The sun rose where the wind whispered on the grass, blossom petals caught the wind when petals scattered everywhere from the west.
Several ponies walked on the street towards Los Pegasus. One however, left the group.
She of course walked a different path to the household Moon Crest, walked towards a long wooden bridge, while she paused for a second, she saw the further into the distance.
“It has clearly been a long time since I came to my sons house. I heard rumors he still has that slave that I bought from six years ago. Hopefully she is doing well with that enhancement chain collar that can heal whoever wields it. Although the broken wing was the main issue, I would love to check one more time. Afterwards I spent in the dark and dusty old library working with healing magic and healing enhancements. At my younger ages I was so smart with wards and fire magic. Healing used to be the worst thing that I could ever happen. Until that one day.”
Countess Golden Glow was at age twenty-three when it happened during schools.
“All right class heal the wounded fish.”
Golden Glow cast the spell upon the fish several times but couldn't get it right. She took a deep breath, shut both of her eyes, yellow glowed from her horn, and released the magic to the fish. It wobbled, when she opened her mouth with her teeth together.
The Archduchess kept walking to the household.
The wind blew her mane and tail from south to the east, she then looked at the right that was east of her, and saw the sun rising with blossom petals blooming everywhere. The site, it’s finest, and she stared at it for a moment.
“It’s a beautiful site. It’s why I’m in love with this place. A place where I can go back to. The smell of it is so refreshing compared to the city.”
Walked over to the house and rang the doorbell.
The Grand Duchess Light Heart opened the door. Her expression on her face with an opened mouth dropped.
“Honey, get down here this instant.”
The Grand Duke Tipsy Tulip walked from the kitchen to the door entrance.
He turned his head to the left with a loud voice, “Maids, chef, slave and Prince Blue Dream get to the entrance at once.”
Everyone who was there and including the slave was there had bowed to the Archduchess Golden Glow.
“Hello every pony! It is an honor to meet all of you again.”
Rane looked at the Archduchess, she saw a lot of diamonds on her necklace, with a hat of an onyx gem on the front, and a bracelet on her left side with a blue pearl to show she was married. Those cyan eyes of hers are very pretty even for her age.
“I remembered her, she was the one that cast healing wards on me, and even made the chain have healing powers when equipped. The thing she cast on that day, couldn’t remember it but it was a word that was weird, and I wondered what it was. Clearly this family is the best I've ever seen in my life. They are all nice ponies, something I felt like I was already part of a family to cherish working together.”
Archduchess had her head high and walked to the library. The Grand Duke and Grand Duchess walked behind her, Prince walked with Rane to the bedrooms, maidens walked to the bathrooms, and the chef walked back to the kitchen.
The maidens used their hoofs with a rag and pressed the cloth on top surfaces in the tub, then they put the rag in the bucket and lifted it out, squeezed it inside of the bucket, went up and down the walls of the room, repeated the process for the sink, and toilet.
The Prince and Rane used their left hoofs with a utensil and lightly touch every surface, once they were done with that in the room, they clearly set the utensil down on an end table and picked up a wet cloth with the right hoof, and pressed against the fireplace, while they rubbed it up and down the brick surfaces.
The Archduchess, Grand Duke, and Grand Duchess walked in the library.
“I like to know what is the status of Rane?”
The Grand Duchess used her left hoof and placed it over the right hoof, and looked down slanting both eyes. The Grand Duke walked to his chair and shut his eyes and took a deep breath. The Archduchess looked at the sun continuing to rise with the blooming of the trees.
“So, what is the situation?”
The Grand Duchess walked up to the Archduchess, used her right hoof, and placed it on Archduchess left shoulder, “She can’t fly.”
“The pegasus will be looking down on us for sure. It may start a war that we can’t win. Magic is something but, weather is a whole different ball game.”
The Archduchess turned her head to the right, “If we don’t keep this a secret from the Prince and Rane their relations might go sour. On top of that, pegasus wouldn’t give us rain, earth ponies can’t grow food, and we unicorns can’t produce magic for protection of wild creatures. That if things got out.”
Every pony in the room felt shame to admit the future is too good to be true.
Grand Duke opened his eyes, “I guess there will only be one way to find out. Let the present flow into the future.”
They all nodded their heads up and down. The Grand Duchess then put her left hoof back on the floor, walked out of the library, and went to dinner room. Grand Duke got up from his chair, walked out of the library, and went to dinner room. The Archduchess followed the Grand Duke.
Chef Tenderheart used the pan and held it near the stove with her left hoof, put some spices with her right hoof. She then put the spices' utensil down and flipped the eggs.
Just finished chapter 2! Love it so far!
10484750
well, there is still more parts for chapter 2... 3 parts that's where I'm going with this maybe...
10492814
I find this method interesting! very cool to see this ^^ You're doing fantastic story wise
10492883
why thank you. I hope that I get some inspiration on your story and hope you get some in mine.
10498922
Um, you sound a little distraught. Did my comment scare or confuse you a bit? I’m sorry if it did, I swear that was not my intention
10498947
it's all good I should of told you my vocabulary is limited. Well, that's the problem when I write, my english is my 4th language. Trust me translating a fiction is the most terrifying part of doing this.
10499012
Ah, I see. And it’s fine, I understand. English isn’t my native language either, but after a few years of using it actively, nobody can really tell that I’m not British or American. Honestly, I think that the best trick to learning how to write well in English is to read and listen to it a lot. Forget textbooks and the like, you can pick up all the phrases, idioms, and general sentence structure just by observing how others speak and write. Also, I suggest hiring an experienced editor that could fill in the gaps in your knowledge and tell you that something does’t sound right. That’s also a huge step to improving fast.
Also, I see you edited your previous comment, so let me just clarify a few things. Fleshing out a story isn’t just a matter of adventure stories. It generally refers to just showing more of what’s going on. In other words, you could have shown more of her bullying problem, some interaction with the circus folks and her parents when they sold her away, her interacting with the ponies she now serves. Those are the things that I had in mind when I said this could easily make for a bunch of chapters. Showing five chapters of her cleaning would not only be boring, it’d also be pretty much irrelevant to the story at hand. But showing five chapters of her going from the bullied filly to the mare she is now, that’s a very different thing. As for the modern writing, you are writing in modern English. Plus hooves have been the preferred form of the word for about a century now.
10499075
ok... I think I understand just a little bit. However, bullying and the parents is way beyond in further chapters. I guess there can only be one thing... I guess we both have to wait until I complete this.
10499085
Ah, the retrospective approach. In that case, I don’t think the parents selling her away and such need to be mentioned in the first chapter at all then. Better keep it as a surprise of sorts into the later chapters.
Anyway, I understand this might be a lot to take in. So, if you ever need anything or have some questions about how something can be executed or how something in English works, feel free to let me know. I’ve been writing for over a dozen years and have about half a decade of editing experience under my belt, so chances are, I’ll be able to help you myself or could at least point you in the right direction.
10499198
Cool! I never knew what retrospective is. But, I may have a few questions. Well, since this is getting good than my other series I feel a bit pressure. What do you do when your under pressure?
Should I use an english dictionary instead of a translator?
10499202
Well, depends on what kind of pressure you have in mind, exactly. If you could elaborate a bit, it’d be great. Also, since we are not really talking about the story anymore, I suggest moving this discussion into private messages.
As for the dictionary vs translator problem, I don’t think it matters that much. Dictionary won’t help you with constructing a sentence, translators (especially Google Translate) tend to be really messy. I’d say the best thing you can do is use a translator and then check if the words it spat out have the meaning you desired.
10499270
i'll keep those in mind thanks.