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A Very Bad Reunion771 words
I'm Sorry, Mom1,423 words
The Manehattan Rehabilitation and Psychiatric Center1,079 words
Lunch, Dusty, and the "Happy Room"775 words

Lunch, Dusty, and the "Happy Room"

Lunch time had approached at the center, and ponies began filing out of their rooms to get some food. Despite feeling calm around his new roomates, Penn was still incredibly nervous about this place. Some of them looked incredibly sick, while others looked like they might explode from whatever battles were raging inside their heads. Penn wondered how many of these ponies were potentially dangerous.

The food line moved at a snail's pace. Today, lunch was salad and hay fries. The cafeteria seemed to be divided in half. On one side sat patients who were scratching themselves, shaking violently, swatting at invisible bugs crawling up their bodies, and sweating. On the other, sat the ponies who just didn't look right. They were talking to themselves, wearing bowls as hats, and just acting strange. One unicorn was enjoying his meal upside down on the ceiling.

Penn sat down next to Blotch and Bow, who were deep in conversation about something. "Hey, Penn!" Blotch said. "Enjoying yourself so far?" Shaking his head, Penn merely stared down at his food. "Eating in a cafeteria reminds me of lunchtime at school. Except, nopony's acting normal. It's creepy. I didn't realize how similar and different my old life and my new life would be." Penn really wasn't hungry, and only nibbled at his food. "Don't feel bad, kid." Bow said. "There is no "old life" or "new life". You only get one. Think of it as going to a different school. Classes are the same, yet different. The ponies are the same, but different. And the cliques are the same, but different."

"Why exactly is the room divided like this?" Penn asked, curious as to why the addicts and crazies sat away from eachother. "Because," Blotch said. "The crazies don't understand what it's like for the addicts, and the addicts don't understand what's going on inside the warzones known as the crazies' heads. They divided that way so they would have somepony that would understand them. The crazies don't know what it's like to have the shakes and cold sweats, just as the addicts dint understand what it's like to not being taken seriously when you say that purple is a trombone."

Penn was starting to understand. It was like how at school how the jocks didn't understand hit rating and having to quest into dark dungeons, while the nerds didn't understand touchdowns or how to get laid. Except the crazies weren't shoving addicts into lockers. At that moment, a twitchy unicorn with a moth on his flank sat down next to Penn. "Hey, kid, Dusty hasn't seen you around here before. You must be new here. Dusty can tell." Dusty said with a large twitch in his neck. "Ya think ya could do Dusty a favor? Dusty can tell that you're very young, oh yes. He can tell that your parents sent you here. Do you think that maybe when your parents come around for a visit that they could bring something for Dusty? Dusty needs some crack!" Dusty shouted, his face practically touching Penn's.

At that moment, two nurses grabbed Dusty. "Looks like Dusty needs more time in the "Happy Room"!" One of them said to Dusty. "NO! DUSTY DOES NOT NEED THE HAPPY ROOM! DUSTY NEEDS HIS HAPPY DUST!" he shouted, kicking and screaming as he was dragged out the cafeteria doors. "Happy Room?" Penn asked. "It's the one place in this building you never want to go." Bow said. "My first day here I attacked one of the nurses because they said it would be unwise for me to go outside unsupervised. They sent me there for a few hours. Those few hours felt like years to me. You have only yourself for company, and only yourself for entertainment. Not that you can do anything, considering they put you in a straight jacket. Trust me, you will do well to stay out of there."

Penn stared down at the remainder of his food. He pushed it away, not feeling hungry in the slightest. A bell rang, signaling that lunch had ended. Everyone got up from their tables, and walked back to their rooms. The whole place felt even creepier after his encounter with Dusty. All Penn wanted to do, was go to his room, lay down, and stay there until his parents came to take him home. He felt that he was going to go even crazier in this place.

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SwiperTheFox

SwiperTheFox #1 · Jan 16th, 2012 · · ·

It's a common mistake and I know that I've done it myself too many times to count. But it's killer for a reader to have a paragraph go on with multiple people / ponies / dragons / etc talking at the same time. I can barely stand it. And there needs to be a clear line between what the character says and what her or she thinks.

Personally, I do something like:
"What, already?" Spike asked, and he scrunched his face up in genuine surprise. He hopped down the steps. Wow, I can't believe Twilight did what she asked. That's nowhere near enough time.

-Brutus