Just an introvert who likes My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. I also like to write MLP fanfiction. Twilight Sparkle is my favorite pony.
A dazed alicorn wanders the streets alone, her mind and body numbed, acting only on instinct. Her only companions: the clicking of her hooves, the rain, and the feeling that something is missing, that something is wrong.
But it's only a distant, vague feeling that she can't comprehend as she walks on.
Page generated in 0.409 seconds
Total duration
719 users online
1,424,263 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Not bad a story. It really does leave questions such as what happened to 'her'
I absolutely despise it when an author doesn't tell us more about what happened that led to this. Feels like a cheap and easy way out of not bothering to think of something.
Upvoted and faved because I do like it.
9413757
There is a "story" behind what has happened, but that is not the focus of this story, nor is that the point of this story. The point of it being vague is to leave the readers guessing.
I think this is one of the first fics I've read that I genuinely disliked. It just feels like it went nowhere, told us nothing, and left us with no resolution or answers to any of our questions.
9413976
It didn’t tell us nothing.
It’s pretty obvious someone died, and from this line:
It was probably celestia
And twilight seems to be blaming herself for whatever reason.
Although, I don’t personally like the kind of stories that are very vague. So I do get where you are coming from.
9413976
I think that's the point of the story, to leave it up to us the readers to imagine what has happened. It meant to be unanswered, as us reader will think of all sort of crazy ideas about what actually happened.
Is this a one-shot? Because if it is, I just wasted 5 minutes of my time reading it. There is no context, there is barely any detail describing what happened, besides Twilight is sad. And it's rainy. I can assume that something bad happened, she lost someone important, and she's sad, wet, and cold. Oh, just add a bit of amnesia in there too, mix it up. At one point she doesn't know shit, the next there's a memory of something terrible happening? What am I, as the reader, supposed to get from this? Now add the marefriend character in. We don't know who this is, she could be chrysalis for all we know! In the end, I'm confused, you're confused, there's probably not going to be a sequel, and we're all sad from something that we know absolutely nothing about. This story is the most cryptic and puzzling story I have ever seen on this site, and not in a good way! This story doesn't leave the reader with their mind full of questions, that they're racked to get answered, no. Their brain is overloaded with too many unanswered questions, and what does the brain do? It sets it aside, gives up, and moves on due to lack of context and the lack of a possible sequel. It's like an equation. You can't solve it if there are only variables, so you just give up.
I’ll be honest, I like it when mysteries in stories are resolved. Yet while this wasn’t a... pleasant experience, per se, I don’t think that was the point. I think this was well-written, and your choice to leave the past unexplained comes across to me as just that: a choice, not a writing flaw. If you wanted to transport us, keep us guessing, and immerse us in the tone, mood, and setting if the story, you succeeded with me.
Other commenters have said that it seems like a waste of time to read something that seems to build up to a “big reveal” that never comes. I won’t say I myself wasn’t disappointed for the same reason; after all, people like climaxes and revelations because they simultaneously justify and release the tension of the buildup (or they don’t, and then it’s funny). Yet that disappointment seems strangely fitting with this story, an effective way of forcing some of the emptiness and frustration Twilight felt onto us. It’s not fun, but it’s poetic.
9414379
You get it. That's what I was aiming for, something more poetic, I suppose. Do you have any suggestions on how I would improve on this if I were to do something like this again in the future?
9414322
Yes, it is a one-shot. This was an experiment in writing something of a more atmospheric piece, and that may not be the correct term. It's left intentionally vague as to what happened so that it focuses on the feel of the story. Please do not take this the wrong way: it is intentionally vague because what happened is not the point. Telling or showing what happened would detract from what this story is, which focuses on the walk and the experience. There is a reason and intent behind leaving it vague, although it sounds like I failed in my goal.
With that said, or perhaps ignoring that, do you have any suggestions on how I could have improved this, aside from elaborating on what happened? Would a different ending have helped? I had thought about ending it differently, but I also thought that this was a good place to end it.
Empty
9414379
Good sir, you have saved me from the tediousness of writing my feelings on this, for what you wrote is exactly how I feel! I thank you!
Anyway, as I progressed into the story, I was reminded of a story I had read in the past. It had the same mysterious... perturbing, unsettling, feeling as this. I searched through my bookshelves, and here it is:
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
Equestria's last night is nigh. Next evening it will be ash. Twilight slips off with but the past to bargain with. Can she buy a future?Seeing as that was reviewed by the Royal Canterlot Library, you must have done something right on your attempt.
9414445
Maybe just give a little bit more backstory on what happened. I think that you did extremely well adding detail to your writing but I think giving the story just a bit stronger backbone would make it so much better.
9415075
Alright, thank you.
At first I felt this beautiful... The sadness! The grief!..
Did Twilight turn somepony into stone involuntarily? Why was she all alone? Who and why was that "marefriend"? Do you realise what "marefriend" means
? Or did you just intend on going for a female friend instead? Why are Twilight's memories so dim?
I was honestly expecting to know at the very least what had happened. To know the cause of Twilight's state. But
...
I might place this on a special bookshelf... But I have mixed feelings now
. So... here it goes.
Know, however, that this story is worth a like
.
9669308
Thank you.
I did make a mistake with this story's ending, in that it doesn't explain anything. In general, it's left open to interpretation. To answer as many of your questions as I can, Twilight is alone because she is grieving, confused, and angry, the marefriend is her significant other, and her memories are dim because of what happened: Twilight doesn't want to remember what happened, she would rather forget or suppress the memory because it's painful for her.
9414112
I'm a bit late here, but I do not believe it was Celestia.
A tall white mare appeared at a point and comforted her, saying not to blame "her", or to blame herself. Not sure if this is a memory though, due to the way she leaves. It can be assumed this is Celestia though. If it's a memory, that means Celestia at some point tried to comfort her after whatever happened (meaning she was still alive). If it's not a memory and happened in realtime, well, she's still alive.
Princess Luna also appears at a point, and she's described as tired, but in the entire description she is not tired because she lost something, but because she had seen Twilight's nightmares and etc.
Then, Luna says this:
"her" here referring to Twilight's marefriend. Which leads me to believe that something happened there, in their family or friend group, and perhaps whoever died got recognized for whatever had happened. I know the author likes to ship TwiDash, and while the marefriend was not given a color, she did have wings...
Not to mention, she constantly hears the cry of someone yelling her name, in such a way as if they were fearing their life. Assumedly, that would mean she was the only pony who could do anything about whatever had happened at the time, and I doubt someone like Celestia would scream for Twilight as her only saviour, during a day that was supposedly to be "the best day ever."
No, Celestia would look for her own way out of a situation like that, perhaps calling for help, but not in a scream of absolute fear.
Hmm... Or perhaps I am completely wrong about everything. The memory of Celestia was actually something she said while dying, "Don't blame yourself, don't blame her." The memory twisted into what it was because of her current state. The scream she hears constantly being Celestia screaming out of fear, not for herself, but for Twilight. Perhaps jumping in the way of something about to hit Twilight, protecting her?
It does sort of fit with the whole "the leaves have nothing to reach for as the sun is gone" idea that you've pointed out. Though if it is, I think it's not the best reference. Clouds go away, so that would mean the sun would eventually come back. If you're dead, well, you don't come back.
And maybe Luna's tiredness just wasn't described fully, with Twilight trying to block that out as she was blocking out the monument and the memory.
"You weren't the one..." ... to lose a sister.
Well, in any case, we'll probably never know the truth. The author refuses to give out extra information to give even a minor sense of closure, and the story isn't written to give that closure either...
... I am going to stop speculating, this has gone on for a lot longer than I thought I would write.
This was well written, but like many other comments here, the lack of closure leaves the story feeling empty. I know that's the entire point, but it still rubs me wrong regardless. Perhaps here and now, 3 years after originally posting the story, you'd consider releasing what truly happened as a comment?
Hell, I'd be happier just having it confirmed who it was who died...