• Published 12th Aug 2012
  • 1,290 Views, 53 Comments

Doobie and Magic Matt ruin Ponyville - Doobie



Two stoners named Wesley and Matt and transported to Equestria and turned into ponies.

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Trouble in Ponyville

“Run you fat fuck! This thing is gonna rip us new buttholes!”

“I’m going you nob gobbler!”

The two stoned ponies were running for their lives as the manticore chased after them, letting out spine chilling roars as it went. As it turns out, manticores do NOT like the smell of marijuana.

“He’s coming at us like flies to hot shit!”

“Don’t worry, ponyville is up ahead!” Wesley squealed, sounding more like a child being strangled than a manly stallion.

Wesley and Matt broke out of the treeline and thundered towards the nearest building, a small cottage. They both stopped for a second to look back and catch their breath.

“I can’t see it.” Matt whispered. “Is it still chasing us?”

They both trotted up to fluttershy’s cottage and were about to knock on the door when they heard a low groan that sounded like the word “Eeyup.”

“What was that?” Wesley whispered. “Let’s check it out.”
They moved over to where the window was to see two silhouettes in the curtains, one rather large and one very small. what sounded like moans and squishing noises could be heard.

“Oh my god, Fluttershy’s a whore!” Wesley exclaimed, pulling Matt’s head toward the window.

“Nice.”

They both slowly moved away from the window, before they took more than four steps they bumped into something furry that started to growl.

“Matt... do you hear what I hear?”

“I do... This furry wall is really hungry.”

“...”

the growling stopped and was replaced with a rather loud roar. Fluttershy pulled her head up from the plate of jelly and looked toward the window.

“Did you hear something, Big mac?”

“Nnope.”

The two stoned ponies looked at each other, both with facial expressions that said something they had said many, many times in the face of danger:

“Cheese it!”

**********

Twilight Sparkle was reading a steamy romance novel when she heard what sounded like screaming coming from the direction of the everfree forest. She went downstairs, careful not to wake spike who was snoring in his basket and opened the door.

“Is someone in trouble?” she said quite loudly.

She looked to her left, everything was normal.

She looked to her right, there were two ponies she had never seen before
being chased her way by what looked like a manticore.

She looked forwar-

Wait.

She looked right again.

Two stallions whose screams sounded more like fillies’ were barreling down the path with a very angry manticore behind them. Twilight had barely any time to think before she was pushed back into her house and the door was somehow nailed shut at lightning speed.

“What’s going on here?” Twilight said, confused and scared.

“Well you see we went into the everfree and there was this manticore and Matt tried to give to give it a hug but it doesn’t like the smell of weed apparently and it got really angry and chased us and fluttershy is a whore and now we’re here!” wesley said, obviously panicking.

“...What?”

“Manticores don’t like hugs!” Exclaimed Matt.

“...Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So will you help us with this manticore?” asked Wesley

“I... don’t see why not.”

Matt suddenly raised himself from the fetal position on the floor and up onto his four legs, for he had an almighty idea. Matt reached into his tangled mane and pulled out a flip knife and a small package.

“I got this.” Matt told the others. “You’re gonna want to see this, guys.”

Matt used the knife to open the small package revealing what was inside. Both Twilight and Wesley leaned forward, anticipating what Matt had come up with.

“What... What is that?” Twilight asked.

“Awwweehh yeeeaahh, Great thinking Matt!” Wesley said, leaning back, hitting his head on the wall.

“...Guys? What are you doing?” Twilight asked, her mane slightly messy and one of her eyes twitching from the stress of the manticore sniffing outside.

“Rollin’ a joint, bitch. what the fuck do you think we’re doing?” Said Wesley, who was trying desperately to roll a joint without fingers.

“SPIKE! GET THE FUCK DOWN HERE!” they both yelled. There was no answer.

Matt grabbed onto Twilight to stop her from chasing after Wesley as he charged up the stairs and yanked spike out of his bed, hollering in his face.

“Hey fingers! roll this shit for me!”

“Wha- what? Rarity?”


“Yeah it’s me, Rarity. And if you roll this paper I’ll make sweet love to you.”

“Alright!” Spike said, grabbing the joint and rolling it up like a pro before he had a chance to fully come out of his tiredness.

“Hey wait a minute... Rarity isn’t a stallion!” spike said, realising there was no beautiful mare in front of him offering to make love to him.

“I got something even better little guy.” Said Wesley, holding up the now rolled fat doobie.

“Light me.”

“Uh, sure.” spike said, puffing a small bit of fire onto the end of the spliff. Wesley went downstairs with spike where Matt was getting beaten up by twilight.

“Dude, leave him alone. It’s cool. Right spike?”

“Yeah, these guys are cool.”

Wesley took a long drag from the spliff and handed it to Matt, who took another drag out of it. Matt then handed it to spike, who stared at Wesley and Matt, confused at to what he should do.

“Just suck in and breathe in, little buddy.” said Wesley after blowing smoke into the room.

Spike did as he was told and was soon coughing his little lungs out.

“Spike! are you okay?” yelled Twilight, who was panicking at all of the crazy things happening around her.

“Y- yeah, twi... I’m *cough* fine... Better than fine, really... I feel...”

“Hiiiiiiiggghh!” Matt and Wesley chorused.

Wesley, Matt and their new pal spike sat near the corner all taking drags from the spliff laughing their asses off at a bug on the wall and shouting swear words at twilight as she panicked over what to do about the manticore outside.

“Are you guys going to help or not?!” she shouted at the three stoned guys in the corner.

“It’ll be fine, bitch. Loosen up. Fuck.”

“Yo yo, shut yo ass up.” Matt said, backflipping off of his pink floating pillow of smoke and magic.

“All ja gotta do is put da pointy bit on dat motherfuckers eyeball” Matt told Twilight, floating on over to her carrying the cloud of pink smoke with him.

Matt went on to hand Twilight the flip knife, which she took with her magic. Matt then returned to his throne. Which in reality was just a large book.

“Alright then party pooper, off you go!” said Wesley as he pushed twilight out of the window he had just opened.

“Wait! What do I do with this thing? What’s happening?” Twilight shouted as she fell out of the window, coming face to face with the angry manticore.

“He already told you, bitch! put the pointy end into him!” Wesley yelled, closing the window and curtains. He thought he heard screams from outside, but he dismissed it and went back to Spike and Matt in the corner and took another drag from the spliff.

“So what are your names?” Spike asked.

“Uhh.. My name? My name is...” Wesley stammered, trying to think of a name that a pony would have.

“my name is...” Wesley looked at the spliff in his hoof.

“Doobie. My name’s Doobie.”

“And i’m Magical Matt. At your service.” Said matt, Doing a little bow.

“Cool. So where did Twilight go?” Asked spike, looking around the room.

“Uh, she’s around...”

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