There's not much I can say about this chapter, except that it's a decent chapter. I am curious on how Sunset will deal with the whole pregnancy thing.

Though there is something that bugged me in this chapter, and that's this piece of dialogue:

Noah groaned, " God, with the friggin' fourth wall, I-I thought there'd be more! I-I didn't watch this movie when it came out originally. Heck, I didn't even watch Rainbow Rocks !

So MLP is a thing in Noah's world!? To be honest, I kinda preferred MLP to not exist in Noah's world, or that Noah and his friends never heard of MLP. This piece of dialogue shows that Noah has indeed seen at least MLP, which wouldn't make sense considering that he doesn't recognize the characters. Though you could argue that he hasn't seen Equestria Girls, but that would also not make sense because the dialogue also hints out that he has seen EG.

Though this does bring me to a conclusion that the Friendship Arc rewrite is going to have some changes to the lore of this story, which has piqued my interest for the rewrites even further.

Either way, keep up the good work.

10640570
Yeah, this chapter was just sitting around waiting to be finished, and I couldn't get all the kinks because I was being lazy. But I'll fix it soon enough.

As for the dialogue, that was actually a fourth wall break of me expressing my frustration with Legend of Everfree. I never watched the movie, so I began the arc with a secondary conflict, Noah and Sunset drifting apart, but as I watched it all the way through, not only was I wrong about Twilight and Sunset being an official ship, but Twilight was with this guy Timber.

Since I was already on the third part, I knew I couldn't just go back and erase all of it. At least yet. So that dialogue stands as myself speaking to the reader on why the secondary dialogue is so bad.

I really need to head back to the drawing board with that one...

10646828
Yeah, they didn't really give Timber enough screen time in any of the Equestria Girls media. Like Sci-Twi and Sunset had enough scenes together to convince the audience that they're a couple, and then there's some scenes or shorts such as Star Crossed that reminds the audience that Sci-Twi has a boyfriend. And to top it all of, I don't think many people really liked Sci-Twi ending up with Timber, as it felt forced in Legend of Everfree, like how people hated Flash Sentry when Equestria Girls was first released.

With that said, I think having Sunset and Sci-Twi almost become a couple is a good idea. You just need to add the "Alt. Universe" tag, and you don't necessarily have to follow canon. Though that is up to you if you want it to be like that.

10655068
Yeah, when I rewrite the first arc, I’m completely getting rid of Noah having an M4. It’s so edgy and out of place, I hate it.

But despite me hating the first arc, I’m truly thankful for your review. It lets me know of certain things to fix besides changing the dialogue and storyline to be more professional.

But I’ll keep the cursing. Noah has to be fascinating and believable, after all.

10655075
Awesome.

10656881
Nah, he ballin. For now, at least lol

10659745
Yeeeep

10662649
Lmao, I hate this chapter so badd

Yes, I'm still here.