A Magician's Torment

by Doom Trot

Derpy: Community (Dis)service

December 13th, 6:43 P.M., City of Manehattan, Nameless recreation center

"Here you go!" Chimed a gray pegasus as she draped a patchwork quilt over a solemn mare. "We'll get you some stew right away." The now cloaked mare sniffed, then nodded curtly in response. The pegasus giggled, then flew off, headed towards the portable stoves she and the other volunteers had brought inside to cook and keep warm the stew for the homeless ponies of Manehattan. Landing in front of one of the stoves, she smiled at the earth pony who was busily stirring the large stew pot. "Heya, Red Beet! The stew ready yet?"

Red was about to answer, but a more shrill voice shouted over him, calling, "Derpy!" Derpy spun to face the pony calling for her, her flank colliding with the stew pot and bumping it off its burner. Red Beet was just fast enough to throw his hooves under it and prevent a spill, but this earned him burns on both hooves. With a yelp, he practically tossed the pot back onto the burner, attending to his burns by blowing on them furiously.

"What do you need?" Derpy called back, oblivious to Red Beet's plight.

"We're running short on bowls!" The mare replied. "I need you to make a run for more!"

"Okay, but I don't have any money on me!"

"Well, I'll give you some! Just get over here!" The mare was clearly short on patience.

"Okay!" Derpy glanced to Red Beet with a smile, but lost that smile when she saw him blowing on his hooves. She turned to him, solicitous as she said, "You've got to be careful, Red. These stoves can get really hot." She turned and took off to meet with the mare who had called for her. Red froze, staring blankly at Derpy as she flew through the room. He hung his head, sighing, then returned to cooling down his hooves with his breath.

Derpy landed with a salute, stern as she said, "I'll get those bowls pronto!"

The unicorn who called her over halted in her stitching, standing with a groan. "You know where you're going then?" She turned to Derpy, her skinny legs lightly trembling.

"Uh..." Derpy stared at the ceiling with one eye and at the unicorn's hooves with the other. "The nearest market?"

"Which is where?" The unicorn raised an eyebrow, her thin lips drawn into a knowing smile.

"Um..." Derpy's hoof moved from her forehead to her chin. "I think I saw one down the street..."

The unicorn chuckled, levitating a withered brown bag off the floor and opening it with a click. From the old-fashioned coin purse she produced twenty bits, which she placed in the small fanny pack that Derpy was wearing. "You'll find bowls at a little shop on the corner of Trotway Boulevard and Fetlock Lane."

"I knew where it was!" Derpy muttered, angrily pawing the floor.

"Of course you did." Mused the unicorn, brushing a lock of mane that would make straw look lush out of her face. "Just be careful out there."

Derpy nodded, taking to the air. "Can do, mother!" She jetted for the nearby doorway, meeting the stone wall above the door with a solid thunk. She remained plastered there for a moment, then fell in a heap. Unmatched in resilience, however, Derpy was swiftly on her hooves and out the door. Her mother shook her head with a small grin, then sat and resumed her stitching.

December 13th, 6:05 A.M.

Derpy strained to keep a hold of the grill on the "portable" stove, her wings beating frantically as she ground her teeth. On the other end of the stove, Red Beet held the stove's grill by his teeth, looking less distraught than the pegasus assisting him. The two moved the stove to the other end of the room, Derpy's mother nodding and saying, "Right there's good." With a relieved exhale, Derpy dropped her end of the stove, the frame clanging and bouncing as it struck the floor. Red Beet flinched at this, but wasn't harmed. He set his end down gently, stepping away from the stove with a scowl directed at Derpy. "Alright. Better get that hooked up, Red." Derpy's mother hobbled over to the stove, a canister with a nozzle atop it hovering beside her. She set the canister beside the stove, Red Beet moving to connect it to a hose.

"You know," Derpy began, eyeing the canister (as best she could) with perplexity, "I've always wondered what those tanks are filled with."

Red finished connecting the hose and opening the nozzle, about to speak when Derpy's mother said, "Processed vegetable oil. Works like a charm." Red Beet sighed, nodding dejectedly.

"Oh." Derpy glanced to the stove, smiling. "Cool."

"Say, where's that punk who's supposed to be showing up for community service?" Derpy's mother asked, glancing to the door.

"Actually, I had a question about him." Derpy said, looking uneasy as her "gaze" turned to the door as well. "This guy we'll be working with...isn't he here because he broke a law?"

"Yes, that's why he's here." Answered Derpy's mother, sounding a bit cross. "There's no need to worry, though; a police pony will be keeping watch on him while he works. He won't be able to pull anything with a guard on duty." Fwoosh! Derpy and her mother looked to Red Beet to find a triumphant smirk on his face. The source of the noise flickered below the grill: a ring of dim flame emanating from the burner. "Ah, good. Now we just need to get the utensils and ingredients in here, and we start on the stew." Click. Two ponies walked through the door of the rec center, one garbed in an orange jumpsuit and the other in a police officer's uniform. Derpy's mother looked to the former with a grin, standing before him with an air of dominance about her. Derpy and Red Beet watched in silence as she spoke coldly to him, saying, "So, you've gone and made a criminal of yourself, and now you're stuck working to right your wrongs?"

The scruffy pegasus ran his tongue over his teeth, his head kept down as he muttered, "You've got a lot of nerve, lady."

"Nerve?" Derpy's mother laughed at this, jerking the prisoner's head up with her magic. "Nerve is for the daring and the adventurous. What I have is called tenacity."

The convict ground his teeth, his eyes locked on her's. His tone reflected his displeasure as he said, "Just tell me what I'm supposed to do, and let's get this over with."

Derpy's mother raised an eyebrow, amused. "Eager to get started, are you? Alright." From seemingly out of nowhere, a splintery broom flew at the convict. He shouted curses as the shaft caught his nose, stumbling away from Derpy's mother with a glare. She cocked her head, a pleased smirk donning on her lips, then said, "You can start by sweeping this place up. It hasn't been in use for a while, so expect to come across a lot of clutter and cobwebs." The convict retained his glare for a long moment, then glanced to the broom. He snatched it off the ground in his teeth and got to work sweeping away the dirt and bits of garbage that littered the floor. Derpy's mother scoffed, surprised by how easily she had put the convict to work.

The officer accompanying him stepped forward, nodding to the convict as she said, "Nice to see you aren't afraid to be forceful with his type, Miss Haberdashery. I'm glad we sent him your way."

"Well, it's always nice to have an extra set of helping hooves." She said with a smile, sounding less like a taskmaster and more like a grandmother.

December 13th, 7:05 P.M.

Hooves slathered with ointment and wrapped in bandages, Red Beet returned to his stew, glancing to the column of bowls stacked beside the stove. He gasped, however, when he found there were none left. He scanned the transients that had gathered inside, and breathed a quiet sigh of relief upon discovering they had all been provided for. He looked around for Haberdashery, then was about to call for her when the front doors burst open, a mare dressed in an extravagant blue cloak and hat riddled with stars. Her eyes were perfect indication of her hunger as she exchanged looks with the many perplexed transients that looked her way. When her gaze finally settled on the steaming pot of stew, she beamed with a joy beyond anything Red Beet had ever seen. She rushed over to the stove, drool already spilling from the tip of her tongue as it hung limp from her mouth. After realizing that she was actually panting in anticipation of her meal, Trixie's face went blank, then she withdrew her tongue and shook her head. After composing herself and taking on a nobler air, she asked, "Could I trouble you for a bowl of stew?"

"Uh-" Red glanced to the space where the bowls had been, uncomfortable with having to tell this starved mare to wait for her food, but before he could say a thing, Derpy Hooves exploded through the doors, holding a tall stack of paper bowls in her hooves as she fluttered over to the stove.

"They were all out of spoons, but they had plenty of bowls." Derpy said, setting the stack beside Red Beet. She looked to Trixie, starting upon noticing her for the first time. "Uh...hope you don't mind eating without a spoon."

Trixie, completely oblivious to Derpy's apparent confusion, nodded furiously. "No, not at all! Just give Trixie her bowl of stew, and she'll be satisfied!" Red shot a cheeky glance Derpy's way, his look emphasizing the amusement given him by Trixie. He took a bowl from the top of the stack, then ladled stew into it, graciously presenting it to Trixie. Conversely, Trixie grabbed it away with her hooves, attacking it as a dog would attack its dinner. She fell to her haunches as she slurped and gobbled, juice dripping from the bowl as she buried her face in it. Derpy and Red both looked stunned by this, but didn't dare to interrupt Trixie's feast, for fear of becoming a part of it.

December 13th, 6:32 A.M.

"I've got all this material for making quilts and blankets," began Haberdashery, none too pleased with current situation, "and the cots that got donated aren't even here yet."

Derpy shrugged, glancing to the entrance of the rec center. "Maybe the ponies delivering them got caught up in traffic?"

"Ah, traffic." Haberdashery sputtered, a sour look on her face. "I remember back when carts could get where they needed to be when they needed to be there. Now we've got these huge cities, and all the ponies that live in them. I say it should go back to the old days, when towns were simple and friendly. None of this packing tight garbage."

Derpy grinned at her mother, saying, "Mom, you're not even fifty. Save the stories for Dinky."

Haberdashery got a chuckle out of this, ruffling her daughter's mane. "Fine, fine. She seems to like them better, anyway."

Approaching Haberdashery, the convict dropped the broom, saying, "I'm done. What now?" Haberdashery scanned the newly swept floor of the rec center, laughing with surprise.

"Well I'll be!" She mused, slapping his shoulder, the convict glaring at her hoof. "You've actually done a good job!"

"Yeah. What do I do now?" He asked, none too gracefully shoving away Haberdashery's hoof.

"You see that big silver cooking pot we've got over by the stove?" She asked, nodding to the pot she was referring to. "I'll need you to fill it up with water from a little faucet in the backroom, and then bring it back to the stove. Think you can handle that?" The convict turned with a grunt, stomping over to the pot and snatching it up with his teeth.

"I'd better go back there with him." Reasoned the policemare as she followed the convict to the room with the faucet. "Keep him out of trouble."

"Good thinking." Haberdashery said, smirking as she eyed the convict. The two disappeared into the backroom, and Derpy Hooves finally approached her mother, looking intrigued.

"I'm surprised. He didn't complain once." Derpy said, sounding more suspicious than impressed.

"Nope. Can't imagine what he got busted for." Haberdashery brushed back her mane. "With a little attitude change, he'd be a real gentlecolt."

"Well, that, and a little appearance change." Derpy added, grinning sheepishly. "I think he's kind of scary looking."

Haberdashery chuckled, saying, "Can't judge a book by its cover, dear."

Derpy "rolled" her eyes, meaning one went down while the other went up in an irritated fashion. "Yeah, yeah."

December 13th, 7:17 P.M.

Trixie pulled her face out of the bowl, sighing a content sigh. "Delectable!" She held the bowl inches in front of Red Beet's face, asking with a small grin, "Could I have some more?"

"More?!" Red asked in response, his eyes wide.

"That'll be your fourth bowl!" Derpy pointed out, hovering just above the stew pot to get a better look inside. "Other ponies have gotta eat, you know."

"Oh, okay." Trixie withdrew her bowl with a pout, then gasped, pointing at a corner of the ceiling. "What's that?!" Derpy and Red Beet looked to the corner while Trixie magically seized the ladle, filling her bowl once more and allowing the ladle to fall to the ground as she dashed away with a giggle.

"Hey!" Derpy shouted, flying after her, keeping low to the ground. She came up on Trixie's side, then spun to stand in her path. Her momentum, however, carried her backwards along the floor. With a shriek, she tripped over a sleeping transient, falling hard on her back. Trixie snickered at Derpy's spill, then took off running once more. Derpy rolled over, standing with a groan. She glared in Trixie's direction, then flew after her once more.

The chase continued for a surprisingly long time, considering how little space there was within the rec center. Trixie was just nimble enough to avoid Derpy's advances, and the pegasus was quickly losing steam. Derpy landed, panting, Trixie looking over her shoulder and shouting, "Is the Great and Powerful Trixie too fast for you?" Trixie looked forward again, laughing merrily, but an unexpected magical tug on her magician's hat covered her eyes. Panicked and unable to stop herself, Trixie stumbled about, having no idea what direction she was headed in. Trixie's mad dash came to a halt as she collided with a stretched blanket, collapsing and becoming entangled in it. Thrashing about, she stuck her head out of the blanket, an expression of rage on her face as she looked up at an elderly unicorn who was smiling back.

The unicorn standing over Trixie glanced to a levitating bowl of stew, which she set beside Trixie as she said, "No need to cause a ruckus." Trixie glanced to the stew, then, looking back to the elderly unicorn, pushed herself up, the blanket falling away from her to reveal her cape.

"I was only having a little fun..." Trixie muttered, levitating the stew bowl up to her mouth to cool it with her breath.

"Of course you were." Haberdashery said, her eyes turned upward. Trixie scoffed, then began on her fourth bowl of stew, her manner of eating more calm and civilized than her first, second, and third bowls.

Haberdashery eyed Trixie with curiosity, asking, "Where'd you get those costume pieces? They look to be in excellent condition."

"None of your business." Trixie mumbled as she drew away from the bowl, immediately returning to her eating afterwards. Haberdashery frowned, then plucked Trixie's hat off her head and began to examine it. Trixie, still preoccupied with her eating, took a moment to notice this, then reacted by grabbing the hat in her hooves, shouting, "Don't touch that! It's custom made!"

"Custom made?" Haberdashery cocked her head, confused. "That takes money. How were you able to afford it?"

"Well!" Trixie slapped her hat back on her head, standing abruptly and beginning for the door. "I don't have to answer that!"

"Sheesh." Haberdashery frowned at Trixie. "I was just asking you a question." Derpy landed beside her mother, looking puzzled.

"I'm not the only one who heard her say 'Great and Powerful Trixie,' right?" She asked, scrutinizing Trixie for a moment before the unicorn stormed out of the rec center.

"You think she was talking about herself?" Haberdashery asked, turning a grin to Derpy.

Derpy glanced to her mother, then nodded. "I need to go have a word with her." With a surprising lack of comedic accidents, Derpy flew out the door in pursuit of Trixie. "Hey! Wait up!"

December 13th, 7:23 A.M.

Humming as he went about his work, Red Beet added a sprinkle of salt to the now bubbling stew pot. He set aside the shaker, then picked up his ladle, stirring the stew steadily. Having been assigned nothing else to do, the convict assisting him stood quietly, a sour look on his face as he sniffed and rubbed at his nose. Noticing that he was currently inactive, Haberdashery put down the tattered quilt she had been repairing, hurrying over to the convict and saying, "You look bored. How about you-"

"Say, lady," interrupted the convict, glancing to Haberdashery with a genuinely curious look on his face, "this stew is gonna be served to bums, right?"

Haberdashery scoffed, but nodded nonetheless, answering, "This stew will be served to the homeless and unemployed denizens of Manehattan, if that's what you're asking."

Nodding, the convict looked back to the stew. "I see."

Haberdashery cocked her head, bewildered. "You might be a little rough around the edges, but otherwise you don't seem all that criminal." He shrugged, sniffing again. Haberdashery hummed a note in thought, asking, "What did you even do to get yourself here?" The convict looked at Haberdashery with a scrupulous glare, about to say something when the policemare who had been keeping watch over him stepped beside him.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I must escort this stallion back to the station." The mare said, putting a hoof on his shoulder.

"Oh?" Haberdashery frowned at the officer. "He's only been here for about two hours. Why do you have to leave so early?"

"I know he was scheduled for more hours than this," the mare said apologetically, "but it's very important that I get him back to the station immediately." She tugged at the convict's jumpsuit collar, the stallion grunting his reluctance as he was escorted to the exit. "Sorry for the inconvenience, ma'am." Haberdashery and Red Beet both looked to the door with scowls as the policemare and convict disappeared through it.

"Well, now we're down to three." Haberdashery muttered. "Great."

Whistling as she trotted along, Derpy Hooves arrived at the little sink in the backroom of the rec center. She reached for the handle and turned it, a thin stream of water falling from the less than sparkling faucet. Derpy ceased her whistling, then twisted her neck in such a way that her face was facing the ceiling. She centered her head in the sink, the water pouring directly into her open mouth. She swallowed a few gulps, then was about to withdraw when one of her eyes spotted a peculiar object on the floor: a tiny glass vial. Derpy stared at it without moving from her drinking position for a moment, then untwisted her neck and drew away from the sink in one motion, her cheeks bulging with water as she closed the faucet. Derpy looked to the vial once more, swallowing and donning an observational scowl. She picked up the vial in one hoof while she stroked her chin with the other, holding the object high and examining it as best she could. Derpy hummed in thought, puzzled as to the purpose of this vial, but her attention was shattered by a shrill, "Derpy! Come here!" Derpy flinched upon being called for, the vial falling from her hoof and crashing to the ground. Derpy looked back to it just in time to watch it crash and break. She bit her lip, hovering a hoof over the pile of glass, but she was drawn away by another shrill, "Derpy Hooves! I need you in here!"

December 13th, 8:13 P.M.

After nearly a hundred "Hey!"s and jabs to the shoulder from Derpy Hooves, Trixie finally snapped, "What?!"

Derpy jumped away from Trixie, startled, but said all the same, "You were ignoring me, so I was just trying to get your attention."

Trixie rubbed at her forehead, then shot a glare at Derpy. "Well, you have it now; what in Celestia's name could you possibly want?"

Derpy frowned, sounding aggravated as she said, "I was just wondering if I'd seen you before."

"Maybe you have, maybe you haven't." Trixie said, examining Derpy's eyes with disdain. "I'd have trouble remembering what I had and hadn't seen with eyes like that."

Derpy gasped, putting a hoof to her chest. "That's just rude!"

Trixie snorted, pointing at Derpy with the retort, "It's also rude to spend five minutes poking somepony's shoulder and shouting 'hey' over and over again!"

"Well I just wanted to talk with you, but you wouldn't say anything!" Derpy shouted, donning a fierce glare.

"Had you stopped to think that maybe I didn't want to talk to you?" Trixie asked, forcefully jabbing Derpy's chest. "That maybe I had better things to do?"

"Better things?" Derpy swatted away Trixie's hoof, her annoyance now becoming anger. "You were sitting there on the curb!"

"Oh, like I really wanted to go about my business with a pestering pegasus as my shadow!" Trixie said with a roll of the eyes.

"I was only pestering you to ask who you are!" Derpy shouted back, hovering and throwing her hooves on Trixie's shoulders. "You said something about 'The Great and Powerful Trixie,' but I've only ever heard that name in Ponyville." Trixie paled, her intense expression now replaced by a solemn thousand-yard stare. With a pained inhale, Trixie yanked away Derpy's hooves with her magic, then turned and began walking away. Derpy looked puzzled by this reaction, breaking the magical holds on her hooves with a tug on both of them. "Hey, wait up!" She called after Trixie, her rage quashed. She caught up to Trixie, but the mare kept a stern gaze turned forward. "So, are you Trixie? Are you the same performer from Ponyville?" Trixie stopped, but didn't respond immediately. After a moment, she looked to Derpy with despair in her eyes. Derpy grimaced at this, but was shocked when Trixie moaned in pain, collapsing to the ground. "Oh my gosh!" Derpy landed and flipped the already unconscious Trixie over, putting an ear to her chest. She sighed with relief when she heard a heartbeat, but she was still worried as she drew away, grabbing Trixie's head in her hooves. "Wake up!" She shook the magician's head, but Trixie remained silent and unresponsive. Derpy scanned the area for help, but found she and Trixie were alone. She looked the unicorn, then crouched beside her. With a great deal of effort, Derpy managed to hoist Trixie onto her back. Breathing a determined exhale, Derpy began for the hospital. Or at least the direction she thought the hospital to be in.