• Published 12th Aug 2012
  • 1,290 Views, 53 Comments

Doobie and Magic Matt ruin Ponyville - Doobie



Two stoners named Wesley and Matt and transported to Equestria and turned into ponies.

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The massacre at Fluttershy's cottage

By the time the two stoner fucks and the purple midget got to Fluttershy’s cottage it was dark and cold, Spike was shivering and matt’s nose was running.

Doobie knocked on fluttershy’s door a few times and sat down, waiting for her to answer it. They heard rustling and then hoofsteps, then the door opened with a very tired looking fluttershy on the other side.

“Y- yes? can i help you? It’s rather late...”

“Hello miss, me and my friends here were just on our way to ponyville when we spotted your wonderful chickens around their pen and we thought we may be able to purchase one of them from you.” said Doobie, with a big smile.

Fluttershy looked past Doobie to see Matt and Spike playing rock paper scissors, Spike winning every time because matt could only do rock.

“Spike? Who are these guys? Where’s Twilight?” asked Fluttershy, obvious confused and a little scared at the two ponies she had never met before.

“They’re cool guys Fluttershy, Twilight got mauled by a manticore so they’re taking care of me and the library.” said spike, getting up and walking over the Fluttershy.

“Oh dear! I hope she’s okay. You three should come in, it’s too cold outside. I’ll make some tea.” Fluttershy said, waking up a little upon hearing the bad news.

Spike and the two disgruntled gentlemen trotted into the cottage, Fluttershy went to the kitchen and put the kettle on, getting cups, sugar and tea bags from the various cupboards.
“So, what happened? Is Twilight okay?” said Fluttershy as she brang the tray with four cups of tea in.

“Awful business it was,” said Doobie, taking a sip from the delicious cup. “Me and Magic Matt here were just minding our own business getting a book out in the library when this manticore bursts through the door and grabs Twilight! Needless to say me and Matt jumped into the action and tried to stop the beast from devouring her, but alas we were too late and ge had already chewed her up quite a bit and swallowed her. After that I started to slap the manticore’s shit while Matt here went down through it’s mouth and into the manticore’s belly where he retrieved the battered Twilight. Of course she thanked us and was taken to the hospital after telling us to look after Spike and the library.”

“wow...” Fluttershy said, staring at Doobie like he was some sort of hero.

“but that’s not how it-” Spike said before Doobie gave him a light slap on the mug.

“So, where are you from?” Fluttershy asked, still admiring Doobie.

“Oh, we’re from, er...” Doobie stuttered, trying to think of a place in Equestria that was believable due to their British accents. “Trottingham.”

“Oh, Trottingham? I’ve heard stories about that place. There’s a little colt from trottingham who lives in ponyville, his name is Pipsqueak.”

Magic Matt’s stomach began to rumble, hearing this Doobie jumped to the point.

“So um... Fluttershy, we were thinking maybe we could take one of your chickens off of your hands.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I couldn’t split up the chickens. Please don’t be upset, but I’m going to have to say no...” Fluttershy said, hiding behind her mane a little and looking scared.

“Well, that’s okay. I’m sure we can find a chicken somewhere else, Fluttershy. We should get going now anyway, to check up on the library.” said Doobie, getting up and walking to the door.

“But what about the dip-” Magic Matt began before being stopped by Doobie.

“Well I guess we’ll be going now, thanks for inviting us over Fluttershy!”

“Oh, well I didn’t really invite-”

“Thank you again, Fluttershy.” Magic Matt interrupted, following Doobie and Spike out of the cottage.


As the three fucks left the cottage, closing the door behind them, Doobie and Magic Matt turned to Spike.

“Hey Fingers, head over to the coop and whack those egg laying motherfuckers.” Magic Matt said, handing Spike a rusty shovel he had just picked up from the ground.

“You mean the chickens? Spike questioned

“Bingo.”

“You want me to do what to them?”


“Whack em, you know... Smash their fuck ugly faces in.” Doobie answered, grinning ear to ear.

Spike stared at the two British stallions for a moment while contemplating the situation.

“Yo Fingers... We haven’t got all day.” Magic Matt said, oblivious to the actual time being early in the morning.

“You want me to murder Fluttershy’s chickens?”

“Yes.” Answered the two stallions

“Why?” Asked Spike

“Chicken dippers!” Magic Matt muttered in a delightful tone

“Spike... Are you trying to tell us that you’re too pussy?” Doobie Asked Spike.

“No, I just don’t want to kill innocent chickens.”

“Spike... Me and Magic Matt have only ever been nice to you, giving you weed, hanging out with you, getting rid of that Twilight bitch, And all we ask for in return... Is for you to scramble a few brains. Is that too much to ask?”

“I guess not, thanks guys! You’re the best” Said Spike, happily walking towards the Chicken coop, shovel in hand.

“Pfffff, not even you are that stupid.” Doobie chuckled turning towards Magic Matt only to find he’d fucked off with Spike.

“Urgh...”
Taking his time, Doobie slowly but surely arrived at the chicken coop. He sat down on a flat rock to watch the show. The show being Magic Matt and Spike mindlessly tear a family of chickens limb from limb for half an hour. When the massacre was over the two blood soaked idiots rejoined Doobie, holding 15 chicken corpses over their shoulders. Magic Matt reached into his tangled green and purple mane to take out his trusty cleaver, he began to vigorously tear away the chicken feathers and unwanted appendages. Magic Matt threw the chicken heads into a neat pile beside Spike, who was attempting to clean the blood off of the shovel.

“No need, spike.” Doobie said “That Flutterbitch didn’t want to hand over the chickens when we asked. So we’re going to make sure she’s in for one hell of a shock when she wakes up.”

“But she always wakes up at 4am to feed the animals!” Spike replied

Magic Matt dropped the tangle of chicken organs he was holding and looked at the moon.

“By the distance of the moon to the earth’s horizon, I’d say we’re fucked.”

“Cheese it!” Doobie said, getting up and sprinting away.

Matt and Spike picked up as many loose bits of unwanted chicken guts, heads, feet and feathers as they could and threw them into the chicken pen, then ran for it.

Fluttershy was in her kitchen getting some food for the chickens as the two ponies and the dragon were nearing the library, chicken bodies in tow.

From the library they heard a shrill scream, surely Fluttershy seeing what had become of her chickens.

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