Sometimes, when you see a delicate flower, its petals blowing in a breeze, it's best to preserve the moment instead of taking it with you. Sometimes, if you touch the flower in a wrong way, it may be too brittle to hold, and will crumble to ashes at your hooves. As we all know, there is no worse a crime than killing a flower, with no wronging against its name.
Lyra, while reading the newspaper, in her usual spot in the park, fails not to notice a beautiful yellow mare across the path.
Chapters (1)
"it's pedals blowing in a breeze," in the description. I might be wrong, but that looks like an error, to me. I /know/ that it's supposed to be petals, but I'm actually talking about "it's".
i like this
977739 Again I'd like to mention the no sleep part of this fiction. Please point out any more.
977796
I just hate seeing errors in the descriptions of stories (I just noticed that the title also says "pedals", please fix that). They really make me want to not read it, while this actually looked kinda promising.
Also, don't be so eager to advertise that you didn't put enough effort into this. That's what it sounds like when you say you didn't sleep enough.
977805 no sleep does not equal not a lot of effort. All it implies, at the most, is it's much easier to miss flaws than if I were wider awake. All my writing is off-cuff, so the amount of sleep will only slightly deter the quality of precise grammar, and hopefully never the plotline and whatnot.
Also on your point of descriptions, I whole heartedly agree. My apologies on it being bad. Hope the story makes up for it, at least a bit.
You may write some more chapters and get them published before posting it on EQD, but as far as it is by now it's rather good.
Bronydragon
Three words - That. Was. Amazing.
979285 977793
Aww, thank you :3 *hugs*
979117
Actually, I just had this as a one-off feel fic. But now that you have the creative ball rolling, this could be moments before Lyra meets BonBon? I'm liking this...
I'll have to get back to ya' on that one...
I think a fic about how lyra meet bonbon would be very awesome!
DO IT!!! FOR BUCK SAKE!
A few small errors here and there but a really sweet story. It makes me want to do another Fluttershy fic. But we`ll have to see. From now on I`m rating with Twilight Smiles so here goes:
Storyline:
Grammar:
Genre Relevance:
My personal opinion:
Awesome story I really loved it! Keep up the great work. This is sooooooo one of my faves.
Keep Moving Forward
Sparkle Writer
979393
Yes! Just what I wanted to read.
Bronydragon