• Published 12th Aug 2012
  • 1,293 Views, 53 Comments

Doobie and Magic Matt ruin Ponyville - Doobie



Two stoners named Wesley and Matt and transported to Equestria and turned into ponies.

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Hot! Too hot!

As the three fucks arrived at Fluttershy’s cottage Matt gave everybody a brief rundown of the plan.

“Wait. Who knocks on the door? Spike asked

“Doobie will, with his amazing costume she’s sure to let us in”

“Then what?” Doobie asked

“Simple, we uhh, kill the batman- I mean, the Fluttershy.

“Oh, seems simple enough” Doobie replied, knocking on Fluttershy’s door.

After a ten second pause the door slowly creaked open, revealing a Fluttershy who had obviously been crying.

“B- Big Mac? Oh, something terrible has happened! My chickens, they... Big Mac? Are you alright?”

Doobie quickly thought of something to say, while trying his best Big Mac impression.

“...Eeyup.”

“Oh, good. well, as long as you’re here you should come in. I’ll make some tea.”

Fluttershy opened the door wider and saw that two other ponies she had never seen before were with who she believed to be Big Mac.

“Who... who are your friends?”

Matt took this opportunity to speak up, introducing himself and Spike.

“Mornin’ luv, My name is Hercules the fabulous Wizard and this is my friend whom I have ventured across the seas with for many years, Purple Pete.

“Errr... Argg, yar be right in what ye be plunderin” Exclaimed Spike, waving his cute little sword around.

“Oh, you’re both friends of Big Mac? Please come on in, any friend of Mac is a friend of mine.” Said Fluttershy, in a rather less nervous tone than before.

The three ponies trotted in, closely followed by Spike. Fluttershy gestured the three to take a seat while she wandered off into the kitchen, probably to fix them some sandwiches and a spot of tea.

Doobie winked at Matt. He nodded back and signaled Spike to move his ass into position. Spike then moved towards the back of the room, looking for a weapon to hand to Matt.

“I think she’s coming back” Doobie whispered to the gang, peeking his head around the corner and into the kitchen.

Fluttershy walked back into the room, holding a tray of sandwiches with a pot of tea located in the center of the tray.

“I hope you like daisy sandwiches.” Fluttershy giggled

“I don’t actually, got any nutella? Matt questioned

“I don’t think so Hercules.” Fluttershy replied, as Matt tried not to laugh.

Spike couldn’t find anything that could be used as a weapon, Doobie noticed this and took the tray out of fluttershy’s hands.

“Oh, thank you, Mac.” said Fluttershy as Doobie put the tray onto the table.

Matt picked up one of the sandwiches and tasted it, promptly spitting it back out into fluttershy’s face making her squeal in fear and disgust.

“Now!” Doobie shouted as he tore off his mask to reveal who he really was.

“Doobie? What’s going on? Why are you here with a wizard and a pirate?”

At that, Matt and Spike removed their disguises, Matt keeping the wizard’s hat on.

“Matt? Spike? Why are you all here? I’m so confused...” Fluttershy stammered, obviously panicking at what had just transpired in her living room.

Doobie stood on his back legs, lifted up his right hoof and delivered a jaw-shattering uppercut to fluttershy’s buttery yellow face. With a gurgling scream Fluttershy flew across the room and landed in the blazing fireplace.

“Oh shit, she’s on fire!” exclaimed Matt and Fluttershy thrashed around in the fireplace, obviously in agonising pain.

Spike grabbed a bucket from the corner of the room not checking what was in it and threw it onto fluttershy hoping to extinguish her, but when the mystery liquid hit the fire it just doubled in size.

“That must have been oil or something!” hollered Matt and he held a his sandwich over Fluttershy to see if it tasted better toasted.
After a few more seconds of screaming and flailing on the carpet Fluttershy began to lie there, making a gurgling noise and slowly cooking.

Matt turned around for a second to discover that there had been a bucket of water behind him the whole time.

Matt picked up the bucket and poured it over the smouldering husk that was previously Fluttershy, extinguishing the flames and showing that although 95% of fluttershy’s skin was now extra crispy, she was still alive.

Seeming as she was unconscious Matt decided to take advantage of this situation. Walking over to Fluttershy Matt grabbed the butter knife from the tray and kneeled down beside her. The other two looked at Matt in anticipation, knowing that Matt + Knife = Bad. Matt lifted his hoof high in the air above Fluttershy’s right back leg, with lethal force Matt brought it down, partially amputating her leg.

“Gaaaagrrrraaahhhh” She gargled, as Matt raised his hoof once again.

“Erm, Matt... I think she’s still awake.” Spike pointed out

Oblivious, Matt started vigorously hacking away at Fluttershy’s now loose limb. His mere butter knife was no match for her hard bone, so Matt resorted to twisting and pulling the leg. Attempting to rip the leg from it’s socket, Matt placed his back hooves onto Fluttershy’s torso and began to heave as hard as he could. To no avail. All this did was cause her to suffer from broken ribs. Matt took a second to think this situation through.

“Spike! You still got that shovel?” Matt asked

“I left it outside, but I’ll go get it.” Spike replied

A few moments later Spike returned, bloody shovel in hand.

“Cheers Mate.” Matt said, taking the shovel from Spike.

Matt placed the end of the shovel inside the gash in Fluttershy’s leg. He then began to twist the shovel, tearing away at her muscle tissue. Blood pouring out all over the carpet as shards of bone littered the floor.

“Time for plan B, I guess” Matt shrugged, Jumping onto the shovel placed vertically inside the wound. The force of a fully grown stallion appling it’s full weight via a sharp tipped object was enough to cut through the bone. That did the job, separating the limb from the torso. The bone didn’t really get a clean cut, it was mostly more crushed than anything.

“And about time” Matt muttered, opening his mouth and raising the amputated limb.

“Don’t tell me, you’re not going to-” Doobie spoke

Matt placed his teeth around the large piece of hacked off limb before closing his jaw. He began to chew.

“Mmmm, ohhh.” He mumbled “This tastes great.”

Doobie and Spike watched Matt go to town on Fluttershy’s leg for a few moments before Spike looked away, not able to take in what he was seeing.

“I can’t believe we did this... I need something to calm myself down.” Spike said, as he went over and reached into Matt’s mane, pulling out a chunk of weed and some papers, which he then began to roll into a spliff and light.

“Good idea Spike, We’ve gone like, 3 hours without getting high as kites.” Doobie said, admiring the purple dragon’s skill at rolling.

Doobie and Spike sat down and took a few drags from the spliff while matt continued to eat his own species.

Fluttershy was groaning weakly, barely conscious and obviously in a lot of pain. Matt got up and went over to Doobie and Spike as he had finished the leg of pony, and wanted a few puffs of the joint before the other two smoked it all.

Ten minutes later they were on their way back to the library to get some well-deserved sleep.

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