The story starts off with a man named markus. he's life is bad and he tries to end it. though he enters a portal and meets fluttershy and pinkie pie. but what will happen and flutters house?~
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leconnorandghost
Joined 14th Aug, 2012 ·
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not that im saying the story is bad, BUT EVERY DAMN HUMAN IN A HUMAN IN EQUESTRIA FICS NAME IS ALWAYS MARCUS!!!!!! Y IS IT SO,
1097698
is that so? well i would put my own name.....would you like me to change it to something else? happy to.
1097739 its not your fault its just that idk why all the humans are named marcus, seems the be the most popluer name
1097857 honestly, it just popped into my head. but i hope you like it
Depressed brony on the verge of suicide randomly goes to Equestria, shenanigans and butchery of the English language happen. I have just described 90% of every HiE fic ever made; what makes yours anything different?
1098432 still have some to write plus at the very beginning i do believe it said'Writers notes: This is my first fan-fic AND online post of a created story. Please Bring me feed back. YES there are mistakes. YES its slightly NSFW and it will continue to be an erotica. Please send feedback, any is fantastic.' also i do believe the main character, Markus, is not a brony. please do explain where you go the idea he was. if anything he is the opposite. until he arrives at flutters.
1098652 Usually, people don't send feedback on the things they don't want to see. And it matters not if it's your first fic ever. You know that one story? Oh, you know, Soulrend? Yeah, that's a first fic, and look at it. F**king look at those likes.
Anywho, onto the, ahem "feedback".
1: Capitalize the 'i' when not in a word. EX: I went forth into the wilderness.
2: Grammar and spelling. As stated before, they're atrocious. The sentences themselves are mangled and sound awkward. Just read them aloud, you'll see.
3: Story: This deserves it's own section.
----
The plot moves faster than the world's fastest cheetah on Catnip, and Markus's actions have no rhythm or reason. We're briefly introduced to his life before he takes his own life. That said, Fluttershy has a crippling fear of all things foreign. So why would she randomly kiss a stranger after their first meeting. And going back even further, why was the portal even opened in the first place? It's so random that it deserves it's own mention. I mean seriously, putting that portal in the story there is like Master Chief randomly finding a shotgun during a 1V1 Sword Fight with an elite.
Overall, it feels rushed beyond belief, and it's just plain uninteresting. The genre has been done to death and this is just a stale reminder of that fact.
1098727 first off id like to say thank you for taking the time not only attempt feedback but to give great feedback at that.
reverting to the issues:
1) Yes I noticed that quite a lot. I was never really good at the subject of English in school. So that's why it seems all out of place with the I
2) same as one.
3) I never quite noticed that, but re-reading this piece, I'm going to agree with all of it.
So I believe this project is down the drain. Yes it took 3-5 months but hey sometimes hard work doesn't pay off. for now it stays as a reminder. You can argue i could bring this round full circle by keeping on at it but its a lost cause, everyone can see. but its here as a reminder and for show now.