10017567 If it helps, I was going to change it so that he got it off of eBay? But I wanted to stick somewhat closer to the original vision, so to speak. Honestly, there aren't really a whole lot of interesting places you could find a weird piece like that without it seeming cliche anymore anyhow. Unless I'm wrong. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong.
10016808 Thank you for the critique. I appreciate it and, I'm sorry, yeah, the first chapter is very meh. I tried to fix it but aside from just scrapping it outright and starting it over, it didn't feel like there was much more to do then take the advice of and old friend and keep moving forward, but try to do better down the line.
1. Who would be stupid enough to give that book away? It's feels forced, just to create trouble later on, because no one in his position would give away that book
2. Why is he exhausted, shouldn't he be unable to feel tired, etc?
10017759 I gotta agree on one and two, I Really don't see this happening, also he Just met pinkie not too long ago, and how can you forget PINKIE when she acts like herself
10017759 For two, that's kinda because I wanted to try to set some limiters on him, partially because I decided he probably should constantly be suffering in agonizing pain like the actual Scarlet King. So, he tires when he uses the powers too, and he has to rest. That's kinda why I didn't write it in before.
As for the book thing, yeah, that was dumb. I need to fix that. I was only sort of half focused for that part and I'll try to fix it asap.
Well, Twi is probably going to hit Zero levels of mad before that book is returned, I wonder if handing a cursed text to her counts as a hostile act from a foreign power.
10020860 Alright. I appreciate the criticism, and, though I wish you would read the rest, I understand and respect your choice not to. I do need to learn to write more emotion into my characters, that's completely true, I'm working on it. I'm still not precisely an experienced writer outside of formal instances, so stories don't come quite as naturally. That's not an excuse, just an explanation. I think I may have improved in later chapters, at least by a little. I'm sorry if that's not the case. Again, I really do appreciate the criticism, and I'm trying to improve.
10017567
If it helps, I was going to change it so that he got it off of eBay? But I wanted to stick somewhat closer to the original vision, so to speak. Honestly, there aren't really a whole lot of interesting places you could find a weird piece like that without it seeming cliche anymore anyhow. Unless I'm wrong. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong.
10016808
Thank you for the critique. I appreciate it and, I'm sorry, yeah, the first chapter is very meh. I tried to fix it but aside from just scrapping it outright and starting it over, it didn't feel like there was much more to do then take the advice of and old friend and keep moving forward, but try to do better down the line.
so far its good the i wish the chapters was a little longer
1. Who would be stupid enough to give that book away?
It's feels forced, just to create trouble later on, because no one in his position would give away that book
2. Why is he exhausted, shouldn't he be unable to feel tired, etc?
3. Every time I read how he introduces himself as "King" I instantly think about King from One Punch Man and his face and scar
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/vsbattles/images/d/dc/Oie_etS36SK7EPoK.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/340?cb=20160706195025
10017759
I gotta agree on one and two, I Really don't see this happening, also he Just met pinkie not too long ago, and how can you forget PINKIE when she acts like herself
Now that's not gonna bode well for our King.
hope the next chapter comes soon
I'm surprised, I thought it would end the same way as the last three books
10017759
For two, that's kinda because I wanted to try to set some limiters on him, partially because I decided he probably should constantly be suffering in agonizing pain like the actual Scarlet King. So, he tires when he uses the powers too, and he has to rest. That's kinda why I didn't write it in before.
As for the book thing, yeah, that was dumb. I need to fix that. I was only sort of half focused for that part and I'll try to fix it asap.
Well, Twi is probably going to hit Zero levels of mad before that book is returned, I wonder if handing a cursed text to her counts as a hostile act from a foreign power.
And he was never heard from again.
I wonder what will happen next
The world is going to turn to shit very soon.
10020500
Fair. That was just added in an edit. I only remember bits and pieces from reading it roughly a year ago. Insightful nonetheless.
10020860
Alright. I appreciate the criticism, and, though I wish you would read the rest, I understand and respect your choice not to. I do need to learn to write more emotion into my characters, that's completely true, I'm working on it. I'm still not precisely an experienced writer outside of formal instances, so stories don't come quite as naturally. That's not an excuse, just an explanation. I think I may have improved in later chapters, at least by a little. I'm sorry if that's not the case. Again, I really do appreciate the criticism, and I'm trying to improve.
Yes, Oh God
Well, at least it’s not like he actually needed the sleep
Pinkie vs elder god... Perhaps the elder god comes out of it alive
Great chapter. Hope Twilight dont try confiscate the book. For her own good...
Im confused, does this story take place after the last problem?