A Captain's Purpose
by Present Perfect
WHOOSH! FOOM! KAPOW!
Fireworks coruscated off each other in the sky. Below, three fillies cavorted, cheering and squealing, around a stoic Tempest Shadow. She watched the fruits of her magic with the dispassion bred of familiarity, until her mood at last infected the fillies and they calmed down. Mostly.
"Yeah!"
"Whoo-hoo!"
"Do it again! Do it again!"
Go see the Cutie Mark Crusaders, Princess Twilight had said. They're the best at finding a pony's special talent. Don't come back without a cutie mark! So had begun the most dreadful afternoon of Tempest's life.
At least something had come of their efforts this time around. The visit to the Ponyville Hospital, for instance, had taught them that cauterization and manual bone-setting were not acceptable medical practices outside a battlefield.
Barking orders at Fluttershy's dogs had turned into them barking back and chasing the fillies up a tree.
A trip to the local grocery market had found Tempest wearing a tiny (stupid) paper hat, hawking soft drinks to ponies too frightened of her to approach.
She did not sing. Her poetry was lacking. Baking eluded her. She was exceptional at physical activity, but her complete domination at sporting events had made other ponies unenthusiastic about playing alongside her. The less said about her gardening skills, the better.
They had all been surprised, Tempest included, when she was able to paint a still life of flowers and fruit both somewhat accurately and in something like a short amount of time. Tempest still didn't understand the Crusaders' dejection when it didn't lead to a mark.
She had drawn the line at silly costumes.
But, as the white filly had said, the usual place to find a unicorn's special talent lay in what magical tricks they could do.
Tempest could do fireworks.
As she stood upon that hill, gazing at the sparks dancing in the sky, Tempest reflected how her once-mighty magic, a single blast of which could take down an airship at a hundred yards, was now reduced to mere foals' entertainment.
"That was so cool!" shouted the orange one, hopping and fluttering her wings. "Those fireworks were even better than Trixie's!"
Far below, somewhere near the heart of Ponyville, a gentle breeze drifted, carrying with it a faint but dismayed cry of "Trixie heard that!"
Tempest rolled her eyes. "Are we done here?"
"Well, that depends," said the yellow earth filly. She gazed up at Tempest with earnest optimism. "Are ya havin' any feelings like maybe them fireworks're your destiny? Are ya perhaps overwhelmed by the sense of accomplishment at discovering your life's one and only truest purpose?"
Her grin stretched across her face.
"No," was the flat reply.
The grin fell, but only for a second.
The white unicorn piped up with, "Well, that's all right! I mean, my special talent isn't related to magic, either. There's still time in the day for us to try wakeboarding, or--"
"Stop," Tempest said. Her irritation must have been showing, as the fillies huddled together, staring at her.
Taking a deep breath, Tempest closed her eyes. "I am not interested in continuing to play your silly games. Princess Twilight sent me to you to earn one of these... nngh, cutie marks. And while I do not intend to disappoint her, neither am I willing to put up with your collective ridiculousness any longer!"
"Aw, Tempest!" the yellow filly pleaded, stepping forward and putting a hoof to Tempest's foreleg. "You can't give up now! Sure we ain't been anythin' like successful yet, but... Maybe we could go back to art! You did real good with that painting, so what about sculp--"
"No!" Tempest yanked her leg back. "I would rather be left to my own devices than put up with you three any longer!"
"W-what?" The yellow filly backed up, confusion and hurt mingling on her face. "You mean you don't want our help no more?"
"What is with you?" The white filly scowled and stamped a hoof. "I don't get you! It's like you don't even care about cutie marks!"
"Now, girls," said the orange one, "let's all calm down and--"
"I don't care about them!" Tempest bared her teeth, and the fillies shrank back from her. "All I care about is fulfilling my princess's wishes! The only reason I want to get this stupid mark is that she ordered me to!"
"Well you don't have to be so mean about it!" It was the yellow filly's turn to glare at her. "Ever since we met you, you been nothin' but a... a jerk to us!"
"Girls, please," said the orange pegasus, sweat running over her brow, "can we not do this?"
"The only reason we agreed to help you," cried the white one, "is Princess Twilight said you'd changed! And maybe you're not trying to take over Canterlot or enslave ponies anymore, but you're still just a big bully!"
The yellow one stomped and made for the edge of the hill. "You know what? I've had it! I don't even care if you get a cutie mark!"
The white one followed her. "Me neither!"
"Fine!" shouted Tempest, drowning out the orange one's protests. "Then allow me to go back to the castle, where I belong, and resume my guard duties so we never have to see each other again!"
A funny thing happened then.
As Tempest stalked away, the fillies' expressions turned from shock, fear or anger to daft wonderment as they all stared at Tempest's flank. She only noticed because they had gone perfectly silent, which ever so slightly unnerving.
"What are you all..."
She turned her head. She blinked. Her jaw dropped open.
There, upon her flanks, where once had been only bare purple hair now stood a pair of images depicting two silver wings curling up around a pink star.
"You... you got your cutie mark." The yellow filly's voice was reverent.
"By... yelling at us?" The white one was at a total loss.
"Congratulations?" said the orange one tentatively, nudging her friends. "Whoo-hoo, cutie mark, hooray maybe?"
Tempest snorted. "Ah. It seems that wasn't so hard to do after all. I suppose some thanks are in order. You did, after all, at least try to help. Farewell, then!"
"Ugh!" The yellow filly scrunched up her nose, looking ready to get back into the yelling match. Her muzzle was covered by a white hoof.
"Come on, Apple Bloom, we did what we told Princess Twilight we'd do. Let's just go."
"Yeah, you're right. C'mon, Scootaloo, let's go."
As the two fillies and one mare parted the hilltop, the orange pegasus looked between them frantically.
"Girls, wait, stop, we need to... Girls?"
She gave one last glance to them before turning and running off.
"Tempest, hold on!"
Tempest gazed out over the pond. She was just lucky enough to watch a single great, silver fish leap from the water and narrowly miss catching a dragonfly. Other than the splash as it met the water's surface, there were no other sounds in the air this far out from Ponyville proper.
Other than the little orange filly panting and calling her name.
"Tempest! Finally... found... you..."
Tempest only gave the filly a glance before turning back to the pond. After the filly caught her breath, she, too, sat down beside Tempest.
All was quiet.
"I suppose you're here to ask for an apology," Tempest said at length. "I was rather... harsh. With you and your friends."
"Mm. No. At least, that's not why I followed you."
"Oh?" Tempest regarded her out of the corner of her eye. Mussed mane, suggesting a lack of vanity. Wings on the small side, even given her size. She just sat there, gazing out over the water as Tempest had, with no trace of her crazed rambunctiousness from earlier.
"Hnn-nn."
"Mm."
A great bullfrog emerged from the water, scrabbling onto a lilypad. After it had attained purchase and righted itself, it set about croaking, a king upon a throne.
"I have to admit, I was disappointed initially," said Tempest.
The filly didn't move. "By what?"
Leaning back, Tempest shifted her gaze to one of the thin clouds high in the sky. "When the princess told me of the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders', I thought... Well, first I thought 'cutie mark' was a silly word."
"Silly how?"
"Well..." Frowning, Tempest looked at the filly. She was still watching the frog. "Where I come from, we called them 'flank marks'. 'Cutie' is just... ridiculous. Childish."
"So you never cared about flank marks, even when you were a filly?"
"Not to the degree I gather you Equestrians do. And my time with the Storm King certainly didn't change that." She cocked her head. "Is getting one some sort of... rite of passage?"
The filly shrugged. "I guess so. They're pretty important. I mean, my friends and I tried forever to get ours."
"I see." Tempest rolled her next words around in her mouth for a bit. "And why was getting your mark so important to you?"
"It's a... a symbol of who you are. Like, who you're supposed to be." She sniffed. "Also, if you get one, other kids can't tease you for being a blank flank anymore." Her ears drooped. "That happened to us a lot."
"Ahh. Children can be most cruel." Tempest scanned the treetops. "I suppose that explains why Princess Twilight gave me the cloak." She tsked. "Yet another reason I was, shall we say, upset with this situation."
"How come? Don't you usually wear armor?"
"Armor is for protecting," Tempest said quickly. "Cloaks are for hiding. I resent the implication that I have anything to hide. In my village, getting a flank mark was no big occasion, so no one mocked you for having or not having one. It just... happened sometimes, and if it didn't, well..." She shrugged, waving a hoof at the frog. Startled, it leapt back into the water. "Oh well."
"That's just so weird." The filly chuckled. "Sorry, but I can't imagine not caring whether you get your cutie mark. I mean, that's why we formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders in the first place. But I can maybe see how we got a little more... enthusiastic. Than maybe you wanted."
Tempest nodded softly, turning back to the water. The final ripples from the frog's descent broke against the reeds. Nothing else happened, but slowly, a small smile came to Tempest's lips.
"You know... The word 'crusaders' was perhaps the biggest source of my disappointment."
The filly looked at her, question evident in her expression.
"Part of me was hoping I could win the mark in honorable combat." Tempest chuckled. "But when I heard 'crusader', it..." Tempest leaned back, closing her eyes. "I though about ponies whose life's goal is to protect something important. Warriors, fighters, noble heroes defending an ideal."
She licked her lips. "When I think of 'crusaders', I picture mares in full plate armor. With capes. Bearing inspiring standards as they charge across a battlefield toward their next victory, muscular flanks heaving, sweat coursing over their brows, ready to sweep you off your hooves to some far away..."
Coughing, Tempest sat back up. "Well, you get the idea."
"Oh," said the filly. "I guess I'd be disappointed in us too if I was thinking about, uh, muscular mares. N-not that I am, I swear! I mean, who would, ha ha!"
Tempest peeked at her; she was shifting in place and biting her lip.
"What's your name again?"
"Scootaloo."
"Scootaloo..." Tempest nodded. "And how old are you?"
"I turned twelve this year. Why?"
"I was..." Tempest's mouth went suddenly dry. Her vision tunnelled. "I was eight when I lost my horn."
The filly stilled, gazing at Tempest in soft wonder. "What happened?"
In the center of Tempest's forehead, the old, familiar ache resounded.
"I was playing with some friends. Our ball bounced into a cave in the woods." Her gaze cast downward. "I... ignored the warnings about the cave, the calls from my friends to leave it alone. I was too focused on retrieving the ball. The next thing I knew, there was this... bear monster, covered in stars."
Scootaloo's eyes widened. "You were attacked by an Ursa? And you lived?"
She stood, and it seemed for a moment that she was ready to resume her rambunctious filly routine. But the spark of excitement quickly faded from her eyes, and she shuffled her hooves.
"But... why couldn't they fix it?"
A pang shot through Tempest's chest.
"My village is small and rural. We didn't have a full-time doctor. By the time the old healer passed through on his rounds, it was too late to do anything but let the break heal over." Tempest glanced off to the side. "I left not long after."
"Oh." Scootaloo continued to study her hooves. "What about your friends? Didn't they miss you?"
"Like I said..." Tempest's voice caught in her throat. "Children can be cruel."
As though prompted by some signal, the two turned back to look at the pond. A kingfisher darted out over the water, then back to the branch of a dead floating log, again and again. With each lap out, it would skim the pond's surface, though it had yet to catch anything.
"My wings are too small for me to fly."
Tempest glanced at Scootaloo, saying nothing.
"All my life, all I've ever wanted to do was fly. Even little baby pegasus foals can fly before I can." She ruffled her wings. "The doctors say that, if I practice enough and build my wing strength, then it's possible I could. But..."
Scootaloo licked her lips, leaning forward as though peering intently at something just beyond the kingfisher's perch.
"Sometimes, when it's been a long day, or if Rainbow Dash has been encouraging me a lot, or if I'm just... you know. Just sometimes. Sometimes, I think that I'll probably never fly at all. That there's something wrong with me, and nothing I can do will ever fix it." She closed her eyes. "Sometimes, I know my wings will never grow in."
Not knowing what to say, Tempest said nothing.
"But I also think about Apple Bloom sometimes."
"Is... That's the earth pony. Your friend?"
Scootaloo nodded. "Yeah, her. She can't fly either. She wasn't born able to. And there's nothing wrong with her."
She shifted around a bit. "Sometimes I think that means there's nothing wrong with me, either."
A wind blew through the reeds, sounding a soft, unfocused melody.
Tempest smiled. It was small but genuine. "Quite the wise thing to say."
Scootaloo's face reddened, and she looked away.
"Is that why you followed me?"
"I-I..." Scootaloo swallowed. "I wanted to ask about your horn. And I didn't want you to feel, um... What's the word?" She tapped on the side of her head. "Alienated?"
Before Tempest could inquire, she continued. "I mean, my friends and I have had fights before. We've said some really mean things we regretted and apologized for later. So I know this'll blow over. But I thought, maybe if I went with them to try and smooth things out, well, you might feel left out. And that you might need somepony to talk to. Even if maybe you didn't want to see me again so soon."
"Well." Tempest watched the kingfisher fly away with something flopping in its beak. "I certainly can't complain about the conversation."
After a few more moments of watching the bird fly, Scootaloo said, "How come you didn't go right back to the castle?"
Tempest grunted. "This pond is just so tranquil, don't you think?"
"Oh."
The filly licked her lips. "Well, if you ever need somepony to talk to, you know, about whatever, I wouldn't mind. I mean, just if, you know, you're okay with it."
A fin broke the pond's surface, but what it belonged to, neither of them could see.
"I'm supposed to be a Friendship Guard," Tempest said to nopony in particular. "I suppose that means I ought to start practicing friendship. Having a pony to talk about... whatever with. That doesn't sound too bad."
She started as a warm weight wrapped around her leg. She stared down at the filly hugging her.
"I'm sorry Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle said mean things to you," she said in a rush. "I'm glad you got your cutie mark, and I think you really have changed."
"I..." Swallowing, Tempest looked around the glade, tracking everything she could lay eyes on. "I suppose I shouldn't judge all foals the same. Or take out my irritation at the princess on them. I am sorry too, for... for treating the three of you so poorly. Now and back in Canterlot." She squeezed her eyes shut.
"I'd never before considered my childhood lost, or cared that it was. And like with the cloak, well..."
"It's okay." The weight released her. "Apology accepted, Tempest. I'm gonna go see how my friends are doing. I'll talk to you later, okay?"
"O-okay..." Tempest shook herself.
"Bye, Tempest!" Smiling, Scootaloo dashed off, stopped, waved back at her, shouted, "I'll tell Pinkie Pie to make your party a cute-ceañera, too!" then dashed off back up the hill.
Tempest watched until she disappeared over the crest, wondering just what that had meant.
"I NEED TO THROW A WHAT?"
Somehow, Friendship Castle had never looked more inviting as Tempest approached it, flank marks -- cutie marks -- fresh on her sides. She was even more pleased to see Princess Twilight trotting out the front doors to greet her, smile wide on her face.
When the two were close, Tempest swept the cloak off herself in a dramatic flourish and bowed low.
"One cutie mark, in duplicate," she said, "just as Your Highness commanded."
"Oh wow!" Twilight, grinning clapped her hooves together. "Tempest, this is great! I'm so happy for you! Oh my gosh, and that looks like..."
Tempest flinched as Twilight brought her nose very close to her flanks.
"Is that my cutie mark in your cutie mark? It looks just like my star!" The princess's eyes twinkled with wonder. "Is it even possible to get somepony else's cutie mark as your own? This is so incredible! It's just too bad we won't have any time to study it right now."
Rising, Tempest gave her princess a confused look.
"No time to study it? Why not, Princess?"
Twilight chuckled nervously.
"Ah, well, you see, the reason I came out here to greet you when I saw you coming is..."
Tempest bristled as a pair of hippogriffs, clad in full armor and carrying spears, emerged from the castle's double door. They both bore the scowls of loyal guards carrying out important orders on a time table.
"Princess Twilight Sparkle," called one of the guards, voice severe, "can we assume you are now ready to answer for your crimes?"
"Ha ha, yeah, sure!" Twilight waved at them before turning back to Tempest, a fake smile plastered across her face.
"I have some bad news!"
Children can be cruel. But they can be very wise.
Ah. Right, the whole pearl theft, thing.
8944491
You'd think that ending the Storm King's Empire would make up for that. Not to mention that Queen Novo already banished them for it if I remember correctly.
Then again, going by Equestria's track record with foreign relations I wouldn't be surprised if hundreds of hippogriff soldiers were stuck in the Storm King's dungeons for days or weeks simply because the ponies just sent his troops back home across the border without even considering to check if they had any other prisoners left or if they should help the other countries with rebuilding efforts. In that case I'd probably be pretty miffed as a hippogriff, too.
This is just my personal opinion, and shouldn't effect your story any, but:
Personally, I don't feel like Tempest should even have a cutie mark. Not that it's impossible for her to gain one, or that no one would want her to at least try, but because of the fact that it kind of feels like (in my mind at least) it detracts majorly from the parallels of her past motivations. Under the right circumstances, which didn't happen, Tempest could have essentially filled Twilight's role in becoming Celestia's prized pupil. This wasn't just what she wanted, everything was pointing toward that happening up until her horn broke.
Even post redemption, Tempest's broken horn and scar are as much an indicator as who she is and has made herself become as any cutie mark, for better and for worse. I just feel that giving her a cutie mark detracts from that.
Again, just my personal opinion.
I'm assuming the 'i have to throw a what' is from pinkie.
8944539
You would be right!
I've been looking forward to more of this story! I love Tempest's mark already and I am looking forward to more!
-cue one fear toot, right in the royal snoot-
Oh my God Twilight
8944536
The fact Tempest has a cutie mark is a sign towards her new found destiny as Twilight's Guard, it is her leaving her past behind and embracing the future ahead.
8944584
While I understand that sentiment, I also disagree with it. It also embodies a sort of defined "purpose" that doesn't really mesh well with Tempest's past, present, and future.
My guess Tempest will perform her job duty and end them in 2 seconds flat
Okay, this is ridiculous (might be, we don't know the situation yet!). You can't send guards to collect a princess for punishment. Not only can another kingdom not just waltz in and pick up people from another kingdom's territory to apply their laws to them, doing so to a head of state is automatic grounds for war.
Not to mention if you're going to do that, Queen Novo should be extradited to Equestria for punishment, because she refused to cooperate and since the two nations are apparently ancient allies, I'm sure that must violate some accords. Not to mention that the entire world was at risk due to Novo's refusal to help free the Sisters who carefully manage the heavens - leaving their powers inert and then the world dies from freezing on one side and dessication on the other, or worse, in the hands of the Storm King such godly power stops being a duty and becomes a whimsical weapon of worldwide subjugation.
For not doing her part to protect the world, she made stealing the pearl a necessity from any logical point of view. Her wishes mean less than nothing in the face of worldwide domination or destruction. Honestly, if someone had the one item that could save the world from annihilation, and they say 'no' when you ask for it, what would anyone of any sense do? "Okay, the world is going to die because I respect your wishes. Billions of people mean nothing in the face of the sanctity of your possessions." or knock them out, take it, save the world, and tell them to get over themselves afterwards?
We'll just have to see how this plays out!
8944680
Shouldn't Tempest also be arrested for helping destroy their civilization?
8944721
I heavily doubt any form of diplomatic immunity applies when you're the princess of a conquered nation at the time of the crime.
As for the guards actually being any form of a threat, do you really think Twilight would want to actually fight against them?
8944680
That would be rude. She'd at least give them a free punch.
8944725
Considering Queen Novo and Princess Twilight were both the acting heads of state and leaders of conquered nations at the same time I'm not sure where that sentiment's going, friend. If anything that just lends more credence to the theft of the pearl, to restore both nations.
And my point with the guards has less to do with Twilight and more to do with the other members of the Crown. Until we know more we can't say why they're allowing this. Or if Novo's sent some kind of stealth mission to capture Twilight and the other Princesses don't know of it, which is even further grounds for war.
8944739
A ruler forced to flee from their home as it's occupied by an army is not an acting head of state.
8944740
Until we see more (we need more of this, PP!) we can't say for sure what's going on. It might be just a symbolic gesture that all the Princesses agreed to, and Twilight's not in any real trouble. Like "Come to our house and read an apology speech."
Or Novo could have actually sent ready-to-pounce soldiers after a leader of the most powerful nation we've seen in their world, despite her precariously weak position and decimated forces and population, to exact punishment according to her desires or laws (same thing when you're an absolute monarch), possibly guilt-tripping Twilight to make her comply with being tossed in a prison or something. Which would be utterly stupid and I can see Equestria and the Crystal Empire kicking the snot out of Novo's forces for this.
Not knowing is getting to me!
8944745
Being the only remaining leader of her people, yes. She remains the acting head of state, and it is her duty to her subjects to see that state restored by any means necessary. If you're going to bring up specific legal or constitutional clauses, I highly doubt ours actually apply directly to magical monarchies in an alien world. Even if they did, they would then still apply to Novo. Her kingdom was flat-out destroyed and she's hunkering down with the refugees. Any laws surrounding the pearl should not have been in effect due to lacking sovereignty, if all that was to be true.
8944756
That is not how being an occupied nation works. She held no authority.
8944764
Then neither did Novo, as stated, friend. You're also basing this on real-world human understanding, which I covered in my last post. I see that you will see things as you will, and I will do the same. So for now I bid you adieu on pleasant terms! Like you, I am anxious for more on this story.
8944764
You assume that Equestria had no line of succession or "designated survivor", and that the Storm King conquered all (or a majority) of Equestria, not just Canterlot. It takes a lot more than sacking the capitol to occupy an entire kingdom.
I have to agree with Scootaloo; the idea of an equine society in this world where cutie marks are just a thing that happens is downright bizarre. Still, fantastic conversation between her and Tempest. (And say what you will about the Crusaders' methods, but they certainly get results!)
Also, Twilight beign excited over her mark in another's feels kind of weird given Shining Armor.
Definitely looking forward to seeing how the aftermath of the pearl incident plays out. As others have noted, this could lead to a pretty darn massive political brouhaha.
Ah, this will be fun.
Well, this should be interesting. You have my full and undivided attention.
8944833
Actually, if you consider any supplemental material canonical, or even just the implications of certain shots, we do know that they conquered a large amount of Equestria.
8944894
I know from the comics that the Storm King conquered a good deal of territory outside of Equestria (Abyssinia, etc.), but no idea how much of Equestria itself he occupied besides Canterlot. My thought is that until the next Equestrian leader in line signed a formal surrender, or until SK conquered enough territory so that there was no unconquered Equestria remaining, then officially Twilight was still the acting head of Equestria's government. Until she was captured, of course, then the position would fall to whoever was next in line (Blueblood? Shining Armor? Sunburst, acting as Regent for Flurry Heart?). As Aurora D pointed out, this is all speculation based on human-world rules. In truth we don't know enough about Equestria's political system to say, and even if we did, Present Perfect can write something completely different for this story.
8944745
Making defiant radio broadcasts in-between baking cookies for all the neighborhood children.
Bet that twit deGaulle never did any baking.
Oh boy. Here's hoping the reason she had to leave her home and try and steal that pearl being there to speak for her own actions helps.
If not...here's hoping Tempest knows how to be a lawyer.
8944725
It did for the King of... I think it was Denmark during WW2.
Although they did give the land of his hotel room to him as his dominion.
I also doubt that they managed to subjugate the entirety of Equestria. The capital region, sure but I doubt they took control over Cloudsdale and Appleloosa and all the other outliers.
This retelling isn't entirely accurate. In the flashback, we see Tempest's friends encourage her to go into the cave, so her friends weren't telling her to leave it alone.
BUCK's tumblr comic designated them as QT marks in some ministry paperwork, abbreviation for "Quo Talentum" or 'the talent' mark. This obviously ends up as Cutie mark when spoken. It's been my head-canon ever since.
Might wanna change that range...ten yards is only 30 feet. Twilight regularly sends out blasts of at least 3 times that and even more when at full output. Given that twilight is, at her normal power, stronger than tempest and much less physical which led to her capture I would say that 60 to 75 yards would be more realistic of a range. Just one readers opinion. But to put it in perspective, twilights power when amped up on 4 alicorns worth of magic during her fight with tirek was making realm shaping shots at hundreds of yards. if we go on the theory that she is about 4 feet tall then her flight into the mountain would have been over a mile. Meaning that her blast after that when tirek is flying at her is at least a half mile in distance. That is 2640 feet, 880 yards. Dividing that by 4 to get to her full maximum range gets 220 yards. So going on that note 75 yards being approximately a third of an alicorns power would be quite respectable. Your story, just my thoughts, love the work btw.
Sweet little chapter, the conversation between Scoots and Tempest was heartwarming.
RIP Scootaloo. At least she got to fly before the end.
8944740
8944725
8944721
Oh boy. Comments like this are already making me want to drop the story. c.c Rest assured, the whys and hows will be gone into in story 3, but prepare for disappointment I guess if you're going to take everything super-seriously. :/
8944723
It's a two-for-one!
8945393
Eh, I wouldn't let it discourage you, people are allowed to have opinions. And on the plus side, it means they're passionate about what you wrote. You can either try to explain their gripes in-story, or you can choose not to.
It's your story, you have all the power here.
I am more than pleased that this story has an update.
Thank you for this.
Can’t wait to see where this leads.
Ps: I love her “flank mark”
8945289
I got mixed up and thought the lower range would be more impressive. c.c Thank you for all the analysis, I've changed things up!
8944721
Not only that, but she was already punished, she was banished from their kingdom. That's enough punishment.
Why the hay are they here now for a crime she has already been punished for?
8945393
Not a single person I saw wrote anything that seemed like it was meant to be discouraging, PP. You know full well people express their thoughts about what's going on while waiting to see how things actually wind up, and always have and always will (there'd be no comments until the end of a story in that case). I don't know why you're trying to be negative about this and take it in the worst way, but so far everyone seems jazzed to see this continue, including myself. Even looking at my post, nothing there was criticizing you, but the characters themselves.
So buck up, we like what you do and want to see you do it. You're in good company and I don't think I've even seen someone who dislikes you.
8946685
Because I have an amazing inferiority complex.
I just look at what you're saying and think, well, I wasn't planning on going that deep, and now everyone's going to hate me if I don't. D: Just gotta keep writing for myself...
This is a prime example of "less is more", I love it.
8947116
You do you, boo. We'll be here for the ride either way. That's all you need to worry about - writing the story you want to show us. We'll take it however we do, conspiracy theories, outrage at character decisions, belly laughs, each to their own personal idiom. Have fun with it!
I pity those guards. They are attempting to arrest Twilight in front of a pony who’s destiny is literally protecting Twilight.
Oh boy, Thai just got Mexican standoff vibes with magic!
8945393
Tempest raised an eyebrow, judging the two soldiers for combat capability - despite their bulk, their posture was severely lacking - assessing her surroundings for mobility and escape of her charge, and identifying surrounding objects for potential use in the imminent combat. A second later she had her plan in place, and shifted her left hind into position.
"...please come inside and hear out these, erm, nice gentlecolts?" Twilight was saying.
Tempest's eyes narrowed. Twilight was her superior after all. "Fine," she drawled, leaning a bit to the right to be in a better pose to pounce if the soldiers tried anything on the way.
They passed through the castle, Twilight tense and positively twitchy the whole way. She kept working her jaw like she was trying to get something out, and trying to surreptitiously glance at Tempest. Tempest, with the soldiers on her mind, made the decision to let Twilight work up her nerve. She was probably embarrassed about being in trouble; she seemed just the type for that.
They angled to one of the larger, oft-unused spare meeting rooms in the back of the castle. Passing through the doorway first, the hippogriffs separated, heading deeper in. For some reason there was more furniture than usual - tables, benches, and things. The distraction was enough. The soldiers spun, whirling their spears in a display that was as impressive as it was useless in real combat, then stabbed the ends down into the floor. No, into emplacements in the floor.
Raucous thumping backed by electronic rhythms inundated the area, freezing Tempest as she tried and failed to identify the real threat here. A second later, ponies leapt from behind the furniture - all of whom Tempest recognized - headed by a pink-on-on-pink-on-pink, frizzy-maned pony.
"SURPRISE!"
The soldiers started gyrating around the ground-stuck spears to the tune of the... music, slowly shedding their first pieces of armor, piercing eyes and coy smiles focused firmly on Tempest.
"Yeah, for the crimes of having not yet held enough suitable parties for you, Tempest," Twilight managed over the cacophony, leaning close to Tempest's ear.
What.
8952121
I have SEVERAL questions...
Dude..... just... dude.
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everything hors related is the most serious thing ever,
EVR
Psst. Just make the horsies kissu kissu
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Sure! In twelve more stories... :V