Chapter 5
I ran all the way home, and when I got there, I locked myself in my room. After I had changed into dry clothes, my brother came in to ask if I was ok, and I told him that no, I wasn’t, and that I wanted to be left alone but thanks anyway. He, shrugged but then left me alone. In all of the sixteen years of my life, I had never been so humiliated. However, it explained why Poppy hadn’t been trying to majorly embarrass me in front of everyone at school lately. She just wanted to save all the laughter for the show that would go viral in the first two minutes it was posted. She was giving me the ultimate punishment: giving me all the attention. She knew me well enough that getting people to ignore me wouldn’t do anything, and that I actually enjoyed it, so she decided to do the opposite in the last few weeks by making me star in her little sitcom. I still think that this was just plain evil. As I thought of this, Shining Armor knocked on my door and said my 3 friends had come to see me. I said ok, but wondered…3? As I opened the door, there were three people: Sunset Shimmer, Rarity, and Flash Sentry. They all looked concerned. I invited them in and asked what they were all doing here.
“Why, we were worried about you dear! Are you alright?” Rarity asked.
“Yeah, you ran out of the store really fast, which I guess was expected after what Poppy did.” Flash said.
“Hold on! Poppy made the video? I should have known that stuck up little princess was behind this!” Sunset said angrily. Wow, they were all really concerned about me. How sweet!
“I know you were there,” I said, pointing to Flash. “But did the video really reach you girls that fast? It’s only been an hour!”
“Yes dear, but word travels quickly, especially when Poppy is involved.” Rarity said.
“Your right. So, I guess the video already has about a million views?” I asked.
“Actually, it has 523, which basically means that only everyone in the school has seen it.” Flash said, looking down at his phone and thinking hard.
“Only everyone in the school?! That’s basically everyone who I didn’t want seeing the video!” I said, and then buried my face in my pillow. “Why is she so evil?”
“You can always get back at her, do something 10 times worse.” Sunset said.
“It doesn’t matter who saw the video dear,” Rarity interrupted, glaring at Sunset. “You are a splendificent person, and unlike her, you don’t need revenge because of that.”
“I guess your right. Poppy just likes attention, so I may as well give her what she wants. But there is no way I’m going back to that store, so I guess I’m back to square one.” I said sadly.
“Actually, I might be able to help with that.” Flash announced mysteriously. “After you ran out the store, I told Poppy to quit messing with people for no good reason, although I doubt she cared. After that I told her dad about it, and she’s in big trouble. She also found a janitor job at the music store. Then I also quit and was able to find us both a job, in the same mall, right across from the art store and boutique. It’s some ice cream shop, but it doesn’t require any prior knowledge, except knowing which flavor is which. I’ll be working the register again, so you won’ have to stress you speaking skills.” Flash finished with a wink
“You managed to lecture Poppy, quit your job, and find a new job for two people in two hours?” Sunset said, surprised.
I was surprised too, but not as much. Flash was the type of person who had things come easily for him. “Thank you. But why did you quit?” I asked.
“I figured I shouldn’t be working in the same place as someone so mean. Besides, I’d much rather work right beside you.” He responded, smiling warmly. I blushed as Rarity and Sunset gave me a knowing look that totally said, ‘I told you so’.
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- Thestoryteller · 3.1k words · 16 2 · 1.2k views
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You might want to post a link to your blog either in the summary because I had no idea what was going on trying to fit how everyone acts in the show.
To be honest this feels more like an OC with Twilight's name than it does her. That long paragraph in chapter describing Twilight's status at school and her relationship with Poppy was kinda rambling, frankly incorrect and was a big example of telling and not showing. The long descriptions of theirs cloths is also unnecessary, except of course for Poppy, and some minor spell checking would be good. Best of luck writing more in the future.
8942103
. In the future, the characters will most likely be a little different than their personalities in the show. However, I hope that you enjoyed the story. (Unless your the person who disliked me... then I guess you didn't....
)
Thank you so much for the advice. I admit I'm still trying to get used to Twilight's personality, so please excuse me if some things are not correct. Ill put a link to my blog in the story. The reason the descriptions were made was because this was a story that I used as an assignment for English class, and I guess I was a bit excited to post my first story I didn't double check and remove the unnecessary
I really appreciate the advice and your honest opinion.
Here is a link to my blog: https://www.fimfiction.net/user/327968/Glitz+Sparklehoof/blog
This story does have potential. I'm no expert on reviews or anything but I'll do my best.
From what I underatand, its Sci-Twi we're talking about. Her charater isnt... well, not OCC per say but not someone I picure as Sci-Twi(I'm not one to talk as when I write the charaters, they aren't always in charater either or so im told). It's a little off in some areas(and a little short in some chapters. On a side note, a chapter should be at minimum, a thousand words or readers will most likely ignore it). This story also has the issue of telling us more than showing. I apoligize in advance if im wrong but I'm assuming English isn't your first language as I spotted multiple errors along the way. I'm not judging btw. Just seems like it was.
But if it makes you feel any better, this looks vasly better then some of my newer stories. I'll keep an eye on you(not in a stalker kind of way
) and see how much you improve.
9197102
Thanks, I appreciate the feedback. English is my first language, but I admit this was kind of a rush job
9197390 Ah. My apologies then.
Seriously No AJ, RD, Flutters or Pinkie?
9208460
They'll be in future fics every now and then though!! I hope you enjoyed the story, most people don't.
Sorry, This was my first fic. and decided to only choose a few characters to start with.
Aj, Dash, Pinkie, and Flutters, I sarwy.
9208592
I did enjoy it. I get using a smaller cast.
Loving this fic so much that, screw it I'm pressing a like and adding it to my favorite list.
9263855
Thank you and glad you enjoyed!!!!
Awwwwwwwwww I'm really glad you liked it, the writing doesn't seem to popular if you read the comments.
I don't mean to rush but when are u gonna finish "The Nobody Next Door"?
9325273
Lol I JUST posted a blog. I need to put the story on hiatus for a while. Hang in there though!! sry to dissapoint. I promise itll be finished...eventually
Don't worry about it. If I have to wait a while just so the fimfic can come great then take all the time u need.
9325287
Thank You!!!!!!