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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Personally, I like the heavy amount of dialogue.
I was half expecting Gosalynn to be snacking the whole time. Hummers have appetite issues. Of course, they do live on the edge of starvation. Such is the cost of having paws/talons that are fast as lightning.
Also, does Gwendolen really truly talk to Herself?
I like it. The conversations makes the understanding of motives behind there aktions better.
It does not feel rushed. The pacing is good. Your charakters dont feel like statues without gesturing and mimik. It makes it better. It makes them feel alive.
11180267
You half-expected correctly. The first draft had Gosalynn carrying around a bottle of water and honey (another version had a soft and sweet mead), but I figured that the scene where I first introduced her, caring for one of her Sky Sentries during labor wasn't the moment for that.
Unintentionally, that was good because it shows that she doesn't NEED it when she shows up with the bottle and her snacks, as that would be a problem considering that it would seem like a handicap in the eyes of The Harpy. But now it's a quirk related to her inspiration. Don't worry, she'll be tagging along with Gilda for a while. There's more to come about her.
About Gwendolen... Gilda doesn't know that she is The Harpy, and it is left unclear intentionally. It's part of her procedures to hide herself from Celestia and Luna that not even the vast majority of the northerners, even the Loremasters, know that she IS The Harpy. I'm aware that it is a poorly kept secret to the readers because of Piece of Parchment, but not everyone is reading it. Even if she already mentioned Grigory as her son.
So this explains why Gilda started training as both--today, they ARE getting enough griffonesses worthy of it! (even if it's just one for the moment)
11180373
There's the proof that Gilda needs to know She is no god--
The real question is there anything left of the real Gwendolen (the griffon she was born as before being possessed), or did Aya Harpyia merely fly down from wherever she had been hiding all this time after the Markovian computer reset the universe and She decided to put on some Clark Kent brand eyeshades and chill for a bit before She started stirring the pot?
11203694
Well, there is Gwineth. But she is about as good a swordmaiden as Gia is a loremaster.
Gwendolen is the 'wordly name' she chose for herself (more details in 'The Lion and The Harpy' when Fólkvangr and Piece of Parchment are done). The process that happened to her is similar to the one Cadance witnessed in chapter 17- Singularity. Except she didn't die. She remained as The Harpy that the griffons dragged into the realm of the living, thanks to the incomplete process of the Black Sun.
In answer to your authors note. I LOVE the chit chat between characters and love how you write it. Personally I feel you have a good balance of scene descriptions and dialog. So to me, its perfect!
11271549
Great! That's good to know!
Guess I'm late to the party on this, but no I do not mind dialogue heavy scenes as long as they are well written and engaging. Which is something this story has had in spades up to this point!
11798676
Noted.