Silhouette

Silver Lining is your normal colt. But with a condition, he has a curse that makes nopony notice him at all. With no family members to care for him, he lives his everyday life with it fills him with an loneliness that he forces himself to bare. Because of the time that has passed with the curse, he is now certain that he will live that way until the end, but something that he never thought still clings to him. Hope.

A pony then sees him.

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Comments ( 5 )

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Zorgema

Zorgema #1 · Dec 24th, 2017 · · · Prolouge | Silver Lining ·

I really hope I'm not being rude when I say this, but there are a few errors in your piece that have been bothering me. For instance, in the first half of the story, you constantly mixed up past tense and present tense. There was also one point in your story, near the end, where you said "now" instead of "no". Anyway, those were the things that jumped out at me. If you want someone to edit your story thoroughly, I suggest joining a group like "Looking for Editors" and ask for help there.

Anyway, the actual story is pretty good. I never knew ponies ate cereal, though. Thanks for taking the time to write this story for the community!

Bedwriter223

Bedwriter223 #2 · Dec 26th, 2017 · 1 · · Prolouge | Silver Lining ·

8627910
Thank you for your time for reading the story and giving your criticisms. And oh, don't worry about sounding rude, you are only trying to help me here with fair criticism. So Thank you for the support.

Oh, you noticed me...

Starlight Nova