Page generated in 0.03 seconds
Total duration
1,021 users online
1,202,855 hits today, 1,411,962 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2025
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2025 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I certainly liked how you put your own twist on Sunset lashing out. Instead of her just lashing out at Sci-Twi, you also had her lash out at the main character, which not much fanfics do (though, I haven't read that much Friendship Games fanfics with OCs. Mostly because the OCs don't change the plot, so don't take my word on it).
Though there are some things I'd like to address.
Fist off,
When characters are speaking paragraph's worth of lines, like Sunset's rant, don't end each paragraph with a quotation mark. What I meant about that is during Sunset's rant,
People would think that the second paragraph is a response from Noah. But if you do this,
then people can tell that Sunset is saying the next paragraph. The only time you're allowed to do what you did is when you follow it up with something, like a reaction or a description on how the character says it. For example,
By adding a description or reaction, then you're allowed to do that.
Now there's this other problem I noticed when I first read this fanfic. The way the characters respond to each other and I don't mean how you write their reactions to things, I mean the way you "format" (I think that's what it's called) the way they respond to each other.
For example,
The way you wrote this makes the readers think that the same character is talking. The problem with this is that it'd annoy the readers because they have to reread the same paragraph again, it ruins the immersion.
What you should've done is this,
This makes your "formatting" better. I've noticed this problem when I first read this Fic, but forgot to address it because I got used to it. It may be one of the reasons why this fanfic gets so much dislikes. Which is a shame because this is a good story.
Anyway, I do hope that what I wrote down helped you with your writing, and that you'll use it in the upcoming chapters.
10346258
Dude, I honestly don't know what else to say except thank you. So, so very much.
I have a question though, for the paragraphs, you formatted it so that a quotation mark starts at the beginning of the second paragraph when a character continues. I'm asking if you meant to put that there or if it was by accident. If it wasn't, I'll be doing that in the future without a doubt.
Along with the back and forth between characters in single sentences, I usually do them as a means for humor. But I'll definitely remember to format it correctly when it's not a humor scene.
Once again, thank you so much. I hope you like what's coming, including finales three times longer than usual.
😁
10346798
You're welcome.
And to answer your question, yes I did put that on purpose. You see, a quotation mark is like the reader's cue that a character's speaking. When a character is talking through multiple paragraphs, you don't end the paragraph with a quotation mark so the readers would know that the character's not done talking (unless you put a non dialogue after the dialogues). But you start the next paragraph with a quotation mark so that the readers would still know that the same character's speaking.
Though this is mostly based on what I've seen from many other stories, including non fanfics, so I might be wrong about that.
10346916
A’ight, cool. Gotcha
iiiiiiiiii know where this is going