structure, composition and implications. Truly a fascinating subject.”
The pony stared at him, and produced a piece of paper. “I can recite my thesis in verse.” She cleared her throat. “Rock. Is a substance made of Ro--”
“I’m going,” snapped Kirk, sliding into the hole. “There had better not be a cask of amontillado on the other side of this.”
“No, Captain. Had I wanted to assassinate you, I would not bother to employ a deceptive pretext.”
“That would be illogical,” added the pony.
Kirk grumbled to himself as he passed through the crevasse. It was not as moist as he had expected, which made it somewhat better than he expected—and he quickly passed to the other side.
There were no torches on the other side. Nothing at all, and no source of light. At first. But then as Kirk’s eyes adjusted to the darkness, his breath caught in his throat at the sight before him. At the staircase descending on a vast and seemingly endless cavern—a cavern filled completely with enormous, shimmering crystals on every surface.
Spock and the pony emerged from the gap without having received any dirt on either of them—and M’Ress nearly fell out of the hole after them. Spock set the pony down and produced his tricorder.
“Spock, what is this?” asked Kirk.
“As I have said, Captain.” He held out the tricorder to Kirk. “Something you needed to see for yourself. As I doubt you would have believed me otherwise.”
Kirk looked at the tricorder. Admittedly, he was not a science officer and did not completely understand how to read the dial—but he understood the gist of it, at least. And that the readings he was seeing were fundamentally impossible.
“Spock,” he said, looking up. “You surely can’t be serious.”
“The readings are correct, Captain. I believe the evidence is empirical.”
Kirk turned around and looked out at the vast cavern. A cavern that showed signs of decaying bridges and rail cars, indicating that it once might have been inhabited by ponies—apart from the universal presence of enormous clear-blue crystals that went on for acres and acres, exposed by obvious mining operations—and the mine perhaps went even far deeper. They were only on the most forward surface of what was probably a vast tunnel complex intersecting with numerous caves and chasms.
“These crystals...they’re pure dilithium.”
“Yes, Captain.”
Kirk stared, mouth agape. “To what purity degree?”
“There is not quantifier, Captain. These crystals exist far beyond the currently understood purity levels for dilithium. Vocabulary, it seems, has not yet matched reality.”
Kirk whirled around. “And she just brought you down here?”
Spock raised an eyebrow. “Captain, her description of her research was...compelling. I could not refuse an offer to see her crevice.”
“Although my primary area of study is this,” said the pony, laying down on her side quietly onto one of the few areas of basal rock that was not made of perfect-grade dilithium. “The igneous substrate. The crystals are ostentatious. But the substratum...it pleases me.”
Spock tilted his head. “This is something beyond my knowledge as a Vulcan. A strangeness of the pony race. This extreme and unbridled emotional passion, in your case for igneous rock formations.”
Maud looked up at him. “I like rocks. A lot.”
Kirk stared out at the vast amount of precious crystals before him. Dilithium was perhaps the most valuable substances known to the Federation. Manufacturing it it was impossible, even by the most advanced replicator prototypes on Mars. It had to be mined, and the vast majority of mines were on desolate, uninhabitable asteroids. The chance of finding an M-class planet with minable dilithium was almost infinitesimal, let alone enough to export. And yet this single chamber had enough to outfit all of Starfleet ten times over.
“This is...really, really bad.”
“Yes,” sighed Celestia. “Unfortunately, this mine is totally depleted.”
Kirk nearly let out a girlish scream and also nearly dropped the remnants of his pie. He leapt forward, pivoting to face the Princess, who had managed to get within inches of him.
“DON’T SNEAK UP ON ME LIKE THAT!”
Celestia chuckled. “Jim, I’m a nine-hand tall pony weighting over twelve hundred and fifty kilograms. And wearing metal shoes. Of course you heard me. If you didn’t, you really need to pay more attention.”
“But—but--the crevice--how did you--”
Celestia raised a nonexistant eyebrow. “Fit? I certainly know my way around a crevice, Jim. And I’m not nearly as thick as my sister would have you believe. I’m actually quite supple. And soft. And very, very flexible. Despite being old.” She stepped past him to the crystalline edge of the vast pit. “Although not nearly as old as this mine.”
Kirk looked back to the crevice. Considering the size of the hole and the size of Celestia, she was indeed limber for being almost twenty centuries old. This pleased Kirk greatly, despite the rate his heart was beating from having been spooked so severely by her sudden presence.
“But the party...”
Celestia laughed. “Those galas are always terribly dull. Meeting wealthy ponies, nobility, so tiring. I needed a break. And I saw Maud taking you down to my mines.” She shrugged. “So I got a little bit curious.” She gestured to Maud, the geologist, who was in the process of straddling a crystal and slowly licking it—all while maintaining intense eye contact with Kirk.
Kirk shivered.
“This is a bit of a dangerous place,” she said. “You really ought to be careful. These caverns have been abandoned for...well, probably a few thousand years by now.”
“Your majesty. You stated that these are, or were, mines,” noted Spock.
Celestia smiled. “Why yes, Mr. Spock. This area was formerly extremely rich in magical crystals. Actually, according to my old history books, that’s supposedly why the first unicorns founded Canterlot. All the way up here on a cliff, built by magic. They were ancient mages who harnessed the power of the crystals for their research and powers.”
“Which implies that the crystals were indeed mined,” suggested Spock. “Which illustrates what I am afraid is a gap in my current understanding. We are familiar with this sort of crystal, and are aware that it exists in a metastable multidimensional resonance. Harvesting the crystals in question requires cutting across both time and space. Meaning that it is time consuming, energy intensive, and nearly impossible. And yet your species appears to have accomplished it millennia ago.”
Celestia frowned. The tip of her horn lit with pure, golden light while a similar shade slashed across a long crystal growing nearby. Kirk heard a distinctive sound, one that made him instinctively hold his breath. It was a high ring, the sound that heralded the instantaneous destruction of a starship and, unknown to him, would in the distant future ring out across the galaxy and herald the end of the Federation itself. The sudden and melodious sound of dilithium fracturing.
The crystal dropped to the floor, and Celestia caught it, levitating it. She held it out to Kirk, who took it, finding that it was almost as long as his arm and twice as thick. To his great surprise—and utter horror—he found himself suddenly holding nearly twenty kilograms of pure dilithium.
“No, it’s mostly straightforward,” said Celestia. “If you know the spell for it. Unfortunately, it’s useless for anything other than as a curiosity. All of the useful crystals were mined out ages ago. These are empty. We used to grind them up for concrete, but they’re weirdly slippery.” Celestia gestured to Maud. “The Pie family actually mines a significant number of active magical crystals. That, and my niece in the Crystal Empire.” She gestured to the massive piece Kirk was holding. “You can keep that one. It makes a good paperweight. If you have a lot of papers. Which I do. Signing vetos all day and all.”
“This...you don’t need it?”
“For what?”
“For your starships.”
Celestia frowned. “From my understanding, starships need to be very light. Paper weights are not exactly helpful for that.”
“And the reactors?”
“That’s more of a question for Twilight. I don’t actually know how the FTL cores operate.”
Kirk did his best to nod. Celestia smiled at him.
“I need to get back to the party,” she said. “This has been fun, but I need to at least greet the changeling king. Also the Riches, or else I get letters. So many letters...”
She started to walk past, and sniffed slightly. “And, Jim,” she said, pausing, “if you thought that pie was good, you really need to have a bite of my cake at some point.”
She flicked her braided, gold-threaded tail as she walked past him so that it struck him in the chest with surprising force—and then she went back through the crevice and returned to the ball.
Kirk watched her go—carefully--and then turned to Spock and M’Ress. “We need to talk. Now.” He looked at Maud. “Dr. Pie, if you don’t mind.”
She looked up at him and blinked slowly. “Oh,” she said. “You mean privacy. Yes. I can do that.”
She walked to the edge of the chasm and heaved herself over the side and into complete darkness below. Kirk winced, expecting to hear at thump—but no thump came. At least not a loud one.
“I...do not like that one.”
“And yet you seem to have great appreciation for the Princess,” noted Spock. “Especially from a directional perspective. And especially considering the distinct diplomatic danger of being cavalier with respect to the divine god-ruler of a theocratic planet.”
“A planet with an excessive quantity of dilithium,” noted M’Ress. Her expression and tone showed that she already understood why Kirk was so unsettled by the crystals. “Captain, this planet has only achieved warp technology within the week. And it remains in unclaimed territory.”
“And we have a cloaked Klingon ship in orbit.” Kirk gently put down his dilithium and rubbed his temples. His hands smelled like pie.
“What are we going to do, Captain?”
Kirk paused for a moment, looking up at the crystalline ceiling before taking a breath. Then he addressed his officers—M’Ress specifically.
“I have a gut feeling that this isn’t a coincidence. This planet has untold reserves of dilithium and beings that can mine it almost instantly. And I’m being told that twenty years ago they didn’t even have airplanes until one company suddenly built a warp-drive. I don’t like it. My gut is telling me that we’re not the first here.”
“My logic appears to confirm what your ‘gut’ is asserting, Captain.”
“M’Ress. I want you to go to District 51. Without being noticed, if possible. Because they will notice if they see you, and someone might get suspicious. Pony or otherwise. I need to know if this is novel technology, or if they have a downed craft, or somebody helping them. The pony in charge is named Twilight Sparkle. Find her.”
“Yes, Captain.”
“That does not solve our primary issue, Captain,” added Spock.
“I’m way ahead of you on that, Spock. This planet needs to join the Federation. NOW.”
Spock raised an eyebrow and sighed slightly. “Captain, although the rank of captain is indeed an impressive rank within Starfleet, you do not have the diplomatic authority to unilaterally incorporate a planet into--”
“I know that, Spock, I’m not an idiot. But I offer them a formal invitation and plead the case for them to join. Then we can file an injunction with the Council for consideration. They'll have to get ships out here until the decision is made. I know it's unorthodox, but it will at least buy us some time.”
“Or start a war, if the Klingons have already claimed the planet.”
M’Ress scowled slightly. “We are already at war. But if this planet falls to them, or any other, it might end very quickly.”
Kirk sighed. “And the ponies along with it.”
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Well this escalated quickly. A supply of insanely pure Dilithium crystals and the a civilization getting warp technology before until a week ago, and a Klingon ship in cloak and orbiting the planet. Something bad is about to happen and happen quick.
c.tenor.com/5KhSapaYLk8AAAAM/spock-star-trek.gif
Well, Equestria seem to be pretty liberal in some areas.
11062787
What if the true goal of the space program was to make sure the ponies had the required legal standards to be contacted by the Federation?
Could Celestia be aware of the Federation-Klingon war and is playing a game on her own?
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And here we have the primary source of conflict. The humor is still firing on all cylinders for now, but as things escalate that likely won't last. I did laugh out loud when Maud yeeted herself off the cliff, though.
Kirk: Princess, those 'worthless crystals' as you call them are what we call dilithium. They are the key component of our warp drive. The Federation will ask you nicely for them. The Klingons will not be kind. And there are other spacefaring species who would just exterminate all of you just to get the dilithium.
"rabbit-sucking dullard" is a great insult.
Heh.
Calling Cadence a "mole-empress" raises a few intriguing questions. To say nothing of tormented, recurring, seemingly sourceless dreams starring alicorn Twilight.
This may be the Maudiest sentence I've ever heard from her.
And yeah, this is potentially very bad. To say nothing of the ominous foreshadowing. We'll have to see where events proceed from here.
Maud:Its a rock. I threw it.
Delayed shockwave commesurate with a yield far higher than if the rock was pure high grade chemical explosives.
Klingons and Federation desperate for Dilithium, as far as ponies are concerned, Dilithium energy capacity is equivalent to a lithium battery drained so hard its got the same motion left as something tabled by goverment?
Good thing they dont know about the Dragon Lords Crystal Staff?
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I think I figured it out. There is a party that is playing all three sides. One that is playing there mistrust of each other to their advantage while doing something painful to twilight....In district 51 . I think it’s likely that the test ship was destroyed by a saboteur one who knows that feds would show up and planned for all three to meet
So we have a planet full of crystallized Dilithium, a cloaked ship, a sabotaged Warp Core, a civilization that went from Hot air balloons to FTL drive in two decades, two ponies who might not be ponies, and potentially powerful secrets being kept.
Oh and Ponies seem to use the Dilithium crystals for magical purposes without having studied potential FTL use for it.
This is starting to sound like Q and Discord threw darts at a board of ideas and made a planet around those ideas.
I wonder how usefull the magic crystals might be if pure dilitium isn't valuable what about the ones that are. The fact that it's almost certain that the FlimFlam brothers know about the value of dilithium isn't helping either.
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3 to 5 years between cycles. Can’t be Twilight. She was only there for a year. So could it be a premonition? Or maybe Twilight from a different Dimension?
Wild guess but a certain memory stone has been used remove the knowledge of twilight being a Alicorn and the equestrian warp core is being powered by her and her suffering...
Well, this escalated quickly.
Uhh can't really find the desire to keep up with this, the sexual innuendo makes this parody tongue point that the serious plot clashes with the atmosphere created.
Welp. Forget Earth, Vulcan, Romulus, any warp-faring civilization's homeworld as being the center of their society. Equestria just became the galactic capitol with that much dilithium. Forget supplying Star Fleet "ten times over", that's enough for a few hundred Star Fleets, even at TOS's lower energy and engine efficiency.
One of the interesting pieces of lore about Star Trek and the Federation is that the scarcity of dilithium crystals influences the quality of its officers and crewmen, among almost everything else. The Earth with its population of > [high number] billion people in the 24th century, not even counting all the member states of the Federation, could build and crew many, many more ships than they actually do. The number of ships being so limited (due to dilithium scarcity) means they can afford to only put the top 0.0001% of Academy applicants and graduates into actual interstellar ships.
Basically, if they got Equestria with all of its resources, they could either begin a galactic conquest campaign or develop unlimited imperialism and colonization, taking entire quadrants in a century or less. Whew.
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Must be a Saturday.
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I wonder, I thought they are in the Abrams -verse right now. Now I'm really interested in the plot twist of Twilight Sparkle being born as an 4th alicorn, or something.
The innuendo is strong within this chapter.
NGL.. I am kind of loving Celestia being every bit the shameless flirt that Kirk usually is portrayed as. But also, good job on making Kirk also as clever as he really is with working out the code. Because yeah, Kirk really is a lot smart then he seems, this is the guy that could challenge Spock at chess.
Then we have the Bad Ones... that's is interesting, and the main source of incoming conflict, because yeah, in this time period, that much raw dilithium would make every civilization rapid in the desire to control it. Now... how will can Tia control the sun? Right now the Ponies best hope is she can use it offensively to make trying to attach the planet too big a risk, while they negotiate a neutrality pact to export crystals fairly.
Yeah, this is getting very interesting.
Also Maud and Spock is a duoi never consisted, but is so perfect.