A request by Papa Dragon:
Derpy and Twilight save the world with muffins.
“Come to me, my little ponies!” The hydia marched through Ponyville, snatching up ponies as it went. It stood larger than the town hall—a hulking, vaguely humanoid monster with legs like tree trunks and fingers that were as long as its forearm. Tucked into one arm, it had a basket made of living vines.
So many ponies were in that basket. The vines grew around them, slowly sucking away their energy. Roseluck, Starlight, Trixie and others recently captured screamed for help from inside the basket’s confines. The ponies the hydia had stolen earlier in the day no longer had the energy to scream. They hung loosely in their restraints, and soon it would be too late for them.
Twilight let out a laser blast from her horn, but it did nothing to the creature’s thick hide. Laughing merrily, the hydia reached out with its long, brittle fingers and snatched up another pony. Into the basket they went.
“There’s nothing we can do!” Twilight cried, firing blast after blast. She flew as she fired, careful to keep well out of the monster’s reach.
“No, Twilight. I can help.” Derpy’s speech was slow and a little slurred. Her eyes didn’t point the right away. But she held up a basket of her own, filled with muffins. “I know her weakness.”
“Derpy, no!” Twilight cried. “I know you want to help, but I can’t watch out for you right now. Just, fly away and hide somewhere safe while the adults—”
“No time!” Derpy pulled one of the muffins out of her basket. There was a pin sticking out of the side, and she gripped it in her teeth. “Fire in the hole!”
She yanked the pin and threw her muffin at the hydia’s head. It attached with a soft thump.
Then it exploded. The hydia’s head vanished at once, transformed into a spray of bone and gore. A wash of flame licked across the houses of Ponyville. Everything that was not scorched was sprayed with blood or chunks of hydia. Down to the ground, her basket fell. The vines slowly died, and the ponies within were freed.
Twilight stared at Derpy as they both landed. “What…?” She gaped. “How?”
Derpy only smiled. “I helped!”
9193871
On the plus side, I could punch it in the face. Doesn’t matter if the metaphysics mean it helps or not, would still be satisfying.
9194074
And I'm reminded of a Pirates of the Caribbean quote:
*Cap'n Jack Sparrow shoots the undead monkey*
Mr Gibbs: "you know that don't do any good!"
Cap'n Jack Sparrow: "it does me!"
...Well, that happened. :D
"High explosives, my one weakness!"
There's nothing a basket full of tactical muffins can't fix
"I know exactly what went right!"
Also, brilliant G1 reference.
You're making me want to do one of these, Jaxie.
9194493
Dude. Dude. Yes. Do it. You gotta.
You gotta.
~Skeeter The Lurker
9194493
Oh my God yes do it.
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I almost feel like it could have been the prompt "Twilight and Derpy save the world FROM muffins". Of course it would end with "Derpy eats all the muffins the end".
Grandma Nitrogen Bubble's recipe books include some really dynamite muffin recipes.