This version of the story is outdated and isn't being updated anymore, I'd appreciate it if you would start at the prologue instead and continue from there.
Her violet eyes landed on a small piece of wrinkled parchment that she didn't remember placing on her desk. “Strange,” she thought, “I’m usually so organized, so how did this ancient looking letter get here?” She sighed and quickly read over the piece of paper, before it dropped from her grip. Her eyes gently closed, her mane stopping its usual gallant flowing as her mind wandered back to a simpler time.
***
"Hey, Twilight, come on, we have to get going!" A pink pony shouted outside her door excitedly. She was always so very hyper.
"One second please, Pinkie, I just have to finish wrapping this present." Twilight responded, her voice cracking slightly as the ribbon refused to tie correctly. The ribbon began to float again, surrounded by the faint purple hue of her magic. Twilight's tongue licked her lips and stayed there as she carefully tied the bow on top of the present. "There we go, that should stay," she said satisfactorily. Preparing to lift the box, she realized the bow had fallen once again. She sighed and looked around for a solution; standing next to her was Pinkie.
"Wowzer, Twilight, you're not very good at wrapping up presents, are you? Here, let me," Pinkie stated as she trotted up to the package before taking one end of the ribbon in each hoof. After a flurry of seemingly random movements, the present was sealed with the most delicate and ornate bow.
"Pinkie, you'll have to show me how to do that sometime," Twilight said in awe, still staring at the ribbon. "It took me half an hour to get that far."
"Oh, Twilight, it's all in the wrists," she said, almost singing, as she began walking outside.
"So, are we meeting everypony else somewhere?" The purple unicorn asked.
"Yeah, they're already at the train station. You know, for being so organized, it took you awhile to find a present."
"I know, Pinkie; it was kind of hard to find something that expressed my feelings."
"Twilight, what the hay was keeping you?" A blue pegasus shouted as they were a few hooves away from the station. Her mane was much neater than it normally was, and a quick glance at Rarity's smug face told Twilight exactly what happened.
"Sorry, apparently I'm not good at tying ribbons and bows on presents," she responded sheepishly.
"Honey, you could have asked me for help," responded Rarity kindly.
Rainbow Dash flipping her carefully-done mane as she let out a deep sigh. Each stripe of color gleaming magnificently in the sunlight. The usual raggedness to it straightened out to a smooth straight style.
"Yeah, I know Rarity, but I thought I could do it. By the way, thanks again, Pinkie. Wait, where is she?” Twilight said as she looked for the absent pony.
"Aw, fiddlesticks, where'd that pony get off to now?" An orange earth pony said. Her green eyes quickly went from the platform they stood on to the train. There, already sitting and waving from one of the windows was the missing pink pony.
"All aboard who's coming aboard," a brown earth pony beckoned, his voice ringing throughout the station. The five friends still standing on the platform smiled at Pinkie as they embarked onto the spacious train.
"Wait, um, Twilight, where's Spike?" Fluttershy asked worriedly.
"Um, I remember seeing him in bed… Wait, he's not here?!" A frantic search came to the conclusion that their favorite little purple dragon wasn't there yet.
"There he is!" Pinkie shouted, pointing at a small green-bellied dragon running towards the platform as the train began to pull away.
"Come on, Spike, you can do it!" Dash shouted as Spike doubled his efforts, Dash holding out her hoof for him to grab hold of.
"Grab me!" Spike responded as he jumped forward towards Dash’s outstretched hoof. With a yelp, Dash quickly jerked back as she felt Spike holding on.
The small purple dragon flew halfway through the open window before getting stuck there. After a quick chuckle by the group, Twilight grabbed his outstretched claw and yanked him out.
He quickly hit the other side of the cabin and fell on the hard table letting out a loud "Oof."
"Spike, maybe you shouldn't eat so much ice cream," The purple unicorn teased as she quickly reminded him, and everyone else, of the time he got such a bad stomachache.
"Yeah, didn't you eat, like, five buckets of ice cream?" Dash joined in. Spike didn't answer; he just stuck out his tongue in disgust and held his stomach tightly.
"Well, you can make fun of me all you want, but I'm going to bed; we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow in Canterlot." Spike said as he quickly climbed into his own bunk on the train and shut the curtain.
"Maybe Spikey-Wikey has a point," Rarity concluded as she climbed carefully into her own bunk and shut the curtain.
"I guess," Dash just said as she flew to the topmost bunk on the left side and quickly fell asleep there.
The rest of the friends soon retired as well to the comfortable train beds. "Good night," Twilight said before magically turning the lights off.
***
"Ugh, five more minutes," Dash said as Twilight and her friends tried to wake her.
"Rainbow Dash, this is no way to behave when the princess herself invited us for a personal party. You must get up and allow me to do your mane, as per our agreement," the fashion designer reminded her.
"Ugh, fine," Dash said as she almost fell out of her bed but caught herself with her wings. Flapping them too hard resulted in her head striking the ceiling, and her to come crashing down.
"Hey, Dash, are you alright?" Spike asked as she stared at the pegasus. Her eyes were looking in both directions at once before they reset in her head.
"Oh, yeah, I'm good," Dash said before feeling Rarity grab her mane.
"Come on, let's get you ready," she insisted as the blue pegasus was pushed out of the sleeping compartment.
The others looked at each other and Twilight asked the question on everypony's mind. "So, what exactly is the agreement they made?" A collective shrug quickly became a group of laughing ponies.
"Come on! I'm hungry!" Pinkie shouted as she walked towards the breakfast cart.
With a smile, the purple unicorn followed her pink friend to the food; the rest soon followed. The inside of the dining car was filled with the pungent smell of eggs and toast.
A quick glance confirmed what Twilight already thought. Pinkie was completely ignoring everything, except for the dessert portion, her plate stacked to the roof with cakes, pies, and countless other pastries. With a smile, Pinkie expertly rocked the overly-full plate and caused a single cake to fall into her waiting mouth.
After a few minutes of laughing and talking, Rainbow Dash walked through the door, her head down. Her entire mane was sleek, organized, straight, and shiny, almost as if Rarity had put straightening polish on it.
"Wow, Rarity, how did you convince her to let you do that?" Twilight asked her quickly.
"Well, it was really quite simple, I-" Rarity began before she was interrupted by the stunt pegasus.
"It's between me and Rarity, and if she tells anypony, the deals off," Dash stated loudly, causing Rarity to chuckle.
"Very well then, my apologies, Twilight," Rarity said to her friend.
"Don't worry about it, come join us for some food," she invited gladly.
"Girls, look, it’s Canterlot!" Pinkie shouted as she pointed her hoof outside of the window towards the magnificent pony city.
***
"Ah, Twilight, I trust the trip went well, then?" A magnificent alicorn asked, her rainbow hued mane flowing slowly; her tail shifting in a similar way.
"Yes, Princess, the train ride went without a hitch," Twilight responded sincerely.
"Speak for yourself Twi! My head still hurts from this morning!" Dash interjected, rubbing her head to emphasize her point. After a quick laugh from everypony present, Princess Celestia smiled and looked at Pinkie.
"So, do you think you could make this party a bit more fun?" Celestia asked, glad to see the pink pony’s face light up at the prospect.
"Of course, I always bring my party cannon with me!" Pinkie exclaimed as she rolled in a pink cannon with balloons covering its sides.
"Where did you get that, Pinkie? I didn't see it on the train," Twilight asked as the cannon suddenly appeared next to Pinkie. Twilight sighed, and shook her head slightly.
"Well, since we come to Canterlot every so often, I decided to keep one cannon in the castle for any occasion," the party pony laughed, pressing a big red button. After a soft bang, confetti covered the floors, balloons were trying to escape through the roof, and banners hung everywhere. "So Princess, what's the party for?"
"I just decided it was too long since we had seen each other, so I decided to throw this little party for all of us. Luna will be down in a few minutes, as soon as she wakes up from her midday nap. Cadence is out with Shining Armor at the moment, she should be joining us in an hour or two, as well." Celestia summed up, her eyes watching as Twilight drank some punch.
"So, Twilight, how have your studies been?" Celestia asked her star pupil.
"I've learned so much recently, I can't even begin to explain it all. Everyday me and my friends have good times, and each day we learn a new little thing. I'm sorry I haven't sent letters every day, but most of the things I learn are pretty minor," Twilight gushed in a matter of seconds.
"You are doing a wonderful job along with your friends sending letters; if I got anymore I would be overwhelmed. Both Princess Luna, and Cadence have taken to reading you and your friends’ letters," Celestia responded calmly.
"Enough talking, let's party!" Pinkie shouted in the background as she began playing some dancing music through a large speaker.
"Rarity, I am glad you could make it, how is your boutique going?" Celestia inquired of the refined unicorn.
"Very well, princess, I just finished a new line of clothing. In fact, I am getting so many orders for it I may need to get some help from my friends soon just to keep up." Rarity responded, her eyes focusing on Dash trying to return her mane to normal. Celestia looked in the same direction and laughed as Rarity's eyebrows lowered.
"Go ahead and take care of it," she said excusing the unicorn to her own business.
"Applejack, I hope your big brother, little sister, and grandmother are all doing well," Celestia said with an interested, yet calm undertone in her voice.
"Yep, they’re all doin' mighty fine, the harvest’s almost here, and we should have cider season before long," the orange earth pony farmer responded happily.
"I hope you shall save some cider for us, dear Applejack," the dark counterpart to Celestia said as she walked into the room, her mane representing the very night sky itself, billowing behind her beautifully.
"Well, of course we will, Princess Luna," Applejack said, stretching her front legs into a bow. It only seemed natural in front of somepony that regal.
"Please, Applejack, there is no need to bow for me, we are all friends here," Princess Luna said as she observed the gesture.
"Good afternoon, my dear friend Fluttershy," the Princess of the Night said as she walked up to the yellow pegasus. "Did you receive my most recent letter?"
"Um, yes princess, I appreciate the advice on getting Angel asleep. He's been really, well, sleepy recently, but will never sleep anymore, for some strange reason," Fluttershy responded in earnest.
"Yes, just have him chew a bit of those nuts I told you about; he should be able to sleep again, and sleep very well," Luna confirmed quickly.
Fluttershy's ears folded forwards and she squeezed her eyes shut as Rarity's voice rang throughout the room, bouncing off the columns and walls. "Dash, you know that you have to keep your mane that way or it doesn't count!"
"Yeah, Rarity, I know, it's just so annoying and not me!" Dash responded equally loud. A few seconds of intense staring later, they both walked separate ways and left the room in a strange silence.
"Ah, Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, I am glad you two could make it," Celestia said loudly as the two entered the party room. Pinkie rushed up to them and snapped a party hat on each of their heads. "Could everypony come here for a few seconds?" Celestia requested as the small party of ponies gathered.
"We have a few matters to discuss, please save all of your questions until the end," Celestia said, getting a collective nod from the ponies. Luna and Cadence soon walked up and joined Celestia.
"As you all know,” Cadence started out, “I, as some like to put it, control love, while Princess Luna controls the moon, and Princess Celestia obviously controls the sun. I am also sure that, to smart ponies like you, the fact that we are the only three alicorns in Equestria has not evaded your grasp. Now, as you all know, we have lived for incredible amounts of time. However, these things are just details as of now, what you all need to know before leaving here today is about the Elements of Harmony. But, to understand, first you must know the full story of the Elements, which Celestia, Luna, and myself will all take part in.”
***
“When Equestria was first founded by the three tribes, we were not yet born, however, soon after the founding strife came about once again. The unicorns believed it unfair to have to work tirelessly, and use their best magicians on raising and setting the sun and moon. In return the earth ponies, the pegasi, and the unicorns all pooled their natural magic’s, forming Luna and I. Princess Cadence was born later. After we were fully grown, me and my sister realized exactly what our duties were, and fulfilled them day in and day out.”
“But that peace couldn't last, something was getting stronger back then every day. I still remember that feeling of utter dread, as ponies began to question us and all of magic in general. The Unicorns themselves began to question how it all worked, and this gave way to chaos, as the normal order of things was lost. Much as I and Luna were born, the monster Discord was born. Only this was completely unintentional. He grew quickly and on many occasions we tried to teach him right from wrong. This proved impossible, so eventually we tried to destroy him, yet at only five years old, he managed to utterly defeat us. It was like we were powerless against everything he did. He would take our magic and our power, and warped it in ways that were never meant to be.”
“After playing with us, and our powers, he almost killed us, leaving us to die, far outside of Equestria. There was nowhere to go, except for the old lands, the original lands of the three tribes. The journey was slow and painful, but eventually we managed to regain our strength enough to make it there. When we had finally made it, Luna and I got into a huge fight about why we had decided to go here in the first place. But then, something called to us both, and we followed the strange source of power. This led us to the meeting place of the three tribes during the great blizzard, where we found six stones of power. Each containing one of the essences of the six original ponies in Equestria, these were the Elements of Harmony. They told us how they had watched the rise of Discord, and our defeat at his hands. They told us of many things that had come to pass, and will come to pass. But there are certain things they left out, like the rise of Nightmare Moon, so what they told us may or may not come to fruition.”
After they told us these things, we brought them with us, and quickly defeated and imprisoned the monster that is Discord. Faith was restored in magic, order, and harmony. About a century before the creature that was Nightmare Moon took over Luna, Cadence was born from all of the love in this world. She was a shining beacon of hope in a world slowly being consumed by fear and anger once again; Princess Cadence was born out of necessity. If she had not been born, Nightmare Moon would have been much more powerful than she was.”
“The rest of the story is history.”
***
"Now, we get to you brave six ponies gathered here." Celestia said, "specifically you, Twilight."
"Yes, you may have noticed your magic has been getting much more refined, and stronger than you ever imagined capable. On multiple occasions you have accomplished feats with it that should have left you far dead, yet here you are today." Princess Luna chimed in.
"What we are trying to say Twilight, is that we have been doing some research, and we believe for you to be, slowly, becoming an alicorn yourself," Cadence said, almost apologetically.
"Great, so we all get to live forever, cool!" Dash interrupted quickly.
"No, that's not the case, is it Princess Celestia?" Twilight asked, her face studying the floor intently.
Without saying a word, Celestia just shook her head slightly. "I am truly sorry Twilight, I wish there was something I could do, but there truly isn't. But don't despair; your friends will all live much longer than any normal pony."
"But, eventually they will all die..." Twilight said, her voice drained of all emotions.
A silence permeated the air like a solid sheet of steel. Nopony dared talk, or even look each other in the eyes. Celestia finally looked up and spoke a single sentence, a simple sentence. "They will."
Twilight's heart felt cold, her mind froze, and her body began to shut down. She looked towards each of her friends in turn, in each of their eyes, even Fluttershy, understood. They already knew this was true, they already had accepted they were going to die. But it was different for her; she would have to watch them...
"That is the reason we called you here. You would have noticed within a few years, and we thought it would be best to give you advanced warning. Are there any questions you have?" Celestia asked, her voice almost cracking.
"No, I just want to go home," Twilight said as she turned around.
"Hey, Twilight, don't worry, we still have a really long time to have fun!" Pinkie smiled.
"Yeah, that's true, a long time," Twilight said, a smile of her own appearing on her face.
***
The last of their funerals had been only last week. Strange that Fluttershy would be the last to die, and Dash the first. But there were more pressing matters, like how something from almost a century ago could end up back here now.
Dear Princess Celestia
Today I learned something amazing, everypony everywhere has a special magical connection with her friends; maybe even before she's met them. If you're feeling lonely, and you're still searching for your true friends, just look up in the sky, who knows, maybe you and your future best friends are all looking at the same rainbow.
Sincerely,
Twilight Sparkle
At the bottom of the letter was a small elegant inscription written by somepony.
You always have a special magical connection with your friends, before, or after you've met them, you always share that connection. Whenever you feel lonely, think of the ponies you used to know, still know, and have yet to know.
I know the pain of loss, and whenever I think of all the friends I have lost, I think of them watching me, they would want me to live my life. So I honor that, go out, and live my life the best ways I can.
Authors notes
Three quick things.
1: I am expanding it, and planning on re-releasing this story later as a much more fleshed out story.
2: Thanks to my amazing editors, Golden Delicious, TheHylianBatman, DJ Garv the Expert, and MLP Lover.
3: If you think you could help me edit this story more, grammar specifically, please feel free to leave a comment saying so, or message me anytime.
Version 1.1.3
Hia reading now cant wait to see what happens...
Looove these types of books....
Lots of people tackle this concept, and with good reason. There are many intricacies one can explore and a lot of time can be spent exploring them. I'm disappointed to see that you decided to go with a one-shot, here. There are so many elements you've condensed, it's clear you have a solid idea of the universe you've created, but it's like you thew it at us much like a banana cream-pie to the face instead of over a 3 course meal. Seriously, this could be a solid 10-chapter story if you spent some time on each character's emotional state and cleaned up the backstory (frankly, you could probably just be rid of Candence). Chapters 1-3: Letter, Train, Arrival in Canterlot. Chapters 4-6: Party, Reveal, Backstory. Chapters 7-10: Reactions, Revelations, Epilogue. You could even write a sequel that deals with Twilight not aging, or dealing with her actual transition, staying young (and growing wings?) as her friends age around her.
Anyway, I'm rambling since it's 2:30, so apologies for that. Just wanted to say that I think you could spend more time here, even if it is a bit of a well-done topic, it's one I always like to read.
Pretty simple and take on a fanfic concept many have done, but it was done rather well. The only complaint I have is.. your refer to spike as a green dragon, he's purple.
"The Curse of Immortality" finally someone that defines immortality as what it is "a curse"
Need more discribsen. Don't trust that everyone know what next. F.exs How did they feel? And how was the trainride. Why took it a night to get to Canterlot? What did they in the trainride? What was the style of rainbows mane? You covered something when you discribe it. But not the whole thing.
Good job writing this dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Vinyl_sad.png
1204133
i agree with this, the story could be expanded to something bigger but otherwise a very good story here
i liked it... so much...
1204133
I appreciate the critique, a lot of this I can use, I was considering expanding it to be a full story, I still might. But there are certain things I need to take care of first.
Immortality is only a curse if you make it a curse.
If you live your life like you have a million years to get out of bed and brush your teeth then immortality will get really old really quick. If you stoop loving anyone because someday you will loose that person then you will never love anyone ever again and immortality will get pretty old really quick.
If you live your life like every day was a special and beautiful event that can never be replaced, that can never be duplicated then immortality is a strange and wonderful thing.
If you love your friend and lose her does this mean that you can not love her children? grandchildren? There are beautiful and wonderful people born everyday. Love the people you can while you can and accept their love in the same fashon.
Life is beautiful no matter how long or short it lasts.
*See Alicorn!Twi fic in feature box*
*Insta-click; Insta-fav; Insta-read; Insta-like*
Nope, my opinion is not biased at all.
Short and good.
I like that.
You need an editor. Hire me. Hire me NOW.NOW, DAMN YOU, NOW!
Derf... my feels... all over the floor...
It does seem kinda cramped, like you tried to fit too much content into too little space. This needs to be expanded, spaced out. Detail filled in. Grammar errors fixed. Oh, the grammar errors...
Many of the names are not capitalized like they should be. "Ya" is not a word. "Yeah" is how it is actually spelled.
It wasn't half bad. The pacing seemed a bit too fast, and it probably could have been a lot better if it wasn't a one shot. But it was good nonetheless.
As
1204133
1206313
and
1206373
Said it could do with more details and I am working on it. The story is being expanded from it's current form so think of it as a... skeleton.
You need an editor. NEED. Otherwise, I agree with the first poster. This could be so much longer.
1206478
I agree, but finding one is easier said then done.
My only gripe with this story is that Celestia says Me and Luna or Me and her, instead of the proper her and I or Luna and I. but thats it other wise it was awesome
Not a bad one-shot my friend.
1206486
I'd love to proofread.
1204276
http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1894965&displaytype=printable
This is an interesting story with just that message.
http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1894965&displaytype=printable
1205631
Maybe for the first few million years but read the above link to find out why to never wish for immortality.
1206486
This group should help you.
Path_of_Cloud recommended it.
Bronydragon
1206773
It is a curse because you will outlast all friends and family and no precious memories can compensated the thousands of losses of them over the millennia. But we leave it at that, I always get so melancholy philosophy of this topic.
1206798
I'm not saying that everyone should wish for immortality but that guy in the story was a moron.
His first acts were simply prooving to himself he could not die then he spent the next billion years waiting to die ...
He never DID anything. That was one of my points. Did he spend a million years before getting out of bed and brushing his teeth? Nope he spent 4 million years watching continents cuddle. He is a moron who wasted 4 million years of life because he had the lifespan to waste it.
What should he have done before his universe collapsed into a singularity? Jumped ship to a paralell reality maby?
Smaller scale immortality (Celestia, Luna) is much much easier to deal with.
If you want to see a better example of immortality read "The Boat of A Million Years" . I do not think you will be dissapointed.
I gotta ask a question. Since Spike is a dragon wouldnt he still be alive? Dragons do live for 1000's of years. Of course they are not immortal like alicorns, but they would live a long time like allicorns do. I would also expect Spike to be devastated by his friends deaths.
Meh. It was well written but I like to think that alicorns are not immortal, they just live for a few thousand years.
Somepony tell me is this a good story, or just another story about somepony bitching about how immortality sucks?
So
SO
SO Tired of these wah wah wah im immortal and dont die stories. I guess i will continue to wait for a good. "I'm immortal and its good" story.
Umm, when is this fanfiction occurring? I've never seen a laptop in the show.
Short but sweet. I was left wanting a little more, but what was written was good even if rushed. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Redheart_gasp.png
I think the real show will have something a little like this coming up in season 3,4, or 5(that is if it lasts that long)
Well, this was a fun read, though crammed into a single chapter instead of savored over a longer period.
Just a little grammar catch that drew me out of the story: Instead of "Me, Celestia, and Cadence went" or similar structure, the correct way is "Celestia, Cadence, and I went." For politeness, the I goes on the end. It's also an "I" because the subject has to agree with the action; "Me went" is not grammatically correct.
1206390
I'm about to read it, and if it is good, and could be expanded, then your going to get an earful from me about it.
That was really, really good man. I'm crying now.
1206390
Definitely a skeleton, this had little story or visuals, the whole thing was really just "told." Concept could be expanded to be a good story, but, right now, it needs work.
1207218
This fic is occurring when Pinkie Pie was alive. That is all.
Immortality is really only a curse if you are the only immortal one. But even then, eventually you will grow tired of life. My view of immortality is the last line of the song First Night Alone by ThatSonofaMitch and All Levels at Once. The line is, "What good is the morning if the night never comes?" Basically, life is meaningless without death.
Anyways, onto the fic. There was the occasional grammar error, particularly when to use the word 'me' as opposed to 'I', but other than that, it was a decent read. Nice job.
1207218
In the royal wedding, I remember seeing speakers, there's no use having speakers like that if there are no computers.
There's a number of grammar issues for you to sort out, and character interactions feel emulated. I really don't think you know these characters very well. The filler dialogue is awkwardly worded, like you just couldn't find anything to put there.
It isn't enough to make sure their actions are consistent. The way they talk tells you more about who these characters are than anything.
Hope this helps.
You know some of us would kill for immortality...but at the cost of watching friends come and go out our life. How depressing...
I liked it albeit it was short.
As you said, very much a skeleton of a story. Needs some proofreading, mostly for grammar. Honestly I wouldn't release this version at all - use it as an outline and re-release the story once you've fleshed out the first chapter or two.
Interesting premise and it'll make for a good read to see how you deal with Twilight's sudden introduction to immortality versus the other alicorns' long experience with it. It just needs to be expanded and polished more as a story to get there. Keep writing!
I concur on the suggestion to get the help of an editor.
The grammar is a little odd in places, and it's good to use more formal language in some things and less formal in others. For example, this:
"... full story of the Elements, me, Celestia, and Luna will all take part in this Story telling. ..."
should be "Celestia, Luna, and I" since Princess Cadence is the one talking.
AND
Celestia finally looked up and spoke a single sentence, a simple sentence, "yes, they will."
This sentence should be "Yes, they will." since it's a sentence, the first word should still be capitalized. If possible though, this probably fits better after a pause, or as an end clause of a longer sentence. In fact you could even lop off the 'yes'.
I would also recommend using 'okay' as the spelling most of the time when you want to use 'ok', since it's a bit more correct and doesn't feel as informal/slang-ish. That is not to say its wrong, but I would suggest that the setting is not quite that informal in this case for sure. Some wording also flows better off the tongue/the inside of the brain and sounds reasonable and sensible, whereas other choices may sound stilted, or unnatural, when read aloud.
You might consider nixing the "essence of the six original ponies" stuff, unless it's critical to expanding the story (should you choose to do that), since it explains something that doesn't necessarily need that much explanation. It can also sometimes raise other questions that the story might need to answer, such as whether they were real or some spell or illusion, etc and whether they could/can be trusted. You should probably invent/make/borrow a specific reason for Twilight to become an Alicorn, due to the Elements of Harmony, instead of any or all of them to help give the story a bit more solidity. Otherwise, it feels like you've just chosen to use Twilight. There's also an element of unfairness since she would now have a horn and wings.
Try and flesh out the story a bit, it's a little short and somewhat sudden, although it seems like an okay point for this particular flashback to appear/appear again. Personally, it would make more sense to me for her to have come the letter while reminiscing or something. It's not like Twilight Sparkle to leave a piece of paper on her desk for years, decades even. Finding it in a book she was looking for might make a tad more sense, although it's a matter of choice and doesn't overly affect the story.
Also, a few details of the funerals in question would help to hammer home that they are gone, as well as the shortness of life and the suddenness of remembering/feeling again the sadness of having to outlive them. You could bring Spike into this as well, if you wanted, since he would probably still be alive, having outlived the elements enhanced ponies (unless it was a huge enhancement). Dragons in most stories, FIMFics and elsewhere, can live from 500-1000 years old at least assuming that they aren't immortal or haven't been killed.
Thank you for going on with this by expanding it. So short, it was, that I was disappointed. I hate "Twilight becoming an alicorn" stories because in some cases, they don't even have reasons that make sense...to me, anyway. *sighs* But I...actually, I don't see why she is becoming one here, as well. Is it simply a transformation into an alicorn; was that how Luna, Celestia, and Cadence became ones? If so, that's fine, I just want that to be cleared up.
I also hope we get some detail as to how the others died--on the same stinking day, I should add--and just how long it was between that announcement and their deaths when you expand this; I would like to know their ages because the older they are, they more they make an impact on Twilight. I'm sure they'll be friends until the end, and the longer they live, it will only torture her more when they do. It's such a shame to see her through this...if only we got some emotion, some tension out of it. But, hey, this was a short, simple one-shot; I won't slam on it too much. It was okay, just not a favorite of mine, I could say.
1204276 Rest assured, we shall not force it upon you. We would rather not have you if you cannot appreciate it.
I shall offer only one point: Those who are most familiar with death are those who can most endure eternally.
Ask away if you wish for clarification.
It looks like you had an editor, but then he quit halfway through the story. Grammar errors abound in a featured story actually miffs me quite a lot. DON'T let it happen again, incompetent readers.
SO MUCH SAD