A bright blue sky and a glowing sun shined down upon the kingdom of Duloc as the Mane Six, Spike, Apple White, Raven Queen, Shrek, and Donkey walked side-by-side in the direction of Farquaad’s castle. For the past day-and-a-half, they followed Donkey’s direction. After recent events found Shrek in the company of fairytale creatures squatting in his swamp, he was determined to find this Lord Farquaad and recover his land back for himself. Currently, however, the whole team were ready to stop seeing as they were getting lost due to Donkey’s directions.
“C’mon! Not much farther now!” Donkey beckoned.
“Is it really?” Twilight questioned skeptically. “Because the last few times you said that we got completely lost and had to backtrack.”
“I didn’t get us turned around that bad,” Donkey said defensively.
“Are you kidding?” Spike asked seriously. “First we took that one right to the candy house, then we passed that weird old woman in the shoe, and next thing you know we took that left to a castle owned by a woman named ‘Oprah’.”
“And here we were thinking she was just the Queen of talk shows!” Pinkie giggled.
“I tell ya if we go any further away than we were before, time would be going backwards.”
“Ah knew ah shoulda taken the lead,” Applejack shook her head. “Ah could find mah way outta any forest with just the stars alone.”
“Not to mention the distant smell of cow patties,” Rainbow snickered.
This earned the Pegasus a swift slap on the flank courtesy of her marefriend’s tail.
“Yow!” She cried in surprise. “Save it for the bedroom why don’t you?!”
“I did not need to hear that,” Raven cringed.
“Me neither,” Apple agreed.
“You know what you guys need?” Donkey asked casually. “A road trip game! The rules are very simple: Whoever spots a horse and cart along the road—Punch buggy!”
Donkey suddenly punched Shrek’s arm and he cringed with pain.
“Fun, right?!” Donkey smiled.
“No!” Shrek cried out. “What kinda insane game is that?”
“Haven’t you ever been on a road trip?”
“No.”
“Man, you need to get out more, because—Punch buggy!”
“Owwww!”
“I gotcha with that wagon full of hay over there.”
“Donkey, I don’t think Shrek wants to play,” Fluttershy suggested nervously.
“If you do that one more time—” Shrek warned.
“See, that’s another reason you need me around,” Donkey rambled. “Who else is gonna fill you in on all the fun stuff you missed out on? You may not know it, but you are one lucky ogre to meet up with—”
“Punch buggy!”
Shrek punched Donkey so hard on the arm, he was sitting on the ground with his mouth agape and the pain slowly seeping in…
“Ow!” Donkey whined, clutching his left arm.
“Mutton cart at three o’clock!” Shrek chuckled, with a victory dance.
“Mother Hubbard, that hurt!”
“You know, you’re right, that was pretty fun. Shall we play again?”
“No, that’s okay, you win. Maybe we should move on to ‘I Spy’, or ‘I went on a Picnic’…”
“Or maybe a game that won’t put any of us in a hospital,” Twilight butted in.
“Hey guys, look!” Spike pointed. “There’s another castle up ahead.”
“Yeah, that’s Duloc!” Donkey confirmed. “Didn’t I tell you I’d find it?”
“Yeah, you found it,” Rainbow muttered. “After only three or four tries…”
The whole group gazed their eyes toward Duloc Castle and noticed something rather interesting. The entire castle itself stretched high into the air, well above the tiny village laid beneath its shadow.
“So, that must be Lord Farquaad’s castle,” Shrek observed.
“Uh-huh, that’s the place,” Donkey nodded.
“I’ll give him this, that’s quite the castle,” Raven commented.
“Even bigger than Ever After High,” Apple agreed.
“It’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Shrek asked jokingly. “Do you think he might be compensating for something?”
Shrek laughed, but Donkey didn’t seem to get the joke.
“Ah, forget it,” Shrek groaned, crossing the parking lot.
“Hey, wait. Wait up, Shrek!” Donkey called out.
“Hurry, darling. We’re late. Hurry!”
A man and a woman raced through the castle’s entrance as our heroes made way. In front of the gate, they stumbled upon a series of ropes hung like a maze for crowd control. A mascot wearing a giant head resembling Farquaad stood at the start of the line bidding the guests entry. The whole team exchanged looks with one another.
“Welcome to the Duloc Fetch a Princess Festival!” The mascot called out. “The show’s about to begin!”
“Is that supposed to be a Farquaad mascot?” Rainbow questioned. “Here I was thinking our buck ball teams had ugly mascots.”
“Hey! Hey, you!” Shrek called out.
“Ahhhhh!!!” The mascot screamed. “Ogre! Ahhhhh!”
Screaming at the sight of Shrek, the mascot raced through the roped path toward the front gate.
“Wait a second!” Shrek called out. “Look, I’m not gonna eat ya! I just—I just—”
But Shrek merely sighed in frustration as he began pushing his way through the ropes. The mascot, unable to see in his giant head, ran into a wall. *BAM!*
“Ooooooooo!” The girls and Spike winced.
“Is he alright?” Fluttershy asked worriedly.
“Uhhhhh… ohhhhh… whyyyyy?!” The mascot groaned. “Whyyyyy?!”
“Well… aside from being brain dead for running through the ropes like that and knocking himself out… yeah he’s fine,” Rainbow responded.
“This place is weird,” Shrek declared. “Let’s find this Farquaad guy and get outta here.”
“Ooh! Can we stop at the gift-shop?” Pinkie suggested. “I wanna get a t-shirt.”
“We’re not stopping for t-shirts!”
“Aww!!!”
Shrek pushed through the entrance’s turnstile, but Donkey got caught in it and landed upon the ground with a thud. Donkey sheepishly smiled, while Shrek continued on sighing with frustration. By the time the rest made it inside, they found Shrek and Donkey looking around the square. But for some strange reason the whole place was deserted.
All the trees and grass were neatly cut. Every row of houses they saw looked exactly the same. Cheery music quietly played over a set of loudspeakers. And in one of the shops, there were dozens of toys and various souvenirs that resembled Lord Farquaad.
“Certainly a charming town I’ll admit,” Rarity spoke, breaking the silence. “However, doesn’t it seem too…?”
“It’s quiet,” Shrek interrupted.
“That’s right,” Rarity nodded. “Too quiet…”
“Where is everybody?” Apple asked curiously.
“Hey, look at this!” Donkey spoke up.
The group turned as Donkey raced over and pulled a lever attached to a box marked ‘Information’. The music started to wind up, increasing ever so slowly, and then the box opened while playing music. Inside, were these little wooden people, men and women, which proceeded to sing for the bewildered group.
Performers (Sing):
Welcome to Duloc.
Such a perfect town.
Here we have some rules,
Let us lay them down.
Don’t make waves, stay in line,
And we’ll get along fine.
Duloc is a perfect place.
Please keep off of the grass.
Shine your shoes, wipe you… face.
Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place!
Suddenly, soon as the doors closed, there was a camera snap and a picture of Donkey, Shrek, and the rest of the gang emerged. While Shrek and Donkey were clearly dumbfounded, part of the group either cringed at the whole scene, some actually found it amusing, and fewer… well they had no idea what to think.
“Wow… that was so sickeningly sweet I think a cavity just came in,” Raven muttered dryly.
“Let’s do that again!” Donkey proposed.
“I get a turn to crank the lever!” Pinkie volunteered.
Donkey and Pinkie Pie raced over to pull the lever again, but Shrek and Twilight Sparkle grabbed them by the tail (In Twilight’s case, with her magic).
“No, no, no, no, no!” Shrek muttered. “No…”
“We need to focus Pinkie,” Twilight spoke. “We’ve got to find this Farquaad if we hope to help those fairytale creatures. Now, where do we start?”
Suddenly, a series of trumpet fanfare drew the group to the distance afar. Then a voice proclaimed from the distance.
“And here’s the man who made it happen!” A women’s voice proclaimed. “The towering colossus of moxie! Looooooooooord Farquaad!”
“I think we done found him,” Applejack confirmed.
“We better investigate,” Apple White suggested. “But stay close…”
And so the group proceeded to make their way toward all the commotion. While following Shrek and Donkey down the tunnel, which appeared to lead to some form of arena, Donkey and Pinkie Pie couldn’t help but hum along to the Duloc theme song.
“All right, you’re going the right way for a smacked bottom!” Shrek warned.
“Sorry about that,” Donkey smiled sheepishly.
“Besides, that’s my husband’s job!” Pinkie replied, facing the screen. “Hi honey! How’s Lil’ Cheese?”
Eventually, the group reached the center of a stadium-like arena where Duloc’s knights gathered before a large crowd of citizens watching from the stands. Horses, kegs of beer, arrow targets, and various equipment scattered about the arena floor. And before them, Farquaad stood with his back turned atop a high up balcony, flanked by two guards. Slowly, the Equestrians and their allies stepped out onto the arena careful to not be noticed. Soon, a la ‘Evita’, Lord Farquaad turned around to the knights and feigned surprise.
“Oh, it’s you!” Farquaad smiled. “What a terrific surprise.”
And as if this couldn’t be weird enough, Lord Farquaad started to sing.
(Skip to 0:45)
Suddenly, the central balcony lowered toward the arena floor and split apart allowing Farquaad to step out amongst the knights who stood still with discipline. Out another tunnel, a group of male and female performers dressed in bright red and blue outfits with blonde wigs danced around Lord Farquaad, who proceeded to sing and dance with the loyal Dulocians. Silently, the Equestrians watched with a collective ‘WTF?’ stare.
“Hey, let’s hear it for those Duloc dancers! Aren’t they terrific?!”
Quietly observing in the background, the Equestrians and their allies stood watch as Lord Farquaad was putting together some large, yet ridiculous dance-break with the performers. What was even more astonishing was how still the knights stood, not once did it seem anyone seem to break (Least not from the back). Yet, either the song itself or the jazzy beat being so catchy, even Fluttershy couldn’t help but nod her head to the beat. At least until Pinkie Pie turned toward Fluttershy with a rare grumpy face and shook her head to stop her as if Pinkie found this scenario… ‘familiar’.
At one point, in the midst of Farquaad’s dance, he called out ‘Boys!’ and two of the performers lifted him over the floor, his tiny and skinny legs dangling, before they put him down and he continued.
Soon, as Farquaad returned to the platform that rose the balcony straight back up to look over the knights, the crowd erupted in applause. Farquaad basked in all the applause, sometimes lowering his hands to silence them… then with his arms raised up quickly they applauded again. The heroes just stared awkwardly at this whole scene.
“Oh… my… Faust!” Pinkie gaped. “It’s the ‘Our Town!” song all over again!”
“This little man is who all the fairytale creatures are so scared of?” Rainbow asked skeptically. “He’s a flipping fruitcake!”
“For once, I have to agree!” Shrek nodded.
“And now good people of Duloc, the moment you’ve all been waiting for!” Farquaad announced. “Brave knights! You are the best and brightest in all the land, and today one of you shall prove himself better and brighter than all the rest. Originally, I arranged a raffle drawing… but someone went and broke my barrel!”
Farquaad turned toward the back, expecting to see someone in the darkness deep in the castle. From where they stood, our heroes couldn’t even tell who Farquaad was looking at.
“Nevertheless, we have arranged a series of events to test skill and vigor to determine who remains as our champion!” Farquaad continued. “That champion shall have the honor—no, no—the ‘privilege’ to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon.
“If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place. And so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.”
Despite the impending doom ahead of the tournament, despite the slight hint of fear beneath the helms of Duloc’s warriors, the crowd around them cheered for these warriors. Shrek and Raven Queen looked around, then noticed a man holding up a cue card toward the crowd which read ‘Applause’. Demonstrating that these people perhaps weren’t cheering under their own will.
“Let the tournament begin!” Farquaad declared.
Turning toward each other, Shrek, Donkey, the Mane Six, Spike, Apple White, and Raven Queen marched past the knights toward Lord Farquaad.
“Uh, excuse me!” Twilight called out.
The knights turned toward the group and were stunned by the interruption. The once-cheering audience stopped and gasped as they finally noticed the motley group in the arena, some of whom wondering ‘What’s going to happen?’.
“What is that?!” Farquaad asked in disgust. “Ugh! It’s hideous!”
“Well, that’s not very nice…” Shrek frowned, facing the group. “… It’s just some ponies, a dragon, two princesses and a donkey.”
His companions realized he thought the diminutive despot was referring to them. ‘Eh?’ was all the Mane Six and Spike had to say.
“I was actually referring to you,” Farquaad reiterated, taking a closer look at the ponies. “But now that you’ve mentioned it, those colors absolutely DO NOT mesh with those equines. Is that even natural?”
The comment made the Mane 6 scowl over the insult.
“Well, I never!” Rarity huffed.
“We will be the bigger ponies… we will be the bigger ponies…” Twilight took a deep breath. “Are you Lord Farquaad?”
“… Maybe,” Farquaad answered. “Does the name strike fear in your heart?”
“No, but that little hat does!” Pinkie pointed out, giggling.
Unfortunately for the group, Pinkie’s sense of humor did not sit well with the diminutive overlord.
“Knights, new plan!” Farquaad announced loudly. “The one who kills the ogre, and his companions, will be named champion! Have at them!”
On command, all the knights slowly stalked toward the stunned group who cautiously stepped back. The knights menacingly wielded a series of weapons to kill their foes. Swords, spears, axes, every medieval tool in the book. They found themselves backing toward the barrels, and Shrek reached for a pint of beer hoping to persuade the knights out of executing him.
“Can’t we just settle this over a pint?” Shrek asked hopefully.
Unfortunately, the request went unheeded. Seeing it wasn’t working, the ogre simply shrugged.
“No? Alright then!”
Shrek downed the mug of mead and raised it over the taper to unleash the rest of the liquid contained inside the barrel.
“C’mon!”
“WAAAAAAAAAIT!!!” Pinkie shouted.
<>
All of a sudden, the entire surrounding area (And the stunned looks of the heroes) seemed to freeze mid-scene. Pinkie leapt up and off the computer screen, her attention facing ahead.
“Come on Mr. Author, can you help us out?” She asked.
“Pinkie Pie, how’d you just leap off the screen?”
“Dude, it’s ‘Pinkie Pie’. She can literally do anything!”
“Thank you, other author,” Pinkie smiled. “Look, is there any way you guys can help us out with this?”
“Pinkie, we’ve been over this before. We ‘can’t’ interfere with the stories.”
“All we can do is tell them as they progress.”
“Okay, but is there any way that I can change the story?” Pinkie asked.
“What do you mean?”
Not even bothering to say another word, Pinkie Pie jumped straight onto the mouse scrolling it toward the top left corner. She back clicked a few times until she came upon a previous story called ‘Wrestlemania Mystery’. Then somehow, she magically leapt right back through the computer screen.
Next thing she knew, she’s back at the WWE training camp in WWE City. Looking toward her right, she noticed none other than Ronda Rousey sitting at the table . She raced over toward the ‘Baddest Woman on the Planet’.
“Hiya Ronda, it’s been a while!” She smiled.
Ronda looked up, surprised by the appearance of a small, pink talking pony.
“Who are you?” She asked confused.
“No time to explain,” Pinkie responded. “I need your help. All you need to do is what you already do best… kick butt!”
Pinkie then grabbed Ronda’s arm, then dragged her behind as she leapt off the computer screen again. Soon she transitioned back to the current story, leaping back into the scene. This left the two authors utterly confused, wondering ‘What just happened?’.
<>
Back in Duloc, Pinkie Pie and Ronda Rousey returned to the spot in the arena where time remained frozen, right before Shrek slammed against the tapper. Ronda looked around toward the frozen figures in the area, more confused than ever.
“What the heck is going on here?” She asked.
“No time for questions,” Pinkie responded. “Soon as everything starts up again, just come out fighting.”
Despite the immense confusion she was feeling, Ronda Rousey couldn’t deny her insatiable desire to fight. Shrugging it off and cracking her knuckles, Rousey was ready for a throwdown.
“I’ve never turned down a fight… and I’m not going to start now.”
That being said, the scene resumed as a familiar tune placed around them once more.
Shrek smashed the spigot off the large barrel of beer behind him with the mug. Beer rushed out, knocking the knights down and turning the dirt-covered ground into mud. Shrek slid past the knights and used a spear like a hockey stick to knock one off his feet. Donkey and Fluttershy hopped onto one of the larger beer barrels, which broke free of its ropes and began to roll. Together, they managed to squish two knights into the mud and rolled over another group running after the others.
Shrek, along with the rest (Including Rousey) hopped over a set of ropes to what appeared to be a makeshift wrestling ring. Shrek used the ropes to launch himself at two knights, knocking them over with a double clothesline. Despite the crowd booing at the display, our heroes kept fighting. Applejack jump-kicked one knight, while Rainbow Dash body slammed the other. One knight came from behind Shrek, spear at the ready, and the crowd gasped. But before he could make a move, Ronda Rousey caught him in a full-nelson hold.
“Hey, lady, tag me!” Donkey yelled. “Tag me!”
With a casual nod, Ronda dragged the knight toward Donkey, who leaned on the ropes and delivered a headbutt against the knight. Shrek climbed up the ropes and interacted with the crowd, who were starting to root for the group. The ogre stood atop the ropes, beckoning on the crowd’s cheers.
“Yeah!” Shrek called out.
“Shrek, look out!” Apple White shouted.
Shrek caught a knight sneaking up on him and jumped onto him.
“The chair!” Someone yelled from the stands. “Give him the chair!”
“Okay…” Raven replied casually.
Raven Queen took a folding chair and smacked the knight lying on the ground. Soon Shrek and crew dispatched a few moves against the knights with ease. Twilight and Rarity hurled a knight against the ropes, sending him back and they delivered a double jump-kick knocking him down. Spike lifted a racing knight and slammed him onto the floor with a backslam. Ronda caught one knight in her signature armlock, and the knight was screaming in pain tapping out like a baby. Rainbow Dash lifted one knight in a piledriver position. As she slammed his head toward the floor, Apple White slid her feet against his head further knocking him out cold.
Shrek lifted the last knight, spun him over his head and hurled him against the post of the wrestling ring. Donkey and Fluttershy kicked his helmet, one on each side, and a ‘DING!’ erupted signaling the end of the match. Before Farquaad’s eyes, all of his knights were down, and the audience actually went wild for these intruders. While he didn’t know ‘who’ let them in, stealing his thunder, a thought slowly dawned upon him as they celebrated.
“Oh, yeah! Ah! Ah!” Shrek posed. “Thank you! Thank you very much! I’m here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!”
“And thank you, Ronda!” Pinkie shook Ronda’s hand, then zipped a portal open. “You better be going home; we’ll take this from here.”
“I still have no idea what’s going on… but I’ll leave you to… whatever’s going on here!” Ronda replied awkwardly, heading for the portal.
“Oh wait!” Pinkie called out.
Ronda froze as Pinkie approached and pulled out a sack of bits from her mane, placing it into her palm.
“Here… buy yourself something nice!”
“… Thanks?”
Ronda proceeded to take the sack and marched back through the portal, as Pinkie zipped it shut. While everyone else were celebrating, Rainbow Dash showboating for the crowd, Farquaad motioned the guards on the railing, who aimed their crossbows at the group. The crowd gasped and went silent, the others stopped laughing.
“Hey… that’s cheating!” Rainbow whined. “They can’t do that!”
“I do believe they can hon…” Applejack grimaced.
“Shall I give the order, sir?” One guard offered.
Farquaad stared at the group, pondering their fate for a moment. But something about this felt… perfect. Especially looking at the ogre, so big… so hulking… and wonderful expendable.
“No, I have a better idea,” Farquaad smiled sinisterly. “People of Duloc! I give you our champion!”
“What?!” The heroes gasped in unison.
They looked around with confusion, as the crowd cheered to the fanfare playing in the background.
“Congratulations, ogre,” Farquaad continued. “You’ve won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.”
“Uh, excuse us Mr. Farquaad sir,” Rarity spoke politely. “But we’re already on a quest.”
“A quest to get my swamp back!” Shrek added.
“Your swamp?” Farquaad smirked.
“Yeah, my swamp!” Shrek emphasized. “Where youdumped those fairytale creatures!”
“News flash, Ogre, that oozing mud pit is actually within the province of Duloc,” Farquaad corrected. “And therefore, under my jurisdiction.”
“Now look here, half-pint—” Rainbow threatened.
“Wait a minute! Wait a minute!” Farquaad raised his hands. “You’ve nearly accomplished it! I’ll make you a deal. All you need to do is one more simple little task: Go on this quest for me, and I’ll hand over the deed to your swamp.”
“Exactly the way it was?” Shrek raised his brow.
“Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.”
“And the fairytale creatures?” Apple White asked.
“As good as gone,” Farquaad smiled.
“By gone you mean… they won’t be ‘harmed’, right?” Raven clarified.
“No harm whatsoever… if you agree to the quest.”
Shrek glanced toward the soldiers still aiming their crossbows, then turned back to Farquaad.
“What kind of quest?” Shrek asked.
“When you say, ‘little task’, what exactly does that mean?” Twilight added.
“There’s just this… little ‘package’ that I need picked up,” Farquaad answered vaguely. “Oh, Miss Duloc!”
The performer with a Satch that reads ‘Miss Duloc’ entered with a wide smile, posing like a model.
“Fill them in and show them out!” Farquaad ordered.
As Miss Duloc casually lead the group out of the arena, past all the knights groaning in pain, Farquaad turned toward the crowd.
“My people, your queen is on her way!” Farquaad declared, as the performers came out.
As Farquaad marched away, belting into the shadowy darkness inside the castle, Cersei and Regina had witnessed the whole thing. From the glass of the Magic Mirror, they saw Farquaad task the heroes on this adventure to the point he addressed the ogre and his companions. But their main focus was upon Apple White and Raven Queen, yet finding they couldn’t figure out ‘why’ they’d travel amongst the company they were in.
“He really is a fruitcake,” Cersei muttered.
“Now those girls are in cahoots with a donkey, an ogre, a dragon, and ponies?” Regina asked in disbelief. “How did that happen?”
“It matters not,” Cersei replied coldly. “All that matters is that those girls won’t live to see another day.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that,” Regina replied. “If the dragon doesn’t kill them, our giant red friend and our knights are waiting just ahead. They’ll make sure they ‘never’ reach the tower.”
Cersei merely rolled her eyes, scoffing at that. If truth be told, she didn’t trust her newfound companions any more than she could throw them.
“It won’t be enough,” She shook her head. “We need someone to spy on them. Someone to tell us their every move, every word, and every breath they take.”
“And who exactly do you propose is going to do that?” Regina asked skeptically.
Cersei turned back to her fellow evil Queen with a wicked smirk.
“My commanding general of course,” She replied simply.
With one snap of a finger, another figure entered the room. He was dressed from head-to-toe in red, black, and gold Lannister armor except for his head. The armored man had long dark hair and a bushy beard to match. His eyes were cold and calculating, staring blankly toward the Queens.
“This is the commander of my armies, General Venrys Baratheon,” Cersei introduced. “Second cousin of my late husband Robert, though he cared as much for that fat pig as I did.”
“Robert was a drunken fool who cared more about his wine and whores than he did about our kingdom,” Venrys spoke up. “Hence why I’ve pledged my loyalty to the one true ruling power of Westeros.”
“And he’s been a loyal advisor and general ever since,” Cersei concluded. “Now, I need you to act as my eyes and ears. You will follow our enemies wherever they go. Can you accomplish this task?”
“Of course, your grace,” Venrys bowed his head.
Regina just shook her head when an idea came to her head. Reaching behind her, she pulled out a smaller hand mirror and approaches Venrys.
“I suppose if you’re our eyes and ears, you’ll need to communicate with us,” She handed the mirror. “This is connected to my Magic Mirror. You’ll be able to communicate with us through this mirror as you follow the targets.
Venrys merely nodded his head and grabbed the mirror before placing it in his armor. He didn’t get very far when his Queen beckoned his attention.
“Remember General, I do not accept failure,” Cersei warned dangerously. “You know the penalty.”
Venrys merely gave a curt nod and proceeded to make his way from the area and off on his mission.
<>
As Duloc, and its citizens, vanished in the distance behind them, our heroes found themselves outside the boundaries of the castle grounds toward an unknown path to their quest.
“Well that was odd,” Spike remarked.
“Not as odd as you agreeing to go on this quest!” Donkey replied. “’Little task’ my hoof! ‘Rescue a princess’, ‘fight a dragon’… no offense, Spike… man, we got jacked!”
“We?!” Shrek turned around. “I don’t remember inviting ‘any’ of you on this leg of the journey.”
“And what do you know about rescuing princesses?!” Raven asked skeptically.
“I’ve read the stories.”
“And I’ve read the sports page,” Donkey snipped. “That don’t make me a hockey player!”
“Oh come on. Dragon… tower—how hard can it be?”
“Oh, you’d be surprised,” Spike retorted. “What do we know about this Princess Fiona anyway?”
“According to her file,” Twilight read the report. “She apparently likes pina coladas and getting caught in the rain.”
“Well, she sounds fun,” Apple replied optimistically. “What else does it say?”
“She’s been locked in the tower since she was seven.”
“Ah, that’s sad,” Fluttershy sighed sadly. “All alone since she was seven years old… I can’t imagine what torture she’s been through.”
“I can’t imagine how they can keep her fed for that long,” Rainbow remarked.
“Rainbow!” Rarity scolded.
“Hey, I’m not the only one who thought that!”
“You guys are so weird,” Shrek muttered.
Soon enough, they were crossing through a sunflower field. As they walked along, they found themselves stomping over a garden and Shrek grabbed himself some vegetables for the road… specifically an onion which he munched on.
“So let me get this straight,” Pinkie spoke up. “We’re gonna go fight a dragon and rescue the princess, just so Farquaad will give you back the swamp, which you don’t have ‘cuz he filled it with fairytale creatures in the first place. Is that about right?”
“That’s wut he said,” Applejack answered briefly.
“You know what, maybe there’s a good reason donkeys and ponies shouldn’t talk,” Shrek retorted.
“What does that make me?” Spike asked insulted. “Chopped liver?”
“Have you ever gone through a whole day without talking?” Pinkie asked rhetorically. “It’s boring! Don’t you know what it feels like to not talk all the time?”
“Don’t know, don’t care,” Spike answered, munching an onion.
“I don’t get it, Shrek,” Donkey spoke up. “Why didn’t you just make Farquaad give you your swamp back? Pull some of that ogre stuff on him? You know, throttle him lay siege to his fortress? Grind his bones to make your bread, you know, the whole ogre trip?”
“Yeah, why not do any of that?” Rainbow asked. “That would save us all the trouble.”
“Oh, I know what,” Shrek answered sarcastically. “Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen, and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?”
“Ah… no, not really, no,” Donkey shook his head.
“Forget I asked that,” Rainbow spoke sheepishly.
“For your information, there’s a lot more to ogres than people think,” Shrek continued.
“Example?” Twilight asked curiously.
As Shrek searched for an example, he noticed the vegetables he’s still carrying.
“Example? Okay… um…” Shrek pondered, holding out an onion. “Ogres are like onions.”
“They stink?” Spike sniffed.
“Yes—no!”
“Oh, they make you cry?” Pinkie asked.
“No!”
“Oh, you leave them in the sun, they get all brown and start sprouting little white hairs?” Donkey guessed.
“NO! Layers!” Shrek answered. “Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers—you get it?! We both have layers.”
Shrek threw the onion on the ground at their feet, walking off in a huff.
“Ohhh, you both have layers,” Donkey and Pinkie spoke in unison.
“I never would’ve guessed…” Raven answered in monotone.
Donkey took one sniff of the chewed onion and cringed.
“You know, not everybody like onions.”
“I can hardly imagine anyone that does,” Rarity agreed.
“CAKE!” Donkey called out. “Everybody loves cakes!”
“Yeah, like me!” Pinkie smiled. “Cakes have layers!”
“I don’t care… what everyone likes,” Shrek muttered. “Ogres—are not—like cakes!”
“Parfaits!” Pinkie spoke up. “Everyone likes parfait, andthey have layers too!”
“Have you ever met a person and you say, ‘Hey, let’s get some parfaits’, and they say, ‘Hell no, I don’t like no parfaits’,” Donkey reiterated. “Parfaits are delicious.”
“NO! YOU DENSE IRRITATING MINAUTRE BEAST OF BURDEN!” Shrek snapped, losing his temper. “Ogres are not like cakes or parfaits! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later!”
Shrek walked off leaving Donkey and the others speechless… but only momentarily.
“Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet,” Donkey broke the silence.
“I had some once,” Fluttershy spoke sweetly. “They are tasty.”
“You know, I think I preferred your humming,” Shrek spoke sarcastically.
“Do any of you have a tissue or something?” Donkey requested.
“Why?” Rarity asked curiously.
“I’m making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobberin’.”
Everyone cringed in disgust as they continued on through the fields just as the sun was beginning to set. They were all so preoccupied with their task ahead, none of them took notice of the figure in Lannister armor watching them through a spy glass from a nearby hill.
Wow, didn't see that coming. Although...if the bad guys had sent their own armies, wouldn't they have been cooked by now?
Meh, not gonna question the story.
Also, just a heads up, not gonna be able to comment till tomorrow. *Electric problems*.
Well they made it to Duloc but now they're on a new quest. And they got a tail following them. I did enjoy the fight scene in Duloc. Especially when the crowd first started booing Shrek only to start applauding him when he almost got speared from behind. Well now they needed to get to the dragons keep to rescue Fiona which will be easier said than done.
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True that wild. I could only imagine how it will go when they encounter the dragon
Based on a YouTube video I found, but can’t seem to find again.
Nice chapter
Can someone suggest either Hot Wheels World Race or Hot Wheels Acceleracers to the Cinematic Adventures Group for me? I would do it, but I am having trouble.
Just when our heroes are set on one quest, they are thrust into another. But before any of that, they were nearly skewered by Duloc’s knights just so one of them can go forth to save Fiona. Fortunately, Shrek and our heroes know a thing or two of unarmed combat (Most of it) and even a special guest was included (Though someone in Discord’s theater won’t be happy). And after dispatches my the knights single-handedly now another challenge awaits them. But they have no idea what they are in for.
Future G5
Discord Memorial Cinema
Me: (on the phone) So…Game of Thrones and Once Upon A Time respectively? Alright, thank you, sir, that’s all I wanted to call about. (hangs up) That’s that, let’s continue the movie.
Izzy: Ooh! Talk shows! I love talk shows!
Zipp: Can’t tell ya how many times I was dragged onto one of those. I lost five days of sleep.
Pipp: (smirking) Really, because I couldn’t sleep for five days after that!
Zipp: Of course you wouldn’t.
Haven: Goodness. Must they be so open about their…activities?
Izzy: That just means they love each other so much!
Me: I would call out something like this…until I remembered that this is Shrek.
Izzy: Eee! I love this game! Hey, Zipp! Punch Buggy!
Zipp: Ow! What was that for?
Izzy: I just wanna play the game with someone.
Sunny: Maybe we could play a game that’s a little…less physical?
Izzy: …Okay. I gotta remember that for the next road trip.
Hitch: Woah. What a castle.
Izzy: I didn’t think castles could be so…big.
Pipp: That’s the whole point of castles: to present the royals as larger than life. (snickering) Of course, this is Farquaad’s castle.
Me: (with Shrek) Do you think he might be compensating for something?
The stallions and Zipp and myself laughed at the joke.
Pipp: Zipp, seriously?
Zipp: What? It’s funny!
Haven: (unamused) Stallions.
Alphabittle: Aw, c’mon!
Izzy: AAH!! (dives under the table)
Sunny: Izzy? Are you alright?
Izzy: Don’t let the bighead monster haunt my nightmares!
Me: (laughing) Ah, that scene’s been made a hundred times funnier!
Tinny: Doesn’t take much to make this guy laugh apparently.
Red: (thoughts) I’m just as surprised as you are.
Izzy: Ooh! Let’s get t-shirts!
Me: I am not having any of you step hoof in Duloc, no exceptions.
Izzy: Aw, dang!
Izzy: I don’t like this place.
Sunny: How come?
Izzy: It’s too…(shivers) bland. (gags)
Pipp: It’s too…perfect. I don’t like it either.
Haven: Thank goodness I fired that decorator when I did.
Me: (with Shrek) It’s quiet.
Me: Sit tight, everyone. I need to do something.
Zipp: Wha—?
Before she could reply, I zipped away like a cartoon to the front of the stage, dancing and singing with the wooden puppets on screen.
Me: (singing with the mechanical puppets):
Welcome to Duloc.
Such a perfect town.
Here we have some rules,
Let us lay them down.
Don’t make waves, stay in line,
And we’ll get along fine.
Duloc is a perfect place.
Please keep off of the grass.
Shine your shoes, wipe you… face.
Duloc is, Duloc is, Duloc is a perfect place!
I then zipped back to my seat in time for the doors to close on the puppet show, one arm hugging Sunny while sticking my tongue out and holding a peace sign on my fingers.
The picture of myself and my audience appeared in my hand.
Me: That’s going in the album.
Izzy: I wanna sing this time!
Pipp: For the love of all things magical, NEVER AGAIN PLEASE!!!
Haven: The moment has passed. Move on and never return!
Alphabittle: And ponies wonder why I drink milk.
Me: (with Shrek) All right, you’re going the right way for a smacked bottom! (with Donkey) Sorry about that.
Pipp: I don’t want to ever be reminded of that abomination!
Izzy: (humming the song)
Pipp: (wailing) WHY-HY-HY-HY ME?!!!
Zipp: I don’t know, Pipp. It’s kinda catchy.
Me: I’d imagine they’re absolutely loving the comedic gold of this movie.
Zipp: Oh, no, now he’s gonna start singing too?
Me: And em as well!
(Skip to 0:45)
Me: (singing with Farquaad)
Once upon a time
This place was infested.
Freaks on every corner—
I had them all arrested
Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-no
If you had a quirk, you didn't pass inspection.
We all have our standards,
But I will have perfection.
And so~
And so~'
Izzy: Is it just me or did his legs look a little…balloony there?
Me: (singing, with Farquaad)
Things are looking up here in Duloc.
Performers:
Just take a look!
Me: (with Farquaad)
The things I’m cooking up here in Duloc.
Performers:
He likes to cook!
Me: (with Farquaad)
A model that amazes.
A plan with seven phases.
Performers:
Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum
Me: (with Farquaad)
Things are looking up here in Duloc
Performers:
They're looking up!
Me: (with Farquaad)
In Duloc!
The ladies all look swell.
Performers (female):
Ahhhh~
Me: (with Farquaad)
The men are so dashing.
Performers (male):
Ahhh~
Me: (with Farquaad)
Thanks to my new dress code, the fashion's never clasing.
Performers:
The fashion's never clashing.
Me: (with Farquaad)
Hey nonny-nonny-nonny-no.
This castle I had built
Performers:
Farquaad Farquaad Farquaad
Me: (with Farquaad)
Is taller than the cliff-tops.
Performers:
Farquaad Farquaad Farquaad
Me: (with Farquaad)
A city like a postcard—
Performers:
Farquaad Farquaad Farquaad
Me: (with Farquaad)
A monorail and gift shops!
And so
Performers:
And so
Me: (with Farquaad)
And so
Performers:
And so~
Me: (with Farquaad)
And so~
No one from the gutter in Duloc.
Performers:
He’s taking aim!
Me: (with Farquaad)
Embrace the cookie cutter in Duloc.
Performers:
We're all the same!
Me: (with Farquaad)
The upshot is enormous
When you can shout?
Performers:
“Conform us!”
Izzy: No!
Me: (with Farquaad)
Yes! Things are
Performers:
Things are looking up
Me: (with Farquaad)
Looking~
Performers:
Things are looking up~
Me: (with Farquaad)
Up~
Performers:
Things are looking up~
Me: (with Farquaad)
Here in Duloc.
(speaking)
Hey, let’s hear it for those Duloc dancers! Aren’t they terrific?!
Alphabittle: Farquaad may be evil, but he’s got great taste in music!
Haven: I must admit, I…do have a soft spot for…how does it go…“big-band-jazz”?
Alphabittle: Yeah! That’s the ticket! And look at Plymouth go!
All the while, I was dancing and swinging around like I was Cab Calloway.
Me: (singing, with Farquaad)
There's no sign of slowing!
We're growing! We're growing!
Performers:
Look, he's growing!
And growing!
And growing!
Look at him groooow!
Me: (with Farquaad)
Things! Are looking up here—
Performers:
We practiced this part both forward and back.
We make one mistake, and we get the rack!
Pipp: Aah!
Sunny: What the?!
Me: (with Farquaad)
Things! I'm cooking up here—
Performers:
He taught us to dance with razzamatazz!
He's trained in ballet, flamenco and jazz!
Alphabittle: You guys sure know what you’re doing.
Me: (with Farquaad)
My hard work, and my rigor,
Have made me so much bigger!
Zipp: (sarcasm) Yeah, it certainly shows.
Me: (with Farquaad)
Things are looking up~
Performers:
Things are looking up~
Me: (with Farquaad)
Things are looking up~
Here in Duloc!
Performers:
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
Me: (with Farquaad)
Here in Duloc!
Performers:
Ah-ah-ah-ah!
Up
Up
Up
Up
Uuuuuuuuup!
Me: Hey, wait a minute!
Sunny: Huh?
Me: (ponders) She’s right, except that song lacked jazz! So that means Farquaad’s got the better villain song than Starlight! Hah, take that!
Zipp: What was that about Starlight?
Me: Absolutely nothing! Let’s continue.
Sunny: Who was he yelling at?
Me: Don’t know. Don’t care.
Me: (with Farquaad) That champion shall have the honor—no, no—the ‘privilege’ to go forth and rescue the lovely Princess Fiona from the fiery keep of the dragon.
Sparky: (babbling)
Hitch: (smiles) Little guy’s very excited to meet the dragon. (nervous) Can’t say I blame him.
Me: (with Farquaad) If for any reason the winner is unsuccessful, the first runner-up will take his place. And so on and so forth. Some of you may die, but it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make.
Zipp: No you’re not. Your knights are expendable to you.
Zipp: (spit-take) Seriously? That guy’s holding a cue card for the audience to applaud?
Pipp: It’s just like that one talk show all over again.
Me: (with Farquaad) Let the tournament begin!
Me: (with Farquaad) What is that?! Ugh! It’s hideous! (with Shrek) Well, that’s not very nice…
Zipp: I’m sorry, what?!
Haven: The nerve of that man!
Pipp: How dare you! My color scheme is perfect! Better than yours by a long shot!
That sparked laughter from the audience.
Me: No, what scares me is how big his head could become compared to his body.
Zipp: Oh, yeah! The size of his ego would crush it under its weight!
Me: (with Farquaad) Knights, new plan! The one who kills the ogre,
Me: (with Farquaad) will be named champion! Have at them!
Sunny: What?!
Izzy: Okay, this isn’t funny anymore.
Me: (with Shrek) Can’t we just settle this over a pint?
Zipp: I don’t think they’re in the mood fo drinks.
Me: (with Shrek) No? Alright then!
Me: (with Shrek) C’mon!
Me: Aw, now what?
The same could be said for the audience.
Zipp: …h-h-h-how~?
Me: It’ll save you a migraine if you don’t question it.
Haven: That mare will be the death of somepony someday.
Haven: What is this music?
Zipp: (nervous) Hard rock…I think?
Haven: Whomever is the singer, she is quite talented, lyrics aside.
Haven: I quite like this fight scene.
Alphabittle: Seriously?
Haven: Yes. It plays more for humor and less for tension.
Zipp: Whoo! Yeah, they did it!
Sunny: I knew they could do it!
Hitch: I never doubted them for a second.
Me: (with Shrek) Thank you! Thank you very much! I’m here till Thursday. Try the veal! Ha, ha!
Me: And we’ll never see her again for the rest of the movie.
Sprout: Aw, but she was so cool~!
Sunny: What?! Hey!
Zipp: Hey, what gives?!
Me: (with the Guard) Shall I give the order, sir?
Sunny: No!
Sprout: Yeah, that’d be way too quick of an ending! (receives glares) I mean…oh, no they’re about to die.
Me: (with Farquaad) No, I have a better idea (mimicking Farquaad’s grin) People of Duloc! I give you our champion!
Sunny: What?!
Zipp/Pipp: What?!
Hitch/Stallions: What?!
Izzy: Is there an echo?
Me: Across every single one of the Theater Divisions, I guarantee it.
Me: (with Farquaad) Congratulations, ogre. You’ve won the honor of embarking on a great and noble quest.
Me: (with Shrek) A quest to get my swamp back! (with Farquaad) Your swamp? (with Shrek) Yeah, my swamp! Where you dumped those fairytale creatures!
Posey: (grumbling) Where they are loitering as we speak.
Me: (with Farquaad) News flash, Ogre, that oozing mud pit is actually within the province of Duloc. And therefore, under my jurisdiction. (normal voice) I’m still peeved that Netflix took down the filmed version of the Musical.
Me: (with Farquaad) I’ll make you a deal. All you need to do is one more simple little task: Go on this quest for me, and I’ll hand over the deed to your swamp. (with Shrek) Exactly the way it was? (with Farquaad) Down to the last slime-covered toadstool.
Me: (with Farquaad) As good as gone.
Zipp: Wait a minute. How do we know if this guy will hold up his end of the deal?
Hitch: We don’t. I don’t trust this guy either.
Me: (singing, with Farquaad)
My people, your queen is on her way!
Things are looking up~!
Performers:
Things are looking up~!
Me: (with Farquaad)
Things are looking up~!
Here in Duloc!
Performers:
Ah-ah-ah-ah~!
Me: (with Farquaad)
Here in Duloc!
Performers:
Ah-ah-ah-ah~!
Me: (with Farquaad)
And no one’s gonna bring!
Me!
Down~!
Ah-ah-ah~!
Pipp: (cringes) Those were some of the ugliest high notes I have ever heard! And I’ve heard Izzy singing in the shower!
Izzy: Hey!
Me: Ooh, so a confrontation with Tirek prior to the Dragon’s Bane? (grabs popcorn) Dis oughtta be goot.
Zipp: Who’s that guy?
Me: He reminds me of Viggo Mortensen.
Me: Unfortunately, I have to stop right here. Word limit and all that, you know how it is.
Izzy: Aw~!
>>next
Ah, I see the Ogres are like Onions idea I made showed up here. One of my favorite scenes in the film.
Didn't expect Pinkie to bring Ronda Rousey into this! She's just full of surprises.
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This is not the place to request movies here.
This chapter had me laughing and now we a have a spy keeping an eye on our heroes (Mutiversal Seth Rollins), Pinkie and Donkey just get me with every chapter XD, love it, awesome chapter
<<previous
Me: Just because a person watches war movies doesn’t mean they know jack *censored* about being in the military.
Hitch: I know. I hate it when ponies are like that.
Sprout: …Why are you guys looking at me? I don’t even watch war movies!
Me: Yeah, I love that song. (to reader) Did you also know that the guy behind the song also wrote the musical adaptation for The Mystery of Edwin Drood? I do, because I performed in it, unfortunately I was never voted as the murderer during either of our performances.
Pipp: Nopony to braid her hair for her?
Izzy: No new places to stretch her creative mind?
Me: (dismissive, sarcasm) It’s a tragedy fo sure.
Me: Yeah…the fairytales never do explain that, do they?
Zipp: When do they ever?
Pipp: Oh, gross. Is that an onion? Bleagh, I hate onions!
Me: Take it away, Rowlf!
Izzy: (bawling)
Pipp: (sniffling) That’s…that’s why I h-hate onions so much!
Zipp: (grumpy) Ugh~.
Hitch: Why does Spike have to be left out of almost everything? It’s not fair.
Sparky: (babbles in agreement)
Pipp: Ew~, now he’s eating an onion?
Sunny: Maybe…dragons and ogres are…immune to onions?
Me: (with Donkey) I don’t get it, Shrek. Why didn’t you just make Farquaad give you your swamp back? Pull some of that ogre stuff on him? You know, throttle him lay siege to his fortress? Grind his bones to make your bread, you know, the whole ogre trip?
Hitch: Maybe because some of that stuff’s more of a giant than an ogre?
Me: (with Shrek) Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen, and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you? (with Donkey) Ah… no, not really, no.
Zipp: I really don’t want that image.
Me: (with Shrek) For your information, there’s a lot more to ogres than people think.
Izzy: I agree.
Me: Example? Okay… um… Ogres are like onions.
Pipp: (disbelief) D…what?!
Me: (with Shrek) Yes—no!
Me: (with Shrek) No! (with Donkey) Oh, you leave them in the sun, they get all brown and start sprouting little white hairs?
Izzy: Aw, I was gonna guess that.
Me: (with Shrek) NO! Layers! Onions have layers. Ogres have layers! Onions have layers—you get it?! We both have layers.
Hitch: I…don’t get it.
Me: (with Donkey) You know, not everybody likes onions.
Pipp: Please…no more onions!
Zipp: (holds out onion) Hey, Pipp.
Pipp: GAH!! (zips up to the ceiling, dangling upside down like a sloth) Zipp!
Zipp: (snickers)
Pipp: Wait…we’re you just—?!
Zipp: …and, send.
Pipp: DID YOU JUST RECORD THAT?!!
Zipp: Technically Sparky did. Thanks, little guy.
Me: (with Donkey) CAKE! Everybody loves cakes!
Izzy: (gasps) ME TOO!!
Me: (with Shrek) I don’t care… what everyone likes. Ogres—are not—like cakes!
Izzy: Yeah, how exactly can you make…whatever it is about Shrek…sweet?
Sunny: It could be possible.
Me: (with Donkey) Have you ever met a person and you say, “Hey, let’s get some parfaits,” and they say, “Hell no, I don’t like no parfaits.” Parfaits are delicious. (with Shrek) NO! YOU DENSE IRRITATING MINIATURE BEAST OF BURDEN! Ogres are not like cakes or parfaits! Ogres are like onions! End of story. Bye-bye. See ya later!
Haven: How rude.
Posey: Well, they weren’t exactly being the pinnacle of politeness either!
Tinny: Why that mare—!
Posey: Besides, parfaits are disgusting.
Sunny: I should try making parfaits.
Izzy: OOH, yes! I must have your parfaits!
Me: (with Donkey) Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet. (with Shrek)
Me: (with Shrek) You know, I think I preferred your humming. (with Donkey) Do any of you have a tissue or something?
Me: (with Donkey) I’m making a mess. Just the word parfait make me start slobberin’.
Haven: (cringes) Goodness. I’d rather take my chances with the dragon than that image.
Pipp: Gross, gross, gross, gross!
Me: So…just to recap: our heroes have joined forces with Shrek the Ogre to reclaim his swamp for Farquaad only if they complete his quest to rescue Princess Fiona for him.
Zipp: Because his lazy butt can’t be bothered to do it himself.
Me: In the meantime, because I’m scared it will be replaced with the traveling song from the musical, this spontaneous song number comes from The Proclaimers.
Oh, boy, things are going to heat up!
Liking the additional dialogue and liking how the ponies play off everyone.
Now about that "little red friend" they mentioned. I'm assuming that refers to someone other than the dragon.
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They mean Tirek.
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Ah. Right. Forgot him.
Behind the Scenes: Cultural references
In many places the film references classic movies, predominantly those by Disney. When Tinker Bell falls on Donkey and he says "I can fly" and people around including the Three Little Pigs say "He can fly, he can fly"; this is a reference to Peter Pan. Another scene that references Disney media is one in which Donkey says, while flying, "You might have seen a house fly, maybe even a super fly, but I bet you ain't never seen a Donkey fly!". This scene is a reference to Dumbo.
The scene where Fiona is singing to the blue bird is a reference to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. The transformation scene at the end of the film references Beauty and the Beast.
When Shrek crosses the bridge to the Castle and says, "That'll do, Donkey, that'll do", this is a reference to Babe. The scene where Princess Fiona is fighting the Merry Men is a lengthy reference to The Matrix.
At the end of the film, the Gingey at the end with a crutch (and one leg) says "God bless us, everyone" which is a reference to Tiny Tim in A Christmas Carol. In the scene where the Magic Mirror gives Lord Farquaad the option to marry three princesses, it parodies popular American television show The Dating Game.
In addition, Lord Farquaad's theme park style kingdom Duloc heavily mimics Disneyland, even insofar as parodying the famous "It's a Small World" musical ride in the scene with the singing puppets.
It has been suggested that Lord Farquaad himself is an unflattering parody of then-Disney CEO Michael Eisner, whom producer Katzenberg reportedly dislikes.
My commentary will be up sometimes tomorrow. I've been busy working on my other stories, including Game Quest's.
Erik: " That means he got them lost."
Zatanna: " Oprah?!"
Lyra: "The queen of talk shows?"
We ( the humans of the audience) looked at the Unicorn in surprise and she explained how she asked the Mane Six about things they saw while in Gotham and one mentioned was a TV show host by a woman named Oprah.
Dodger: "I didn't either. "
Myself: "Awe!"
Fleck: " Ow! That had to hurt."
Dr. Gangle: " Revenge hurts, but that was overkill because of Donkey’s size and Shrek’s strength. "
Tubby Nugget: OK this guy's dealing with issues."
Dr. Gangle: He builds a giant castle to make his subjects feel small while he looks big. Then attacks fairytale creatures so they won't feel superior."
The Audience: 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Tubby Nugget: "OK that is the most embarrassing thing I've ever seen."
Zatanna: "This reminds me of the time Massager..."
I grabbed Zatanna by the mouth and stopped her
Bon Bon: " What?"
Myself: "No! No, nothing."
Zatanna's face was turning red for air as I tried to get the others to drop the subject finally I let go and she looked at me in anger as she gasp for breath.
Zatanna: "WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!"
Myself: " Sorry!"
Starlight shivered in memory's of her old Town. This Duloc was the very image of it, Sugar Belle too.
>>Next
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Discord's Theatre, Galaxy Branch
Han Solo: And people think I have a bad sense in direction. *Chewbacca spoke to Han in his language*, Oh, what do you know?
Ben Solo: They've got to be there by now.
Postwar: I'm sure they will. *Everyone sees Galen and Sunset coming back, with Sunset sitting next to Postwar as her eyes were widened and her hair was really frazzled. Postwar smirked*So...how was it?
Sunset Shimmer: *places hand over his mouth* I don't want to talk about it. *Postwar shrugs and looks at the movie, until Sunset grabbed him and made him look at her* It was amazing.
Postwar: *Presenting coffee to her* Coffee?
Sunset Shimmer: Oooh, don't mind if we do. *Takes the coffee and gave the second cup to Galen, allowing them to take a sip from both of them*
Lando Calrissian: Who now?
Postwar: She's talking about a woman from a talk show that helps people with their problems.
Sunset Shimmer: There's one of her in our world too. She's a really good woman.
Postwar: Same goes for us. What happens in the bedroom, stays in the bedroom. As Sunset and Galen. *Suddenly has two different lightsabers pointing at him whilst they were glaring at him.*
Postwar: Trust me, I don't know who started that game. My shoulder was bruised for a week when my sister played that game with me.
Sunset Shimmer: Same with Rainbow Dash.
Galen Marek: If that's the case, I don't want to play it.
Postwar: Something tells me they will if they're not careful.
Leia Organa: It's a miracle none of them landed in the hospital.
Sunset Shimmer: Actually, Rainbow did once. She got reckless during her flying stunts.
Cal Kestis: Then it's a miracle that she didn't lose her wings.
Postwar: *muttering* In an alternate timeline she did.
Sunset Shimmer: What?
Postwar: Nothing.
Lando Calrissian: Why the heck would they have a castle that big and a village so small.
Postwar: Someone who has wasted and abused the taxes of the people no doubt.
Leia Organa: The Empire also likes to waste taxes.
Luke Skywalker: No kidding, I'm just glad my Uncle Owen didn't give up so easily during the harvests.
Cal Kestis: Well he has been living alone in the swamp all his life.
Luke Skywalker: Master Yoda once lived in a swamp like this.
Postwar: Or as Han once called him, Yoyo.
Han Solo: *Gets a weird look from the others* Long story.
All: Oooh.
Sunset Shimmer: That had to hurt.
Postwar: That's nothing, a friend of my dad once overdid a sport stunt, and he ended up getting nearly brain damage and two broken arms. (BTW Cinematic Adventures, that happened in real life, I was there when it happened)
Postwar: Hey, what's wrong with shirts.
Everyone sees his shirt that says "I went to watch Star Wars and all I got was this lousy T-Shirt", which surprised them.
Ahsoka Tano: Where did you get that?
Postwar: You don't wanna know.
Everyone was baffled by what they saw.
Postwar: Wow, and I thought the poetry from the MLP G5 Christmas special was weird.
Sunset Shimmer: What?
Postwar: Nothing.
All: NOOOO!!!!
Postwar: Simple, follow the music.
Cheese Sandwich: Doing fine. honey!!
All: Wha!!!
Sunset Shimmer: Cheese? What are you doing here?!
Cheese Sandwich: Well, I gotta make an appearance to other places every now and then too!! Anyway, gotta bounce!!
He soon vanishes, leaving everyone baffled by what they saw.
Postwar: Ugh, don't remind me. How Starlight was suddenly reduced to that with a twisted mindset is beyond me.
Sunset Shimmer: Sunburst already feels bad enough for not being there for her.
Postwar: Yeah, he has a bit of a, "Short", point of view. *everyone looks at him awkwardly*. *sighs* You guys are no fun.
Galen Marek: He was talking to you, in case you didn't notice.
Postwar: Well, what you expect, he has too, "Little", expectations.
Everyone groans from this.
Sunset Shimmer: You're just going to keep throwing short jokes, aren't you?
Postwar: Oh, come on, that was funny.
Postwar: Says the pony who tried to steal Queen Novo's Pearl and used her friends to distract her.
Sunset Shimmer: Hey!!
Postwar: Hey, I'm not the only one who thinks that way. Half the people in the CA group also thinks so.
Postwar: *Rolling eyes* Oh boy.
Cal Kestis: What?
Sunset Shimmer: In 3...2...1...
They were baffled by this.
Han Solo: How did she...?!*Then stops and realizes something*
Everyone: It's Pinkie Pie, don't question it.
Lando Calrissian: Glad to see their WWE training paid off.
Sunset Shimmer: No kidding. Bugs and the others would be so happy if they were to see any of this.
Postwar: Wouldn't mind learning from the best. Namely from the Undertaker. He's my favorite wrestler.
Postwar: Yeah, if it's one thing about all of our enemies...they never play fair.
All: *Thinking about two out of three Dazzlings, the Empire, Sith and a few others*Agreed.
Postwar: One thing about deals, there's always a catch. And the one making always catches them off guard.
Lando Calrissian: I hear that.
Postwar: Just ask Puffy AmiYumi.
All *except Sunset* Who?
Sunset Shimmer: Famous singers from another country. Their manager tends to rip them off a lot. That's what happens when they don't thoroughly read their contracts.
Postwar: *smirks*You mean like you did when you worked at the sushi place when they wanted you to do something unexpected?
Sunset Shimmer: *blushes madly, then crossed her arms in a grumpy manner* No comment.
Sunset Shimmer: So now they've got a spy on their tail.
Postwar: Though knowing them, they won't know about it until it's too late.
Postwar: Says the guy who uses his own earwax as a candle, farts in the water to catch fish, or using bug slime to brush your teeth.
Everyone cringes at that.
Ahsoka Tano: I didn't need to hear that.
Postwar: Hey, it was the truth.
Postwar: If they bother to listen. They judge a person before getting the chance to know him.
Postwar: Dude, it's not the outside of a person that counts, it's what's inside that counts.
Cal Kestis: Inside?
Postwar: From the outside, people look at what they are because of their appearance, but it's the inside, the core of it, that really counts. On the outside, one's a grump, but on the inside, lies the heart of a good person.
Sunset Shimmer: Wow, that's really impressive.
Postwar: Yeah. *Mutters* Wish I'd learn that lesson long ago.
Ahsoka Tano: And so they're off.
Cal Kestis: With a spy on their tail.
Sunset Shimmer: Here's hoping that they'll soon catch on.
Dramamaster, you dummkopf! This is Shrek's line, not Spike's!
I'm sorry, Mr. Enigma. This slipped right under my radar.
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Canterlot Mall Theater, Discord's Branch
Sci-Twi: He got them lost didn’t he (She said with a small sigh)
Fluttershy: Maybe, that’s not the case (She said with some hope)
Fluttershy: N-Never mind (she said)
Arctic: Hey, it’s ok Fluttershy (he said towards her)
Pinkie: Yeah! Maybe they’ll get it on the next try
The Equestrian Girls faces turn a little red from this
Arctic: (cover his face a bit with his hand) Can’t go one adventure without something like that can
Applejack: E-Eeyup (she said covering her face with her Hat a bit)
Sci-Twi: (wince a bit) I think that isn’t a good idea
Rarity: Can’t be any worst when it happen to us (she said glancing over towards Rainbow Dash*
Rainbow: (looking away as she whistling innocently)
Arctic: That’s gonna leave a mark.
Applejack: Especially, with the size difference between the two of them
Rarity: My word, that’s a big castle
Arctic: Y-Yeah. It is a big castle (he said trying to hold in his laugher)
Applejack: Everything ok there? (She also towards Ace)
Arctic: O-oh yeah. Everything just peachy (he said with a few chuckles)
Arctic: (starts to a laugh a bit more from this holding onto his stomach)
Applejack: (starting to get why he was laughing) Really now?
Arctic: I-I’m sorry. But, it’s a little funny (he said with a few chuckles
Rainbow: (would laugh a little bit herself) To be fair we seen how little the guy is
Fluttershy: At least his ok (she said with some relief)
Pinkie: But, T-Shirt would be nice
Arctic: Pinkie, would you really buy a T-Shirt from a place like this?
Pinkie: I mean, it could be a nice T-Shirt still even if it’s from a big meanie like him
Rainbow: Or “little” meanie in this case (she said laughing)
Arctic: Hehe nice one (he said fistbumping with Rainbow Dash)
Arctic: Huh…
Sci-Twi: What is it Ace?
Arctic: Nothing, just seeing this again is giving me some dajavu for some reason..
Pinkie: Yeah! One more time! (She said with a grin)
Rarity: I..think it’s for the best Darling
Rainbow & Applejack: Eeyup (they said together)
Pinkie: Awww (she said disappointed)
Arctic: People might say things about it. But, gotta admit it is catchy
Sci-Twi: He isn’t aware of the phrasing there does he?
Applejack: Nope (she said)
Arctic: Just know they’re enjoying this (he said with a chuckle)
Rainbow: His gonna sing isn’t he…
Arctic: Yes, yes he is
Arctic: Wait a minute (he said in his thoughts and looked over seeing the EQG Fluttershy nodding her head to before Pinkie stared at her the same way until he realized something) Oh..My..Faust?! No wonder I got dajavu! This is Starlight Village all over again?! (he said to himself)
The Equestrian Girls stood quite after the performance had ended for awhile
Sci-Twi: Well, it was a little catchy (she admitted)
Pinkie: (giving her the same look she did with Fluttershy)
Sci-Twi: What? (She says seeing this)
Arctic: Yeah, definitely like with “Our Town” in Starlight’s village (he said in his thoughts)
Applejack: Any idea who his talking to? (She said turning towards Ace)
Arctic: No idea
Applejack:(had a small glare) Meaning, they’re just expendable for you
Fluttershy: Those poor people. (She said softly seeing that this wasn’t on their own will)
Arctic: Hey! I take offense to that! (He said angered and offended by the comment) We ponies have wonderful color schemes that fit us and some of which makes us unique
Pinkie: Yeah! You tell him Acey! There are those who look much better than Farquaad!
The girls couldn’t help but laugh a little bit from this as Ace started to join in with them
Rainbow: Aw Yeah Time for some butt kicking!
Arctic: Hehe… I know what’s about to come
Sci-Twi: What are you? (She begins to say and sees Ace point to the Screen)
Sci-Twi: (was shocked and baffled): But..why..HOW?! (She said about to lose her mind before Ace place a hand on her shoulder)
Arctic: It’s Pinkie Pie. Best not to question it
Applejack: Especially, if you been with her longer then we have (she said and looks over slightly to her Pinkie)
Pinkie:*smiling innocently and happily)
Arctic: Haha! Nice to see them using their training from WWE to use! Always, nice to see using their past experience from previous adventures to good use
Rainbow: And it was so awesome too! (She said)
Pinkie: Booo~! (She declared upset)
Arctic: Man, I hate it when the villains play unfair. You think they’ll have some honor
Rainbow: You really think they would? (She ask towards Ace)
Arctic: You’ll be surprised to know there are some villains who have some honor and code they follow. (He looks over to The rainbow hair girl) I mean, we saw how Sonata felt during the trip to Gotham
Fluttershy: He does have a point (she said looking over at the two)
Applejack: I don’t like the sound of this (she said narrowing her eyes)
Sci-Twi: Definitely, his gonna find someway to mess up the deal so it can work for him (she said sharing the same look)
Arctic: I hate it when villains who make deals use a loophole in their favor (he join in also having the same look as Sci-Twi and Applejack)
Fluttershy: Oh no. (She said worried)
Sci-Twi: Not only, do they have to worry about Tirek but now a spy aswell
Arctic: Hopefully, They will notice him before it’s to late
Arctic: He does have a point. One shouldn’t judge a person without knowing about them
Fluttershy: l-like the Grinch? (She ask softly)
Arctic: (he looks to the shy girl and nod his head)
Arctic: I..don’t think they get what his trying to say
Applejack: Nnnope
Arctic: Well, now their journey to save the princess begins
Rarity: I hope, they’ll be ok
Rainbow: Easier said then done Rares (she said to the fashionista)
Sci-Twi: Not only they’ve to deal with Tirek, but also the dragon and there’s that spy following them.
Arctic: True. Here to that they’ll be ok. Especially, when they encounter the dragon
Next>>
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Nice job Arctic.
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Thanks Postwar. You also did a nice job
In a distant future (0:17):
Shrek and Twilight Sparkle: "Oh, let's do that again!"
Rainbow Dash: “I get a turn to crank the lever!”
Donkey, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie: "NOOOOO!!!!"
Meanwhile, back in Equestria
So many creatures are stark raving mad with gold fever. And they’re all on the hunt for the one siren, who’s got their gold. The 24/7 Championship Belt!
From the tallest of dragons to a…a pigeon?
Pigeon: (Spying on Sonata) “Goodbye braaaaaa! How you like me now?” (Does a double take) “Whoa! How you like me now?“ (Singing) “How you like me now?”
(Go to 0:12)
Pigeon: “How you like me NOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW???!” (Cue song)
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For Those Trying to Be Taken Seriously - eSults - YouTube
That's my reaction to the pigeon. Not against you, Doc.
Instead I swear my loyalty to a family that cares as much about the realm as Robert did, and specifically to a woman who has not only shown incompetence on multiple levels that was only salvageable due to the intervention of far more intelligent people, but who’s mismanaged the realm so badly it makes Robert look good by comparison. Yep. Hypocrite alert
The Mane 6, Raven, Apple, Spike, Shrek and Donkey arrive at Lord Farquaad's castle. As Shrek says, his excessively large castle is a way to hide his size or show his huge ego. The first time I saw Duloc's song, I made a face similar to Shrek's, because the truth is that he did not expect it (and it is clear that our heroes did not either).
They meet Farquaad, who makes it clear from the get-go that he is a superficial xenophobic and tyrant. As expected, this "king" is not willing to negotiate and a fight ensues that, although it looked bad for our ogre and his companions, they show that they are a formidable team when they fight together (along with a friend from another universe). . After how those gentlemen treated them the first time, The Mane 6 and Spike are up for no bullshit. After so many adventures and training with WWE wrestlers and hitmen, some gentlemen are no match for them (but you have to admit that Shrek also fights very well). Words are superfluous with good background music.
Seeing how this group of fairy tale creatures have earned the respect and admiration of the people of Duloc, Farquaad reaches an agreement with them: Save Princess Fiona, and Shrek will recover his home (They arrive at a castle and have to go to another, what a mess). Here comes one of Shrek's famous phrases: Ogres are like onions. This is a hint that Shrek (and ugly creatures) is more complex than it seems, though more on that later.
The group leaves for the castle where Fiona is, unaware that there is more than just a dragon waiting for them, and that they are also being followed by a very dangerous guy. It seems that Regina and Cersei have a past with Apple and Raven. The what, exactly? Soon we will know... I hope.
This is not part of the commentary (Or is it?). This just a bad joke...
Discord: "You mean to tell me we can do that?!" (Taps his fingers deviously)
Shoves the authors off their seats.
Discord: (To the authors) "Move aside their busters!" (Types away on the keyboard, until he pulls up Star Wars: A New Hope, reaches in and pulls out Sunset Shimmer)
Sunset Shimmer: "Who?! What?! Where? Huh? Where am I? What? What happened to the Empire?" (Turns and sees Discord) "Discord?"
Discord: "Spoiler alert: This is the future! The future when you turned to the Dark Side and go on a murderous killing spree to find and destroy Twilight."
Sunset Shimmer: "WHAT?! I turned over to the Dark Side?"
Discord: "Read it and weep. Take a look! It's in a book, or two, or three." (Snaps his fingers and shows Sunset the stories)
- MLP: FiM
- Star Wars
- Adventure
- Sci-Fi
- Thriller
The Mane Six, Spike, and Sunset Shimmer are whisked off to a galaxy far far away in this out of the world adventure. Follow them as they help the Rebel Alliance battle the evil Galactic Empire in this action packed adventure.- MLP: FiM
- Equestria Girls
- Adventure
- Thriller
Three years after the Battle of Yavin, the Mane Six and Storm Shield are back again to help the rebellion and to find Sunset Shimmer. However, the Empire has the means of gaining the upper hand. Will they succeed or will the Empire prove dominance?- MLP: FiM
- Equestria Girls
- Drama
- Sci-Fi
The final battle between the Rebellion and the Empire draws near as the Mane Six, Storm, and Spike are back for one last adventure through the stars. Will they finally succeed in rescuing Sunset Shimmer or will she forever be lost to the darkness?Sunset Shimmer: (Sees the stories and feels ashamed) "I'm so ashamed..."
Discord: "Yup. You're a real mess alright. 10 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR, for each stories...and for every heartbreaks you've disappointed to your public!!"
Random Gryffindor Dude: (To Sunset) "Thanks Sparky..."
Sunset Shimmer: "Okay, first of all, I'm sorry. And second of all, this isn't the Harry Potter Cinematic Adventure Discord. So technically speaking, you can't dock points yet, Discord..."
Discord: "You're not just wrong, you're stupid."
Sunset Shimmer: (Outraged) "HEY!"
Discord: "And you're ugly, just like Emperor Palpatine!"
Sunset Shimmer: (Scowling) "Then why didn't you just do something about it then, huh? Why couldn't you just snap your fingers and teleport me out or something, instead of letting all of my friends go through all the troubles?"
Discord: "Because I don't like you!" (Grins trollishly)
Sunset Shimmer: "Well, I don't like you either you son of a–"
Discord: (To the readers) "I'll pretend I didn't hear that." (Snaps his fingers to mess with Sunset with some spells from LEGO Harry Potter) "Having some fun now, hmmmm?"
Random Dude: (To Sunset) "Sunset, were you fighting with a teacher?"
Sunset Shimmer: (To Random Dude) "Well he started it."
Discord: "I did not."
Sunset Shimmer: "You did too!"
Discord: "Did not!"
Sunset Shimmer: "You did too!"
Discord: "Did not!"
Sunset Shimmer: "You did too!"
Discord: "This is the LAST time I'm working with someone who's got the temper tantrum as bad as Caillou's!"
Sunset Shimmer: "OH YEAH?!" (Grabs Discord and throws him into a piano, slamming the lid on him)
Discord: "This means war..."
LOL. I'm sorry. I couldn't resist...
I'm still working on the commentary and...can you blame me? I just saw a good opportunity and took it.
Okay, jokes aside. *Resumes working on the commentary*
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Looking forward to it Phantom!
Sorry Mr. E.
I guess the next commentary will have to wait tomorrow.
And off we go into the actual main plot of the movie. Did not see Pinkie's dimension-hopping coming, though it was thoroughly enjoyed!
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We'll be waiting for you in the meantime. The next chapter is currently under the planning phase at the moment, but production itself should commence... momentarily. We want to get some ideas as far as how we want to cover the next chapter and hope we haven't forgotten anything.
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Galaxy
Meanwhile, back at Discord's Theater
Extra Cut
...And not too far behind, Juniper Montage and Medusa (Or "Maddie" as I like to call her) have sore feet to show for it. Well, the former, but the latter...not so much.
Juniper Montage: "Ugh! My feet are killing me...I'm starting to think we've been going around in circles..."
Medusa: (To Juniper) "You think you're complaining? My coilssss are sssssore in placcccesss I didn't even know I've had..."
Gilda: "Hmmm. If I have bits for every time that donkey's got me lost, then I'd probably be a rich griffon."
Silver Spoon: "Ooh! That candy house sounds delicious!"
Diamond Tiara: (To Silver Spoon) "Uh, Silver Spoon? In case you forget, I'm practically staying in a candy house..."
Silver Spoon: "Oh! Right..." 😅
Lightning Dust: "An old lady in a shoe?" (Scoffs) "Loser."
Scootaloo: (To Lightning Dust) "Hey, don't be dissing someone's house like that! Some of my friends happen to live under a rock and a pineapple under the sea!"
Cheese Sandwich: "Did somebody say opera?!"
Cue: "Come, friends, who ploughs the sea"
*Eric had to clear up the misunderstanding.
Cheese Sandwich: (To Eric) "Oh! My bad. Oprah the talk show lady! But not opera as in the musical!"
Cue: "Come, friends, who ploughs the sea"
Me: (Looking at the readers) "...Why do you people enjoy abusing my Disney Chronicler?"
Audience: "Nope!"
Grand Pear: (To Granny Smith) "This seriously the pegasus your granddaughter wants to marry?"
Thorax: "I don't think I'd enjoy that kind of game..."
Ember: "Hmmm. Actually, that's not a bad game after all! I might play it sometimes, when I'm going on a roadtrip..."
Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Serves you right, I'd say..."
Cheese Sandwich: "I vote for I Spy!"
Cheese Sandwich: "Another castle? You mean like your princess is in another castle? Eh? Eh?"
*Rimshot SFX*
Me: (To Cheese Sandwich) "Yeah. Very funny, Cheese."
Gilda: "On second thought, maybe I wouldn't be so rich...but rich enough..."
Flurry Heart: "It's even bigger than our castle home at the Crystal Empire!"
Ember: "Meh. My dad would totally wreck that place..."
Extra Cut
Juniper Montage: "Wow! It's even bigger than Hogwarts!"
Medusa: "What'ssss a Hogwartssss?"
With that, almost all of the audience were laughing aloud along with Shrek's joke. Having seen Lord Farquaad himself for who and what he really is, they definitely are all in agreement that the man was compensating for something alright.
Pumpkin Cake: "Wow! What big head he has?"
Pound Cake: "The better to fit his entire big ego." (Both cake twins burst out laughing)
Snips: "Well it's definitely a Farquaad mascot. Duh!"
Snails: "Do you know another guy named Farquaad with a mascot that's just as big a head than his?"
Yona: "Yona actually liked that Kissy Missy monster we borrowed to be buck ball mascot..."
Gallus: (To Yona) "Speak for yourself. She was so...clingy."
Rolling Thunder: "Wow, he sure moves fast, for someone with a big head."
Extra Cut
Not too far behind, Juniper and Medusa watched the mascot fleeing for his life.
Juniper Montage: "Wow, look at him go!"
Medusa: "Ussssually, when people sssssee me, for the firssssst time, they freeze on the sssspot."
Ocellus: "Is he dead?"
Big Mac: (Answering Ocellus's question) "Nope."
Extra Cut
Juniper Montage: "He's fine."
Cheese Sandwich: "Party poopers."
Me: "Hey, your money ain't worth there than either Disneyland or Universal Studios."
Me: "Like I said: Not worth the money..."
Ember: (Pulling the bottom of her eyelids) "UGH! C'mon! Not another musical!"
Ember: (Turns to Smolder) "Smolder! As you Dragon Lord, I beg you! HIT! HIT ME YOUR HARDEST HIT! Do something! ALL THIS SINGING IS TORTURE FOR ME!!!"
*Metalic BONK SFX*
*Birds Chirping SFX*
Discord: (To Ember) "You're welcome!" (Tosses an anvil to the side)
*Cartoon Crash SFX*
Random Dude: "My leg!"
Me: (Shrugging) "...It's a small world after all."
Silverstream: "I liked it!"
Extra Cut
Medusa: "Doessss my waisssst look that fat?"
Almost all of the audience: "NOOOOO!!!!"
Moon Dancer: "I'm no detective, Twilight. But I think the sounds of trumpets is your first clue."
Minuette: "Yup!"
Lemon Heart: "That's always how these adventures work."
Big Mac: "Eeyup."
Cheese Sandwich: "Hi Cupcake!" (To Lil'Cheese) "Say hi to your mama, Lil'Cheese!"
Me: (To Cheese Sandwich) "Huh? What?" (Looked to PostWar's commentary, then back at mine) "But the–When? How? Weren't you just–"
Cheese Sandwich: (To me) "What?"
Me: "There."
Cheese Sandwich: "Where?"
Me: "There."
Cheese Sandwich: "Where?"
Me: "There."
Cheese Sandwich: "Where?"
Me: "There. How'd you get to the Galaxy there, then back here?"
Cheese Sandwich: "...Who we talkin' about?"
Me: (Resigning myself in defeat) "Forget it..."
Next>>
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Amazing start to the commentary Phantom!
Had a few laughs already in this one
More to come tomorrow.
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Looking forward to it Phantom
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Fleck: " Good an information booth.
.
The Audience look in shock at what they saw.
Dodger: " Ok now I have gouge out my eyes."
Tubby Nugget: " Sadly you can't gouge out your minds eyes.
Mr. Squelch: Thank God they stopped. if I had to listen to that song again I think my head would pop."
Fleck: " Agreed!"
Cheese and Lil cheese smiled and waved.
( the end )
Starlight: "I think my heart just stop."
Sugar Belle: " It's like that song we used to see back at the village. Only more forceful and creepy."
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Gilda: "Uh. You know what?" (Gets up from her seat) "I'm gonna go and hunt me some 24/7 Championship Belt. Maybe it's outside." (Leaves the theater room)
The Audience: "BOOOOOOOO!!!"
Random Dude: "YOU STINK!!!"
Crazy Steve: "COCK-A-DOODLE DOO!!! THE COW SAYS MOO!!!"
Queen Novo: "Is this for real?"
Extra Cut
Juniper Montage: (Whispers to Medusa) "Are we in the right kingdom?"
Photo Finish: "Hmph! I zee no appeal. I fail to see DE MAGIC!!!"
*Crickets chirping SFX*
Me: (To Starlight Glimmer) "Deja vu, Starlight?"
Sugar Belle: (Looks towards Starlight) "Eeyup..."
Sugar Belle, along with Night Glider, Party Favor, and Double Diamond, all turned to look at Starlight Glimmer, who blushes in embarrassment.
Me: "Or as the french would say: 'Le fruitcake!'"
Gilda: "Hey! I'm back. What did I miss?"
Thorax: "Who's he talking to?"
Shining Armor: (Sarcasm) "So...he's willing to sacrifice his own knights to rescue a princess he hasn't even met yet?"
Princess Cadence: (Shakes her head) "That goes against any knights' quest for romance, in any books I've read to Flurry Heart."
Smolder: (To Ember) "Kinda like your dad when he ran the kingdom, eh?" (Sees that Ember was still out cold) "Oh. Right. Knocked out..."
Gilda: "He was talking to you, greenie..."
Extra Cut
Juniper Montage: "And what are we? Background characters?"
Medusa: "Uh...accctually, Juniper? For onccce, I'd like for ussss to not be noticccced."
Carrot Tops: "Well! I never!"
Garble: "Actually, he's not that wrong. All that color is a little hard on the eyes..."
The Audience: "OOOOHHHH!!!"
"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!" – Roasted Meme
Extra Cut
Unfortunately, this very much includes Juniper Montage and Medusa, as some of the knights have also taken notice of them.
Juniper Montage: (Takes out her wand) "Hey, hey, hey! I have a wand and I'm not afraid to use it!" (To Medusa) "Uh, Medusa? Little help, please?"
Medusa: (To Juniper) "What?"
Juniper Montage: (To Medusa) "I...I know it's kind of a touchy topic for you, but...you're a gorgon! So, you can like...turn people to stone, yes? Well, now or never!"
Medusa: (Experiences PTSD flashback) "No...No! NO! I can't!"
Juniper Montage: (Confused) "Why not?"
Medusa: "I...I will not ussssse my cursssse to take anymore livessss...I can't..."
Juniper Montage: "WHAT?!"
Tempest Shadow: "Guess that answers that..."
*Disc scratch SFX*
Me: "Huh? What? What's going on?"
Me: "I'll do you one better. Did that REALLY just happened? You mean to tell me that we can just RANDOMLY pull someone, or some thing, out of another Cinematic Adventure and INTO the current one at ANY TIME?!!!"
Discord: (To me) "Now, now, Doc. Let's not overthink these things. It's not good for your health, or your mentality."
Me: (To Discord) "Yeah, well, that pretty much flies out the window after you LOST ME IN THE CINEMATIC ADVENTURE ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE, where I was HELD PRISONER for what must've been like 6 MONTHS!!! And I had nothing better to do than to just SING MY HEAD OFF!!!"
Discord: (Rolls his eyes) "How do you like about that? You lost your head, way, WAY BACK in the Star Wars trilogy when Pinkamena Diana Pie used the Jedi Mind trick on you!"
Me: "Well how am I supposed to resist it, huh? Wear a tin foil hat? That's only a myth! It doesn't work!"
Discord: "IT DOES WORK! Mythbusters approved of it!"
Me: "THEY DIDN'T PROVE IT!"
And just like that...I got into another fight with Discord and until...
Random Dude: (To us) "Hey, knock it off you two! You're wasting too much valuable times to post another commentary!"
Me: (To Discord) "We can kill each other when this is over..."
Discord: (To me) "Agreed."
And as soon as the scene resumes, with Bad Reputation playing, Sonata Dusk, in the audience, immediately has a full-blown panic attack.
Sonata Dusk: (Jumps out of her seat, clutching her 24/7 Championship Belt) "AAAAAHHHH!!!! NO!!!! NOT RONDA ROUSEY! HAVE MERCY!!! NOT THE ARMBAR SUBMISSION HOLD! I SURRENDER!!!"
Sonata realizes too late that she's still back in the sanctity of Discord's Theater...and all eyes were on her...and the Gold Fever was strong.
Sonata Dusk: *Gulp* "Uh...meow?"
Dr. Caballeron: (Points at Sonata) "THERE SHE IS!!!"
Gilda: "GET THE GOOOOOOOLD!!! *HIC*
Ember: (Wakes up from her coma) "Did somebody say gold?!" *HIC*
Sonata Dusk: "Oh no!" (Runs for her life again) "RUN AWAY!!!!"
Gold fever dragons, griffons, and ponies: "MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!!"
Discord: (Watches Sonata Dusk's predicaments and eats popcorns) "Oh yeah! This is more like it! Dinner and a show!"
Me: (To Discord) "WE ALREADY HAVE A DINNER AND A SHOW!!!" (To Hunter and Shadow) "HUNTER! SHADOW! HELP SONATA!!!"
*HunterBrony and Shadowshion got run over like pancakes.*
Me: "Ugh! Do I have to do everything myself?"
Bulk Biceps: "YEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!"
Yaks: "YAKS BEST! YAKS BEST! YAK SMASH!!!" (Yaks jumping up and down, shaking the theater)
Sonata Dusk: (Jumping from the earthquake) "E-E-E-Earth-Q-Q-Q-Qua-a-a-a-a-a-ake?"
Grubber: "YEAH! It's on like Donkey Kong!" (Accidentally throws his cup up and splashes Tempest Shadow in the face) "Uh. Hehe. Sorry?"
Tempest Shadow punches Grubber away.
Extra Cut
Chasing after Donkey and Fluttershy, and helping the other heroes with the other knights, Juniper Montage came running with Medusa following. And nobody even notices them.
Discord: (Snaps himself a microphone) "Oooh! What a perfectly executed double clothesline maneuver by Shrek! This ogre's now slouch when it comes to wrestling!"
Extra Cut
Amidst the fight, Juniper was using her wand to fight off some of the knights that were coming towards her. Though not as knowledgeable in the magic spells as Sunset Shimmer, or Wallflower Blush, or even Hermione Granger, but Juniper was still using whatever spells she knows to fight off the knights.
Juniper Montage: (Using her wand) "Flipendo!"
With that, some of the knights were repelled off their feet.
Juniper Montage: (Swish and flick) "Wingardium Leviosa!"
A knight was charging at Juniper, when he suddenly finds himself being lifted off the ground, as if someone had turn off the gravity for him. He's flying up into the sky and he's disappeared.
Meanwhile, Medusa was slithering around, trying to avoid the blades from the knights – and trying to not use her cursed stare to petrify any of the knights – but her long coil has proven itself to be her most secondary weapons, when she unintentionally trips up some knights, or even whipped some on the buttocks.
Shining Armor: "That's a cowardly move to attack someone from behind, when their back is turned!"
Cranky Doodle Donkey: "Ooh! I'll bet that's smart."
Granny Smith: "TAKE HIS HEAD OFF!!!"
Bulk Biceps: "YEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHH!!!"
Yaks: "YAKS SMASSHHHH!!!"
Sonata Dusk: (Comes running back in, with some of the mobs chasing her) "LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" (Throws a punch at a dragon) "Oh! I'm sorry! AAHHHHH!!!" (Gets picked up by her tail and was being spun around) "HELP! HEEEEEEEELLLLLPPPP!!!! I think I'm gonna hurl..."
Suddenly, a griffon pounced on the dragon, causing him to drop Sonata, who was sent flying in the air, screaming.
Sonata Dusk: "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" (Lands right on top of Tempest Shadow)
Sweetie Belle: "YEAH RARITY!!!"
*Eric voices his approval.
Shining Armor: "THAT'S my sister!"
Flurry Heart: "Go Auntie Twilight!"
Gabby: "YAY, SPIKE!!!"
Thorax: "Where did he learn that move?" (Both Thorax and Gabby turned to look at Ember, who was too busy hunting for Sonata Dusk to pay attention)
Ember: (Sniffs the air) "Where is she?! Where's that fish? Where's me precious?" *HIC*
Sonata Dusk: (Cringing) "I know how that feels."
Griffons: (Chasing after Sonata) "MINE! MINE! MINE! MINE!!!"
Sonata Dusk: "AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!" (Runs for her life and stops for a taco) "Ooh! Taco!" (Eats the tacos)
Garble: "SHE ATE MY TACO!!!"
Scootaloo: "WHOO-HOO! RAINBOW DASH!!!"
Audience: "YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!"
Silverstream: "GO, GO, GRYFFINDOR! GO, GO, GRYFFINDOR!!"
Gallus: (To Silverstream) "Uh, Silver? We're not in Hogwarts. This isn't the Quidditch."
Silverstream: (To Gallus) "So? That doesn't mean we can't cheer on our teachers, can't we? Besides, we did the same for Sunset Shimmer back in the Star Wars trilogy!"
Unable to deny that statement, Gallus simply shrugs and nodded his head, before he and Silverstream resume leading the cheer.
Students Six: "GO, GO, GRYFFINDOR! GO, GO!"
Sonata Dusk: "GO, GO, GRYFFINDOR! GO, GO!"
Extra Cut
Juniper Montage: "Who's your Ravenclaw?" (Cheers for herself) "Ra-rah, Ravenclaw! EEEH!!! If only Cho Chang could see me now!"
Medusa: "My...The russsh...the adrenaline...that wassss so...I've never felt ssssso alive!"
Juniper Montage: (Puts her hand on Medusa's shoulder) "You were great, Maddie!"
Medusa: (Confused) "Maddie?"
Juniper Montage: "Sorry. It's just...my nickname for you. My friend Rainbow Dash would sometimes call me June, and sometimes I'd call my other friend, Wally. And...well, I thought Maddie's a cute nickname for you. Is it okay?"
Medusa "Maddie": "Hmmmm. Maddie...I like it..."
Me: "...I'm not gonna question that...It's Pinkie Pie."
Pinkie Pie: (Pops out of my computer screen) "WHAT'S UP, DOC?"
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/1/15/279.png
Me: "WHOA!!!" (Falls out of my chair)
"Sorry folks! We seem to be experiencing some technical difficulties. We'll be right back. Until then, please enjoy this dance video, starring the Penguins of Madagascar."
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11482336
Shadowshion lifts himself off the ground, pulls himself together and looks at the 4th wall.
Me:(breaks the 4th wall)"it's true, folks, there's going to be a lot of people going to the hospital for while and if Phantom Dragon's listen, just send me the people's hospital bills"(fixes the 4th wall and rans to save Sonata Dusk).
11482469
That title is under 'Cinematic Adventures' property. It cannot 'end' without the approval of the higher-ups.
11482479
Yes sir.
11482491
Now you and Shadow 'try' to keep the peace in this theater while production is underway. Otherwise, you two are one shenanigan away from facing deduction of your pay!
11482494
Aye sir!