Oh no, they're Goddesses now!

by James Pwyll

Don't Open the Box!

"So you're sure this is gonna work?" Adagio asked.

"Oh, certainly! It's all set up," Eris replied. "All we need now is for someone to come along, pick it up and open it. Simple, fun and utterly devastating." She cackled to herself, rubbing her hands eagerly."I swear, sometimes it's the pure anticipation of waiting to see it happen that's the best part!"

Adagio nodded, smirking to her chaotic friend, but as she lounged on that comparatively warm rock, just a short hop from the shoreline, she started to have doubts. "And you're sure this won't backfire? Because I seem to recall that your last attempts as sowing anarchy and mayhem didn't really pan out all that well for you."

Eris grumbled to that, folding her arms and just floating above her aquatic colleague. "It was just bad luck that day! How was I supposed to know that my apple would lead to love instead of war?!"

Adagio chuckled. "Well, at least some of us got some fun out of seeing a plan fall to pieces."

Eris naturally grimaced to the words, but her mood perked up immensely afterwards when, all of a sudden, she and Adagio began to hear the distinct sound of the rustling of trees. They looked on, seeing some mortal finally emerge from the woodland. It appeared to be a young man, with very curly-looking brown hair. Now, as Goddesses, this mortal wasn't likely to spot them unless they wanted to be spotted, and so the two looked on, smiling wickedly as their potential prey began to happily and obliviously wander along the coast, talking aloud with a merry tone. "Ah! Such a wonderful day! The sun is shining! The birds are singing! And I must say, the ocean is looking really beautiful today!"

Adagio pouted. "Oh, shame to waste such a polite one. He has good taste."

Eris rolled her eyes, but her smile returned shortly as the young man continued moving along the edge of the land. "That's it. Just a little bit closer. Keep walking and you'll find our little...treat." She snickered, and doubly so when the man actually noticed what she'd been hoping he'd notice. "There we go!"

Getting to one knee, the man rummaged around the base of the bush he'd just walked past, and after yanking down there for a while he pulled out the unexpected prize. It was a box, and a fancy-looking one at that, covered in ornate carvings and decoration. His eyes widened at the sight of it, complete with sparkles in his pupils. "Oooooh, pretty!" He smirked slightly. "Cheese, old boy, you've his the jackpot with this one!"

Eris clapped her hands. "Okay then, time to stop gawking and get to opening."

Adagio arched an eyebrow to her. "And you're certain we won't get in trouble for this? I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but having all the different evils in the world stuffed into a box and just leaving it for any mortal to find isn't likely to get us on Celestia's good side."

But Eris waved her off. "Oh, you needn't worry, my fishy friend. Her words was that we don't hurt them. She never said that they couldn't hurt themselves, now did she?"

Adagio watched her cackle to her own "brilliant" plan, but still seemed uncertain about it all. "Yeah...but since you made the thing that'll get this guy hurt, she might not be all that willing to listen to talk about distinctions like that."

Eris groaned. "Uuuuuuuuugh! When did so many Goddesses start getting cold feet these days?! Or tails in your case?"

Adagio sighed. "Well, this whole thing was your idea to begin with, so don't come crying to me if it doesn't go your way."

Eris ignored her, instead focusing on Cheese, who was still admiring his latest find. But the lad just continued to stare lovingly at the unexpected treasure in his hand, squinting at the thing for some time. "So...is it unlocked?" He tried opening the box, causing it to strain under his effort. Unbeknownst to him, Eris was practically salivating at this sight knowing her plan was mere moments away from coming to fruition. Cheese, for his part, continued to stress and strain against the tightness of the box. "Okay, little friend, you're a tough nut to crack, but I promise you, I'm tougher!" He pulled and pulled and pulled, and just at the point where it looked like he might shatter the box entirely with his efforts, the lid finally popped open. Both Eris and Adagio leaned forward, very keen on seeing what would happen next. And as for Cheese, he looked utterly horrified as he looked into the inside of the box for the first time. "No...no! This...this can't be!"

Eris laughed aloud. "Yes! Here we go! Let's see what utter random fun we'll get when this mortal gets the full force of the most terrible wickedness in this world!"

Cheese continued to grimace. "This...this is the most terrible thing! The worst thing ever!"

"Yes...yes...YES!!!" Eris bellowed.

Cheese reached into the box, and pulled out some small object. After pausing with some confusion, both Eris and Adagio squinted to see what it was, and when they did, their confusion grew. It appeared to be a candy of some sort, small enough to be held in Cheese's thumb and forefinger, and bright yellow in its color. The man himself looked utterly disgusted with what he'd found. "Ugh! Lemon! I hate that flavor!" He tossed it back in the box. "All that excitement and I end up with sour instead of sweet? Ugh! Not worth it!" He sighed, closing the box once more. "Well, I'm sure someone will like it." He perked up after having said that. "Hmmm, maybe one of the kids in the local village will like it? They'd be thrilled to get free candy!" He laughed. "Alrighty then! Time to turn this day around!"

Without even realising it, the Goddesses were watching him as he obliviously marched on, heading exactly where he'd said he'd go, looking like he had not a care in the world. Meanwhile, Adagio started to look rather amused herself, glancing up to her partner for the day. "Well, at least someone's happy today, eh?"

Eris, still bewildered, soon morphed into a look of pure rage. "Okay...that's it." Looking straight up, she reached out and stretched out her arm so long that a passing observer would have been forgiven for assuming it was made of rubber. It reached higher and higher and higher, all the way into the clouds. And after feeling around up there for a bit, Eris nodded. "Aha! Gotcha!" Then down she pulled, her arm snapping back to its normal length. And with it she'd apparently brought a very confused-looking Pinkie Pie.

The Goddess of Merriment and Celebration, who was understandably taken aback by her sudden change in locale, glanced around for a few moments before spotting Adagio, after which she smiled widely to her. "Hiya, Dagi! Having a fun day?"

Adagio chuckled. "Oh, trust me, Pinkie, it's been very amusing so far!"

But Pinkie's smile faded when she saw Eris' irritated expression. "Um...you doin' okay there, Eris?"

Taking a deep breath, the Goddess of Chaos finally got some words out. "Pinkie...do you remember what I asked you yesterday?"

Pinkie nodded confidently. "Yep! Fill that box with the worst things in all the world."

Eris' left eye twitched. "And what did you fill it with?"

Pinkie giggled. "Lemon candy! Duh! What's worse than that?!"

After staring at her for a long time, Eris turned away, taking deep breath after deep breath, during which Adagio scooted on closer to Pinkie and whispered to her. "Just so you know, I spotted a cutie on the shore I think you'd like."

As Pinkie squeed to the notion, Eris just rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Okay, new plan, get Sombra to fill the box next time!"

Comments

[Comickook]

Whoa. VERY amusing parody of the "Pandora's Box" myth. Loved that Pinkie filled the box with lemon candy instead of evil spirits. Joke was on Eris once again. :-D And at least Adagio was being a good enough sport to try to play match maker between Pinkie and Cheese.

All in all, the exchanges, characterizations, humor and general wrap-up are all well done in all the right places. VERY definitely looking forward to more of this series.

[Venerable Ro]

Sombra? Why would Sombra do something that'd increase his workload? Try asking Rainbow and Applejack, and tell each of them that the other said they wouldn't think of anything good. That'll get you some ideas...

[redandready45]

What a wonderful twist.

[FanOfMostEverything]

Ah! Such a wonderful day! The sun is shining! The birds are singing!

"The air smells like warm root beer!"
Adagio leaned over to whisper "What's root beer?"
"I think this may be one of mine," said Eris. "Or possibly Pinkie's."
"Should we abort?"
"Are you kidding? I want to see what happens now more than ever!"

Yeah...but since you made the thing that'll get this guy hurt, she might not be all that willing to listen to talk about distinctions like that.

Fair point. If you leave a hand grenade for a kid to find and they decide to see what happens when they pull the pin out of the weird avocado, the result shouldn't be on their head.

Okay, new plan, get Sombra to fill the box next time!

Then he'd just stuff Lemon Zest in there.

And that's how Cheese Sandwich become the Ponkifex Maximus!

[Ri2]

You know, Eris, this is kinda on you. What were you thinking, asking PINKIE for the worst things she could think of?

[Hazey Logic]

And now, as is traditional for me at this point...

[SeventhBrony]

Sees the title of the chapter, AWW, CRAAAA*!
Sees how the chapter ends, THANK PINKIE PIE!

[Twilight_Shimmer]

Eris, I just have to ask you this and seeing as you ARE the Goddess of Chaos, I have you doubt you can see my question from beyond the Fourth wall. How ELSE did you see this turning out by asking PINKIE PIE, the literal goddess of FUN to help you?

[DavisSentoV5]

I like lemon flavored candy, I'll take it

[Scholarly-Cimmerian]

Yeah, seriously Eris, what did you expect when you gave that job to Pinkie Pie?

[OmniFox]

At least this way Pinkie will get a keeper.

[Comickook]

10096663
Yeah. Plus a demigod son (this universe's Li`l Cheese).