10014718 Ah. Time, my worst enemy. I always mess up time stuff. Give me a minute and maybe I can fix? I'm just glad I'm not a properly serialized writer, or I couldn't polish this stuff so easily.
Edit: There we go, new spotfixes. Plotholes patched, sort of.
10014724 I actually was sort of asking if somehow by giving her shades she now retroactively had those glasses for years. Causality always seems to fold like a house of cards around a freaky enough entity.
She smiled back before realizing something off about what he had said. "Magenta?" She thought to herself, confused for a moment that was as quickly gone as it had arrived. Of course her eyes were magenta. They always were, and they always will be. How silly of her to forget.
Did King just unintentionally use his hypnosis power?
"I- wha- no- what are you talking about?" He was panicking, clearly, worried that someone had caught on, though he wasn't entirely sure why the only thing he was really trying to hide was the thing he looked like. Did these ponies see what he really was the whole time? Had the disguise really meant nothing? "Who are you, even?" She brightened up instantly, not at all showing that she knew anything beyond the obvious.
Maybe don't use that Pinkie Pie cliche?
I don't think Pinkie knowing everything is important in this story
Like, everyone forces it in their story and later readers, even author himself doesn't remember Pinkie did that, that's how unimportant and overused it is
If it won't come back and isn't important or isn't Pinkie Pie focused story, better don't add it
She could have just greeted him in Pinkie way, like she was doing it in the show without her being all-knowing and knowing everything about them
10014862 It was a joke. It doesn't actually matter. I was trying to be funny, but if you hadn't noticed, I'm not good at that when I'm trying. Expect only vague hints and references to that, but beyond this one, that's pretty much the only time it'll ever be "seriously" relevant.
Comment posted by Warp Contrast deleted Jan 2nd, 2020
10014878 If you want to add one shot of breaking the fourth Wall, maybe do it so it's meant for readers only Like Pinkie Pie saying how this story was reborned 3 times, something like that for example Or Pinkie Pie saying she has Déjà vu for the third time
10014881 I guess I was just trying to hint at something like eldritch nature in Pinkie, herself, but I suppose maybe that *is* overdone, a bit. I'll modify the chapter a bit, play with a different joke.
Edit: Done-zo. Hopefully you like it just a little more?
You may wish to break the dialogue up a little. Have some chat that flows from one character to another before changing the scene again.
In fact, the only actual back and forth conversation that doesn't have paragraphs of scene setting or motion attached are at the end of chapter 2 and it kind of makes the whole chapter look...clunky is the word that comes to mind. There isn't space to focus on the conversation because there is always something happening at the same time.
This chapter you was brought to you in part by the weird ass music I sometimes listen to casually because my tastes are pretty much busted. https://youtu.be/hCzfzeobeNM
10016905 An SCP is a monsterish fellow, or item, with strange powers and such. The SCP Foundation is in charge of Securing, Containing, and Protecting both the creatures and humanity from themselves and others.
This feels like one of those weird slice-of-life animes that have a supernatural kinda twist. Definitely a big change of pace from my normal reads, but its a bit refreshing.
She smiled back before realizing something off about what he had said. "Magenta?" She thought to herself, confused for a moment that was as quickly gone as it had arrived. Of course her eyes were magenta. They always were, and they always will be. How silly of her to forget.
"Alright, fine, you can throw me a party, just shut up, jesus christ!" He slowly removed his hooves from her muzzle to make sure she wasn't just going to blast him with words again and continued. "I'm King."
Kind of a weird reaction yet not too bad. The chapter was great and now we’ve seen a little about his powers with the eyes confusion thing.
10014862 You know Pinkie Pie is a SCP herself so this kind of makes sense. Almost all SCPs in containment or outside of it are aware of the Scarlet King so her knowing about him doesn't sound too far-fetched
Ironically enough, the third chapter came out sometime while I was reading the second one
10014696
Published it just a few minutes ago, yeah. I was really nervous about it, so I kept putting it off.
Odd timeline given Vinyl, but the I suppose she always had those shades?
10014718
Ah. Time, my worst enemy. I always mess up time stuff. Give me a minute and maybe I can fix? I'm just glad I'm not a properly serialized writer, or I couldn't polish this stuff so easily.
Edit: There we go, new spotfixes. Plotholes patched, sort of.
Your doing great man. Keep up the good work.
10014729
Thank you! I really appreciate that, coming from you!
10014724
I actually was sort of asking if somehow by giving her shades she now retroactively had those glasses for years. Causality always seems to fold like a house of cards around a freaky enough entity.
10014739
Just retroactively changing the color of her eyes, I suppose. Time shananigans are not my friend.
10014747
They are rarely anyone’s friend. It is likely the most headache inducing variety of fiction I’ve come across from a logic standpoint.
10014756
Glad you understand.
Love the series so far cant wait for more
Did King just unintentionally use his hypnosis power?
Maybe don't use that Pinkie Pie cliche?
I don't think Pinkie knowing everything is important in this story
Like, everyone forces it in their story and later readers, even author himself doesn't remember Pinkie did that, that's how unimportant and overused it is
If it won't come back and isn't important or isn't Pinkie Pie focused story, better don't add it
She could have just greeted him in Pinkie way, like she was doing it in the show without her being all-knowing and knowing everything about them
10014862
It was a joke. It doesn't actually matter. I was trying to be funny, but if you hadn't noticed, I'm not good at that when I'm trying. Expect only vague hints and references to that, but beyond this one, that's pretty much the only time it'll ever be "seriously" relevant.
10014878
If you want to add one shot of breaking the fourth Wall, maybe do it so it's meant for readers only
Like Pinkie Pie saying how this story was reborned 3 times, something like that for example
Or Pinkie Pie saying she has Déjà vu for the third time
10014881
I guess I was just trying to hint at something like eldritch nature in Pinkie, herself, but I suppose maybe that *is* overdone, a bit. I'll modify the chapter a bit, play with a different joke.
Edit: Done-zo. Hopefully you like it just a little more?
10014819
He did something, intentionally or otherwise.
You may wish to break the dialogue up a little. Have some chat that flows from one character to another before changing the scene again.
In fact, the only actual back and forth conversation that doesn't have paragraphs of scene setting or motion attached are at the end of chapter 2 and it kind of makes the whole chapter look...clunky is the word that comes to mind. There isn't space to focus on the conversation because there is always something happening at the same time.
Pretty good chapter bud, keep it up
I was listening to https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=78Es6e6-Avs while reading this oddly enough
I do believe I have found the artist. Could always be wrong though.
https://alanide.tumblr.com/image/182026271993
I'm enjoying this a lot. Hope to see more
Whoever said that those glasses could be an SCP on their own, they were right!
10014213
I’m going to sound like an idiot but the hell is an SCP?
10016905
An SCP is a monsterish fellow, or item, with strange powers and such. The SCP Foundation is in charge of Securing, Containing, and Protecting both the creatures and humanity from themselves and others.
Pardon my simplification.
http://www.scp-wiki.net
http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-231
I would like more
This feels like one of those weird slice-of-life animes that have a supernatural kinda twist. Definitely a big change of pace from my normal reads, but its a bit refreshing.
10017048
Except 231 is group of cultists, all deceased but one
He changed something. Something he shouldn't have
Dorime, interia adapare dorime, ameno, ameno, latire, latiremo
If you have shit taste, then im angra mainyu, i like listening to this type of shit when reading sad stuff https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PmUQU8Mk4o this type of shit
Kind of a weird reaction yet not too bad.
The chapter was great and now we’ve seen a little about his powers with the eyes confusion thing.
10030081
He doesn't know, his power are unown to him
Nice he helped Vinyl but im very conserned she forget her own eye color...
Nice chapter. Wonder if this guard is the rare exception or hes just one of many.
10555987
accidental Memetic Effects
10014862
You know Pinkie Pie is a SCP herself so this kind of makes sense. Almost all SCPs in containment or outside of it are aware of the Scarlet King so her knowing about him doesn't sound too far-fetched