Shy Away, Monarch.

by syrograph

Monochrome

The new year's celebration was over in Canterlot. Fluttershy had given Rarity a lot to think about on the ride home. She'd refused to speak any further to her all night and all day. Applejack had opted to sit with her in a different carriage on the train just so she wouldn't be alone.

"So... why does she hate you?" Pinkie Pie asked. Rarity forced a smile, but inside she felt like she was dying.

"It's not that she hates me. Quite the opposite, in fact." The rest of the group were silent as Rarity quietly explained their one night stand, the morning after and their lives since. She left out as many details as she could, only giving them the abridged version. She felt like she owed Fluttershy that, at least.

"But, if you didn't love her back, why did you let it go that far?" Pinkie's usual chipper attitude had become one of concern. Rarity knew she was being judged.

"I don't know!" she groaned. "I was drunk."

"Still, you were sober enough to remember it." Pinkie folded her forelegs. It was obvious that she was trying to remain neutral, but knowing how much Fluttershy was hurting made it extremely hard for her.

"I know, and I regret every second of it. I didn't know she was in love with me. I thought she was just... fooling around." Her cheeks were flushed, feeling all of her friends staring.

In reality, Twilight was sleeping off a severe hangover, leaning against the window with a jacket draped over her head, and Rainbow Dash was listening to loud music on her headphones, tapping out the beat obnoxiously on her seat. Still, Rarity felt shame attacking ever fiber of her being. She'd messed up, really badly. Pinkie Pie's disappointed glare was all too much for her. "Excuse me, I need to visit the restroom."

In the bathroom, tiny and cramped, she wobbled with the motion of the train. She always hated these places; so unhygienic and inconvenient. She stared herself down in the tiny mirror above the miniature basin. "Okay, Rarity." she began, raising her chin so she looked more authoritative. "You've done something awful; there's no denying that! You need to make this right." Her confidence faded, giving way to her sadness. "But how can I?" She sighed, listening to the clack of the train on the tracks. "She trusted me, confided in me. I was her first love, and... now maybe her last." The realisation was too much. She felt her tears welling, pursing her lips to steady herself. "How could I have been so stupid?"

~<O>~

The train soon arrived back in Ponyville. Applejack met up with the rest of the group, Fluttershy in tow. As they disembarked, A.J. offered to walk her home, but she insisted that she was okay. She turned the offer to Twilight, the princess squinting in the sunlight, eyes shaded with big sunglasses. Happy for the company, Twilight let her follow back to her castle.

"Hi Rarity!" Spike chirped from the platform. "Hope you had a nice time in Canterlot. Can I help you carry your bags?" The little dragon didn't wait for a reply, hoisting one of Rarity's two suitcases. "I see you packed light! Hope you had enough-"

"Spike." she interrupted, stooping down to him. "I appreciate it, but I think I can manage."

"Aw, but, you must be tired after all that celebrating and..." He trailed off when he saw Fluttershy standing beside him. Rarity peered up at the pegasus, then stood up to her full height. She felt minuscule.

"Spike, can you give us some privacy, please?" Fluttershy asked sternly. Spike, thrown off by her unfamiliar tone, put the bag down. He backed off awkwardly, then scampered after Twilight and Applejack.

When Rainbow and Pinkie had left them alone, and the train had long since gone, Rarity spoke. "Darling, I-"

"Would you care for some tea?"

The question came out of nowhere. "Tea?"

"Yes. We need to talk." Rarity sighed shakily.

"Look, Fluttershy, I'm really sorry-"

"Not here." She turned away from the unicorn, swishing her tail. She was furious, Rarity could tell. "At my cottage." Not one to forget her manners, she added, "Please."

"As you wish." They set off, heading for her secluded dwelling at the edge of the forest.

~<O>~

The weather was cold, this new January just as harsh as the past December. Still, Rarity much preferred the outdoor cold to the fire in Fluttershy's eyes. Hesitating briefly, she walked inside, taking off her scarf and hanging it on the coat rack. She heard the door close behind her, her friend's soft hoofsteps carrying her towards the kitchen.

"Please, sit." She motioned to the chairs in her living room as she passed by. "I'll be out in a moment."

"Okay." was all she could manage. She slowly made her way to the comfortable armchair in the corner, the soft green upholstery as menacing as anything she'd ever seen. She wanted to run, kick down the door and flee. She couldn't face it.

But, she had to. For her.

Soon, Fluttershy returned with two mugs of tea. No teapot this time, no ceremony. This tea was just tea, simple and abrupt. Rarity picked it up, floating her mug over with her magic, and holding Fluttershy's for her while she made herself comfortable. "Thank you." she said, happy to be shown just a little hospitality, no matter how undeserved.

"You're welcome." Her voice was flat, lacking the warmth it normally had. Rarity expected nothing less. They sat silently for a while, cradling their drinks. The warmth was pleasant in Rarity's hooves, fighting off the chill of the cold road outside. She took a sip; the bitterness of the brew surprised her. Trying not to show it in her face, she set it down in her lap, holding the mug in place.

"So..." Rarity began, going nowhere. Fluttershy nodded, her eyes closed. She was fighting something inside, she could tell. Treading carefully, she used as few syllables as she could manage. "What happened?"

"What happened?" The pegasus grimaced, a look of disgust on her face. "You know what happened, Rarity!"

Wrong syllables.

"I'm sorry, okay? I had no idea you were in love with me!" Rarity felt her eyes stinging with guilty tears already.

"What was it then; just a fling?" Fluttershy glared at her. "Was I just a throwaway night for you, Rarity?"

"Darling, no, not like that!" Rarity wiped a tear away, mascara smudging on her wrist. "I never meant to hurt you. I just..." she had nothing. She huffed, picking up her tea. She drank enough to burn her tongue, then put it down. She probably deserved it.

"You hurt me more than you could ever imagine." The little mare choked up with tears of her own, sniffling quietly. "You made me feel so stupid, so worthless. I was so madly in love with you." She trembled, scowling at Rarity through flooded eyes. She was desperate to say her piece, pushing back her sobs. "I loved you, and you took advantage of me; you made me think you loved me too, then you just left me behind." She broke up as the last words left her lips, collapsing sideways in her chair. She covered her face, burying it in her forelegs, crying out loud.

Rarity wanted so desperately to hug her, to pull her close and make it all okay, but no amount of that would fix it. "Fluttershy... I feel awful for what I did."

"Good!" she snapped, looking up at her. It stung; Rarity let it hurt, swallowing her pride.

"I feel awful about it, and I'm so sorry. I never thought for a second that I'd hurt you that way. I thought you were just, you know... playing."

"Playing? Rarity, I kissed you. I've never kissed anypony before." She dried her eyes. "It might not have been a big deal to you, but it meant the world to me." Rarity didn't know what she was implying, but she didn't like it. For her sake, she let it go.

"Fluttershy, please. You know that I care about you. If I had any clue that this would weigh so heavily on your mind, I never would have done it."

"Would you?"

The question threw her for a loop. Would she? "Well I... I uh..." She couldn't look at her; she was a liar. Of course she would have done it; the most beautiful pegasus in all of Ponyville laying herself bare for her? Even if she were sober, she would have.

"That's what I thought."

Rarity tried to speak up again. The sound of a mug shattering on the wall shook her. Fluttershy was sat forward with her hoof outstretched, her breath heaving in her chest violently. She shook on the spot, rage ragged in her voice. "You used me! You just took whatever you wanted and didn't think about what I wanted."

"I thought that you did want it."

"Maybe next time somepony opens up to you; next time they show you their most vulnerable side, you'll show them the courtesy of warning them before..." she coughed, forcing her speech through tears making her throat ache. "... before you break their heart." She slumped back in her chair, sobbing uncontrollably. Tea pooled on the floor by the wall, shattered porcelain strewn across the floor. There was nothing for it. Rarity knew what she had to do. She put her tea down beside her chair, then stood up. She took a step forward. "No, no please..." Fluttershy wailed, halfheartedly waving her off. Rarity stopped only for a second, then doubled down, resolutely walking to her side. The pegasus threw out her forelegs to push her away. "No, Rarity."

"This is happening!" Rarity stated. "I am still your friend, above all else." She tried to wrap her front legs around her shoulders, reaching out to her. She was knocked back by a wayward hoof at her cheek. She gasped, but kept moving forward, taking hit after hit to her chest and shoulders. Fluttershy was flailing, throwing her hooves to keep her away. Every hit struck hard enough to leave a mark, but Rarity didn't care. "Fluttershy! Calm yourself!" She thought that maybe a more assertive tone would help. It only served to make her angry.

"Let go of me!" she squealed, kicking out one last time. Rarity fell forward, scooping her up in her forelegs, her head landing on her shoulder. Fluttershy gave up, pushing her bridge into the nape of the unicorn's neck, crying her eyes out. Rarity felt her legs wrap around her back, hugging her tight.

"I'm so sorry, Fluttershy!" she managed before her own tears ran away with her. They cried like only two best friends could, the ugliest crying any of them had ever known. Their anger, fear and frustration melting away through each other as their wailing turned to sobbing. Rarity felt Fluttershy kiss her time after time, her warm lips on her collar, letting her take what she could get. "I'm sorry." she repeated, her voice exhausted.

"I know." The pegasus whimpered as she pushed forward. She leaned up, standing on her hind legs and squeezing her tighter. "I know."

"I hurt you so much, but I just want you to know, I'll always be here for you. I want to help you heal from this." Rarity stroked the poor girl's hair, cradling her as warmly as she could. "You have every right to hate me. Just say the word and I'll never darken your doorway again."

"No, don't you dare!" she squealed, voice muffled between them. "Don't leave me again."

"I won't, darling." The fear in her voice hurt more than Rarity expected. "I won't."

They rocked together, standing in the dim light from the window, both close enough to hear each other's heartbeat. In the commotion, Angel had appeared, sitting on the coffee table and looking concerned. Fluttershy ignored him for the moment, wanting to spend all of her attention on the woman who she held on to, despite all the pain. The love in her actions was still painfully evident, and every little thing made Rarity sting with guilt and shame.

"I just want to know... why?" Her crying now ceased, Fluttershy broke the silence, still clinging to her like she was the only thing left in the world. "Why couldn't you say you loved me? I thought, all night, that you felt the same." She sniffled, steadying her nerves. "But when I told you, you said it was 'sweet of me'."

She stepped back a little, cradling her friend's face in both hooves, staring into her eyes. The dim light made her look grey, the vibrant turquoise, sweet pink and sunny yellow now just a matte monochrome. She had never replied one way or the other. "I wanted to protect you."

"You were only going to break my heart anyway. Why did you wait?" Fluttershy caught her breath again, feeling the urge to cry building once more.

"I thought we could forget about it and go back to the way things were." Rarity couldn't face her, eyes passing to the floor in shame. "I was a coward, Fluttershy."

"You were." There was no denying it.

"And I desperately wish that I could have said that I loved you." She sighed shakily. "But I couldn't bring myself to lie to you."

As if all the years of lying by omission didn't count.

"Please, I just want to hear you say it once." she begged.

"No, Fluttershy, you know that wouldn't work." Rarity stroked her cheek. "I can't tell you that I love you. I just can't." Fluttershy trembled. She stared as tears flowed silently down her face, dripping from her jaw. "I can't say it, because I don't."

There it was.

"I don't love you."

Fluttershy fell forward, collapsing to the ground. Rarity caught her, hugging her head to her body. Her sorrow built from a silent scream, anguish wracking her body and echoing through the house. Rarity laid her down gently, then knelt down behind her. She was in this for the long term. She felt rotten for breaking her heart all over again, but she knew it was the only way. "I'm sorry." she whispered, resting on her shoulder.

They lay there for hours, the unicorn holding her friend softly while she cried herself to sleep.

Author's Note:

Well, there it is. My first shot at an honest to goodness romance story and I done made it a sad 'un.

Happy New Year I guess <3

Comments

[Tigron]

I'm surprised this doesn't have any comment yet. This is a really good romance story, by my standards.

[syrograph]

8644971

Aw thank you, I really appreciate the sentiment.

It's been a while since I've written any romance, and I don't think I've ever ended one on such a low before. It was kind of an experiment. Glad you liked it. <3

[illerrbam]

When I first read this a couple years ago I didn't have an account, and so I couldn't tell you how much I loved this story, but- I really admire your writing style. This fic was one of the things that first got me into writing myself, and kicked off my having soft spot for tragic, flashback romance stories. I just, ugh, can't put it into words. This story has always had a place in my heart, dude. thank you :)