• Published 12th Aug 2012
  • 1,291 Views, 53 Comments

Doobie and Magic Matt ruin Ponyville - Doobie



Two stoners named Wesley and Matt and transported to Equestria and turned into ponies.

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Antics in the library

There was a loud knock at the door, thinking it was the weed fairy Matt stumbled towards the door, his mouth watering.

“Yo Matt, some home boyz come a boppin at our door, get dat motherfucker in here.” Doobie asked, not bothering to lift his head, unknowing that Matt was already inches from the door.

“Alright, but first I gotta get the door.” Matt replied with creepy smile upon his mug.

The door swung open as the pony on the other side was eager to enter the library. It wasn’t Twilight, but instead stood before the stoned stallion was a white mare with a red cross for a cutie mark.

“My name i- Wait....” She paused for a moment, studying the inside of the smoke covered library.

Before she could open her mouth, a clear semi thick liquid began to drip from above creating a small pool beside her. Confused, she looked up.

“Sweet Celestia, what is that?” She hollered

“Huh?” Matt mumbled as he looked up to see Spike on all fours climbing along the ceiling, his head spun around, his eyes fixed on the white mare.

“Oh, that's just Spike, he drools a lot.”

“I see...” She replied “Anyway, my name is Nurse Redheart and I’m here to tell you that there has been a terrible accident outside of your library.”
Matt signalled Doobie to come to the front door as he jumped up and yanked Spike down.

“Accident...?” Matt questioned.

“Yes, I’m sorry to inform you that the mare Twilight Sparkle has been mauled by a manticore” Nurse Redheart answered “She’s alive, barely, but as we gathered up her battered body and loaded it onto the ambulance. She lifted her head and Told me to make sure spike takes care of the library.

“How in the name of sweet smoking Celestia did a motherfucking manticore get his sweet ass here?” said Doobie, faking confusion.

“I blame the government, let’s start a march for safer streets!” Matt spoke.

“Nah, the government won’t care about a shitty march, what we need is a riot, that’ll get ‘em shitting themselves.”

Nurse Redheart lifted her hoof and used it to hold Doobie’s lips shut.

“So without a second of thought, you and your buddies are going to stage a full scale riot... for safer streets?”

Doobie looked at Matt and Spike, who were standing beside him with dumbfounded looks of their faces.

Nurse Redheart lowered her hoof, allowing Doobie to reply.

“Heeellll yeeeeaaahhhh” Doobie shouted, as he was joined by Matt and Spike attempting a victory dance.

“Hey guys, If you’re gonna start a riot, you’re going to need some of this!” Said Spike, rolling the fattest of doobies.

“SSHHHHIIIIIEEEET!!!” The two stoned stallions replied “Nice, going fingers.”

“Are you crazy? This doesn’t make any sense, plus Twilight trusts you to keep the library chaos free until she’s able to return.”

“Lighten up, bitch. Fuck.” Matt said, leading Nurse Redheart to the door. “We’re professionals, I’ve started a million safety riots back in England.”

Suddenly Matt looked at Nurse Redheart, his face filled with rage. For some unknown reason, probably because he was high, Matt had started to think that Nurse Redheart was some kind of monster; and proceeded to yell at her about something unintelligible. Matt then burst into the kitchen only to return holding a knife between his two front hooves.

“Fuck you, and fuck your marker!” Matt hollered in a menacing tone.

Nurse Redheart looked at Doobie with confusion, Doobie just shrugged his shoulders and looked back at Matt.

“Kick him in the nuts or something.” Spike suggested.

Moving towards Nurse Redheart, Matt commanded her to get out of his freakin’ head. The confused and frightened nurse backed toward door.

“I- I don’t know what hes talking about.... S- somebody make him stop!”

“Alright...” Spike answered and with one swift kick to the nuts, Matt was on his ass yelling curse words at fictional characters within his own mind.

“Sometimes he gets like this, we call it his angry hour” Doobie told the shivering nurse mare while kneeling down beside his drooling friend.

Doobie sat there stroking Matt’s mane telling him to calm the fuck down, as Matt struggled to fend off the many demons within his own mind. After a short struggle, Matt passed out.
He awoke a few minutes later after he was revived by Spike waving a hoofmade fan around his face, Matt looked around.

His vision still blurry as he hadn't yet recovered from his short nap, he attempted to finish his mission and destroy the marker. Searching around the library for an entire 30 seconds he came to the conclusion that the mysterious white ghost mare had fled the treehouse in fear of his almighty power.

“Coward!” Matt belched

“Urgh, crazy bitch. She couldn't handle the power” Doobie replied, Reaching for the bong. But to his shock his darkest fears were beginning to come true, for his bong was a shattered mess lying on the floor.

“Wha-What the fuck is this?” He screamed in horror

“This can’t be happening, I thought bad things only happened to poor people!” Matt screamed, tossing the nearest object into the air.

“I’m not poor goddammit! I’M NOT POOR!”

“Snap out of it!” Spike shouted, as he slapped Doobie in the pie hole

“You’re right... I don’t need it, just look what it did to Matt.”

“That’s Magic Matt, you filthy cunt.” Matt bellowed through a cloud of weed smoke.

“Magic Matt then,” Doobie replied “I think you need to calm the fuck down.”

With that thought Doobie wandered across the room trying to get his mind right.

“Ok Mat-” Doobie paused, frozen by the glaze he was received from Matt

“...Magic Matt,” Doobie continued “You need some time to get your mind right.”

“What are you talking about?” Matt replied

“I think... Maybe we should lay off the weed... For a short while.”

“I think you’re a pussy.” Matt chuckled

“What if I find you some chicken dippers? Doobie said with a wide grin

“I’d like that.” Matt whispered

“Alright Magic Matt. Fingers! Grab your shit and let’s go”

“But what about the library?” Asked Spike “We’re supposed to look after it aren’t we?”

“It’ll be fine, don’t worry about it.” Magic Matt replied

“But what if somepony tries to break in or what if we leave the oven on and there is a fire?

“It’ll be fine man”

“What if somepony needs to return a book?”

“Don’t worry about it man, it’ll all be fine!”

“Yeah, take a chill pill homes.” Doobie replied, walking towards the front door.

“Where are we going then? Spike questioned.

“Yeah, where are we going?” Said Magic Matt

“Fluttershy’s Cottage. We’re gonna wack us some chicken.”

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