Lyra Lyra pants on fire

Bon Bon and Lyra attend the Grand Galloping Gala as they are greeted by someone from Lyra's past

Chapters (2)

Comments ( 8 )

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zaczac111

zaczac111 #1 · Dec 20th, 2011 · · · Prologue ·

Usually, each time someone different talks, it starts a new paragraph. Also, this was incredibly short with little attention to detail. Like, in the first sentance, they talk about how big of a turnout it is, but nothing tells us anything about it. Also, you should try reading your story out loud as it can help catch mistakes. The concept seems like a good one, but without details, it's not as good as it could be. Learning from past mistakes is the best way to learn imo, so keep on writing

Smugburn

Smugburn #2 · Dec 20th, 2011 · · · Prologue ·

76910 Well we all gotta start somewhere, I started by posting this fiction just cause I was thinking up crazy shipping names and came up with this insane plot involving Lyra, Bon Bon, Fancy Pants and Spitfire, When I thought up the name Lyra Lyra pants on fire, I felt it wrong to keep such a funny idea to myself so now I find myself writing with no past experience, I'm eager to learn how to write better fiction and be more descriptive, so your post helped and I thank you for your support 76915

zaczac111

zaczac111 #3 · Dec 20th, 2011 · · · Prologue ·

76919 Lol, I just started writing three days ago, but I love helping new writers anyway I can

Celestias Paladin

Celestias Paladin #4 · Dec 20th, 2011 · · · Prologue ·

Well ZacZac pretty much caught the main issues, though I tend to cut you some slack on length since it is the first chapter.

I've been writing since '07 but I still have my issues. Best advice I can give you is read everything outloud, read constantly, and if you have issues with actions or character find a nice RPG to play.

Celestia's Paladin

Jinadan