• Published 12th Aug 2012
  • 1,290 Views, 53 Comments

Doobie and Magic Matt ruin Ponyville - Doobie

Two stoners named Wesley and Matt and transported to Equestria and turned into ponies.

  • ...

First encounter

Oswald the gravy genie reached down towards the gravy boat which he had spent many years imprisoned in. He lifted it from the ground and proceeded to cast it into the faces of the two humans who freed him.

“Ahhhh, dude! We wanted to go to Equestria, not have third degree face burns!” Proclaimed Matt as he and Wesley ran into each other panic stricken.

They both fell to the ground in a spectacular fashion, landing on a pile of used socks and Matt’s own vomit. They didn’t keep the place very tidy.
Having both been knocked unconscious Oswald sat down atop their bodies and continued to take multiple hits from the bong and watched the rest of the episode.

“Oh, I nearly forgot...” Oswald muttered to himself, placing a note that he had prepared earlier into Wesley’s back pocket. He also stuffed Matt’s jacket with weed.

“You’re gonna need it, ain't much weed where you’re going son”


Matt and Wesley awoke from their slumber. Before realising that they were not still in their small council house but instead they were in the magical land of Equestria. Matt was shocked to discover that all the time he was sleeping Wesley was lying on top of him with his face digging into Matt’s beloved crotch.

“Oi, What the flying fuck is this eh?” Matt asked

“Are we there? Did we make it?” Wesley replied

“Of course we’re here you stupid fuck, the question is why the fuck are you trying to suck me off? Are you gay or something?”

“First, I’m gay and you know it. Second, You’re an ugly piece of shit. Now the better question is, how are we gonna roll joint when we have hooves?”

“All I care about is that I don’t have some crazy fuck gumming at my new
belt. You dig?”

“You’re not even wearing clothes, fuckface.”

“... Ah... How about we just have a nice look around, shall we?”

“Hold up,” Wesley said. “We left all of our weed back in boring lan- I mean the real world! How are we supposed to think without weed?”

Matt stood up on his new four legs, planning to solve this problem by pacing around until he stumbled into the answer. As he did so a rather large clump of weed fell out of his leather jacket.

“I knew it, man... Walking around in circles always works! Unless you’re standing in the middle of the street.”

“Well at least if we fail at causing chaos and mayhem in ponyville we can always rely on weed to make any situation fantastic.” Wesley grunted, lifting his head up from the ground, looking up at the two colorful ponies standing before him.

“Whah? How long have you been stood there?” Wesley spoke

The two ponies, one a mare and one a stallion, just stayed silent and stood there.

“Well don’t tell me your life story then! You crazy cunts better speak up or I’ll get Matt to give you his patented flying right hook.” Wesley demanded, shaking his hoof.

The stallion looked nervous as Wesley began to get angry.

“What’s the matter... You scared? Matt! Get yo ass up and make these losers back the fuck up.”

“With pleasure, come ear sweetheart” Matt Creepily whispered in a voice best fitting the joker.

“Wait... Do I know you?” said Wesley, walking up and looking at the pegasus mare. She was only half looking at him though, as she had a lazy eye.

“Yo eyeball, What’s your name?” He demanded.

“D- Derpy hooves, sir.”

Wesley’s eyes widened as he recognised the mare two inches in front of him and squealed in delight.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t recognise you! I’m...” Wesley paused and went back to where matt was standing. Only to find that Matt wasn’t standing where Wesley left him, but he was making a mad dash towards Derpy, his arms swung wide open, a great big smile upon his mug.

“Derpy, watch out!” the brown stallion with the hourglass cutie mark shouted, as he turned around and delivered a painful looking buck to matt’s face.

It wasn’t just painful looking, it hurt Matt in ways only he could imagine, he fell to the ground, his smile bucked clean off.
“Ewwagghh... Dude.. jeeww brhooke maayhh jaw!” Matt gargled, in an attempt to make words, but instead the only thing that came out was blood and teeth.

“Dude, What the fuck, the idiot only wanted a hug! You didn’t have to buck him!” Wesley shouted in blinding rage.

“How would you like it if you went to give your grandma a big old hug and she turned around and kicked you right in the nuts? How would you like it? Huh?”

“I’m sorry,” the stallion said; “He looked rather menacing jumping towards her like that.”

Matt spits out a handful of teeth. “Why would I want to hurt you?”

“Come on matt, let’s ditch these fucks.” Said Wesley , picking up Matt and starting to walk away.

“Wait, stop!” Said derpy, trying to warn them about something.

“Shut up bitch! We do what we want!” Said Wesley, as him and Matt walked into the everfree forest.

“Did they just go where I think they went?” Said the brown stallion.

“Yep. They’re dead.”

“Can you hear that?” Derpy whispered

“I said hurry the fuck up Matt, you fat cunt!”

“But I think I dropped some of my teeth back over by Sir Bucksalot”

“I think they’re referring to me...” The brown stallion said.

“I think we should leave, before they do something stupid and we get blamed for it” Said the Gray mare, walking off in the distance.

“Hey look, a manticore! I wonder if he likes hugs...”

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